I'm Scared

by It's-Nothing-Just-A-Wolf

What started off as a normal hunt quickly turns into something more when the readers mental state is questioned by Sam, Dean, Charlie, and Cas. After the reader is forbade to go on a hunt they sneak out to finish it themselves. Things do not go according to plan and the reader is put in grave danger that the gang just might not be able to save them from.

I'm Scared

A Supernatural Imagine

Authors note: Hey guys, this will be a short note but I have a lot going on right now and I'm just trying to find a healthy way to get my fears out and to find comfort in something. I just don't really know what I'm doing with life and I'm terrified of the future and what it holds for me and what God has in store for me (sorry for those of you who don't like religion). So I'm just trying to help myself and maybe give you guys some comfort as well. Because I may be exaggerate and naïve on a lot of things but I know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

So this took me sooooo long to write because a ton of stuff happened and it's been stressful but I hope this helps all of you and much as it helped me to write it. While I'm still learning I do believe there is always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark it might get.

You felt your breathing increasing as you watched the scene around you. You were tied to a chair while a nest of vampires who also happened to be rapists talked about what they were going to do to you. You had originally refused to cry but that quickly changed when you felt the familiar panic and desperation seep into your veins. You couldn't help it but the struggling gasp came from your mouth, only becoming more embarrassing when you group of vampires turned to you confused. Your breath continued to increase as they came closer to see what you were doing. They had been alive for thousands of years but apparently had never seen a girl having a panic/anxiety attack.

"What's she doing?" One of them asked slightly frustrated to not understand. A girl came forward genuinely looking curious enough to not make you upset. "Umm…I'm not sure, her heart rates increasing and her blood stream is flowing at an unusual pace. She's struggling to breathe as well. She leaned closer to you actually looking slightly confused. You were surprised to see she was going to undo the ropes holding you to the chair when you heard the sharp bark of the leader "Don't!" The two of you jumped both looking nervously at the leader. His face softened at the petrified looks, he walked closer using a much softer voice than before "We don't know if she's trying to trick us. I wouldn't want you to get hurt." You had to admit you really loved the caring look they all gave each other. Even when they were stressed they managed to all stick together and love each other.

You frowned looking down as the Winchesters and Castiel came into your mind. The four of you never stuck together when you were angry. That's why you were here in the first place wasn't it! You inwardly groaned really regretting your decision at the moment. If only you had listened.

Earlier that day

"Hey Y/N come check this out!" You heard Dean yell from the library. You made your way over to him happy to see him showing some energy, he and Sam had been in the library searching through book after book for two days now. You had gone to finish a small salt and burn with Cas while they were doing research. You had gotten back an hour ago and felt yourself slowly losing energy at the thought of having to go back out again in the same day. You know you would though, you couldn't manage to say no to anyone! "Yeah?" You leaned over his shoulder to see him looking at a location for a hunt. Your eyes widened at how big this was! These vampires had taken out hundreds of people not leaving a single trace to follow behind! "Dean this is huge we have to go!" Any exhaustion you had completely gone at the idea of saving so many people, besides you were always up for an adventure.

"Whoa hold up Flash. We don't have enough data on these things and they're more skilled than any of the others we have faced. We'll need all hands on deck and we'll need a plan." You shrugged still looking at the data before responding "Then let's get everyone together and make a plan."

"Ok Dean they're all here!" You yelled to Dean up the stairs as you walked into the kitchen to see Cas, Sam, and Charlie all there ready and waiting. You smiled brightly and excitedly taking a spot next to Cas so that you were across from Sam and Charlie. "So exciting!" You fake whispered causing everyone to laugh. You all looked towards the ceiling as Deans footsteps could be heard echoing. "Ok so here's what we know. These vamps are intelligent, highly skilled, have killed a lot of hunters and even more people. We are going to have to be fully prepared for anything they throw at us. Cas we're going to need you to scope the place out and then go through the front and take out any many as you can. Sam will be in right behind you. Charlie I want you and Y/N to go through the back and take out as many as quietly possible. I will go through one of the side doors or the roof depending on what kind of structure their in." Everyone was very impressed considering when Dean said a plan needed to be made it usually wasn't him who made it. You and Charlie smirked at each other because any time any of the boys planned you and Charlie ended up doing the "stealthy" part because it was the safest and gave you the least likely chance of dying. I mean it was kind of could be so annoying at times….especially if death didn't always seem like such a bad idea.

