'Puddin'
Her voice, always her voice, whispering in the corners of his mind. Even when he tried to leave and do jobs, when he tried to silence her with drugs she would come back.
'I love ya puddin'
When did it become this? When did he become this? Guilt and rage at war in his head. How dare she leave me!
'But she didn't leave did she J, you left her. You left-'
'Puddin I cant swim!'
The sound of the door opening had him sitting up with a gun in his hand, one in the chamber ready to blow a head off. They knew I was not to be disturbed.
"Boss," Frost said with his hands up as he slid in the door, careful not to let the others in the hall see me. He was the only one who knew, it was safer this way. Best to not let everyone know just how much the lack of her was affecting me.
"Where is she," he growled out to him, voice undisguised. He was supposed to have found her by now. It had been months. Months! They could have been doing all kinds of things to his Harls. His queen.
"It's complex," Jonny said imploringly. J glared at him to get to the point, Jonny knew he didn't give a fuck about complex. "It's not just her, everyone's disappearing. It's this new law they got, if your a bad enough bad guy they stamp terrorist on your jacket and send you to a swamp in Louisiana. Black site. That's where she is."
'Come find me puddin'
A swamp in Louisiana, that was nothing. Joker would burn this city to get her back, and he had. In the first month alone he had burned half the city down, and killed more people than usual just to find his Harley. It was only at Frost's behest that he had not continued, something about there being nothing left for him to rule.
'You wouldn't have to get her if you hadn't left her'
'Get her back so we can kill her for leaving! For making us feel this way'
"what are we gonna do?" Frost asked bringing him out the madness. He sat there trying to decide which voice to listen to, which way to go. To get her back or not. 'Why do I need her?'
'I promise I wont hurt you, just let me in! Let me love you'
"Bring the car around, were going for a drive," he said as he fell back into his mural on the floor. Oh how the mighty have fallen, he thought as he let out a laugh.
'Do you want this?'
'I do'
It had been a joke, an experiment. Make the doctor give up everything for you. How far would the doctor go for you? And she had given everything up, including her sanity. She had brought him the gun, helped him escape. And even after he left her, and tortured her she came back. Chased him down, jumped into the acid at his request. He had meant to leave her there, let her die but no that wasn't funny enough. Or that's what he had told himself when he jumped in after her, but that was just the beginning. He hadn't even fucked her yet then, hadn't even come to fathom the depths of which she would get under his skin. He hadn't even understood what she was making him feel then, thought he was immune.
'Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes power'
But now, now he knew. She hadn't fixed him, oh no she had done worse. She had made him love her. She had made him crave her, need her. J couldn't imagine never touching her again, never hearing her breathy moans as they fucked after murdering some man who was eyeing her too long. He killed for her, burned the city down for her. He had brought her to his side and made her his in every way. He would find her and get her back. The remainder of his sanity depended on it.