A/N: Just a small post Wrecked fic inspired by a Straylight Run song 'A slow Descent' Great band, deserve a lot of respect. Enjoy the read.
A Slow Descent
Willow Rosenburg sat in the passenger seat of a car currently driving down a random highway. She wasn't sure what state they were nevermind what county. Her girlfriend, ex girlfriend, Tara Maclay was driving.
The trip so far had been sufficiently awkward with little being said between them. As her head rested against the cool glass of the window Willow understood. Tara hated her, didn't want anything more to do with after she dropped her off. She'd screwed up so badly, she'd gotten Dawn hurt, the poor kid was in a cast. She was a scooby but she'd ruined that too, how could they trust her again? She felt so completely deflated, it seemed like everything she was and had been had just shriveled up inside of her.
Back in high school, when Buffy and the supernatural world first entered her life, it'd been so much different. They'd been fighting the good fight, dusting vamps and stopping demons. They'd saved the world countless times and Willow felt like that was the thing that gave her life meaning, it was her way of giving to the world, of being a good person.
Then her wiccan tendencies developed and kept developing. She suddenly had so much power that she could use to help the scoobies because before she could only help so much, she could research, hack official files and analyse any clues but she was never much for the offensive part of the fight. So, she got carried away when she realised just how important she could become to the cause. She was the resident witch! she could invoke the dark arts to help them beat whatever big bad was trying to destroy the world! and she could protect her friends, her lover, her family from evil.
Tara kept a watchful eye on Willow from the windshield mirror. She was pissed at her, really pissed at her for being so reckless and getting Dawn, and herself, hurt. But she did love Willow and she could see the sorrow in her lifeless eyes. She'd just sat there the entire trip, her head on the window. Tara had wanted to say something, anything, but nothing seemed worthy.
When she had heard what had happened, what Willow had done, she felt so angry that Willow would endanger Dawn as well as her self in such a wreckless manner but as she calmed down she began to look at life from Willow's perspective. Her friends, Buffy, Xander, Giles and countless other's in between had been in life or death situations pretty much daily for a long time and Willow was finally in a position to protect them and without the proper training, she got sucked in by the power and inevitably it used her up and spat her out.
She didn't condone it but she could understand it.
Now, she was driving to an old friend of her mother's, someone she hoped could help Willow control her magick. Mr. Giles, Buffy and Xander had all agreed to let her take her. They now all realised that Willow needed help. That it was for the best.
Tara saw the darkness break as a building of neon lights came into sight. A rest stop and store. A few minutes later she was putting the car in park.
She turned towards Willow, "Let's stretch our leg's and get some food." She tried so hard to keep her voice neutral.
Willow looked down feeling completely ashamed. "I'll wait here."
Tara sighed softly, "Will, you've got to use the toilet. And we need to get some food, this could be the last stop for a while."
Willow made no attempt at a reaction, she just unclipped her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Tara was soon beside her. It was a bitter night but the air felt good after hours in the car. Willow instead found it unsettling. She wrapped her arms around her body. Her oversized wolly jumper helped shield her but not from everything.
When they got back to the car Tara passed Willow a sandwich and took one herself. There hadn't been a sit in diner so they were left to eat in the car. The silence was becoming wholly awkward. Tara still didn't know what to say, there was so much but where to start? so she took the easy way out and put a cd on. They sat and ate their sandwich with the music in the forefront.
Then they were back on the road again. Tara was a good driver, Willow had always felt comfortable with her behind the wheel. She was a relaxed and very cautious driver, never one to speed up just because she could. Graceful, Willow thought, everything about her, even her driving was graceful.
"I like this cd."
Tara immediately looked up at Willow before looking back to the road. She was very quiet in her simple admission but if it meant they were talking.
"It's Straylight Run. It's all I ever listen to since... lately."
Willow nodded. "The words make sense."
"Yeah, they do." Tara agreed with a matching degree of sadness.
"I'm so lost." Her voice was small as she let her head drop downwards.
"It's going to get better." she promised.
"How? I've ruined every relationship I have." Her voice was growing stronger as it became laced in resentment.
"You haven't."
Willow finally looked across at her former lover whose own eyes were glued on the road. "You hate me, Dawn hates me, Giles hates me, Buffy only just stopped herself from killing me because she has that 'everything is my fault' complex."
"I don't hate you! how could you think I hate you?" Tara asked in horror.
"You left me! I had to watch you pack up and walk out of my life!"
"And how do you think I felt? I had to go back to that single dorm and leave the only people who ever treated me like a human being and you... you don't think part of me died when I walked out of that house!" Tara very rashly pulled over on the hard shoulder and turned to Willow to add. "Don't tell me I don't love you."
Willow hard tears running town her face by this time. "You don't. You can't! I'm... I'm not... You deserve better than me!"
Tara frowned and shook her head. "I'm doing this because I want you back. Willow. The girl I fell in love with. I'm selfish, I'm doing this for me as much as you." she admitted.
"This isn't funny. I know I hurt you, I know I screwed up and I'm so sorry, Tara, I'm sorry but please don't say things like that. I can't take it."
Tara decided that she had to make her intentions clear. So she edged over, closer to Willow and took her hand into her own.
The red head couldn't bear to rip her stare from her hand in Tara's. Her brain was telling her not to give in, that Tara was just trying to teach her not to hurt people but she couldn't force herself to even care when she could feel Tara's skin one last time.
Tara's spare hand went to Willow's cheek and gently she turned her head so they were face to face. She was met with two wet pool's of green and the most intricately scattered blood vessels. She wiped at tears with her thumb then began to lean forward. Willow could only wait. Wait for their lips to touch.
But they hadn't. She could feel Tara's breath and the closeness of her face but nothing had happened. No lips on lips.
The blonde was frozen. She was locked in those eyes and features. She saw Willow's eyes begin to silently question her. She took one final lasting look before closing her eyes and the gap between there mouths. She thought it'd be gentle and romantic but it was passionate and quickly deepened.
Tara almost lost it when she was reintroduced to Willow-mouth. It'd been so long, too long. But they both seemed to be trying to make just one kiss make up for it.
They eventually broke apart with their foreheads still resting against one another. Breathing heavily they continued to let their hands drift, trying so hard to never let the moment go.
"I love you."
They both shared the phrase in between more stolen kisses. Then Tara pulled back.
"You have to get the magicks under control. You have to learn the rules or I can't... I can't be with you. I can't risk my mind... not again."
Willow understood Tara's view now. The magnitude of what she'd done to the sensitive women she loved seemed unbelievably real. She swallowed hard and nodded. "I'll do everything I can to control myself. I'll get rid of the magick altogether if it means I can be with you."
"No. The magick is a part of you. You're powerful because it's your destiny but you've gotten lost, Will. You have to find your way again."
"If your there, I'll do it. I swear, just believe in me."
Tara nodded and again kissed Willow. "Always."
Then after more displays of affection they started the drive again. They talked, about everything and nothing. And for the first time since Tara had left, Willow slept. Because it wasn't about the past or the future but right now. And right now, she was in a car with Tara, who did love her.