I finally decided to give myself a reason

by sakurananachan

Naruto and Sasuke had been friends for the longest of times, but as Naruto starts showing a little too much afection he starts feeling confused as to what he really feels for the blond. A fic gift for a friend!

Ok so this is a fanfic that took me forever to finish.

I based this fic on a couple of friends at work hehehe, that's why they may seem OOC a little bit

Happy belated birthday Patron!!

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Sasuke had his hottie on and Naruto could hear the song playing on his IPod, it was Ben Harper's another lonely day and even though he personally enjoyed the song he would never admitted to the raven haired man, because he always reprimanding him on his bad taste in music. But in all reality he knew Sasuke had an amazing taste in music.

He saw as the fair skinned man mumbled a few of the lyrics of the song and watched mesmerized the movement of the lips as he sang:

Wish there was something I, could say or do
I can resist anything but, the temptation from you
I'd rather walk alone, then chase you around
I'd rather fall myself then let you, drag me on down

-"I like that song"- whispered Naruto barely audible, almost as if speaking to himself.

-"I know dobe, I hopped some of my good taste on music had rubbed off to you"- said Sasuke smirking and raising his eyes to meet the blue ones.

-"Bastard…"- mumbled Naruto turning back to his paper work: -"I can believe you can actually hear with that thing so loud"- said the blond this time trying to intently to focus on whatever it was that was written on those stupid reports.

-"I can hear YOU…"- this time it was Sasuke the one that mumbled, but Naruto failed to listen as he was trying with all his might to bring his attention back to work.

Naruto wasn't one to like the silence and was always inventing, creating, doing something; but of late he seem to be a little bit out of it, or so thought Sasuke as he eyed him through the corner of his eye.

It wasn't a secret that Naruto was gay and it wasn't a secret either that Naruto was very attracted to the raven as he had made it VERY public on his Christmas party 4 years ago, when he had suddenly stopped the music stood in the middle of the room and climbing on his couch yelled: "Sasuke let's have gay, hot, smexy sex" and then passed out rather unceremoniously on the floor.

Now, Sasuke had suspected the attraction of the blond towards him a long a time ago, so the news didn't come as a surprise. What did came as a surprise was that the next day, and the one after that, and the one after that and the one after that, and… well you get the point; but Sasuke was surprise to see the persistence with which Naruto kept insisting on, with the same words over and over again.

The faired skinned man was fairly sure of his sexual preferences, though nobody could blame him if he didn't with the very persistent advances of Naruto on him.

But as time passed Sasuke started growing tired of it as he saw that Naruto's obsessive-compulsive I'll-get-what-I-want-at-all-costs kind of attitude towards life was beginning to get on his nerves.



And so that takes us to the exact moment in which Naruto's attitude towards Sasuke had changed.

It had all happened at Sasuke's surprise birthday party. Now Sasuke never really appreciated the whole "Friends do nice things for their friends" idea, but Naruto had seemingly forgotten that tiny little detail about Sasuke as he planed Sasuke's party.

Another detail that Naruto decided to ignore was the fact that Sasuke absolutely hated surprises and well the main characteristic of a surprise party was in fact the "surprise" part to it.

So that day Naruto had called Sasuke and invited him to come over to his place and watch movies and drink beers, now that was something that he could and very happily do on his birthday; he didn't think of this day as one any different from the others and so he really, truly didn't care.

When he arrived at the blonds' apartment he noticed two things: there were a lot of familiar cars parked outside and there seem to be something off about the whole situation; he then knew what was going on and he could have turned around, go back home and turn off his cell phone, except he didn't. Why hadn't he turned back? Well he kept asking himself that same question over and over again as Naruto took him around the party greeting and receiving gifts from people he wasn't sure he knew.

He hated it all!! Now, don't take him wrong, he's not really a mean person or anything and is not like he didn't appreciated the gesture especially if it came from Naruto, but he really, really, REALLY hated socializing!

And what he hated the most was the fact that he was being presented with various amounts and types of alcohol. "Sasuke, have a drink with me", "Sasuke let's toast to your birthday", "Sasuke try this out" and he had no other choice but to oblige as Naruto gave him those eyes of "socialize a little you bastard".

Now the raven wasn't one to party hard and he maintained his cool most of the time, but you try to maintain your cool when you're downing drink number 8.

His blond friend was being his usual bouncy, cheerful and very gay self, going around serving drinks and making sure that Sasuke's own glass was never empty.

But see, when you put a tipsy Sasuke and a very bouncy, cheerful and most importantly very gay Naruto together in a house you are bound to get disaster coming at you from every angle possible.

