A Long and Uncomfortable Conversation
Fourth in 'A Series' of Jericho Fan Fictions
By Moo Chapman
The fire on Chapel Street that had pulled him away from Heather turned out to have started in the Malone house and spread to the houses on either side of it. The families on both sides got out unharmed and their houses suffered only minor damage, completely fixable.
The Malone family, however, was not so lucky. John (who had worked in the mine), his wife Lynn and their three children Thomas 11 (just old enough to have been in the first batch of students that Heather had taught in Jericho three years ago), Beth who was seven and Katie who was five were all found huddled together. It seems that they had been sleeping together for the added warmth when the fire broke out.
The general consensus was that the fire was started by a candle left burning, one of many fires to have started that way since the EMP had wiped out the electricity. Jake, along with anyone else in the know, fully expected there to be many more. People would learn quickly enough to not to leave their candles unattended.
By the time that Jake and the rest of the Jericho volunteer Fire department had put out the Malone house fire it was dawn and Jake was utterly exhausted.
Chapel Street may have only been six blocks away from his parent's house but to Jake it may well have been six miles. It was simply a distance that he could not make. Bailey's was much closer and Jake couldn't be sure but he did hope that Eric would put him up for a few hours.
As Jake walked the four blocks toward Main Street and Bailey's, he could only think of the taste of the skin where Heather's neck joined her shoulder and the feel of her breast beneath his hand. His overwhelming fear was that he had pushed her too far, that she might say that she couldn't continue this thing between them.
His mind lingered on the small things he would miss if they ended their relationship; the way her voice shook when she read something sad, just like when they read David Copperfield and she could barely keep the tears out of her voice when she had read aloud the moment in which David said goodbye to his mother for the last time. Or her joyful laugh when truly pleased. That first kiss that they shared beside Charlotte, it was as alike to flying as could be felt with both feet upon the ground.
Would she still come to him with her ideas, when she figures out how to fix something in the town or has some trouble with one her kids?
He was being melodramatic, he knew that, but knowing that he was and stopping himself from thinking that way where two different things. Knowing you should do a thing and doing that thing were very different.
The crux of the problem was that Jake knew he had pushed her, even if only a little, into something that she may not have been ready for when he had unbuttoned her dress.
Maybe if they hadn't been interrupted and had been able to wind down on their own, she would have understood that he would never have let things get too far beyond where they were when he was called away.
Admittedly Jake hadn't been completely in control of himself last night, but they wouldn't have had sex, even had Heather been the one pushing.
Heather's sexual experience, or lack thereof, aside he was not going to let their first time be on Heather's couch, or any one else's for that matter. When… if their time finally came they would both be ready, Jake was going to make sure if it.
Jake had been lost in contemplation so long that he had in fact overshot Bailey's by half a block, not sure if it was testament to his concentration or his tiredness. He turned around and headed back toward Bailey's just as Mary was coming out the door.
"Hey Mary," Jake said with a tired smile.
"Jake you look like shit," Mary announced, and placed one hand on his shoulder, "What happened to you?"
"I was helping out with the fire on Chapel Street." Jake said, running his hand through his hair.
"Yeah, Eric was out there, but he got back hours ago." Mary said, evidently confused by the disparity in the brother's arrival time.
"I stuck around and pulled the bodies out." Jake was too tired to be bitter at the fact that Eric hadn't, but he made a mental note to be angry later, after he got some sleep. He was really getting annoyed with Eric's bare minimum approach to everything.
"Oh God, did any of them make it?" Mary asked.
"No." Jake replied, "Can I crash on your couch for a couple of hours?"
"Sure Jake, go straight up." Mary said, her voice displaying a kind of concern that very few people got to hear from her. "Try not to wake your brother."
'Yeah, because not waking Eric is the most important thing on my mind.' "Sure Mary thanks." Jake said, with a thankful squeeze of Mary's arm as he walked through the door. Jake made his way to Mary's apartment and collapsed on the utterly uncomfortable couch. He spent three minutes staring up at the ceiling trying not to think about the last couch that he had been on.
It will be okay; Heather will listen to his apologies for pushing her and when he explained everything then she would understand. And when he promised that he would never push her again, that he would wait for as along she needed him to, she would believe him.
