Chapter 1: Temporary Insanity

"Ughhh," a pile of blankets moaned as they slowly wiggled about on the floor.

Bloody Hell.

I am never ever consuming another ounce of alcohol again in my life.

A sudden (not to mention loud!) thump next to me alerted me that I was still quite alive and capable of hearing. I thought my constantly ringing eardrums had told me differently.

"Who's der'?" I mumbled against the floor, completely unwilling to move another muscle.

"Lil-eeee? 'Dat you?" I muffled a cry of pain as the voice's owner poked my ribs questioningly.

Oh thank merlin, it's not a bloak.

"Abigal Morrison, why have I not murdered you yet? You great prat; find me a sobering solution." Boy is it hard to talk against a floor while your head has it's own pulse.

"Mmmph," a small bottle bonked me on the rump as I begrudgingly shuffled around to grab it.

Gulping the contents as fast as possible without spilling them, I opened one bleary eye to analyze my current partner in crime.

Dear Lord, I hope I don't look as bad as that…thing lying on her bed.

Feeling the potion course through my body and ridding myself of all those horrible side effects of hang-overs, it began to dawn on me that I had hardly any clue as to what happened last night.

"Well, I'm taking the whole 'no bloaks in the room with us' as a good sign, but I can't recall anything after those first three shots at the muggle club," I slowly confessed to Abby with a confused frown.

How do I not remember ANYTHING!

Giggles promptly ensued after my comment, and Abby fell down on the other side of her bed.

Confused, I looked down at myself. No bruises that I could see, and my clothes were all still attached; nothing that bad could have happened, surely.

Now, really ,that girl had better stop convulsing before I hex that giddy look off of her face.

"Merlin, Abby, did something happen? We only went out for a few hours to dance; I've never blacked out before. What's going on?"

Abby painfully grimaced from the affect the laughter was having on her still lightly pounding head while she turned to face me almost guiltily.

Good thing I'm already sitting down, because I promptly fainted after her next comment.

"Erm, well you see, Lily. Half way through the night you kind of well…hey, I tried to stop you! But you grabbed the bartender's scissors, cut off all your hair, told us to call you Leo, and said that you were going to Hogwarts this year because you're a boy now."

Bloody Hell.

"I DID WHAT?"

Merde.

What in the name of Merlin is wrong with me!

I was currently pacing back and forth in my friend's bedroom as her comment finally sunk in. I was only out for about ten minutes after fainting, which gave Abby plenty of time to get me some chocolate and for my brain to start recalling everything that happened last night.

"Lily, it was funny! Really! Mind you, I had absolutely no idea about your longtime drunken wish to be a boy, but really, everyone found it almost charming!" Abby rambled on until she saw me stop in front of the full length mirror, looking horrorstruck.

"Now just remember, I know a ton of hair spells and it'll grow back in no time! Literally-" she was interrupted by my earsplitting shriek.

AHHHHHHHHH!

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Now, Lily-"

"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! IT'S GONE!-"

"-Now, remember what I said about those spells-"

"-WHY WOULD I CUT OFF MY HAIR?-"

"Well, you were super drunk, which I apologize for, by the way-"

"-WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE A BOY? NONE OF THIS MAKES-"

"-I know you're not a big drinker and a total lightweight, so I shouldn't have pushed those shots on you-"

"-SENSE! NO SENSE AT ALL! I'M A GIRL. AND, HOGWARTS? DON'T GET ME-"

"-But it was our first hoorah of the summer, and I wanted to start it right! Please don't hate me forever, 'cause-"

"-STARTED ON THAT SCHOOL! A BUNCH OF ARROGANT GITS WALKING AROUND LIKE THEY OWN THE WIZARDING WORLD! OH PLEASE, THAT'S JUST-"

"-I love you so much, and we're such good friends! I just couldn't stand losing you! Besides, I think you have a really inspiring reason for going to Hogwarts, and I'll totally support you no matter what! Even if it means my bestie will be a cross dresser for awhile-"

"-DISGUSTING! THOSE BLOODY TOE RAGS-Wait. What? What do you mean 'reason for going to Hogwarts?' Abby, I was drunk and stupid and this is so embarrassing! All of those muggle boys probably think I'm a freak now…."

Thank Merlin for chocolate. I can't imagine how I'd be reacting if I wasn't biting into it every free breath I had.

"Uh, Lily, do you even remember last night?" She eyes me cautiously from the seat she had perched on her bed.

Did I remember? I remember walking into the club to celebrate the start of summer…and having a shot pushed into my face….

"Well, vaguely…" I tried to concentrate.