In the middle of the living room that served as a dancing floor was Naruto dancing his soul away as he spotted Sasuke trying to make his way to the bathroom, key word being: trying. So the blond made his way trough the mass of friends towards his stumbling friend.

-"Sasuke dance with me"- said Naruto pulling him towards the dance floor, but Sasuke as it was, thought otherwise, seeing that he really needed the toilet to empty the little contents and alcohol of his system.



-"I don't want to"- answered the raven stumbling with the words and pulling back towards the bathroom door.

-"Oh come on Sasuke! Could you stop being so straight and finally kiss me!"-now the blond knew this wasn't the moment to say something like this and if that was any indication, the patented glare of death Uchiha™ should have been more than enough.

-"Leave me alone"- grumbled Sasuke as he felt himself being pushed and dragged towards the center of the floor.

Sasuke recognized the intro of Paramore's misery business and he really liked that song, didn't he? Suddenly he did feel like dancing and so he started very sloppily swaying from side to side. The raven always thought that girl from Paramore was pretty, what was her name again?

-"Oi dead last what's her name?" asked Sasuke slurring his words, but Naruto was shaking his ass at a very interesting pace. When had Naruto learnt how to move his ass in that sexy way? And had he just thought Naruto's dancing was sexy? He must have been really drunk to even consider that thought.

-"Kiss me bastard"- yelled Naruto through the loud music blasting.

-"No…"- said Sasuke backing away from Naruto and that sexy dancing ass of his, he wasn't going to allow that little sick mind of his to take him places he wasn't ready to go to.

-"Come on Sasu, don't be a prick"- said Naruto trying to drag him back, but Sasuke was presenting quite the resistance. So the blonds' alcohol clouded brain did the only thing he could think of, he tried to kiss him.

When Sasuke realized what his best friend was trying to do, he snapped.

-"What do you think you are doing?"- yelled Sasuke shoving him hard sending him back a few steps: -"are you stupid or what? Get it through that tick head of your, I AM NOT GAY!!"- and if looks could kill Naruto would be very dead.

-"I was kidding you stupid bastard! Why do you take everything so seriously!"- answered back the blond: -"You really are a prick!"-and as he spatted this to the raven he took various steps that brought him closer to him invading Sasuke's personal space.

-"You are the prick…"- Sasuke answered back in a tone that sounded too childish for him to be using, but he couldn't think of any other retort to give the blond.

-"I'm getting tired of you, you know!"- Naruto was conscious he was rapidly getting angrier by the minute, but he really was frustrated and felt that if it was Sasuke's fault after all he should be the one paying for it.



-"Well so am I!"- yelled back Sasuke and felt a weird feeling of accomplishment when he saw Naruto's hurt expression as he yelled at him.

They had gradually gotten closer and closer, entering each others personal space, something Sasuke hated but at the moment was not aware of being as he was.

They stood there merely inches away from each other, ragged breaths gusting their faces and the adrenaline still rushing through their veins.

Naruto was know for doing very impulsive things and saving himself the process of thinking before speaking, that often got him in trouble; he also had this fame of doing the stupidest things when drunk.

Sasuke's lips were so close to Naruto's own and he could feel the ravens' ragged breath on his face, it smelled like vodka, tequila, whisky and rum all mixed together. It was actually making him dizzy, seeing the way Sasuke's chest rose and fell at a very quicken pace and he very briefly realized why was he so enamored with him.

The faired skinned man came to notice he was staring too intently at Naruto's pink lips and he tried to blame it on the alcohol soaring through his system, because he was definitely not going to admit to the fact that he had, for the little of moments, wondered how those lips would feel like on his own.

Alcohol makes you do funny things, stupid things, such as kissing your straight best friend…

Naruto saw his own hands move in slow motion to fist Sasuke's front shirt pulling him towards him and saw as well as the lips of the raven slowly oh so very slowly approached his until they finally made contact.

Now this is how it all had look to Naruto; in reality it was way more violent, rough and passionate, manly if you might, but it was a kiss after all and kisses aren't suppose to be defined as violent.

As a surprise as it might have come to Sasuke he found himself responding to the kiss for a second; he wanted to blame it on the alcohol, on the adrenaline rushing through his veins, on the anger that he felt and that could not be express throw words and in some sick weird way it could only be convey by biting really hard on the blonds' lower lip.

But when Sasuke felt a soft warm tongue asking for entrance on his mouth, that's when it hit him completely: HE WAS KISSING NARUTO!!

He then shoved the blond hard sending him crashing against a crow that had gather around them out of morbid curiosity.

-"What the hell is wrong with you, you faggot!"- yelled Sasuke losing his temper.



