A distraction.
That's all girls ever were to me.
Something to take my mind off of a failing grade, problems at home, losing a football game. They weren't really people. I didn't care about them, really. I just needed a break and they offered it. With out asking for anything in return.
Most of them were okay with it. They need a distraction, too. Everyone has problems and everyone has different ways of dealing with them. Some people deal with them the same way I do. Some people deal with them in others.
Then I came to Degrassi. Where every girl was like a brand new distraction. There were the obvious ones; the girls that would be content to flirt and fool around with out any labels. And then there were the ones that wanted dedication and effort. Like Alli.
She actually tried and worked for things. She admitted that she cared about being popular. Something I could never do. It was…unusual. Sure, things she did annoyed me, but everyone has a few quirks. And compared to her strong points, those were nothing. Except for the drama. That got old fast.
So I tried Marisol.
At first, she seemed like a great solution. The typical girl I'd be with. Chipper, hot, and popular. But more boring than wallpaper. So I ended it, which even surprised me. Maybe I really could change and stay with one girl, in a real, committed relationship.
Then came Alli, part 2. It was good while it lasted. But then the trouble started with Adam, and my grades didn't improve, and football was going downhill, with Riley back as quarter back. It was all starting to be too much. Just putting so much pressure on me.
Then Bianca came along.
She seemed like the perfect distraction. A drama free, distraction. Just a little fun in the boiler room and I could go back to my normal life. Right. How wrong I was.
Bianca dwelled on drama; she fed off of it. I should've known that everything would come out. That nothing was ever drama-free. The fallout from that was horrible. Break seemed like it went on forever. I walked by Alli's house a million times, feeling shittier with every step. I wanted her to just fall back into my arms and for it to all be over. I wanted her to show me that girls were more than just things to keep me from thinking about my life and all the things I know I'm doing wrong.
But that can't happen now, because Alli's gone. To a different school and chances are I'll never see her again. Well, I will; Toronto isn't that big. But I won't see the old her. The girl I liked more than anything else, the girl who made me feel great. All I'll see is the girl I betrayed and devastated.
And nothing will distract me from that.
Nothing.
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