Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.
He Loves You
You know he means it when he tells you he loves you. He says it every day.
When he guesses that you're cold and he warms your feet between his thighs, he says it without even speaking.
When you wake up, yet again, screaming in the night, visions of red eyes and long cloaks haunting you in the blackness of your small room, he says it twice and wipes your eyes with callused hands.
You hear him whisper it a third time when he thinks you've fallen back to sleep already.
In the morning, when you can barely get out of bed because your legs don't seem to work properly anymore and every part of you aches, he carries you to the shower and forces you in. You think that's called tough love, but it never feels like anything but pure kindness.
When he tells you you're beautiful, even though you know that your hair is disheveled and you haven't cared enough to look in a mirror for more than a week, you feel how unconditional his love is.
When you remember he's gone, no matter how hard you've tried to keep the thoughts at bay, and you break down into a fit of hysteria, clawing at his back and begging him to let you fade away, he reminds you that he'd be lost without you.
He lies and says that the world needs you around, and you almost believe him because he looks so sure.
You know you love him too. The part of you that still feels alive beckons you to recognize how strongly you feel in return.
But you can never forget the hate that burns within.
You hate yourself for being too late, for not getting there sooner. You hate the fact that he's the one holding you when it could be, should be someone else.
You hate knowing that somebody loved you so much more than he does, and was willing to sacrifice everything to prove it.
You hate that he won't allow you to do the same.
You accept that the reality is you probably wouldn't be strong enough to go through with it but you hate to admit that he's a big part of the reason.
You hate knowing that he makes living more bearable since you don't want to bear it.
What you hate the most, what pains you beyond repair, is the simple knowledge that as long as he is around you will never be able to forget.
Because looking at him makes you feel, and you can never be numb enough to tolerate your life as long as he's there smiling at you.
You know he loves you because he stays with you, even though you mostly act as if he's not even there.
You love him but it doesn't matter.
He tells you he loves you every day and you never say it back.