You got up getting ready to grab some clothes and money for the hotel. You were searching through your drawers packing up all your weapons when you saw the broken piece of glass you had been keeping for years just in case things ever became too much. You hesitated before shoving it into your bag along with your clothes. You froze when you heard the creek at your door and no footsteps indicating they had stopped in front of your door. You turned only somewhat surprised to see Sam standing there leaning against your door frame. "Hey." You were genuinely happy to see him. You didn't know why but you just really didn't want to be alone.

"Hey." He gave you that bright comforting Sam smile that could make anyone smile. "So what's going on?" He shrugged laughing slightly before responding "Nothing much except Dean made a plan. It's too weird to even think about too hard." You laughed leaning against the dresser to talk to him. "It is quite unDeanlike." You both laughed, you loved the sound of laughter. You had learned as a kid that you absolutely loved the sound of laughter. He stood there smiling at you before frowning that considerate frown like he's confused about something. You return the look especially as he comes closer to you. "What's going through that head of yours?" You smile trying not to bring him down with you-any of them down with you. "I'm fine Sam." He pulls you in for a hug just holding you there. He knows you absolutely love hugs and that they can somehow always make you feel better. "I know. You're always fine." He said from where his chin was resting on your head. "Thanks Sam." You felt him smile into your hair "No problem Y/N"

You lugged your bag down the stairs meeting Charlie on the way down "Hey girly!" You smiled at the nickname "Hey sweet cheeks. You excited for this one?" Charlie shrugged. "I'm just happy to be back for good this time. Working on your own isn't fun at all. It sucks quite frankly. There's only so much I can take of it and I finally decided I would rather be with my family." You looked at her smiling brightly "Aww Charles! You make my heart melt." She laughed giving you a half hug as you walk out the door and part ways to put your stuff up.

Charlie put her stuff up before you so it just left you and Cas to put things in the car. "Here I have it." You smiled as Cas took your bag for you "Thanks Cas." He smiled as he put your bag in the trunk "No problem." You helped him put other stuff in the car while asking "So you ready for this entirely too packed car ride?" He laughed hardly making eye contact as he responded "It will just bring us closer." You nodded agreeing whole-heartedly. "Very true, but Cas?" He looked at you waiting to hear what else you were going to say. "We're already creepy close." You both laughed getting in the car as the others came out.

To say the ride was long was an understatement. It was all fun though, completely peaceful. There were awful jokes that were told by Dean and Sam there were childhood stories shared by you and Cas. Charlie told clever jokes and there was laughter all around. You eventually fell asleep resting your head on Cas's shoulder. Dean looked in the review mirror smiling at your sleeping form. "Hey guys?" He said in a soft voice getting everyone's attention. "Do you think she's ok?" They all looked back at you staring at your peaceful form. No one responded immediately because it had been a question at the back of everyone's mind. You joked about death and even suicide quite often and joked about how you sucked at what you did and how clumsy you were. But it could be taken as a joke. Cas was the first to speak up. "Her thoughts are concerning." It was a grim statement, one that he didn't feel comfortable sharing but everyone was now involved and staring at him to the point he knew he had to share his friend's thoughts.

"She thinks constantly about death. She thinks about how she would kill herself. She would die in the bathroom in a white dress by slitting her wrists and deep sleep medication. She would leave a note for each of us somewhere that only we know where it is. She thinks about dying and how there are so many different ways to go. She thinks about heaven a lot. She wonders if a lot of people would be better off without her, specifically us, sometimes its people that I understand to be old family and friends. People she has just lost contact with other the years. The strangest one is when she thinks about changing her identity and going to completely start over. That's a thought that goes through her head a lot. It's just one sentence over and over "Starting over sounds nice."

Cas had refused to make eye contact as he spilled all of your deepest secrets. He slowly lifted his head up to see many different reactions. Charlie looked broken, there wasn't really any anger in her face just confusion and sadness. Sam looked disgusted and horrified, there was anger there as well. Dean looked furious, but Cas could see behind that fury, Dean was scared of what you would end up doing to yourself. "That's it, she isn't going on this hunt. And we're having a talk when we get to the motel." There was no arguing it and honestly all of them knew it needed to happen.

You woke up feeling pretty good. It wasn't one of those naps that left you fuzzy, just refreshed. You smiled peacefully at Cas who stared down at you with what you assumed was fondness. "Thanks for not moving me." You teased. You sat up stretching your arms and twisting your neck only to notice there was a certain thickness to the atmosphere. You frowned suspiciously looking from one person to the next…they were hiding something. You noticed they stayed very close to you. All of them were serious and didn't seem to be in the joking mood, which wasn't like this family at all…you slowly and hesitantly grabbed the jug of holy water quickly throwing it on all of them. It definitely woke them up!

