"Sometimes, we run away in order to stay in the same place." — Never Said Goodbye (2016), dir. Lin Yu-Hsien

She says yes once the tears dry from his face and the pain in her chest fades enough to allow a decision. She thinks it's for the best when his eyes widen, and still thinks so when she's pulled into his embrace. She feels a fragment of guilt in her conscience but she thinks it's okay, it's all going to be okay because he'll be leaving too and that means the future could change, he wouldn't have to kill anyone he loved and that was for the best, right? Ji Mong looks at her with pursed lips, a lecture he could never give her stuck in his throat. Countless lives change the moment she says yes. The moment the king allows it.

She knows better. Knows it had already changed the moment he opened his eyes, her brush still on his skin, and no words could have expressed what she felt at that moment. Too much, too unknown, I am yours still hanging in the air like the summer heat. She makes her decision as she did then, selfish and selfless, for herself and for him, and hopes it works. Hopes their hearts can be eased. Hopes their wounds can heal.

She sees the eighth prince before they leave, and she bows respectfully, can't look him in the eye. Not because she's ashamed but because she doesn't want to. She had offered it to him, one last time, her hand, her whole heart, despite the lies, despite the distrust and the distance, and he had said no. She bows as the fourth prince's wife and his mouth hangs open, eyes full of emptiness. Had they always been so cold? She had seen light in them but the bad memories overwrote the good ones, as they always do when we allow them to. She limps but So steadies her when she's fatigued, her prince now, her husband. He smiles at her, warmly, but her smile is weaker, and she quickly looks away.

All the way to their new home she wonders if a paradox will come and she'll disappear, the destroyer of reality, all because she said yes. She has no family and no power to her name, but she steals Gwangjong. No, not Gwangjong, she tries to will the visions away from her mind and to think only of the prince who held Yeon Hwa back, who talked to her of the palace and who encouraged her to try her best when she wasn't trying at all. She thinks of when he sheltered her in the rain and how he had been forced to leave, it's all your fault, Go Ha Jin, she holds back the tears, it's okay, it's going to be okay. She doesn't disappear. The paradox never comes.

They could have lived farther away but the king pleaded to their hearts and how could they say no to such a benevolent king? The trip lasts only one day and one night and she still considers it a victory. She lies awake on the first night, thinking of what would happen to both of them, what kind of life they would lead. She draws a blank and tries to focus instead on more immediate things, the pain in her knee, the pain in her chest, the abused body of Hae Soo. She's so tired by dawn that she blacks out and has no dreams. The next time she meets Wang So, she lets herself return his smile.

He trains the king's soldiers, always trying to protect his older brother in the best way that he can. Soo continues to practice her reading and writing, her teas and even medicine. She can't make it her job, she's a prince's wife now, but she still makes soaps, tries her best to concoct some that would be beneficial to the king's illness, which So sends to the Damiwon Palace through a messenger. She hopes he's doing well, hopes that history treats him kindly in this new course.

So visits her quarters at night. Not to force any obligation on her, but to look at the stars, sitting by a door that leads outside, his feet dangling slightly and rubbing against flowers, a door to freedom. He asks her if the stars are different there from the ones they see at the palace and she knows he's teasing but she says yes. She tells him that some seem brighter, but unfortunately she can't interpret them like Ji Mong. Even if she stole Hae Soo's star, she hopes it's shining brighter. Wang So grins, lying on his back, contemplating the stars in silence until he falls asleep. She sighs and covers him with a blanket but, unable to let him sleep there, all by himself, she falls asleep next to him, far enough that their bodies don't touch, but close enough that they can feel each other's presence, warmth, comfort. Her knee hurts the next morning, and she only hopes he falls asleep with the door closed next time.

When the king requests his presence, her chest hurts for the first time in months. Her servants grow worried when they see their kind mistress in unrest, pacing, constantly looking at the path she last saw him, where his horse had faded from view. She trusts Moo enough to know he would keep his promise, that he would grant them peace, but the palace meant plots and treachery and blood. She keeps waking in the middle of the night, awoken by nightmares where Wook's sword met So's throat or So's sword pierced Wook's heart. She is sure they will kill each other and every new thought is worse than the last, visions of her own making, and her medicine isn't enough to placate the pain that day.

It's raining when he comes back, the gallops matching her heartbeats. She forgoes decorum and sense altogether when she runs and embraces him, the shock causing him to stay still while the rain drenches them both and her hands, small and rough from her year as a water maid, clench his robes.