That reassuring thought allowed Jake to close his eyes and let his exhaustion steal away all other thoughts until he fell asleep with a smile on his face and the certainty that everything was going to be alright growing in his soul.
Heather turned the lock on the door and bit her lip; the lock clicking into place had stolen away her confidence. Jake's words to her on the couch were ringing in her ears.
In books and movies the words 'We have to talk' always inspire such fear, and Heather had always found it ridiculous. But now that there were two blocks of space and a locked door between her and Jake she felt that same fear creeping into her soul.
Heather stood for a moment just staring at the locked door trying to force the cold dark feeling out of her. Heather had always been an active person, the kind of person who did her best thinking when walking. When it came to emotional upheaval Heather had always dealt with it by taking something apart.
When her Mother had died, nine year old Heather had taken apart her Barbie-pink casket deck. When her father had died ten years later Heather took apart her television. Unfortunately there was nothing in Heather's house at the moment that would provide an appropriate distraction so she had no choice but to fall back on her old stand by; housework.
Heather decided to leave the book on the coffee table. She re-corked the wine as best as she could and then went about collecting the candles and moving them in to the kitchen so that she could wash the dinner dishes.
Something in her reactions on the couch earlier had given away her inexperience. Jake had guessed, and that is a bad thing.
Freshmen year of college she had been dating a guy named Tom, Tom had freaked out when she had told him that she was a virgin and just left and never came back. Heather, in a fit of desperation, had approached Tom, cornered him really, and asked him why he had run. Tom's reply was that he didn't need that kind of pressure.
Heather had been completely shocked, she had been nowhere near in love with him but she had liked spending time with him, and she had thought that maybe she could fall for him if he gave her time.
With Jake there was no maybe; Heather would say she was in love if not for the fact that she had only met Jake a few short and busy months ago. She had never believed in love at first sight, lust can happen with a single look but not love, love took time, how much time she had no idea but surely a few months wasn't enough, right?
In love or not, she cared deeply for Jake and didn't want to lose him. He may not have guessed that she was a virgin yet but the realization couldn't be too far off. And Heather could only think that it would be better for him not to find out in the heat of the moment, leaving telling him herself as the only option.
The world had changed. Not just in the single blinding moment that lit up the American dusk, spotting the horizon with mushroom clouds. The biggest changes happened when no one was looking, in the darkness, in shadows, where no one could see them. Jericho would not remain untouched. Heather could see that, Gracie Lee's murder had proved it. Heather was willing to change too if it was what she needed to do to keep Jake
Heather reached a decision, as she placed the last of the dinner dishes on the rack to dry; she would tell Jake that she wanted him to be her first. She would invite him over again, there was enough rabbit left to make a pie, if she packed it with vegetables. Then she would take his hand and lead him into her bedroom.
Heather checked each item off on her mental list as she walked about her apartment; dinner made, table set, clean sheets on the bed, and candles set about in order to be lit.
Now all she needed to do was find Jake, and ask him to come to dinner.
It had taken Heather most of the day to wash and dry her sheets, after that she fussed about getting it into her head that she had to iron them too, which had taken quite a lot of time since she had to stop to heat the iron every few minutes.
Heather pulled on her coat and headed toward the Green house, not sure if he would be there but hoping that he would be. As she walked Heather scripted different ways in which she might tell Jake. Every variation she came up with ended with her just telling him: 'Jake, I'm a virgin, and I want you to be my first.' It seemed to Heather that straight out was the best way, no flowery prose, just honesty.
When Heather reached the Green house she stood for a moment and took a long deep breath then started to walk toward the front door. Only moments after she knocked Gail Green answered the door with a smile.
"Heather," Gail said, gesturing her inside in a movement that was reminiscent of that night she had come to Jake in desperation to help her find a missing student, 'Full circle?' Heather thought to herself fearfully.
"I was hoping to speak to Jake." Heather said, as she passed through the doorway.
"He's out getting firewood with his father, but he shouldn't be much longer, stay and have a cup of coffee." Gail insisted, and guided her through the house and into the kitchen. "How are you going with Jake?"
"Did Jake say something?" Heather asked in a panic, stepping closer to Gail and placing her hand on the Green matriarch's arm.