"What the heck Y/N!" Dean was angry, angrier. You didn't say anything as you grabbed your knife prepared to fight as long as possible to get your friends back. You calmed down when none of them screamed in pain…."Sorry." You didn't bother with an explanation as you put the jug and knife back. "You keep that knife on you?" Came Dean's hesitant question…"Yes? Why?" You felt an inner panic seeping into your heart. You played dumb though, it was something you were good at.

Cas frowned as he continued to listen to your thoughts. 'She's not stupid why does she think like that?' "I think you should give the knife to me Y/N." Even Dean knew he had to tread carefully with this. You were not someone to make angry. You frowned confused…"But how am I supposed to fight if I don't have a weapon?" You were kind of getting nervous with the way this conversation was heading. "Umm…well you won't be needing one." Now you were angry "And why the heck not?" Dean could sense the rebellion running through your veins and knew he had to shut it down. "You're not going on this hunt." Everyone in the car watched nervously as you started to turn red and lean forward in your seat. It was always your sign of aggression. No one else knew what to say so they just decided Dean was the one who would go. "What did you just say?" The venom in your voice was enough to slice through wood…Dean of course would not be Dean if he weren't stubborn. "I said you're not going." You laughed a menacing "Funny I don't remember you being my dad or giving permission for you to tell me what to do." Dean's knuckles were turning white as he gripped the steering wheel. "Y/N you're just going to have to trust me." You didn't know what to say because the only thing that came to mind was you do trust Dean. But you weren't you if you weren't stubborn. "Stop the car." Everyone turned to you confused. You weren't having it though! "Dean stop the car!" It was a rare thing when Dean got startled but that certainly did it. A smirk came to his face though when the car stopped. "Fine, we're here anyway." You glared daggers at his head as you got out of the car.

You were very aware that everyone was watching you with concern. You ignored it while you got your stuff out of the car, you ignored it while you got your key, and you ignored it as you trudged down the hallway to your room. You couldn't ignore it anymore when you got to your room and everyone was still watching you. "Alright I can't take it! What is going on?" No one said a word. This was as quiet as this group had ever been, especially considering you were a chatter box and you wouldn't dare say a word. Saying one word would make them think everything was ok and that you were going to let it go. Which wasn't going to happen. It was Cas who stepped forward (always the brave one). "Y/N I read your thoughts…and I shared them with the others because I was concerned for you." Your blood froze, in the most painful way possible. You could feel your heart slamming against your chest. You knew your reaction was going to be the key to getting out of this. You made sure to keep your posture calm, keeping your breath nice and slow. You made sure the only thing in your eyes was anger and confusion before responding. "What are you talking about Cas?"

You couldn't tell if Cas was thrown off or just confused because he didn't respond right away and his eyes showed the desperation for you to tell the 'truth'. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. The thoughts you have about death, the thoughts about your past, how you wish you were dead constantly, always thinking everyone would be better off without you. Don't act confused because I know you know what I'm talking about." He was getting angry now but his anger was nowhere near the level yours was. "Cas you have the wrong person. I don't know if it's being here too long or if your just confused but I don't have any of those thoughts. I've never hurt myself nor do I want to. And if I wanted to die I would be dead." You made sure to leave your sass in every comment you made, the sassier you were and the more facts you stated the more believable you were, you had been in this situation before. You knew the loop holes right now. Though you had never tried lying to an angel.

The others watched as you and Cas faced down looking from you to Cas to see which one was lying. Cas looked utterly confused and desperate while you on the other hand just looked mad. "I don't understand, why are you still lying? I'm trying to help you!" At this point your nose was basically touching Cas's as you two yelled at each other "No Cas your only going to hurt me! This is how it always goes! You need to learn to LEAVE THINGS ALONE!" Your shoulders were heaving and the only sound to be heard was your heavy breathing. Cas's gaze pierced into your soul making you feel the extreme sorrow that you assumed Cas was feeling. "Y/N lets face it if you had been left alone at this point you'd be dead. There's a reason you don't get left alone. We will never leave you alone." Those were his last words to you before moving past you to unlock the door.

It frustrated you to no end that he was a mind reader. You felt as though you couldn't get away from the looks. Everyone continued to stare at you all through dinner and research. Any conversation was always a staring contest to see who could get you to talk (something you found you weren't doing a lot of). Cas didn't say a word through it all. He just continued to watch you with the same anger in his eyes. You didn't know if it was your thoughts or the fact that you lied that had him so furious, maybe it was both. At this point you didn't care…ok that's a lie. Cas had always been someone you could turn to. With what you were going through you really needed him and you felt like he wouldn't be there this time.

