A/N Hey y'all, I'm back with a new one-shot! And not an update for any of my other stories! Yay!

This time, a contemplative piece inspired by a shot of existentialism when watching an open-class session on Death.

Yeah, summer vacation's going great, thanks for asking!

Warnings: dark themes, intentional out-of-context interpretations, Cobra/Erik-centric, language (um, hello, it's Cobra), no set timeline (pre-Tartarus, post-Eclipse, somewhere in between that long ass period of time)

Disclaimer: Ha ha ha, I'm still depressed over the fact that I'll never be able to create something half as good as that masterpiece.

Subterfuge

Every time he thinks of his time in Oracion Seis, Cobra feels the overwhelming urge to laugh-the "Oh my fucking god, I can't breathe because this is too fucking funny" kind with a little sprinkle of "I can't wait to watch people's heads roll while their decapitated bodies are bathed in a fountain of blood" coloring its undertones. Which is kind of weird, not just the laugh, but also just the very fact that he wants to laugh, considering that most people don't look back on a time in which they spent the majority of their time mass murdering villages full of innocent people and trying to resurrect Zeref and laugh, but then again, Cobra isn't exactly "most people," and he actually enjoyed that shit-technically, he still does-but that's all besides the point.

The point is, Cobra wants to laugh at the fact that people still think that he can actually listen to souls.

The Dragon Slayer can't suppress a smirk as he lightly swirls the amber liquid of whatever drink laced with some sort of poison (a quick sniff to sate his spark of curiosity reveals it to be a deadly mix of oleander and bloodbane-luxuries that he has no idea and doesn't want to have one as to how Mira was able to procure enough to infuse such a liberal amount into his drink) in the glass clutched in his hand, staring at the bar contemplatively. Honestly, he has no idea why he's even bothering to think about this right now (besides, ahem, plot convenience), but he decides that it has something to do with the nostalgic atmosphere.

After all, there's nothing like a rowdy Fairy Tail brawl to get Cobra reminiscing about the past.

It's not like Cobra was necessarily lying about being able to listen to souls. After all, it's not lying when one makes a statement about something that doesn't exist.

The stipulation is, indeed, whether souls actually exist in the first place. Now, Cobra isn't one to give a fuck about existentialism-after all that Tower shit, then Brain shit, and now, Crime Sorciere shit, Cobra's more focused on the fact that he, miraculously, is actually still alive instead of the nature of him being alive.

But then, there are times like these, when he's just in that contemplative mood, in which he's open to almost anything. That including his phony "magic."

The soul is an abstract idea, one that Cobra took full advantage of all those years ago by announcing to his "friends" and enemies that he could listen to their souls, thereby scaring the literal shit out of them. With Cobra's Dragon Slayer and Sound Magic, it wasn't that hard to convince them that he truly does hold such an overpowered ability. His enhanced senses, even with the loss of an eye (which, to be fair, actually enhanced his vision even more, now that he's able to focus on one image and only one-he may lack depth perception, but with Sound Magic, that hardly matters anymore), easily help him bluff his way through any tests (meager as they are) and convince his fellow mages that he really can listen to souls.

Bullshit.

Cobra personally has never believed in the existence of a soul. After all, in the end, if you believe that a soul is real, then you should be able to define it.

What is a soul?

What composes a soul?

What does a soul do?

What can a soul do?

Does a soul have a role in existence?

What has a soul?

Are souls tangible?

Can souls have a manifestation?

If a soul is intangible and unable to manifest, then how does one know that a soul exists?

What does it even mean for a soul to exist?

Thousands of question can be asked all based open the one stipulation of a soul being an actual thing. Questions that, if you believe that a soul is real, you should be able to answer somewhat satisfactorily.

To Cobra, souls don't exist.

And therefore, he technically wasn't lying when he said that he could hear souls. After all, if souls don't exist, he merely made a statement concerning a fact that isn't actually a fact, which merely makes his statement an opinion.

And opinions, to any person with common courtesy, are not lies.

Through twisted logic like that, Cobra then continues to onwards to laugh at the stupidity of the people who fell for his hoax. He's sure that if he were to ask any person here what a soul is, they would either give him a half-assed answer or stare at him like he's crazy.

Maybe a combination of both.

Though if souls do exist (and that's a big "if"), Cobra's sure that, even if he doesn't have the actual ability to listen to souls, he would still be able to pretend that he could.

After all, habits are a tricky thing.

Cobra laughs and downs his glass, signaling Cubel-ahem, Kinana, for a refill.

Now that he's got that shit out of his system, he's going to try his hardest (and fail again) to get himself completely and utterly plastered.

Short and somewhat sweet, hoped you guys liked it! I've always wondered about the schematics of magic in Fairy Tail. Either I'm too lazy to search things, or there's no official, clear definition and description of the shit I want. Wouldn't it be cool if there was an entire anime series that described all of that?

Nothing more than pure contemplation here, sorry. If you want more action, check out my parody/crack book Take A Hint that's about Lucy's reverse harem. In which I take every stereotype and stretch it as much as possible and the readers are forced to roll with it.

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Yeah. Peace, see ya next time, hope you liked it!

Never (LivingDaLife)