AN: This not a part of anything just a one shot that for some reason I guess I needed to write after everything that has happened in the last two weeks. I am sorry because no one will probably like this at all. This is my morbid and unrealistic sense of fear seeping outwards. I apologize that the characters are OOC. Also this is not normally the type of writing I do at all... Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
Remembering how pink her face had flushed after the first time he got the guts to press his lips to hers, he smiled to himself. He was equally wondering how red his had been at the unexpected flare in his passion for her. Before that moment it had just been fleeting thoughts of stolen kisses, after it turned into explicit and surely punishable by wrench daydreams of where their passion could lead. In fact he had practically done almost everything but go to a courthouse to speed their wedding just so that he could rest at night with a clear conscience about not having pressed for more than kisses before she was his wife.
When she had told him she was pregnant, he didn't think he his face had ever seen a smile so much. He had spent a lot of that time wondering which of their features their baby would have. His golden hair? Her bright eyes? Hopefully his love for Alchemy...either way he was going to give their child all the experiences he should have had. Hell even that Winry should have had with her parents.
While in labor, Winry had seemed like a gleaming goddess...even though truthfully she had sworn like a sea captain. Once the doctor arrived he was sure that things would be a breeze from then on. Working diligently trying to keep her breathing regulated, Ed held her hand coaching her as best as he could. After a massive contraction, he began to notice that she wasn't breathing audibly anymore. The doctor seemed to be more focused on bringing the baby out safely, because apparently he or she was not coming out like they should have. Ed however was solely watching his wife and noticed that she didn't look right, in fact the grip she had had on his hand was completely limp. Maybe she had passed out from the pain or possibly from the unborn child being breeched.
Getting the doctors attention on Winry, the doctor pressed his fingers to her wrist gingerly. In response to this action he seemed to have jumped back with a look of shock. His went from her motionless body to Ed's face. Apparently trying to pull himself back in the moment he went back to delivering the baby. Ed knew something was wrong but figured the doctor would say something if it was serious. When the child was finally born, surprisingly there was no cries coming from its little mouth. At this point Ed was wondering what was going on. As if on cue the doctor stood.
"Mr. Elric, due to complications with the labor your child didn't make it through the delivery...I am also concerned that your wife may not make it through the night. Her pulse has slowed almost to a stop and I'm thinking from the amount of blood here that something has ruptured but I won't know until tests can be done after..." He seemed to trail off at this point, which was fine because Ed had stopped listening anyways. Pressure built up in his chest and he couldn't hear anything besides the sound of his own pulse in his ears. He traced his hand over her face, cupping her cheek trying to see some sign that she was fine and just dehydrated. He wasn't sure how he would be able to tell her about their baby, but they would get through it somehow. Just like they had once the news of Al's death had reached them, and also when Granny had fallen asleep and never woken up again."Mr. Elric I think you need to begin to prepare..." At this point Ed's head snapped up and he'd had enough of this doctor's bullshit speech.
"SHUT THE HELL UP! SHE IS GOING TO BE FINE! Get out of our house!" Rubbing his thumbs on his temples he tried to push away the thought that she wasn't going to be okay. He didn't even look up to see if the stupid man had left or not. She was going to be fine, she was fine. Repeating this over and over like a mantra he tried to make what he was saying real. He brushed his fingers over Winry's mouth to see if he felt her breathing. He couldn't feel anything, looking at her stiff body he thought she looked almost like a wax statue. At this thought he felt his body begin to tremble. Pulling his hand back he wrapped his arms around himself as if he was keeping himself together by the encasement of them. Sobs began to rack through his body, shaking his whole world. There was no way this was real! She was fine twenty minutes ago, how could this be possible!?
When his tears had subsided for the time being life seemed surreal. He wondered in a daze how much time had passed. Minutes? Hours? Nothing seemed to make sense. There was no world where he existed without her. She had been the only good thing left in his life. The sunshine warming his soul. He didn't know what to do without her. What was the point of life if all there was was pain? Clearing his head of thoughts he stood to wrap their baby, who had in fact been a boy in a blanket. Who would have thought nine months ago that the first time he held their son would be his last? After swaddling the baby he walked out to the shed and found a shovel, he could wait and call someone else to handle this for him but he didn't want to imagine making that sort of call. Especially after hearing that damn doctor talking about finding out what had happened after, the last thing he wanted was other people's hands on his wife and child.
He walked to the cemetery where their loved ones were buried and began digging. As he dug the tears came back to watch over his unwanted task. Brushing the salty moisture from his cheeks he would not be distracted. Bile rushed out of his mouth as he dug, he stopped to wretch off to the side of a tree. Not just any tree but the tree that they had all sat under many times while talking about their parents. Shaking away these treacherous thoughts that threatened to make him lose sight of what he came here for, he finished digging three holes.
Walking back to the house he prayed to a God he didn't believe in to have performed a miracle in his absence. However upon entering the bloody, vile bedroom he realized that this must be proof positive that there was no God. How could any all powerful being allow someone like Winry to die? Or even his child who had never even breathed a living breath in this world? He was covered in sins and regrets. Why not him in their place? He walked down the hallway to grab something he needed desperately and placed it in his pocket. Wrapping Winry gently in the bedding from the failed delivery, he picked her and his son up basket style and began carrying them to their gravesite.
While making his way to their cemetery he had to keep telling himself that what he was carrying wasn't his dead wife and son. He was grateful he'd made it there before he lost it. Setting them down on the vibrantly green grass, he strung himself across Winry screaming to whoever was listening to make her alright. Weeping for the times they were suppose to share and cursing the skies that this shouldn't be them, Ed brushed his golden hair out of his face. Placing them each in their final resting places, he went to pick some flowers to set by them.
After he had the nicest bouquets he could make he put them in front of each of their graves. Pulling the last thing he needed out of his pocket, he eyed the metal carefully. Walking in front of the third hole, he laughed to himself. It was actually funny that he had been named the Fullmetal Alchemist and would now find peace at the very metal that had shaped his life. He'd never much liked guns, blades were more his style but they couldn't be counted upon to undoubtedly do the job that he was ahead of him. Putting the gun up to his head, he tried hard to hear Winry's laugh and see her smile before he pulled the trigger. Collapsing into the ground he heard nothing else.