You continuously glanced as everyone was quiet and watched you out of the corner of their eyes. You had to get out of here! And you knew exactly where you were going. You waited as they all got into bed you getting in as well. No one said anything other than we'll leave for the nest in the morning. You waited till you heard the snoring of every member. You quietly got out of bed grabbing your bag before making your way towards the impala. "What are you doing?" You felt your body freeze upon hearing that voice. You didn't turn around as you asked "Why are you here Cas?" You heard his voice come closer to you "I want you to be safe." You turned meeting his eyes. "I don't need you to keep me safe. I'm a hunter I don't need a protector." You turned to leave but he grabbed your arm pulling you back to him "This group protects each other every day! This isn't any different. Come back to the room before you do something crazy." You could see the worry in his eyes but you didn't trust it anymore. "You read my thoughts, my PERSONAL thoughts and then told EVERYONE. I don't owe you anything. Go back to sleep Cas." The venom in your tone left no room for argument as you walked to the car watching as Cas faded into the night.

You took deep breaths trying to stay calm as you got closer to your destination. You at some point recently had really started to hate being alone. This was proving to be no different. You also knew what you were about to get into and didn't feel too comfortable. You were a good hunter, you were hoping it was enough. You parked a mile away from the nest before grabbing your weapons and limiting your scent as much as possible. "Here goes nothing."

Cas panicked as you drove away really not knowing what to do. "Tell them and follow her together or go by myself?" He paced where you had left him deciding it would be best to grab the others. He walked into the room feeling really bad about what he was about to do. "Guys it's Y/N she's gone!" Everyone snapped up "What!" Dean was the first to speak. "Where is she!" Cas really didn't want to say but he had an idea where you might be.

You held your breath as you made your way towards the back door of the warehouse. You mentally counted to three before sneaking in. No paused as you ducked noting that you didn't see anyone…'Oh no…' You almost jumped as you heard the high pitched scream of a women coming from upstairs. You quickly snuck over watching as the vampires fed on her. You immediately started shooting them with dead man's blood as you came in with your axe taking out the first three you saw. You mentally scolded yourself as the entire bunch took notice. You ran downstairs trying to find an advantage point. You kept swinging as more and more came. "I thought this was a small group!" The leader laughed coming forward and blocking your attack. "Oh sweetheart it's an entire nest. And there's more where we came from." Just as you were about to decapitate him you felt something hit you hard in the head. The darkness enveloping your existence.

Cas was a ball of anxiety as he traced you with his 'angel radar' as you and the boys called it. Your heat source was strong and angry but was slowly fading. He outwardly gasped as it faded all together. "No Father no!" The others turned frightened and picking up the speed. "What is it Cas! Is she ok!" Cas looked petrified eyes holding tears as he looked up "I've lost her."

Presently

You felt bile rising up your throat as the panic only became worse. You weren't thinking properly and your vision was fading. "No no no!" The closer vampires actually jumped back at your outburst. "What is going on?" Nothing made sense! What were you supposed to do! You couldn't tell if it was anxiety or the concussion at this point. You couldn't tell if they were nervous about you attacking them or if they were actually slightly concerned and baffled by you…"What is this! Has anyone seen this sort of thing before!" The leader looking more frustrated than annoyed. He walking closer to you he got down onto his knees gently taking your face in his. You breathing was starting to slow down slightly as your mind became numb. You felt him more than watched him touch your neck checking your pulse and just listening. You watched as his eye brows creased and he seemed to have a deep look of concentration cross his face. "The breathing is rapid and uneven, pulse is quick. It's a form of panic." The others seemed to calm down at the description. You chose not to say anything considering you talking usually only ended bad with the bad guys. You yelped as one of the other vampires harshly grabbed your neck, you could feel his breath on your neck. "Wait!" You and every vampire around you turned at the demanding sound of the leader. "Why not have a little fun with her first?"

Cas continued to search for your heat signature as they drove on in what they hoped was the path to you. Considering you had taken the only map they had that showed where the nest was they were kind of going in blind. "Cas have anything yet?" Dean asked hopeful, guilt was crashing down on him at how harsh he had been to you during your last conversation. He could only hope you were alright so he had a chance to make it right. Cas looked up the hope was leaving his eyes the longer the seconds ticked. His eyes transfixed on something entirely out of their world as he searched through any ability he had. "There's a faint light. So she's not dead. But Dean whatever it is it's not good." Dean chose not to focus on that was he continued driving "Can you pinpoint her?" Same asked the question everyone wanted to know. "It's hard to explain, I can see her but I can't necessarily see where she is and I can't see her environment." There was a moment of silence before Sam asked "Can you hear her?"