Now let's clarify that Sasuke was know for his lack of tact, you could call it rudeness, he was straight forward and that was it; normally Naruto could deal with it and was actually one of the very few ones that appreciated it, but most of the people found this little detail about Sasuke quite rude.

But Naruto had learned through the years how to deal with it, value it as a special quality of his friend.

But, OUCH that hurt!

That expression on Naruto's face he had only seen it once before and that was when a guy had called him a fairy, Naruto had catch up to the guy and beaten him to a pulp. It was an interesting mix, Sasuke caught himself thinking, those flickering emotions on Naruto's baby blue eyes. The anger he recognized it right away, being an emotion he was familiar with, now the hurt, the hurt was something he had never seen directed towards him and it felt weird, kind of like out of place on those eyes, and he saw something else… What was it? It was like seeing a fire being put out; the eternal sparkle in the blonds' eyes seemed to have died.

"Despair…"- his mind had supplied him with the right word as Sasuke saw Naruto stiffen a little and then turning around and without looking back he said:

-"Show yourself out"- and his retreating back didn't turn once as Sasuke made his way to the exit.

It had been about a month since the incident and neither of them had made the smallest attempt at talking about it. But it was there and it was annoying the hell out of Sasuke and he had yet to figure out why.

As he watched Naruto type away on his computer trying to catch up with a few of his unfinished reports one of Naruto's favorite songs from The Killers had started playing.

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a ki…

He suddenly stopped himself from singing the next part, somehow feeling that the word "kiss" was something he should not be saying in the presence of Naruto. He didn't fail to notice how the blond had stiffen at the hint of the next word, but when Sasuke stopped himself he visibly relaxed and kept on typing away.

-'So he is noticing me…'- thought Sasuke as he continued observing the other male.

For the whole month Naruto had very obviously and blatantly avoided any interaction with the raven; is not like Sasuke really cared, he didn't, really. He didn't care that Naruto had started hanging out more often with this other gay guy at work named Sai, and he certainly didn't care 

that Naruto hadn't called him the last 4 Fridays for their traditional horror movie at Naruto's, and he wasn't bothered at all by the fact that Naruto punched out as quickly a she could and practically ran to his apartment, barricading himself and not answering his cell and it didn't hurt him whatsoever when he learned that it was ONLY his calls he wasn't answering to.

And who the hell did he think he was fooling? He cared! He cared more than he had admitted to himself, hell he cared more than he had thought he did.

Now he was being presented with one of the most important questions a straight guy had to face: Could he possibly be gay?

How do you know if you are gay anyways? Do you wake up one day and say: Oh I fell like sticking my dick up some dude's ass? Ewww, gross…

No, he was not possibly gay!

Naruto felt a pair of eyes observing him, but knew he must have being imagining things, because the only other person present in the room was Sasuke and he was definitely not staring at him, was he?

But he needed to check, even if just to not get his hopes up; and so he turned and found dark alluring eyes staring straight at him. When Sasuke, that had been to caught up on his musings, found blue eyes locked on his, he realized he had been staring too intently on the blond and had been found red handed on the act.

Naruto's' eyes looked questioning, almost as if demanding to know why had he been staring at him; and what was that sparkle on the blue eyes? It really suited Naruto's baby blue eyes the best, he should have that shine on his eyes all the time, Sasuke thought.

A stupid grin started forming on his lips, but Sasuke stopped it before it became a full out smile, why was he smiling at any ways? It's not like he hadn't seen Naruto with a similar expression on the past.

Not wanting to deal with Naruto's questioning look he abruptly stood up almost knocking the chair down and made way fro the exit of the room.

-"Wait"- said Naruto and only when Sasuke turned around was he aware that the words had left his lips.

They looked at each other with surprise drawn on their features.

Naruto could hear the song Sasuke was listening to on his IPod.

Look what you done, look what you done
Love is the drug that makes you feel sexual
When all I am I give to you



-"The sexual tension in this room is suffocating, open a window will ya!"- said a voice making his way through the entrance snapping them back to reality.

-"Hey Sai!"- called out Naruto trying to lift up the tension and praying to all gods that Sasuke had not notice how he had stared at his lips.

-"Hey handsome!"- he greeted Naruto not acknowledging the raven's presence in the room.

Sasuke, feeling way too many things for his little brain to comprehend, left the room without saying much.

Sai watched with an amused expression as the raven exited the room and redirected his attention back to the blue eyed beauty next to him.

-"Jealous much ne?"- said Sai, as he seated himself on the edge of the desk: -"Are you still avoiding him?"- he asked, invading Naruto's personal bubble.