"Oh honey," Gail said, and placed her hand atop Heather's, "he didn't say anything, do you want to talk about it?"
"No, Jake and I need to talk about it first. I think he would be upset if I told you before I told him." Heather said, backing away from the older woman, feeling rather foolish for over-reacting to what was apparently a casual question. She really had to learn how to do the whole small talk thing. Children don't expect small talk, one of the reasons that Heather loved being around them so much.
"Come on, let's get that coffee." Gail said, reaching for Heather's hand.
"I really should get home." Heather said, backing away from the older woman.
"Oh honey, you don't have to leave." Gail insisted, realizing that the young woman was uncomfortable. Gail may not have known Heather very well but she understood her well enough.
When Heather had first started teaching in Jericho three years ago several parents had actually expressed concern about the young woman who seemed to have won their children over so completely so they requested that a member of the PTA sit in on the new teacher's classes. Gail had been the one chosen to do so even though she found it ridiculous.
Gail found out on the first day that the reason that Heather's student adored her was simple, she treated them with respect and related with them on their level without giving up her authority. On the second day Gail found out that children were the only ones that Heather related to with ease, the young woman certainly tried to relate to adults and for the most part she did a passable job, but it was easy to tell that it was a concentrated effort on Heather's part.
Gail's shoulders slumped and she sighed, knowing that she could force Heather to stay with a few simple words, but she also knew what it would do to the girl. "Is there something that you want me to tell Jake or just that you stopped by?"
"Just that I made dinner, if he wants to come around." Heather said, all the while backing away from Gail.
Gail couldn't help but wonder if something had set back this beautiful and intelligent woman's social development back or if she had just always been this way.
"I'll tell him when he gets back Honey, I'm sure you will be seeing him soon." Gail said, wishing that she knew a way to apologize to the retreating woman in some way that wouldn't further embarrass her.
Heather gave Gail an awkward smile and turned to head back to the door, but stopped to turn and looked back at Gail "I would have liked a coffee; it's been awhile since I have had it." Heather said apologetically. "Another time, maybe?"
"Anytime you want sweetheart." Gail said with a smile. At that, Heather practically ran out of the Green House.
After hearing from his mother that Heather had been looking for him he changed into clean clothes and set out to her place, never once able to take his mind off the look of guilt on his mothers face. What had his mother done or said that put that look on her face? Had she said something to upset Heather? It wasn't like her, and the truth was that it was highly likely that Heather had simply gotten uncomfortable and fled, leaving his mother feeling guilty.
Ether way it wasn't going to make this conversation any easier, Heather starting out uncomfortable wasn't going to help. Of course this conversation was never going to be easy.
Jake stood staring for a full minute at Heather's front door before he worked up the nerve to actually knock. Once he did the door opened almost instantly. Jake wondered if Heather had been standing on the other side waiting for Jake to knock.
"Hey," Jake said, his surprise at Heather's quick response showing.
"Hi," she replied, embarrassment clear in her tone, which lead Jake to believe that he was right and that she had been waiting by the door for him to knock, "Come inside."
"Mom told me you stopped by, she seemed a little …" Jake paused, searching for the right word, "worried."
"I told you I wasn't good with adults." Heather said, shrugging and stepping back to allow Jake entrance, "She wasn't too worried was she?"
"She understands, babe." Jake said tucking that wonderful lock of hair back behind her ear. Jake was thrilled that Heather didn't seem the slightest bit upset about last night, she wasn't angry at him for pushing her. She wasn't going to end their relationship, he hadn't lost her.
"Are you hungry? I made a pie, more gravy than meat but it should be okay." Heather said, leading him into the house in an unconscious echo of the night before. She led him to the table, "Good thing that you didn't come any later, the pie would have burnt."
"It sounds great babe", Jake said, yet again happy to be led by her, "smells good too."
"So you don't mind putting our talk off till after dinner?" Heather asked, in that way she has that you know she is only just stopping herself from biting her lip.
Jake lifted his hand back to her hair, his favorite strand was still tucked behind her ear so he pulled it back out again, rolled it between his fingers and tucked it back where he found it. "Would you rather wait?" He asked, looking in her eyes. She nodded shyly at him, giving in to the desire to bite her lip. "Then we'll wait. There is very little I wouldn't do to make you happy babe."
