Sometimes people can't ask for too much in life; times where you're better off with what you already have rather than pushing for something more. Times where sometimes wishes were just too far away from reach. At least that what I always thought when it came to her, because that was all there was to us.
To her we couldn't be anything more than a friend. To me we could be something so much more. We could never be anything else in her eyes. A girl-girl relationship… just the thought would be so laughable. Not in her eyes, not in others either, only in my dreams.
My eyes continue lingered at the two figures standing underneath the tree. The boy nervously rubbed the back on his neck, his face flushed in crimson red. I sighed at the sight and leaned back against the wall, rocking at my heels, another confession. Not that I was the slightest surprised nor anxious because I knew the outcome already. Giving it another minute, I glanced back at the scene. The boy had already settled with a short nod of the head and raced off.
My finger gripped onto my lunch box and headed towards the same direction once she was alone. Her back was facing mine, staring intently at the blossomed tree. Grinning slightly I made my way closer in silent steps, lifting my hand from my side for a childish guess who, her voice pulled me out of my fun.
"Need something?" Her head turned with a smile played at her lips. "Kumiko."
My face puffed up in a pout, "You're no fun, Reina." My hands fell back to my side holding my lunchbox behind me my legs. "How did you know it was me?"
"I saw you before, lurking over there." Reina fingers pointed towards the direction of the area I was previously standing at. "Practicing to become a stalker, Kumiko?"
At the comment, I playful gave her shoulder a light shove. She let out soft giggles, mesmerizing me for a second. She continued to stare at me, like she was waiting for me to state my purpose for being there at this moment. "Have you had lunch yet?"
"Yeah," She paused, noticing my desperate try to conceal my lunchbox further behind me. "You could had said something if you wanted to have lunch beforehand."
"Yeah, well, it was a quick thought I had before I started eating and I was just thinking maybe if you had lunch yet and if you wanted to….." My endless sentence trailed off at the sound of her laugh. I raised one brow questioning it.
"You're rambling."
"I know."
She grinned at me and moved herself over to the bench and sat down, patting at the space next to her. Walking over to her I sat down leaving a small amount of space between us. Might as well eat my lunch here, I mused to myself. Reina sat in silence as I unwrapped and uncapped my lunch, she leaned over till our arms were touching and gave a long thoughtful hum.
"You sure like eating eggs."
I simply nodded and started eating, my mind wondered to her conversation with the guy from before. It probably wouldn't hurt to question it. "So how many times was that?"
"Huh?" She gave me a confused look.
"That guy confessed to you before right?" I tried sounding as nonchalantly as possible, well not there was much too actually hide; this was just pure friendship curiosity. "How many times was it? He sure doesn't give up easily. If you keep rejecting guys, you'll never get a boyfriend." I ended it with a carefree laugh.
Out of the corner of my eye, her smile wavered and looked ahead. "Hmm, I could say the same about you Kumiko…" I gave her a confused look, to which she returned, playfully mocking mine. "Let's see, who was it again?" With a finger under her chin she smirked. "Shuu- something?"
"Ugh, please drop it, Reina."
I wish in her mind, I was there, something more, something special. All her talk about being special, I wish she could see how special she was to me.
"That was way long ago."
"Hey Kumiko," Reina started, I carefully observed her talkative state. Reina was much of a talker bout today appeared to be a different case. "Would you rather have a lover or a soul mate?"
"Huh?" I stayed silent waiting for her to explain but her lack of reply made me fumble for an answer. I hum thoughtfully, "I guess…I would settle for a soul mate."
"Why's that?"
"Probably ebcasue a soul mate would be there for me whether we were in a commited relationship or not, because I know I could count on you no matter the circumstances…." I trailed off. Crap. Did I just say 'you'? I looked over at Reina who didn't react to my slip up. Maybe she didn't catch it.
"So in a way you're my soul mate and I'm yours right?" She laughed a little. And I followed, how superficial. I never thought I would ever involve myself in such chat, much less not with Reina.
"Maybe we are."
"You know, I'm kind of glad you don't have a boyfriend."
That's because you have such a grip on, so strong I can't pull free. Instead of blaming it on you, you could say my weak will wouldn't allow me to. It's so simple yet so complicated.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I can't imagine you ever getting a boyfriend." Reina's voice dropped suddenly, her eyes shifted away from mine, then back, "Don't leave me behind…okay?"
At that moment, I wasn't sure if she was serious. Her mask was too hard to read, her words were too confusing to decipher. But in reality I wasn't going anywhere. I realized long before I had been bounded to the sole thought of her. Because as of right now, friends.
"Then let's just both stay like this." I joked, waving my chopsticks in the air, "Single, can you imagine that, Reina? Until we're all old and wrinkly."
"Is that supposed to be a compromise?"
I wondered. Rather than a compromise, it was more of a selfish reason, to keep Reina by my side for however long. Sometimes I wished I was born as a guy instead. Maybe then I could grant my own wishes. I would never let some other guy take her hand; I would never let anything else grace her face other than a smile. My eyes trailed along Reina's fingertips and up examining her facial features.
"Kumiko?" The way her voice sings my name sends electricity throughout my body. Is there even a word to describe this feeling? This feeling like I could listen to her all day, like nothing in the world matter besides us, was there?
"Hm?" My sight shifted before my stare became too obvious. I thought for a while. "Maybe it is."
"You know people normally would stick out there pinky and confirm it." Reina crossed her arms with a frown. She waved her pinky in the air.
Because I had been stuck in this area for a long time, but the actually question was how long could I withstand to continue this phase. I wished to know what was going inside her hand because I walked too far from the shallow waters, being already at my tip toes, it's either sink or swim.
Grinning I lifted mine close to her and as our pinkies touched, the physical contact send sparks. "That's what people do during promises, Reina."
"Then let's call it a promise."
"Promise?" I repeated in doubt.
"Promise." She concluded.
I was stuck at the peak of our friendship, at the borderline which couldn't be crossed. Yet at the same time I was unable to retract from this and unable to move forward, simply stuck behind the line of our promise.
