Challenge response from another board. You had to expand on Ranger's line "No, I'm not sick. Not physically, anyway. I'm not sure sometimes about the mental, emotional, and sexual."
This short is the result of my muse suffering from PMS and lack of chocolate.
So here I was, sat in Shorty's for my bi-annual meeting with Ms Evanovich. I don't know why she insisted on these meeting, but I always got the feeling that it was in my best interests to attend.
The waitress brought over a pitcher of beer, two glasses and a large pizza with all the trimmings. Without a second thought, I filled both glasses and snagged a large piece of the gooey, cheese laden pie.
She looked at me in amazement as I chewed my first mouthful.
"What happened to the temple, are you sick?" she asked in amazement.
What did she think I was? A rabbit? A hamster? Despite her best intentions in her books, I still ate real food when I knew she wasn't watching.
"No, I'm not sick. Not physically, anyway. I'm not sure sometimes about the mental, emotional, and sexual," I growled. So what if I pissed her off, I hadn't had a decent fuck since book 8 and I was way beyond caring.
"Hmmm," she responded. "Do I detect a little frustration on your part?"
"What do you think?" I muttered. "Least the cop has a sex life. I'm an attractive, virile male and you make me live like a fucking monk. You know, before you came along I had a great sex life. Now I'm constantly horny and frustrated."
"Hmmm," she said again.
"You could at least tell me if Steph's gonna end up in my bed or not at the end of this fiasco," I muttered. "Least that way, I would know if all this frustration was in vain."
"Ahhh," she murmured. "Let me think on it a while..."
I gave her my best intimidating stare and the poor woman gulped. She downed the remains of her beer and stood up, tossing a couple of bills on the table. "Same time and same place in six months?" she asked with a forced smile.
I didn't grace her with a reply, just glared. She smiled weakly and hurried out the door. The bitch! I needed to put a stop to this right now, this acute lack of sex was starting to impinge upon my business, and I wasn't having that.
I slid my cell out of my pocket and hit speed dial 2. Thankfully, Santos answered on the second ring.
"Boss?"
"Got a job for you, distraction, it's right up your street."
"Yeah," he said, sounding puzzled.
"I need to fuck up Ms Evanovich's plot lines, so you're gonna have to take one for the team," I told him.
"Oh man..." Lester whined, not again. Who is it this time?"
"Morelli," I responded.
"Awww, Ric! You know he's not my type. And just what the hell are you going to be doing while I charm the pants off Morelli, thus drawing Janet's attention away from you?" he quizzed.
"I am going to be a very long way away from here, screwing anything that looks pretty."
"Sounds good to me, boss. Okay, deal. I know you need a little fun in your life, but how long do you think you'll need?" he said, sounding resigned to his fate.
"About a week."
"A week?" Les shrieked. "Damn it man, I'm good... but not that good."
"Then bring Bobby in on this," I growled. "I'm sure between the two of you, you can keep Morelli on his back for a week."
"Sure, I guess. What do you want us to do when you get back?"
"Move in with me, and set Steph up with Diesel. That should really fuck with Janet's head."
"Man, you're evil when you haven't gotten laid in a while," Lester teased.
"Tell me about it," I growled.