Heather's whole face went soft, and though Jake didn't know it she hated herself just a little, because it made her plans for tonight just that little bit easier. If he refused later when she led him to her bedroom she could throw those words back at him.
"Sit." Heather ordered, gesturing to the chair that he had occupied the night before.
"Woof," Jake said, imitating a dog, as his did as he was ordered and sat.
"You're so funny," Heather said, attempting to sound un-amused, and failing, as she went out to her kitchen.
Jake spotted the remainder of the bottle of wine, that he had brought Heather last evening, and poured them both a glass.
Dinner was quiet with Jake attempting to make conversation and with Heather uncomfortably trying and failing to keep up her end. Heather's mind was on what she was planning to do later and no matter how she tried she just couldn't forget her plan.
Jake was anxious because now Heather was acting uncomfortable, and just a little frightened. Now that dinner was almost done Jake couldn't help but think that Heather was getting nervous, he wondered if she was afraid that he was going to push her.
Done with his meal Jake put down his knife and fork. Heather, who had for the most part just been pushing her food around her plate, decided that she was done also and put down her knife and fork too. She stood and took her plate and Jake's without a word and went to the kitchen.
When she walked back in she didn't talk, she just took Jake's hand, smiled at him and tugged a little on his hand until Jake followed along. Heather smiled at him and led him out of the dining room and into her hallway and from there in to a room that Jake had never been to in all his trips in to Heather's home. Her bedroom.
"Heather," Jake said in a concerned tone.
"You said that there was very little that you wouldn't do to make me happy, I'm asking you for a promise."
"Anything that you thing you want Babe," Jake promised. "I owe you remember," Jake said, and reached out and caressed her cheek.
"Promise that you will listen, that you won't interrupt?" Heather said, and sat down on her bed pulling Jake to sit next her.
"I promise not a word till you're done, but you have to promise the same, babe, give me my chance to talk." Jake asked, noting that wonderful lock of hair had fallen forward again, Jake reached up and brushed the lock back, but didn't pull back his hand.
"It's a deal." Heather said, and reached up and took his hand and held it in hers. "Jake, I'm not sure if you could tell, but I don't have a great deal of experience in relationships, and probably even less than you think. I dated in high school, and in college, but I never."
"Heather,"
"Jake, you promised." Heather said, cutting him off. Jake nodded, and brought her hand up to his lips.
"I know I promised, but babe I think I know what you are going to say,"
"I thought you might, but I really want to finish what I was going to say. That's why I made you promise." Heather told him her skin flushing lightly. "Okay so you guessed that I am… a virgin?" Heather asked and received a reluctant nod from, "I never meant to stay a virgin, just kind of turned out that way. I want you to be my first Jake." Heather leant forward and pressed her lips to Jake's. Jake joined in enthusiastically, but had decided he wasn't going to let it go any further than this.
Heather ended the kiss and started to move toward the center of her bed, Jake grabbed Heather's hand and halted her movement.
"It's my turn to talk babe."
"Are you going to run?"
"Why would I run? Heather you're the best thing that's happened to me in years, I'm not giving you up." Jake said, and brought Heather in for a hug. "And believe me babe, nothing would please me more than crawling into this bed with you right now, but I need you to be sure that this is what you want to do. Because I will wait, I will wait as long as you need me to."
"Jake I don't need you to wait, I know I'm ready." Heather said, placing her hand on Jake's, "Don't doubt me now Jake."
"I just don't want you to be making this decision on what you think that I want." Jake said "Because if you think that I will leave you're wrong, there is something here babe, something amazing."
"I want this Jake, trust me to know what I want." Heather moved forward and claimed Jake's lips.
"Swear that you will tell me to stop if you change your mind, or if I do something that doesn't feel right to you." Jake said after pulling away from Heather's kiss, but not moving away from her.
"I promise Jake." Heather said, and moved away from Jake into the center of the bed. He followed her into the middle of the bed. Heather laid back and looked up at Jake as he came to lay almost atop her, Heather bit her lip and looked up at Jake.
Jake looked down at Heather, brushing his hand through her hair for a moment then leaning down to claim her lips. Jake supported himself on one arm just as he had the night before.