- FLASHBACK -

Lights flashed and speakers busted at the seams as dozens of bodies were moving about out on the dance floor. It felt more like hundreds from my spot near the DJ's stage.

Sweaty bodies. Ugh, so unappealing.

Wondering hands and breath tickling my neck, I knew I had to move before I threw up.

But I was having the time of my life! Dancing with my best friend to some great songs that I'd never heard before, while making eyes at pretty much every guy I saw.

Don't judge me; I go to an all girls' school for 9 months a year.

"Lil-eeeeeee! KEEP DANCING! DON'T STOP!" Abby all but screamed at my face, flicking spit all over it while she was at it.

"AB-ABBERTS…ABBERTS? ABBERS! They're playing my song!" I jammed to the beat (or what I thought the beat was) while whiping her saliva out of my eyes.

"This is your song? That's so amazing, let's do another shot in celebration!" Abby wailed to the entire crowd, but only those closest to us could even hear her. A boy right next to us shouted in agreement and went to get the shots, while I just kept jamming my hips and head to the beat.

"Lilyyy, why are you twitching like that? You should be dancing!" Abby slurred into my shoulder when she stumbled.

Well, so much for my jam.

"I ammm dancing! This is my groo-oo-ooove." I swished my hair back and forth, like I've seen girls do in some of my favourite dancing movies. I was having a little trouble seeing anything but those shiny blue and yellow lights.

Why are they so bright?

"Where is that guy with our shots? I wanna celebrate!" Abby called to me.

Why am I not wearing shoes?

"What are we celebrating?" I was confused, we're supposed to be dancing!

"Our womanhood!" Abby hooted proudly.

Womanhood. Evil thing, really. Boys have it so much better than girls.

"What's so great about being a girl, Abby? I hate it sometimes!" I wailed through the music.

"What are you talking about, Lil-eee? Being a girl is amazing!" Abby was slightly put off by my suddenly serious expression.

Hey, I can be serious while I'm drunk.

"No. No, Abby, boys are so lucky; they get everything! They get to play QUIDDITCH and train to be GOOD jobs like aurors and dragon trainers! They don't have to learn stupid things like sewing and curtseying! They get to learn real things like Defense Against the Dark Arts! We're stuck at stupid Beauxbatons learning to be housewives, while they get to go to Hogwarts and play quidditch and train for real, meaningful jobs!" I ranted in the middle of the dance floor.

Abby looked a little dumbfounded. And confused.

"Abby, it's not fair! We've been trying to start a quidditch league at Beauxbatons for years but Mrs. J'daire won't have it! All we have is that measly club that isn't going anywhere! I want…I want a real job! I want to catch evil wizards and help fight in this war! I don't want to go to school just to get a husband and be his pretty little housewife; that's not why my parents are sending me to school to be a witch!"

Boy, I'm a pretty philosophical drunk. Maybe I should think this stuff over when I'm sober. Yes, I'll definitely remember to do that tomorrow morning. Wait, no. No! I have thought about this enough! I want to act now! I don't need to be a little housewife, I can be my own witch!

Abby, who had kept a blank face all the while I was talking, suddenly pulled me over to the side of the club and sat me at a table.

"Lily, you're SO right! Being a girl is so stupid! You rock at quidditch! Wait, what are we talking about again?" She broke off as she suddenly lost track of thought.

I suddenly started to burn with determination. It was possible! Why had I never thought of it before? Nothing was stopping us….

"Abs, we're not going to take this anymore!" I bravely stood up and put my foot on my chair, pointing to the sky, "We don't need to! Why do only boys get to go to Hogwarts? We can, too!"

"Lily," Abby suddenly looked put out, "we can't, though! It's a boys only school…."

My sudden flame of inspiration started to dwindle as the obvious hurdle stood in my path.

Lightbulb.

I grinned maniacly at Abby, all sane thoughts definitely gone from my head that was currently completely fogged by alcohol.

"Then we'll be boys!" I cried, as it dawned on me.

"Uhh…what?" Abby looked on warily, "I don't like where you're going with this…."

I was completely come over with glee, why had it never dawned on me before? Hogwarts is an all boy school…we're girls…so we need to be boys. It makes complete sense.

To a drunk.

"Well, not really boys!" I excitedly explained to Abby through my euphoric state. "We just have to act like boys, and dress like boys! We can play quidditch, learn real subjects, and get real jobs! It's only for two years, and then we'll graduate and be girls again! It's so fool proof!"

Apparently it didn't dawn on me then that nothing is fool proof when there's a fool planning it.

Oh my giddy Aunt.

Did I really say all of that stuff?

"It was quite inspiring at the time, Lily," Abby eyed me with concern from her bed. I was now sitting on her window seat trying to absorb my insane thoughts from the night before.

