Beta: - Lovely Vonnie
Rating: - k+
Disclaimer: - The song's not mine, it belongs to 'Trading Yesterday'.
Winchesters aren't mine too…hopeless!!
Warning: - Alternate Ending of All Hell Breaks Loose. Can't resist the angst. My all time favorite episodes.
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YESTERDAY I DIED
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Yesterday I died; tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
The future's open wide beyond believing
To know why hope dies
And losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
But the silence of this sound is soon to follow
Somehow sundown
And finding answers
Is forgetting all of the questions we call home
Passing the graves of the unknown
Sam looked at the body of the demon again, the demon who had once ruined his whole life…was now dead; back to hell. Its vessel was now lying on the ground passively. Its mouth, from where its demonic soul had been released and sent back to the pit where it actually belonged, hung slightly open. His whole life, Sam swallowed his tears, his whole life had been shattered…for nothing. His mother died to save his soul or else he would have died that night. Sam blinked and looked at the night sky, tears were threatening to fall but he refused to show his weakness in front of Bobby, Ellen and Dean; a cry bubbled inside his throat as his brother's thought came to his mind. Dean, his big brother sold his soul for him. Sam angrily wiped the wayward tears and sniffled, 'How could he do that? How could he sell his soul?' Sam didn't realize a pair of green eyes watching him while the other two hunters gathered their belongings from the graveyard. Sam wanted to scream, wanted to punch something, wanted to cry…wanted to die, but he couldn't. His brother gave everything for his sake; he just…couldn't let it fail.
Did I Die?
Oh c'mon.
Did you sell your soul for me, like Dad did for you?
Oh, come on! No!
His head was throbbing as well as his left arm where Jake punched him so hard. When he was at the ghost town and confronted by Jake, the super strong Jake punched him on the cheek. Sam unconsciously touched his bruised cheek, it still hurt. His hand and his shoulder were throbbing rhythmically but were not comparable with the pain in his back. Sam didn't know he was slowly walking towards the devil's gate; he didn't even hear Dean calling him. His back was hurting where Jake stabbed him. His words still rewinding in his head, '…cut clean through your spinal cord…You can't be alive…You can't be…' Sam grabbed his temple as Jake's venomous confused words flooded his senses and grabbed the seal of the devil's gate, 'I was dead, I died yesterday…I shouldn't be here. Dean…' Sam gasped as he remembered again what Dean did for him. "No, no, no, no, no…" Sam was mumbling incoherently, leaning against the devil's door. His eyes were bleary and everything seemed hazy. The whole world started to sway in a lazy spin. He trailed his hand on the door, his Dad was there. His Dad… "Dad…" his voice faltered as he remembered his father was released from hell. His father helped his brother kill the demon, his father, who looked at Dean for a lifetime and showed all his love and emotions at once. His father cried, he nodded at Dean with utter pride…but he cried…
Sam didn't hear the footsteps coming to his closer. He couldn't hear his brother calling his name anxiously. He couldn't feel his brother's arms draping around his body…his brother's breath brushing his hair. He could only see his father's eyes, filled with tears and pride…and sadness. Sadness for his brother…for Dean. Sam knew he was always a disappointment to his father, Dean told him a thousand times that his father loved him too…but Sam knew, it was Dean who was his father's joy…his trophy. He knew his father loved him and he wasn't jealous, but something was pricking inside his chest. It hurt…through his soul.
Sam knew why his father cried. His father cried because Dean gave his soul to a demon. He was going to hell. Dean would die for the race of saving his soul. His father gave his own soul to save his oldest…but what left now! Sam shivered in his brother's arms as his legs started to buckle. He was feeling so weak, the throbbing in his arm getting more intense, his back wound killing him. His back pain was aggravated when he was thrown against a tree by yellow eyed fiend…he could still hear his hissing sound…what's dead, shouldstaydead… yes, he heard; almost everything the demon said to Dean. He wasn't hundred percent anymore, he knew that and deep down he knew his father's soul knew it too. He never had been.
He felt Dean's rough hand trailing down his cheek, his thumbs wiping the tears he didn't even know had started to fall. His head was now cradled by this brother's hand. He saw his brother's lips were moving like he was saying, "…ammy…wh…talk…Bobby…wrong…please Sam…hurts…pain…" Sam gasped again as the word 'pain' entered into his mind. Dean was in pain, Dean was hurt. Sam eyes again watered as he looked at his big brother, whose face was leaning only a couple of inches from him, a long gash on his left temple still bleeding slightly. His brother's eyes were full of tears; Sam moved his hand uncoordinatedly to wipe the tears from his brother's eyes but was held by his brother's on his cheek. He knew somehow he was the reason for Dean's pain and he tried to erase it…but he could not.