Heather's kisses were completely unique, it wasn't the taste or the feel of her kisses that led Jake to believe that, it was the feeling that they inspired in him. A feeling of complete safety, not to say that Heather's kisses didn't inspire other feelings, desire was certainty there, in fact it was right at the top of the list.
Heather's hands, which had last night been idle, tonight were active. One hand had slipped between the back of Jake's shirt and the skin of Jake's back and the other was raking through Jake's hair.
Jake moved away from Heather's lips, questing down her neck, biting and nipping as he went. Heather let out a quick and quiet moan as though she was trying to hold it back.
"No babe, don't hold back, if you feel something let me know it, how else will I learn what you like?" Jake said, coming back to her lips, "Good or bad, you let me know."
Looking up at Jake Heather nodded, shyly biting her lip. She ducked her head to Jake's and took his lips, overwhelming him again with safety and desire. Jake allowed the desire to wash over him, and under its influence moved his hand to the lower-most button on Heather's pale blue blouse, making room between the two of them as he did so. And pulling away so that he could see the skin that he was revealing. There wasn't a single inch of Heather's skin Jake didn't want to see, didn't want to touch and worship. It wasn't just that Jake wanted to look at Heather, he wanted to flood his every sense with her, her taste, her scent, the feel of her, the sound of her. Simply looking at her wasn't enough, never would be.
Jake, however, knew enough of Heather's modesty to realize that it wasn't likely that she would be comfortable with that level of scrutiny, one day perhaps, but not until she was far more comfortable with him. Tonight he would take whatever Heather was willing to give and be thankful for whatever she was willing to give. Because as briefly as four hours ago Jake was worried that he might lose her.
Heather looked up at Jake looking down at her and was unsettled by the intensity that she found in his eyes. All she could think of was to lift herself up and recapture Jake's lips, so she did. At the same time Heather moved the hand that had been exploring Jake's back to the buttons on his ratty old flannel shirt and started to unbutton them.
Jake got Heather's shirt fully unbuttoned, and started to push it off her shoulders. A few skillfully applied shimmies and Heather's shirt was off completely, and with a deft move Jake unhooked her bra. Heather helped him to pull that off her too, and then tugged at Jake's own shirt Jake got the hint took it off.
Jake looked down Heather, his intense look of study back in his eyes. "Jake," Heather said softly, "Come here," as she came up to meet him on his way down. The hand that had been undressing him continued on its task, this time choosing his pants as the target. Jake smiled against her lips and followed suit.
"You lead, I follow, babe." Jake said against her lips as he undid the button on her jeans and slid down the zip fly.
His hands moved down her hips leaving her panties in place but pushing down her jeans, Heather didn't quite have Jake's skill so when she pushed down his jeans she couldn't help but take his cotton boxers with them.
"Sorry," Heather said.
"Just saves time later, babe." Jake said. Heather smiled shyly and moved to kiss him again, but Jake dodged her attempt, pulling back from Heather with a mischievous smile. Then he moved back down, and Heather again moved up to meet him. But Jake pulled away again and shook his head at Heather as he moved back down again. This time Heather didn't move to meet him. Jake smiled at her then began to search for the spot on her neck that had made her moan earlier.
Heather definitely knew it when Jake found it and let him know it.
"That's my girl," Jake said into her neck, then continued his assault.
"Always," Heather assured him, and continued to push Jake's jeans down his legs until they were far enough down for Jake to kick them off, all the while Jake was doing the same for Heather. When Jake settled back atop Heather again her eyes widened as she looked down.
"Babe? Do you want me to stop?" Jake asked.
"I, ah, kind of hoped you would um, be smaller." Heather said trying not to show Jake how embarrassed she was. She should have schooled her expressions a little better so Jake would never have known she was nervous.
"Nothing more has to happen tonight babe," Jake said, still lying atop Heather, but being careful not to move.
"No, I don't want to stop," Heather said, brushing her fingers through Jake's hair. "I trust you; I want to be with you. It just surprised me a little, that's all."
"No more surprises then," Jake said, and reached up to take the hand that Heather had been stroking his hair with he brought it to his lips then started to guide it down, very gently, until Heather's hand was pressed to his engorged penis.
Heather was thrilled at the sound that Jake made as she closed her hand around him. "Show me how?" she asked.