"What in the name of Merlin…" I mumbled to no one in particular as I thought through my speeches again.

"I even wanted to do it!" Abby went on enthusiastically, "I was so ready to hop on the Hogwarts express and do everything you were talking about. Now, I realize how much my parents would kill me if that happened, and how I'm already engaged to Philip. Not to mention that I'm completely content getting that job opening a new robes shop at Hogsmeade. But last night, I was totally into it! I was ready to grab those scissors and cut my hair with you, if I hadn't been so-"

"Wait!" I cried, realization crossing my face, "my hair!"

I grabbed at it again. It was cut a little ways below my ears in some sort of crazy mop. I tugged at it helplessly, wondering what in the world I could do about it.

"How did this even happen?" I cried despairingly.

"Well," Abby sprouted a smirk suddenly, "that's where the night got really interesting…."

- FLASHBACK -

"Oh my gosh, Lily, that plan is a-maze-ing! I so wanna rule the world with you! Think of all the cute boys, too!" Abby was practically gushing.

"Wait, hold up! WE have to be cute boys, too! Oh no, they'll know we're girls!" I paniced suddenly, trying to find a blanket or something to hide my breasts. "Don't let them see your chest! They'll know!"

Abby giggled as she grabbed onto her chest, thinking she was successfully hiding it from view. Instead, several of the males in the area around them were giving her curious or intriguing looks.

"We need to look like boys, Abby!" I cried, looking around me desperately. This could not be happening, all of these people were going to rat us out!

"Wait, Lil-eeee, these are MUGGLES! They don't knowww!" Abby giggled.

Oh, right. They don't even know about Hogwarts, so they can't rat us out!

"Well, in that case, let's get ready! We have a lot to do before term starts!" I glared around the club, searching out a trusted tool of choice. I set off on a determined path towards the bartender, with Abby following still getting odd looks about the way she was gripping her chest.

"MICKEY!" I yelled at the bartender, "Mickeyyyy! We need you!"

"Well, that's something I always love to hear," Mickey winked as he leaned over the bar to the two girls.

"Ladies," he smiled, "what can I do for you tonight?"

Abby giggled and clung harder to her chest. I gave her a sideglance, but decided there were more pressing matters.

"WE NEED YOUR TOOL, MICKEY!" I demanded for about twenty people around us to hear. I had a job to do, and this dizziness was not helping me think straight!

I was getting a lot of odd looks right now.

"Excuse me?" Mickey was used to dealing with drunks, but even know he was a little thrown off. Then he suddenly smirked in that oh-so-charming-cause-I'm-the-guy-who-gives-you-drinks way and said "I mean, if you-"

Oh bugger.

"Mickeyyy, you aren't listening! We need your scissors, please!" I commanded.

"Oh no, ladies," he chuckled, "I don't know what you need them for, but in my experience, drunk chicks and scissors do not mix."

Hey, I said the magic word! Why wasn't he giving me the darn scissors!

"Mickey!" I pouted. I'm not sure how the pout was looking, as I was too plastered to really put any effort in, so it probably came off as me puckering up my lips. "Please! I wanna be a boy!"

"Oh, no you don't," he clucked, dealing surprisingly well with a girl who basically just declared she wanted a sex change. "Now run back to that dance floor and keep having fun, you two."

"But we don't want to have fun, Mickey," Abby cried. "There are more pressing matters in the world, and we want good jobs and quidditch! Now give us the damn scissors, so we can be boys!"

Mickey suddenly looked puzzled, with probably more than one reason. For one, two girls were claiming that they wanted to turn into boys, talking about future careers, and making up silly words. If they weren't so adorable he might have sent them home right at this moment for there's and everyone else's safety.

As he was busy mulling over his thoughts, I lost absolutely all patience and leapt over the bar to where I saw his scissors were. Okay, so maybe I stumbled, rolled, and slumped over the bar with the help of Abby pushing me over instead of leaping, but the point still stands. I grabbed the scissors despite Mickey's cries to stop, and leapt (fine, stumbled) back onto the bar.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Your attention, please!" I cried into the crowd, my resilience back and ready to change my future for the better.

The music kept blaring, but I did catch a few people's attention. Abby had finally let go of her chest and was looking curiously up at me. Her head was wobbling slightly from the change in perspective.

"I, Lily Evans, am tired of the life laid out before me!" I jeered to the crowd. They all looked back puzzled. Nothing was going to hinder my celebration for my newfound future, though! "I don't want to be a silly little housewife! I don't want to sew and cook and do laundry all day long! I want to fight evil wiz-err, crime! I want to learn real subjects and find my place in this world!"