Sam could feel darkness was calling him…again. He felt it just the day before yesterday when Jake stabbed him. He vaguely remembered Dean screaming, running, holding him…then nothing. He knew he was dead, but somehow Dean brought him back. He made a deal to bring him back and got only one year to live. He couldn't remember where he went after he died…was he with his Dad…in hell? This thought again made his body shudder. Dean shouldn't have done that…he should have left him…he just couldn't face the pain and darkness again…he was scared of darkness.
Suddenly Dean shook him and he jolted back to awareness, but instantly his back wound screamed in ultimate pain. His back arched and felt Dean anxiously holing his injured right hand and the sudden grabbing aggravated his pain tenfold. He could hear someone was screaming…but didn't realize it was his own voice. He was going to die…again. He should have stayed dead…he was dead…he knew he died yesterday. He gasped for the last time as the black hole of darkness swallowed him once again.
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As reason clouds my eyes with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
A reflection of a lie will keep me waiting
With love gone for so long
And this day's ending
Is the proof of time killing all the faith I know
Knowing that faith is all I hold
Dean was watching Sam anxiously when he revealed the truth about the deal. He watched as Sam tried to prevent tears from falling. His nose was red as well as his cheeks. His eyes were bloodshot and didn't utter a single word after hearing the truth. Dean could understand what his brother feeling, he could see it in his eyes. He could see his brother was breaking apart, he saw his brother's tears.
But Dean had to do it. He was his brother; he just couldn't let him die. He had sworn to protect his little brother who was everything to him. He was his brother, his best friend, his life…his soul. He didn't care about his own soul, as long Sam's soul was okay, he could live on in his brother's heart. He was okay, but he could sense, Sam wasn't. But he believed it would be alright soon. The demon was dead, the son of a b*tch Jake, who killed his brother, was dead…and Sam would be alright. Dean had gotten one year to live, during this time he would make everything okay.
Dean watched Sam slowly dragging his feet towards the devil gate and he swallowed. He could see thousand emotions were playing on his brother's face. He was crying, sniffling, sometimes just looking vacantly at the sky, looking like he was trying to find some answers. He called his brother twice but didn't get any response. His brother was totally oblivious to his surroundings. He moved his gaze towards Bobby and Ellen, who were also watching the movement of the youngest Winchester. Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. The hazards of the last two days had left him bone weary. The time when Sam went missing, searching for his brother, watching him die in his arms…he shuddered at the thought…mourning, then the trip to the crossroad and selling his soul, getting his brother back, killing the demon…all left him extremely tired.
"Ya'kay?" Bobby's voice startled him.
"Yeah."
"What's up with your brother?" Bobby's eyes fell on Sam.
"I don't know…" Dean looked at his brother, who was now standing in front of the devil's gate and trailing his hand on it. Dean knew what his brother was seeking. He felt a cry bubble inside his throat as he saw his brother was searching for their father. But his eyes widened in concern when he saw his brother swayed drunkenly, looking like he was going to keel over. He could literally hear his brother's gasping as he ran to him, "Sammy, Sammy…" but his brother didn't answer, only continued swaying.
Dean caught Sam as his brother's knees almost buckled and carefully lowered him on the ground. His brother's face was deathly pale and sheen of sweat was forming on his forehead. His brother's lips were moving soundlessly and the beautiful eyes were welling. Dean glided his hand on his brother's forehead and finding it was cool and clammy, rested it on his cheek. Dean was shaking in fear, "No, no, no, this can't be happening. I just got him back…Sammy, Sammy what's wrong little brother? Talk to me, Sammy talk to me damn it…" But Sam wasn't listening to him. His face was full of pain, grief…and more pain. Dean watched in horror that his brother started gasping and screamed, "Bobby, something is wrong with Sam. Come here quick," and averted his gaze at his brother again, "…Sammy, what hurts little brother? Bobby, he's in pain. Sammy please, what's wrong with you?" Dean didn't remember when tears started to fall from his eyes, 'no, no, no, no, I just got him back. He can't relapse. That b*tch promised me that Sam would be okay.' Yes, Sam wasn't dead but all Dean could see-Sam wasn't okay.
Dean almost screamed again when he saw Sam's eyes were closed and shook him urgently, "Sam, Sammy… open your eyes…SAMMY…" and Sam jolted back to consciousness. But what had unnerved Dean was his muffled scream, Sam was screaming in pain and that was piercing through Dean's heart like a cold knife. He grabbed his arm to still his flailing body but to his horror he watched Sam scream again as his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell limp against his brother's chest.
