Disclaimer: I do not own Castle! (I probably never will…)
Mom,
I don't know how to start this any way other than saying thank you. You really mean a lot to me and my dad and even Gram. You've helped us in ways no one, not Gina, Chet, or Ashley could help us. You not only brightened my dad's day, but you did the same for me. You made me laugh and smile. When I was around you I felt that I could be so carefree. I remember the time, I think maybe three or four months after you and dad started dating when you picked me up from school and we went out and got dresses and went to dads launch party even though I had a test and you had work the next day. I remember your smile when he saw you, and the way his eyes shined. You were so happy that he was happy. On May 16th, 2011, I watched you get shot. I watched my dad push you to the ground to try and get in front of the bullet. It was probably one of the scariest days of my life. When I saw the blood on his hands, I really thought it was him. I couldn't think, or breathe, or even eat the entire time you were in surgery. Even once I got home I made dad update me every twenty minutes on how you were doing. I don't think I had ever been as happy as when I found out you were okay. You and dads wedding day was in lack of words, magical. If someone was even so much as in the same room as you two, there was happiness. There was love. I was so nervous to make my speech because I had written it about three or four weeks prior to the wedding, and I hadn't looked over it until about two days before the wedding. When I was talking and you were looking at me I couldn't even tell you the words I was saying. I don't think I looked at dad once during the entire speech because I was only looking at you. I was looking at you and the way you held my father's hand. The way you smiled at me and the way your eyes had so much love in them, not only for my dad but for me too. The first time I called you mom I was truly afraid that you would be mad at me. I expected you to ask me to never do it again, but when I saw your jaw drop and tears in your eyes I couldn't help but feel just as loved as on your wedding day. You hugged me and I felt so safe and protected. When you had Alison I was mesmerized. The way you looked at her was just how you looked at me. With so much love and protection. For a while when you had her, I felt left out. I didn't get as much attention from you and dad as I usually do. I was extremely jealous of her. When Alison was five months, you and dad wanted to take a night out, so you had me watch her. In the time I spent for her I realized my jealousy was ridiculous. I realized that she was indeed so helpless but it was just because she was a child. She couldn't fend for herself. I fell in love with her in the five hours that you were gone. I want to ask you to do me a favor. I was supposed to be the big sister to watch over her. She should have talked about boys, relationships, friends, drama and school with me. We should have gone shopping together and done each other's nails and braided each other's hair. Do those things with her. She's only four, but she's already so old to me. Take her to the zoo; tell her my favorite was the giraffe. When she asks where I went and if I'm coming back, tell her the truth. I want her to know that I didn't want to not be her sister. Her best friend. I did, I still do, but I can't. Tell her that Cancer doesn't kill everyone. Tell her that I love her every night, and give her my jewelry when she's older. I also want you to not forget about me, but don't revolve your life around me. This isn't a case you can solve; you can't find the person who did this to me. Take care of my father, and Gram. Most of all, mom, take care of yourself. I promise I'll watch down on you guys. I love you.
Forever from the grass to the stars,
Alexis.
Kate let the letter fall onto her lap as she wiped furiously at her eyes. She pulled her knees to her chest and placed her head on her knees. She let the sobs wrack through her entire body, she didn't try to stop them, and she didn't even try to quiet them. She was home alone so it didn't matter who heard her. Minutes, maybe hours passed before Kate unfolded her legs from the chair and picked up the letter that had fallen to the floor. She placed it into the envelope it came from, and rubbed her hand over the squiggles of the word Mom on the front of the envelope. Kate bit her lip and set the envelope on the table, next to the ones that were labeled Dad and Gram. She made her way into the bedroom and pulled her shirt over her head. She picked up a ponytail from the bed stand and wrapped her thin brown hair into it. She quickly changed from her jeans into an old pair of Castle's pajama pants. Kate grabbed one of Castle's sweatshirts and made her way out of their bedroom and up the stairs, stopping at the first door to the right. She put her shaky hand on the doorknob and made her way into the room that hadn't been touched in almost two weeks.
None of them were ready. Not Castle, Martha or her. Even Alison hasn't neared the door since Alexis was admitted into the hospital. Kate pushed back all the thoughts that screamed at her to leave, to go back to her own bed. Kate turned and made a complete three sixty turn throughout the room. She shut the door lightly and faced the bed again. Walking to it, she flattened the pillow and threw the made sheets back. Kate made her way into the bed, and pulled the blankets over her head. She pulled her legs back up to her chest and bit her lip. Am I really lying in my dead daughters bed? Is this right? What am I doing?
Kate shook the thoughts that were running around her head and let the tears fall freely onto Alexis' old pillow. After a few minutes, Kate lifted the blanket from above her head and leaned to the floor, picking up the ragged and beat up bunny rabbit stuffed animal. Alexis' father had given it to her the day she'd gotten home from the hospital when she was born. Twenty-four years later, and eight years of knowing Kate Beckett, no one ever could have guessed this was how things would turn out.
A/N: Wow! This was actually EXTREMELY hard for me to write. I can't even tell you how many times I would type and delete what I'd written. I also cried a few times while writing this, which I didn't expect hah! I honestly don't know where this came from, but I really hope you like it.