-"More like avoiding each other…"- murmured Naruto more to himself than to Sai, but he heard him nonetheless, but decided not to comment anything about it.

When Sasuke had reached the smoking area, he had already pulled out his cigarette and lighter and was lighting it on when he arrive.

It's a night of many frightening things to take in
It's not the way we please ourselves or our friends
It's what we won't accept
It's what will scare us now
Is ourselves, it's ourselves…

Ace Enders voice and words had never make more sense in his whole life as they did now.

Was he missing Naruto? Was he actually missing his clumsiness, his bounciness, his pushiness? Was he missing sitting next to the blond in this exact same place in complete and very comfortable silence settled in between the two of them? And most importantly was he missing the fact that just recently he had come to grasp and that was that his blond friend was the person that understood him the most?

Sasuke spend the rest of the day watching, really watching Naruto.

Why had he seemingly failed to notice the way Naruto's eyes always drifted to his left when he was feeling nervous? Or why had he not seen before the way Naruto moistened his lips whenever he was going to say something important?

And why, Oh why! was he taking notice of this ridiculous things at this precise moment!

It all felt so surreal in a way, seeing Naruto walking around with people and sitting down to have his lunch at the cafeteria. Not more than one month ago he had been the one sitting next to him, 

stealing a bite from his sandwich of taking a sip from his drink. Except he wasn't. He was sitting by himself on far southern corner of the cafeteria eating something that he had taught he liked and then suddenly realized he didn't, he only eat it to bug Naruto off.

Was his whole life based on Naruto and he had not notice this?

As he made his way to dispose off his almost untouched food he heard an outburst of laughter, he turned around to find the table in which Naruto was sitting to be bursting in laughter. He didn't failed to noticed the fake smile plastered on Naruto's lips.

'It doesn't suit him at all'- thought Sasuke making his way back to his office finding it easier to work and concentrate when the blond wasn't around.

Again Sasuke was watching the retreating back of Naruto as he waved goodbye to Sai and other guy he didn't knew his name.

When he got home he sat on his lonely living room. Sitting on the back of his couch was Naruto's favorite hottie, it was bright orange and somehow, after a month it still smelled like the blond nuisance. Naruto always kept a few of his things over at his place and very likely lying somewhere on Naruto's apartment was Sasuke's own winter jacket that had been left there since last Christmas when they had spend it together being the only ones that have no home to return to for the holidays.

That night, Sasuke remembered, Naruto had tried to cook something for the both of them, key word being: TRY. It had all burned out and they had ended up going to a Chinese restaurant near by and choke out a "Merry Christmas" as they ate sweet and sour pork and chicken chow mein.

It was early October and it was not that cold just yet, but in a couple of weeks it would be and he was going to need that jacket back at some point, but he felt that if at somehow he gather enough courage to go over there and demand to speak to him, a lot of things he was not ready to face would come out and slap him in the face.

He didn't want to stay at home yet another night. And so he grabbed Naruto's hottie -'If he has my jacket I can take his hottie'- and headed outside.

With his IPod as his only company he wandered around the streets trying with all his might not to think of his blond friend, but being as it was, he found that it was impossible; they hanged out way too much with each other.

So tonight as I walk
The moon makes faces at the trees
It's so nice to make fun of everything that I lost,
And I miss, and I love but never had

He found his mind wandering back to the blond whenever he tried to fend that thought away.



The air seemed to be humid, a sign that rain was approaching, but he had a hottie and he didn't really cared.

If Naruto were here with him right now he would be pushing him around, stumping on the puddles of water forming on the road, splashing both of them with mud; Sasuke would then get mad and tell Naruto that he was to wash his clothing filled with mud, but a small almost-not-there smile plastered on his lips would make the comment all the more lighter.

Tonight I'm gonna take a test to grow up
So I'm sorry for the things I've done to everyone
It's not your face I can't tell
But I try to be this way
It's my own

Water was dripping from his midnight dark bangs and the hottie, now soaking wet, was sticking to his chest like a second skin; but somehow it felt good, to have Naruto's hottie so close to his own skin.

All of this thoughts made him feel weird, confused. He felt like running up to the source of his headache and ask him… what would he ask him?

Would he ask him why was always there when he needed him the most? Or perhaps ask him why the blond was the only person in the whole wide world that had seen him shed tears at the cemetery in front of his parents' gravestones? Maybe ask him why was it that in his well organized closet he had allow the blond to keep 3 changes of cloth of a bright orange offending color?

So tonight as I walk
The moon makes faces at the trees
It's so nice to make fun of everything that I lost,
And I miss, and I love but never had

His feet had taken him to Naruto's apartment and standing outside the building he could see the light of the living room was on.