He heard footsteps coming nearer to him, as he felt Bobby and Ellen rush and kneel beside them. Dean was crying, cradling his brother's unresponsive body. As Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder he sobbed hard, "Bobby, Sammy…Sammy died Bobby. He left me again. The demon lied to me, after everything I lost my brother again." He held his brother tightly in his chest and cried uncontrollably.
Bobby was dumbfounded. This wasn't supposed to be happened. No deal could fail like this. Yes, he knew Demons were liars but in the case of a deal…it was supposed to be sealed with bond. Sure they were missing something. Sam couldn't die, not now; not at least within a year.
Bobby leaned over Sam and spotted that Sam was breathing, though it was labored and sluggish. He placed two fingers at his carotid artery and found a weak pulse, but definitely it was there. He let out a sigh of relief and nodded at Ellen who was as well anxious about their little boy. He placed a hand on Sam's back and grimaced when something sticky patched on it. It was blood, Bobby sighed again sadly. Sam had reopened his wound where Jake stabbed him when he was thrown against the tree. Bobby's expert eyes also scanned that Sam's right hand was hanging in an odd way. After examining it he was sure that it was broken…but otherwise, Sam seemed alive. But his big brother was another story; he hadn't noticed those things at all and Bobby just couldn't blame him. Sam just died the night before yesterday and stayed dead for a whole day. He could understand what Dean's mental situation would be. But he had to snap out…or else…Sam could go more downhill that he already was.
"Dean, boy, listen to me. Sam is alright, he isn't dead. HE IS NOT DEAD." Bobby barked to snap the lost boy from his grief.
"Sammy isn't dead?" Dean tear filled eyes fell on the ruff gruff hunter and he just melted.
"No Dean, he isn't dead. He is alive, just a little banged up and reopened his wound. He is just unconscious. We have to get him to the hospital and then he will be alright in no time." Bobby reassured and gave him a tight smile.
Dean clumsily wiped his tears and looked at his sibling, noticing he was breathing he sighed in relief and hugged him more tightly. He rocked his baby brother and whispered, "I knew you wouldn't leave me Sammy, I knew it. You are my soul and I've sealed my soul Sammy…nothing can take you away from me until I die."
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And I've lost who I am,
and I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken,
rejecting your love, without,
love gone wrong; lifeless words carry on
But I know, all I know 's that the end's beginning.
who I am from the start,
take me home to my heart
Sam's eyes flattered open as a smell of antiseptic entered into his nostrils. It was all hazy outside like someone placed a fish scale on his eyes. He could feel a pricking on his arm and assumed it must be an IV line. He also felt an irritation under his nose like something sticking in it. But whatever the thing was, it was giving him pure oxygen and felt really good at the moment.
He could hear someone was talking to him and without a doubt he could tell it was Dean. His brother's fingers carded through his long silky hairs and the gesture always made him happy. He smiled unconsciously but startled lightly when his brother's voice entered into his mind,
"Sammy, you awake?"
Sam tried to speak but the dryness of his throat didn't allow him to do so. He coughed weakly and Dean quickly placed an ice chips full spoon into his mouth. After swallowing the heavenly cool moisture Sam tried to speak again,
"How long?"
Dean relaxed a little hearing his brother's voice, though it was weak and answered, "Three days, Sammy. You were unconscious for three days and gave us a hell of a scare."
"Us?"
"Yeah, me, Bobby and Ellen buddy. You know the best Sammy how to scare people. Bobby almost had a heart attack. If you keep continuing this, you will put that poor ol' man into an early grave." Dean was rambling. He always rambled when he got scared or freaked.
"What happened?"
Dean paused for a couple of seconds and rubbed weakly at his nape and sighed, "Sam, your wound, where Jake…ah…stabbed you, was ripped open. And, and…your wrist was broken severely. I didn't know, when did you break your hand Sammy?"
"Jake punched me so hard and threw me in air. Probably then…" Sam sighed and looked at the cast of his hand.
Dean nodded sympathetically and continued, "Well, you lost lots of blood and I had to give some of my fluid for you." Dean smirked, "That's why you look more handsome then you usually do."
Sam lips quivered into a small smile, "Jerk."
Dean snickered, "B*tch."
Sam sighed and closed his eyes again. He was feeling so weak. Dean had saved his life again. After giving his soul, he gave his blood too. A single tear fell from his eyes without noticing, 'How many times Dean would save me, how long? Why is his brother's going to die when he deserves to live.' Sam thought and that brought more tears in his eyes.
"Sammy, you crying?" Dean asked noticing tear's were trailing from his little brother's eyes.
"No." Sam's voice trembled and he tried to turn his face on the other side not wanting to face Dean's.