"Get away from me." You managed in a pretty threatening voice you would say so yourself. "Aww and what's the little hunter going to do?" You raised an eyebrow really wondering if he was testing you before stabbing him with your dead man's blood. You grabbed the knife you kept in your boot before slicing the nearest vampires head off. Just as you were about the get the next one you felt a sharp pain in your side. "Your going to regret that decision." Was the last thing you heard before fading out once more.

You groaned at the intense pain you felt…everywhere. "What?" Your body shivered at the feeling of a lack of clothing…where were your clothes? Your breathing began to increase as you looked down to see yourself stripped down to your black underwear and bra…'Oh no.' "Oh the warriors up!" The leader came down to where you were leaning towards you. "Such a pretty one too. So much prettier under all of those layers." You recoiled as his hand came towards your breast. "Get away from me!" He halted his fangs showing as he smiled "Feisty one are we? I've always enjoyed a challenge." You hissed as he harshly grabbed your wrists. "This is going to be so much fun." You began to panic as you felt your hands being cuffed to the pole behind you. You wouldn't struggle until it became necessary. 'Don't panic don't panic don't panic!' Panic began when his hands found your butt. You began to kick and fight only to find that his buddies were with him. "Get off of me!" You felt so many hands grabbing, pulling, scratching! "No!" Their cruel laughter filled your ears as you felt them push into you.

"Cas? Cas what is it! What did you hear?" Castiel couldn't begin to tell them, he was so horrified at what was happening to you at the second. He wanted to pray to Father that it was all just a mistake that this wasn't you being hurt. But he knew it was no use. That was you he heard. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and turned to see Charlie looking at him sympathetically. He was confused to why there was sympathy there until he felt something slide down his cheek. He was crying. "Cas what is it?" Sam turned looking as worried as Dean. "She…I-I can't…we need to get there as soon as possible. Keep going." That was all he could say as he focused on Charlie's hand trying desperately to ignore your screams.

You had long since stopped screaming. Your throat was raw along with your wrists that were bare from the struggle of the cuffs. Your breathing was ragged from the fight you had put up not to mention you were bleeding heavily and knew that if you didn't get help soon your chances of escaping were most likely impossible. You refused to look down at you battered body. You didn't want to see what they had done to you. You had been through this before and it sucked but you always got through it. The only difference down was you were more scared than ever.

You watched with calm collected eyes as the leader came in smiling that stupidly smug smile of his. Inwardly it gave you relief, no one should ever be smug. It usually led to a mess up somewhere in the plan. You refused to look weak in front of this monster again. He walked forward sitting down right in front of you. His legs were crisscrossed almost as thought the two of you were friends having a nice conversation instead of a vampire and hunter having an interrogation. "Did you come alone?" You smiled knowing that question would come eventually. You gave no response which only lead to his panic. He lunged forward grabbing your chin harshly. "Be a dear and tell me." After pretending to think about it a moment "Yes, I came alone." You could tell he didn't believe you which made it all the better. He would be anxious the entire time he had you captive. You just had to hope and pray that he would mess up. And hope that your family would come for you.

You jumped upon hearing the slightest of creeks come from the silent house. You turned slowly towards the door relieved to see Charlie! "Charles?" You mouthed, she nodded happily being as quiet as possible as she came forward to untie you. As she bent down to untie you, you couldn't help but feel a deep chill pass through you. "Something's wrong…it shouldn't be this easy."

Cas, Sam, and Dean were on a killing rampage showing these monsters no mercy after what they had done to you. Cas was the most vicious of all. He would forever feel guilty if you died before he got to talk to you about the argument earlier. You couldn't die mad at him. You couldn't die at all! Every head snapped up upon hearing a high pitched scream.