If he were to go up there, knock on the door and come face to face with the blond what would he tell him?

'I missed you, I missed your obnoxious laughter that could be heard from a block away, I missed the way your eyes twinkle whenever I accepted going to eat ramen, I missed… you'

It's what I can't accept
It's what I can't accept
It is what I can't accept

-"Oh my God! I'm gay!"- murmured Sasuke in shock as he gaze at the stair that would take him upstairs to Naruto's apartment.



When he finally reached Naruto's door and knocked on it he was more than certain that he was, indeed, very gay for Naruto.

-"Who is it?"- said Naruto from the inside and how great it felt to Sasuke to hear that voice.

-"M-me"- stuttered Sasuke and his voice had sounded husky, maybe from the lack of use.

Naruto had immediately opened the door and found a soaking wet Sasuke standing there, a small puddle had started forming at his feet, but he honestly couldn't care less.

Finally being able to look at the blond directly at the eye, especially after the epiphany he had just had it gave him the most amazing feeling of completeness.

-"Sasuke, what are you…"- but the blond was unable to finish his sentence as lips very sloppily had crashed against his own and it took him a second to grasp the fact that those lips were attached to a faired skinned raven haired dripping smoking hot man. And then his lips immediately responded eagerly the kiss.

When they both parted in need of air it all seem to be spinning around them.

-"Come on in"- said Naruto stumbling with the words, it almost felt as if he was drunk. 'Drunk from Sasuke'- thought amused the blond as he stepped back making way for Sasuke to pass.

The faired skinned man stood there, in the middle of the living room, still soaking wet.

-"I'll get you a towel"- mumbled Naruto as he made his way to the towel's closet.

Sasuke knew he could have gone and gotten it himself, this felt as his own house after all; but it also felt good to be taken care by Naruto, he rarely allowed himself to be pampered. He also thought if this made him the passive one of the relationship? Was this a relationship? He could not be the passive one! He was a man!

But when he saw Naruto making his way toward him with that beautiful grin of his plastered on his features, he decided if even for the night he could allow it.

-"Here"- said Naruto extending the towel to Sasuke being a little closer than necessary, but neither of them cared at the moment: -"Take that off, is dripping"- murmured the blond as he stare at Sasuke.

The raven's hesitant hands reached for the buttons of his shirt, fumbling with it; his hands were shaking and he wanted to think that it was due to the fact that he was wet and it was cold and not because he was nervous.

-"I'll help you"- said Naruto placing his own two hands on top of the raven's ones, he noted the contrast on color of the two skins when together. Sasuke dropped his own two hands and allowed Naruto to be the one to undress him.



Is not like he had never seen the pale skin from the raven's chest, but he had never seen it when unbuttoning said raven's shirt.

Sasuke, who was a few inches shorter than Naruto, found himself mesmerized by Naruto's soft pink lips. When had Naruto gotten so close? He smelled like orange and tangerine and all sorts of citric and Sasuke found that he liked that smell.

And for the first time Sasuke did something he had never done in his whole life: didn't think. He just leaned over and kissed Naruto as the last button of his shirt was being undone and the wet offending piece of clothing being disposed of.

Sasuke felt the blonds' arm sneaked on his lower back as the tan man took a possessive hold of him, flushing their bodies impossibly together.

He didn't quite understood why this felt so natural, almost as if he belonged in those arms forever but didn't knew it; and as the blond took control of the situation the raven realized that this, he liked it, being led around and not knowing what was awaiting at the turn of the corner, but still trusting the other part.

Naruto started making his way down Sasuke's neck, biting and marking it.

The raven's hands reached to blond locks and let his fingers roam around relishing in the feeling of softness and realizing he has always wondered if that hair was as soft as it look, and it was indeed.

This was it, if they went farder than this it would mean a lot of more things that what they were able to accept at this point. After all, hadn't it being only a kiss what Naruto had asked for? But now, as he was biting and licking and kissing and moaning, he was not so sure he was going to be able to contain himself.

Sasuke was still trembling and he could feel it as he held him by the waist. A tan hand reached towards Sasuke's belt and a shudder ran through his entire spine.

Naruto knew Sasuke wasn't ready, just yet; so he would wait, after all he had waited for his whole life to hold him like this.

They moved away, even if just a little to be able to look at each other's eyes.

They stood there merely inches away from each other, ragged breaths gusting their faces and the adrenaline still rushing through their veins.

-"What now?"- panted Sasuke not sure of what to do next and maybe fearing it a little.

-"Let's figure it out together…"- murmured Naruto as he moved away a dark strand of hair from Sasuke's eyes.