Hey everyone! This is Phantom and Potter Obsession, reposting on my new account. Tainted love on PaPO will go down soon, so make sure you get this version on story alert and everything! Ok, this is the only new author's note I'm adding--just making sure everyone knows that this is me!
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket. I do own a love for angst.
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Haru had always been the aggressive one.
If I'd wanted to, I could have stopped him. I could have held my ground when his body slammed into mine, could have pulled my wrists free when he held me down with bruising force, digging his nails in. I could have forced him off when he kissed me, when he forced his tongue into my mouth, tasting every centimeter. Every time, before things went to far, before he'd forced me where I truly didn't want to go, he'd turn back to his white form. Every time he was horrified, miserable, apologetic. I never wanted him to be. I didn't want the kisses per se; I didn't want to be pinned, immobile. I don't know if it was the mental torture of Akito that twisted my mind, but all I knew was that there was some part of me that for some reason craved to be used and abused, in any way, as long as it showed me that I was wanted.
He never looked me in the eyes for days afterwards. I would finally tell him to get over it, that I was fine, that he hadn't hurt me. It wasn't true. Physically, I was bruised and bleeding, I felt violated, I ached all over. Yet in my head, there was that part of me that screamed for more, that couldn't bear it if Haru never went black and attempted to have me again. The part of my brain that had been taught it could never had love was sure that Haru's black side was the next best thing—that dominant part of my brain. That part of my brain thought I was worthless, that I could never hope for more than to be desired as an object.
It was only in my sub-conscious that I recognized the real reason why I didn't fight back. Truly, on the outside, in my rational mind, I knew I didn't want it. I didn't want to be forced like that. I didn't like having my mouth attacked, my lips bitten when I denied entrance, my wrists marked by fingernails. I didn't like the weight of Haru's body pressing down on me, or the feeling of the floor as my back slammed into it. I didn't like the way his cold, forceful hands felt their way under my shirt, or the way he bit my neck and collarbone to try and get me to scream. It never really came clear, the reason why I didn't pound him into the ground for trying that with me. All I really knew was that I never fought back.
I never truly understood the longing I felt for what it was. I never understood why that ache went away when he was attacking me. I never knew why I needed it until the one day when my revelation occurred; my revelation that I secretly enjoyed the abuse. Then I had to wonder why. Why? Why did I want such things to happen to me? Why did I enjoy it? Why did I wish he would turn black each time he saw me? I spent days mulling it over, before coming to the conclusion that it was my past, that haunted voice of my past telling me why I enjoyed the torture.
The next time I saw Haru, I was prepared. I knew that I honestly didn't want it. I didn't want him to force me like that. I wasn't going to believe that I could never be loved, that such harsh aggression was all that I could get. I refused to listen. Until…
Until we were alone and he turned to me, his eyes dark, glinting with desire. I felt a thrill of fear, and a weakness in my knees. He came at me; ready to take whatever he wanted. I fell to the ground when he pushed me, and found myself feeling too helpless to resist—and finding that in all honesty, I didn't want to. I tried to tell myself that I didn't want this domination, that it was all a result of the mind games that Akito had played with me… but Akito's mind games couldn't make Haru's passionate, vigorous kiss so sweet. And so, unknowing whether this was love, lust, or mere submission to the inevitable, I kissed him back.
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And so here is my first Yaoi, for one of my favoritefavoriteFAVORITE pairings. Don't worry, my chapters aren't normally so short—1,000 words is my minimum standard. This is a prologue though, and I wanted to end it here. Um, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this—for once I don't have the plot planned out. I'm just going with the flow, so I'm going to need you all to review so that I can keep up the will to update. My one request is that even if you hate it, you leave a critique saying WHY you hate it rather than a flame. If you flame me, how will I know what to work on?
Sorry, the author's note is really long. I tend to have a lot to say about this sort of thing, but I'll break it off now and try and keep them to a minimum from now on. Thanks, now review!