All three men were inside the house ready to kill until they saw Charlie and you being held to what they assumed was the leader by a knife. "One step closer and they die!" You flinched upon feeling the tiny trail of blood make it's way down your neck. You didn't bother to struggle as he talked. He turned to you looking completely mad "You lied." You shook your head smiling "I did come alone. I just had possible back up waiting for me." The smile was wiped from your face when you were slammed to the ground. "Y/N!" Charlie screamed struggling against the monster. You wanted to tell her to stop. To worry about her own life because what they didn't realize was that you didn't care about your own. You looked up at the boys that had become part of your life. You watched in a funny quiet moment as their eyes widened. You heard the muffled scream and you could hear yourself gasp. Not just a scared gasp, but one of those gasps that come with death. When the air can no longer find it's way to your lungs and your surprised and scared so much that a gasp is the only thing your capable of. You turned to meet your killer. Watching as he smiled down at you. His teeth such a pure white and his eyes a beautiful blue. It was strange that you were attracted to him in your last moments. It made you want to smile, and maybe you would if you weren't so numb.

You felt yourself hit the ground as he let you go. Only barely but there was that slight pain upon landing on the hard ground. You could feel the cold seep into you, then again it could have been death crawling towards you. Ready to feast on your body. It didn't sound bad. You weren't scared to die. You supposed this was you proving it.

You frowned feeling the blood splatter against your face. You looked down seeing the blood seeping from your stomach. It was warm and beautiful. It was one of the only things in the world that made you feel like one of your dreams came true. You didn't know why you felt like that. Things were becoming a blur. The world wasn't making any sense. You could hear your name and then you would hear it rush past you and into the floor. You felt hands touch you, your head was on something soft. You looked up to see everyone one of those boys looking at you with tear filled eyes. There was something sad there. Why were they sad? 'Oh yeah…I'm dying' The thought made you happy. It wasn't a happy happy though. You knew your friends were suffering. You wished things could have been different but what was the point? Nothing could change. You couldn't change that your family was dead or didn't want you and you couldn't change that you weren't happy. This was just another thing in your life. It was just a thing that would bring your life to an end.

You struggled to breath. The blood was filling up inside your lungs which you knew would bring blood up your throat. It was why you felt as though you were choking. Strange, even this did not bother you. It took you dying for things to finally not bother you. Everything seemed fine to you until you really looked at the boys and Charlie. Everyone was crying and begging you to stay awake. You didn't realize you were crying until you felt the tear make its way down your face. You swallowed the blood pooling at your lips only cracking them further. "It's ok." Every one of them seemed angry at that. "It's not alright Y/N! Half of the time you're the only person keeping this team together!" You shook your head smiling at him. You felt for his hand. "You'll be fine Dean. All of you will. You were brilliant before I came to you and you will be brilliant after." Cas placed his hand on your head. You could feel his power surge through you struggling to heal you. It was ok though, you didn't want to be healed. "Cas stop. You'll only weaken yourself. I'm a lost cause." He was crying "Don't say that! You have never been and never will be a lost cause!" You would sigh if you weren't choking.

You smiled feeling the warmth consume you and the darkness start to envelop you. You cleared your throats struggling to speak but knew they needed to know. "I love you guys. You are my true family." With those last words you took a breath before the darkness enveloped you.

"Y/N? Y/N!" Dean yelled shaking you. Same watched as your chest stopped moving "No! We have to help her!" Dean and Same stared to do CPR on your while Cas and Charlie watched. There was eye contact among the two. Charlie eyes spoke what her voice couldn't. "Save her." Cas watched her desperately wanting to say he wished he could. He watched the brothers give everything they had to bring you back. "Move." The brothers looked up at Cas confused but doing as they were told. Cas bent down next to you placing his hand back on your head and pushing every bit of his power into you. Your stomach shined as his powers healed your wounds. He struggled to keep going as his power seeped out of him. He collapsed next to you putting his lips and against your head. "Please come back to me."

Just as he removed his hand thinking all was lost, you gasped! All four crowded around you. You struggled to bring air back into your body but finally you opened your eyes. You coughed a few times before calming down not really knowing what was going on. You opened your eyes seeing the blurry images of a red head, an angel, and two brothers. "Hey guys." They laughed as the tears streamed down their face. You passed out before anything else could register. They were just happy to have you back.

The ride home was quiet. Mainly because you were sleeping and no one would dare wake you after everything you had been through. Your head laid on Cas's lap while Charlie had your feet. Dean and Sam would frequently look back to see you were still breathing just to feel better and remind themselves you were alive. No one knew what they would have done if you hadn't lived. "Cas, thank you so much. You saved everyone back there, not just her." Cas nodded smiling slightly. "In all honesty I didn't do it for just you. I've lost so many members of my heavenly family. Losing this one too would have been too much for me to handle. I couldn't allow her to die." Everyone nodded understanding, you were the glue that held the family together whether you knew it or not.