The crowd was starting to get riled up and began cheering for me. "Hear, hear, Lily!"

"I'm sick of being a silly little girl who gets told everything to do," I cried, thrusting the scissors above my head almost reverently.

Some people gasped, others just cheered me on. Abby was sitting on a barstool, grinning up at me like a maniac.

"You go, Lils!"

"Yeah, sexism is stupid!"

"But I love girls!" Okay, so the last one wasn't a cheer, but it still kept me going.

"So, I'm done being a girl!" I proclaimed as I grabbed a handful of hair and brought my scissors to it. "From now on, I'm a boy!"

Snip.

Ten inches of hair fell to the ground.

As did my inhibitions…or what was left of them.

Bugger.

Oh no…oh no, oh no, oh no!

I was so pale, I'm pretty sure Abby was concerned that I had a chocolate frog stuck in my throat.

"What happened after that, Abby?" I asked, slowly turning towards my friend.

"Well," she eyed me cautiously, "you basically crowd surfed for a few minutes with everyone cheering for you, then finished cutting your hair before Mickey stole the scissors back. Then you gave this long speech to a table of us about your ultimate plan."

"Ughh," I groaned, face back on the floor as I felt it heat up, "and what might that plan involve, exactly?"

"Oh, pretty much what I said earlier. You changed your name to Leo, declared that you were going to Hogwarts to join the Quidditch team and train to be an auror. It was pretty funny watching the drunk muggles listen to you talk about things like that. They didn't seem fazed at all. I'm sure you could have mentioned Santa Claus and they would have believed you!" she laughed at the insanity of there actually being a Santa Claus in the world.

I was too shocked and embarrassed to move from my spot face planted on the floor. Mickey's club was where Abby and I would go every once in awhile over holidays, so we had made quite a few friends there. I'd never gotten as intoxicated as last night, but I could assure you that I would never show my face there again.

"Umm, Lily?" Abby timidly questioned from her spot on the bed.

"Yes?" I replied, wondering if last night could have been any worse.

"You were really passionate last night about everything you were saying, and your eyes got so alive when you talked about quidditch and becoming an Auror…" she paused for a moment, "have you been thinking about this a lot lately? Going to Hogwarts, I mean?"

I sighed, wondering the same thing myself.

"I guess I've thought about where I want my life to go, and how I'd get there. But, Abby, trust me," my eyes pleaded with her silently "I never ever considered crossdressing as a boy to do the things I wanted!"

"Oh, Lily, I believe you!" Abby assured me right away. "I just can't help but notice that your drunken idea…well, it makes sense."

She had stated it so clearly and easily, that I was wondering if she was still drunk from last night.

"Abby, are you insane!" I cried at her, "It doesn't make sense at all! I could never get away with being a boy…and I wouldn't want to! I'd be breaking a law, for sure, and I would hate Hogwarts anyways! They're a bunch of prats, and I wouldn't last a day there!"

"Lily, dearest, since when have you not been up for a challenge?" Abby laughed, but then turned serious again. "Besides, the boys at Hogwarts can't be that bad. I mean, compared to those girls we put up with at Beauxbatons every day. Isn't the risk worth the reward, though? You'd get to play quidditch and train to be an Auror! That's amazing, Lils…I think it's worth breaking a few laws."

I laughed almost manically, suddenly. Literally just rolling across the floor, wondering how this conversation had gotten to this point.

"I cannot believe we're actually discussing this," I eventually gasped out to Abby who had been eyeing my warily. "Oh Merlin, that was a good laugh, though. Me…a boy…going to Hogwarts" I continued to giggle.

Once my laughing subsided, Abby just looked at me straight in the eyes and said, "I'm not joking around, Lily. I know it sounds crazy and absurd, but please promise me that you'll seriously consider it. You complain all the time when we're at the academy, but I really think you would love it at Hogwarts. Just think about it, okay?"

She was looking at me so imploringly, that I actually wondered if it was possible. I've read books about girls disguising themselves as boys a few times, but that's all it was. Fiction. Not real, and not me.

"Okay, I promise," I managed to get out through my whirling thoughts as I wondered where exactly I'd be heading this coming fall.

Whatever happens in the near or distant future, I will always plead temporary insanity for that night in the club.

A/N:

Weird enough for you? Despite what you may think, I was not drunk while writing this. I'm not sure how the drinking even became a part of Chapter One's plot. I just knew I wanted to do a story with Lily going to Hogwarts as a boy…and this is what ended up popping out!

Like it? Hate it? Just let me know. ;) Chapter Two coming soon.

Always a pleasure,

Bunny