Dean got up from his chair and sat on Sam's hospital bed. He swallowed as Sammy cried silently, his eyes welling too. God, he couldn't see his brother crying, broken. Two days ago everything was normal. Sam and he were joking around, kicking…smiling, but then…Dean closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn't want to recall those painful memories; he just wanted to erase that part of his life. This week had been so rough; he prayed to God that no one else would face this kind of week in their life. He didn't want to feel this pain…loosing his brother, his life again.
Dean took a deep breath and gathered himself. He couldn't loose himself now, not when Sammy was like this; not ever when Sammy was around. He was Sam's only strength, only hope…only soul. He knew why Sammy was crying, but he had to make him happy, so he could live. Yes, Sammy had to live his life and Dean would teach him how to again.
"Sammy…" Dean lightly grasped his brother's chin and made him turn to him. Sam's eyes were glistening and his cheeks were wet and all red for crying.
"Sammy, you can't do this. You…you are all I have Sammy. I can't live watching you breaking apart like this. You have to be strong Sammy, for me; you have to live."
Sam stared at him silently couple of seconds and whispered, "And watch you die."
"No Sammy, you won't watch me dying. I will make sure of that." Dean stopped for a moment then continued, "Sammy, I know what I did and what I did…was right. You are my priority Sam, and I…you are my job and I swore to Dad to take care of you, to protect you. I just couldn't let you die."
Sam's eyes filled again hearing his Dad's name. He chocked, "But…but…Dad wasn't happy Dean. He…he was crying." Sam sniffed, "He wa…was crying because you sold your soul for…for me Dean. The soul he had…had given you to live. You shouldn't have done what you…did. I was dead, Dean, I was dead. And you told me once that what's dead should stay dead. I should have stayed dead Dean, I died…" Sam was crying hard.
"Aww Sammy…" Dean leaned slightly and pulled his baby brother up on his chest like he was actually a baby instead of a grown young man. He was rubbing his brother's back soothingly, as the young man cried his heart out. He placed his brother's head on his neck and put his own chin on Sam's soft silky mop, "…shh Sammy, it's okay. Listen…listen to me Sammy, Dad was crying not because I sold my soul for you, he was proud of me because of it…"
"No…"
"Yes, and that's the truth. He looked at me and I read everything what he wanted to say Sammy. He was saying 'I am proud of you Dean for saving my Sammy, my baby boy. My life.' You know Sammy I know Dad loved me and I worshiped him, but mostly he raised me as a soldier…a protector of his most important treasure. It was you Sammy and don't tell me you don't know that. The day he placed you in my arms, his only order…request…plea was 'watch out for Sammy.' And I did. And God knows I don't regret for what I did…I don't. And Dad didn't either. So, yeah he was proud. And for the crying part, he was crying because we killed that thing he was tried to his entire life. He was crying for Mom, Sammy. He was crying for Mom. So, you have to understand that what you have to do. You have to live."
"Not without you." Sam sobbed.
"Yes, with me and without me. I will teach you Sammy how to live without…" Dean swallowed a lump, because he knew he couldn't live without his brother, "…without a brother."
"No…" Sam interrupted again and this time he looked at his brother with stern eyes and grabbed his biceps, "No, I won't let you go. Never. I won't let you go. I will find a way to save you…there is no way in hell I will fail and let you go."
Dean smiled hearing his brother's voice getting stronger. He knew what Sam was saying came out of his emotion and if Sam was serious, Dean wouldn't let him do such thing. The demon made his sure that if they tried to break this deal Sam would drop dead instantly. But this time he wouldn't stop Sam, because Sam needed his support his strength right now.
"Ho-kay superman, you can do everything you want but first you have to get better. And don't do that again alright. You fainted on me like a chick Sammy and now you went all sissy. And that was one of helluva chick flick moment…"
"I didn't faint." Sam pouted.
"You could've fooled me." Dean smirked.
"And you you…wept like Barbie." Sam retorted back.
"No I didn't. How could you say that? You were unconscious for Pete's sake." Now Dean was pouting.
"No I wasn't. I saw everything you did with me. You were being a weepy missy." Sam grinned.
"No I wasn't."
"Yes you were."
"No I wasn't."
"Yes you were."
"Shut up b*tch."
"I love you jerk."
"I love you too Sammy."
Let me go and I will run,
I will not be silent, all this time
spent in vain; wasted years wasted gain
All is lost but hope remains and this war's not over
There's a light, there's a sun
taking all these shattered ones
To the place we belong
and his love will conquer all
**********************************~THE END~***********************************
Thank you so much who read and reviewed this story. I expect a review from those who love All Hell Breaks Loose by heart…like me. I love those Episodes…so…let me know what you think about it.
Thanks for reading.
Lots of Sammy-Deanie Love…
Ritu.