You frowned feeling the air make it's way into your lungs. You opened your eyes seeing the sun streaming through a window…'what's going on?' You thought as you tried to move but found your limbs exhausted. You listened hearing a T.V on a low volume in the other room. You heard hushed whispers too. You quietly got up finding that if you were slow you limbs worked fine. You grabbed your suitcase and quickly started packing your things. It all came back to you leaving, fighting,…other stuff, and dying. 'Cas! He brought me back?' You had no idea how but you couldn't tell if you were mad at the angel or just happy he was ok too.

You lugged your suitcase out to the hallway where everyone looked up shocked to see you. Everyone quickly lunged themselves at you and in one blink of an eye you were in an extremely tight group hug. "Thank God your okay!" You heard someone say, you thought it was probably Sam. Everyone else just hugged you. Finally Dean pulled away pointing a finger at you looking on the verge of tears "Don't…ever do that again. We can't lose you." They all hugged you again before you cleared your throat trying to keep yourself from crying "We should probably get back on the road." Everyone three worried glances at each other as you walked out the door.

The car ride was another silent one with Dean and Charlie attempting to make small talk and Sam casting you worried glances while Cas just looked out the window. You attempted to participate in the small talk but quickly decided sleep would be an easier task.

Once you got to the hotel you grabbed you suitcase, grabbed you key, and headed for your room. You sighed as you unpacked your stuff for the night jumping slightly when you felt someone come up behind you. You knew who it was as soon as you smelled them (everyone smelled different). "Hey Dean." You looked over slightly acknowledging his existence before turning back to your clothes. He laughed "I'll never understand how you do that." You smiled "My secret." He shook his head analyzing your face as though he were hoping you would look at him. Finally you sighed looking up to meet his eyes. "What?" He gave you that look and immediately you knew this was going to be a talk and that would probably lead to tears which would lead to a lifetime of embarrassment. "You know we have to talk about what happened right?" You couldn't help but shake in anger and desperation as you tried to keep your aggravation at ease. "Why? Why do we have to talk about it?" You tried to keep your voice down which left this to be a whisper yell. "Because N/N I don't feel like losing you. You have always been around for me and now I want to be there for you. We all do. I just don't get why you won't take help. If anything were to ever happen to you I would be devastated. You are family." Yep you could feel it coming. The water works. You forced down the painful knot in your throat blinking rapidly trying to keep those tears from coming.

"Hey hey it's ok. N/N it's ok to cry. According to that dumb Supernatural editor me and Sam cry way more than regular men." That got a chuckle out of you "In your defense you have had a pretty hard life." He nodded laughing in agreement "Hey it is an exciting life." You nodded "Yeah, way better than doing the regular jobs right? I would take this any day over an accountant." That only caused the tears to come forward. "What is it?"

You stomped your foot against the ground trying to keep yourself from completely losing it. "Dean I have literally no idea what I'm doing with my life! I don't know what I'm going to do if hunting ever ends, if I lose you guys, if something happens! I have no clue! I don't know who I am or what I want to be!" Dean held you tight pulling you in as close as possible "Hey, hey that will never happen. You hear me? You won't ever be alone. Literally the chances are quite low. For one thing Cas is a freakin angel the chances of him dying are slim, Charlie is just a ninja, and Sam and I seem to have a talent at beating death." You laughed that pathetic laugh of yours that just screamed you weren't in the mood for jokes. "Dean promise me something." "Anything." "You won't leave me alone." You felt him nod against your forehead.

You pulled away after a few moments feeling much better but there was still one question nagging at the back of your mind. "Dean?" He stared at you waiting for you to continue. "Do you think I'm stupid?" He looked so deeply sincere as he responded "Not one bit." That you felt immense comfort. All the fears were swiped from your mind. "Have I ever told you you're an amazing person?" He laughed pulling you in for another hug because he knew how much you loved them. "You would make a great Spiderman." You felt him smile against your shoulder and when you pulled away his face was beaming. The two of you both looked a lot better.

You turned your head hearing someone clear their throat only to see the rest of the group standing in the door way. You felt your breath pick up but only a little. "So how much of that did you guys here?" Sam smiled gently while Charlie spoke up "All of it." You nodded "Great." Sam came forward a little "Y/N every one of us care deeply about you and we only want to know what we can do to help and why things are the way they are." You looked into his eyes seeing that he was just as sincere as his brother. "Ok…I"ll tell you."