"Soo..." His tone is between worry and fondness, and when his hands lead her shoulders back, she can see the same conflict in his eyes. The rain makes the scar visible again.

"Your Highness, I thought you weren't coming back," she says, biting her bottom lip, wiping her tears away from her wet face in futility. "I feared you were never coming back..."

He leads them both inside and away from the scene they caused and asks her to change into warmer clothes while he bathes. When they meet again, she's calm and embarrassed and pours him his favorite tea. The scar is once again hidden behind the cosmetics she gave him.

"So."

He leans forward on the table, elbows supporting him and the usual smile on his lips. She realizes she missed it in the short period he was gone, just like she had missed it in the year they spent apart, and she's so busy staring at him and being glad he's safe and that she doesn't have to miss him anymore that it takes her a few seconds to realize he has spoken.

"Huh?"

"You should call me So."

She looks around but there is no servant in the room, just them and the sound of the rain outside.

"Soo." The sound of her name makes her look back at him. Her heart beats faster but she doesn't take note of it this time, it's not painful. "Try it."

"...So."

Her voice is low and can barely be heard over the falling rain but he hears it. His smile turns his eyes into half-moons and she feels bad something so simple can make him so happy, the power she has over his heart and how she used him and how she's still using him rob her of her smile, of her tranquility. It's only fair that I make him happy, she thinks, as if she hadn't had nightmares of his absence, as if her heart didn't leap the second he came into her view. As if she hadn't been the one to hold him, it's only fair, she thinks, as he lies down and closes his eyes and falls asleep in her room again.

Baek Ah visits some time later, and both are delighted to have him. Soo asks about his health and his life and the king, and when she goes for a walk with him, she asks about the people she couldn't ask about in So's presence, the ones that made him sad. He tells her about Jung's work as a general and about Wook and how he stood close to the king, how he always tried to advise him and guide him and how tense things could be sometimes. The palace never changes, she decides, and her eyes are downcast for a few minutes before Baek Ah starts playing a song with his instrument. She looks up at him in surprise but he just raises his eyebrows and continues playing, and Soo giggles and swings her body slightly to the tune, clapping her hands. At one particularly upbeat moment she twirls and sees So walking away from them and she stops. Baek Ah stops. Soo is confused as to why he wouldn't join them and Baek Ah just rushes to him.

He's in her room that night but mostly due to habit, silence permeating the space between them, thick enough to be cut with a knife.

"Were you... jealous of Baek Ah?"

She can see him clenching his jaw and it's not fair. She had been good and thoughtful and she hadn't seen anyone but him since they got married.

"He was just cheering me up, I..."

He doesn't look her way, not to answer her or to listen to her explanation, and she stands up angrily, walking to her bed and lying down with her back to him. A few seconds pass before she looks over her shoulder at him but he's still in the same place, still looking at the night sky, although his jaw is relaxed. She looks away and hot tears fall from her eyes and into her pillow when she hears him walking to his own quarters.

Had it been the walk, the conversation or the music? She knows he trusts Baek Ah, so did he not trust her, just like Wook hadn't? Did he think she would run away?

He knows you don't love him.

The anger is quickly replaced by guilt and sadness and the feeling that she's a spoiled brat, still the same spoiled brat who worried Myung Hee till the end. She had been given freedom and a new chance and she still lashed out at her husband. Her... Oh. Oh, it had been the dance. She's a married woman but she was dancing with another man. She covers her face in embarrassment and would kick herself if it wouldn't bring her intense pain.

She doesn't see him the next morning, he's left before she awakes, and it makes her feel worse. She decides to go with the servants to a nearby river where they washed their clothes so she could meditate and find the best way to apologize, hoping his heart could be mended, hoping she could fix it. The servants eye their mistress curiously as she sighs multiple times to herself by the riverbank before she gives up and goes for a walk. There's no one else around so she thinks it's okay, maybe she can pick some herbs or flowers and come up with a good way to cheer the prince up.

Unfortunately for her plans, only a few minutes pass before she comes across her husband napping amongst the plants.

Only he's not really napping, his eyes look at her when she comes close, and they quickly close again. She doesn't like being ignored but she sits close to him in silence, touching the river water with her toes, thinking about the best way to start a conversation. It's exceedingly warm and her head hurts from thinking too much and she half-hopes he'll talk first, lash out or do anything, when an idea comes to her. She hears a rustling sound that indicates he's sat up and before he says anything, she has leaned forward and thrown a handful of water at him.