They all sat down on the bed facing you. You bit your lip thinking about exactly what you wanted to say. "So you know how I said that I left my home?"(song: Farewell life by Arn Andersoon and Nights amore) They nodded not really knowing how else to respond. "They kicked me out. My parents said I was a disappointment and needed to leave. Things had been hard that year. I was graduating and didn't want to have an ordinary job and my parents were furious. I…" You paused trying to swallow the knot that formed in your throat. "I had been arguing with them one day and left with my sister to just hang out for the day. I didn't want to be around them and she was willing to come with me. We went to these train tracks that we had been going on since we were little kids. We were sitting on them playing around and talking. We were so enveloped in what we were doing I didn't hear the train coming. It wasn't until it was heading right towards us that I saw it. I ran to Hannah that was my sisters name. I tried to grab her and pull her with me but her foot got caught in one of the boards on the track. I tried to pull her foot out but it was stuck. The train kept coming closer and closer and I tripped on a board and fell backwords…I couldn't save her. She died right in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it…I'm not a realist on a lot of things and I felt extremely guilty, but at the time I didn't think it was my fault. I thought it was just an extremely misfortunate accident…but that's not how my family saw it. They blamed me and charged me with the murder of my sister…I stayed for trail wishing to be punished if it truly was my fault. I was found innocent but my parents didn't care. They burned the house down trying to leave me inside. It took my fifteen minutes to get out and they were long gone by the time I did. I didn't have anywhere to go so I started hitch hiking. I knew I had relatives in California and was trying to get there but I quickly learned you couldn't trust everyone you met…one of the men that picked me up raped me and then sold me to some old creep. I was raped repeatedly for five months before I managed to run away. I found my cousin in California his name was Conner, and he was killed by a werewolf a year later. That's when I met Bobby. He found me stabbing the werewolf repeatedly with a kitchen knife that just happened to be silver. He saw potential in me and I'm pretty sure he felt sorry for me. Anyway that's when I met you guys. As of what happened last night, I got into the vamps nest successfully but there was a miscalculation in how many vampires were there and I was overpowered. The leader and a few of his goons then beat me up and raped me. You guys know the rest." You stared at the covers on the bed for a while feeling a hand on your shoulder you looked up to see tears in everyones eyes. Charlie's tears fell freely but the boys managed to hold them back. Mostly because there was anger, you could tell.

You frowned as Sam brushed one of your tears away. "I am so sorry Y/N." This only caused more tears to come. You lunged forward hugging him tightly, it felt so good to feel it returned. You felt more arms and realized the entire group had joined in. Everyone was crying. You started laughing like really laughing for the first time in a really long time. "What?" Everyone said with confused smiles. "It just feels really good to have a real family." You pulled everyone in for another hug. Maybe things would be ok.

(Song: Pardus Nightingale)

You were packing things back into the impala when you heard someone come up behind you. You smiled "Hey Cas." Cas frowned wondering how you knew he was there but Cas wasn't the type to question you. You looked up waiting for him to say something. "I miss you." You froze giving him your full attention. "I realize it's going to take you a long time to trust me again and I know it was wrong what I did, but I was worried about you. Y/N you Dean, Sam, and Charlie are my life. I don't know what I would do without you guys. So while I am sorry I don't regret what I did." You smiled gently before lunging forward to give him a hug. "I forgive you Cas." It was muffled in his shirt but you knew he heard you when he hugged you back tightly. He pulled away holding you at arms length. He rested his forehead against yours. You laughed before asking "So you want to help me shove all of these suitcases back into the car?" He laughed before helping you pick them up.

(Song: Salim Dima And the World Will Never Forget)

You ran into the room where the others were all drinking the extremely sour lemonade you had made and were making faces only causing you to laugh. "Guys we need to go! Let's move it!" You came over pulling on Dean and Sam's arms. Charles let's move it!" The three laughed as you ran back outside to sit on the hood of the Impala and wait for them.

Everyone got into the car and Dean took off. You all rolled your windows down feeling the beautiful breeze make the car the perfect temperature. You blasted all sorts of rock and roll and made them play some of your favorites singing along and causing the others to join you. It was a truly beautiful day, and you would have plenty more to come with your family you thought as the Impala drove down the road towards home.

Authors note: I hope you all enjoyed it and found this helpful. I learned a lot from writing this. As long as it took I'm glad to finally allow you all to see it. If any of you are struggling please talk to someone, if you don't have anyone I'm here for you. I care and will help any of you who needs it. I need people too, so know you're not alone. I love you all and thank you so much if you made it to the end of the story. See you all soon.

With love,

It's_Nothing_Just_A_Wolf

Aka Kaitlyn.