Wang So wipes his face clean and stares at her indignantly.

"Hey."

Hae Soo is biting her bottom lip but the corners of her mouth are turned upwards. She stands up and walks ankle-deep into the water, Wang So doing nothing but stare, and she kicks water at him again. He raises his eyebrows and starts to stand up the moment she starts to walk away from him, backwards, careful step after careful step, hoping her smile will bring his back. They start running at the same time and she can feel the water splashing against her back and she's giggling. She stops and turns to face him and the hems of her skirt are soaked when she lets go to throw water at him. The servants are too far away to see but not far enough not to hear the prince and his wife in a war of laughter on that sunny afternoon. They play and play, saying nothing the entire time, barely stopping to breathe, being forced to stop when Hae Soo's knee feels the strain of her efforts and she almost collapses. So catches her before she hurts herself further and walks them both away from the water.

They look at themselves and Soo lets out a short laugh at their state. So rolls his eyes.

"We should head back," she says, looking up at the orange sky of dusk. She starts limping away when he grabs her wrist. Before she asks, he's already kneeling on the ground.

"I'll carry you." She blushes and opens her mouth to object but he cuts her off. "You're hurt."

Feeling like she shouldn't ruin what her perfect plan conquered, she leans against his back, arms around his neck as he holds her legs and stands up, carrying her back home. She lets silence settle back in and it's more comfortable this time around, but there's something still missing and she can't walk away from it.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "There are still things I'm not used to, I... I'm sorry."

He never stops walking and her stomach hurts every second that he doesn't reply. It's worse when he does.

"Do you want to divorce me, Soo?"

"What?"

She looks at his face but he's still looking ahead.

"I told you, you can divorce me if you don't like me. I don't want you to go from one cage to another. I married you to set you free." He moves his head slightly in her direction. "I want you to be happy, Soo."

She had already forgotten that promise. How long had he been thinking about it? Was it only a day? Or had he considered it for longer? She's sure now that he was never angry about her dancing with Baek Ah, not exactly, it was something else. I want you to be happy. He liked her, she knew that much, he had made it very clear, and if she thought she should give him happiness for his good heart, then he...

You can't do your best to fall in love. It's not how it works. It doesn't matter how well you behave or really anything you do if it isn't already there, if there's no pull. But if she divorces him, he'll leave. She probably won't be homeless and she'll probably be able to find comfort and there'll be no resentment. He will leave. Maybe he'll go back to the palace to help his brother and she will be left to her own devices, will find a way to make a living, and he'll be far away. He'll still cover his scar because she taught him how and he won't even have a reason to see her anymore. He, who destroyed and suffered and did his best to fix it. He, who cared if she lived or died. He, who bared himself to her, body and soul. Whose life she changed. Whose life changed hers. His arms holding her in her grief. His affection while she lied bloodied and weak. His affection while he lied bloodied and weak. The way he looked at her. The way he would look at somebody else.

Her hold on him tightens, her shoulders start shaking.

"Please don't," she sobs. "I'll be better, please don't leave, So. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

"Soo..."

He can't look at her when she's crying against his shoulder and he can't put her down when she's in pain.

"Let's go home," she says when he stops and considers what he should do. He carries on as she asked and she keeps her eyes closed, regretting her mistakes and the pain she puts him through. When they arrive home, he asks the servants to prepare her a bath to warm her up in the chilliness the evening brought. Her eyes hurt and she doesn't want to think of anything, has already thought too much for one day, experienced too many emotions in one day. She walks into her room after she's done and Wang So stands up from his position. He's serious and she's clutching the fabric of her clothes, hoping he's no longer mad at her.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, brows furrowing in worry. "Does it still hurt?" Soo shakes her head.

"I'll be fine now," she says, managing a small smile So mirrors. He hesitates for a second before he brings a hand to pat her head, to caress her temple.

"I made you cry," he says. "I'm a terrible husband."

"We're more alike than we thought," Soo says, and it was supposed to be a joke but she enjoys the thought, enjoys it more when So moves and kisses her forehead, the gesture making her touch his waist unconsciously, her fingers tracing the patterns of the fabric. "Let's not fight anymore," she whispers because he's still very close, she can feel his breath on her face but she's not ready to look up.