Author: D. Gelyn

Rating: M

Characters: TerraXVen

Warnings: Yaoi. Hmmmm…and they might be underage?

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep or the characters therein.

Summary: The damage has been done, Ventus's heart torn, and his memories destroyed. But with Terra's guiding hand, will he be able to mend? Or, ultimately, will it be Ventus who saves Terra from the darkness in his heart?

AN: I love Terra and Ven! I cosplay as Ven sometimes, and my roomie goes as Aqua. Alas, we lack a smoking hot Terra. So, anyways, no, there is nothing worthy of an M rating in this chapter (sorry). But, I am planning on making this a multi-chapter fic, and it will eventually contain large quantities of TerraVen sex. Therefore, if you do not like yaoi I suggest you run away while you still can or read this chapter and pretend like nothing happens next.

Equilibrium

1

Empathy

It began as soon as he arrived, a burning sensation in my chest and spears of broken ice slicing through my lungs, shredding each breath before it could pass through my lips. What was that stirring within? Pity? Sorrow? Longing and possibly even affection?…countless unknown emotions overcrowded my mind, eradicating all rational thought and banishing the shadows. Desperate to keep the darkness at bay, I sought out the radiance and warmth that clung to him like a second skin, begging for the sanctuary of his touch. My only wish was that he could uncover the chard remains of my heart and calm the turmoil of raging shadow that ever lingers there. I extended open arms toward the beauty of his light, wishing hopelessly for the brightness to quell the awakening night within my soul that threatened to subdue me completely. This is darkness and light existing in balance, rolled together into a single delicate dream, evoking nameless feelings and igniting lonely hearts.

Positioned high above the entrance hall, I leaned curiously over the railing with Aqua peering over my shoulder, her long fingers splayed against the tight cloth encasing my bicep. I glanced at her intensely, my eyes conveying unspoken words. Between us, speech had never been necessary. We grew together, or so it had seemed, sharing a single mind throughout most of our youth, and even with the dawn of our adulthood, the link had not been severed.

True to our bond, Aqua answered my unvoiced query immediately with an almost imperceptible shrug. "I don't know who he is either," she whispered, and she continued to stare apprehensively at the boy far bellow.

I could easily tell that she was on edge, her hand tense against the muscles of my upper arm and her blue eyes gleaming warily. I felt her worry as if it were my own, coiling uncomfortably in my stomach. Aqua's anxiety did not bode well, for between the two of us, I would have always said she was the calmer, the one with a tighter hold on her emotions.

Are you alright? I asked wordlessly with a concerned glance at her face. Beyond the silky fringe of her blue bangs, I saw that her eyebrows slanted downwards in concentration, and her mouth was set in a solemn frown, both of which were directed at the boy far below.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," Aqua murmured vaguely. "But I'm not so sure if that boy is." Her fingers clenched unconsciously on my shoulder as she spoke, causing me to wince as her fingernails scratched against the flesh concealed beneath the thin material of my shirt.

She quickly loosened her grip, and her light blue eyes were apologetic as she nodded towards the figure standing in solitude beside the ornate double doors of our Master's home.

Her gesture successfully drew my attention back to the silent youth, and I watched him intently, knowing instantly that Aqua was right. Something about the boy was off. His stance was that of a wounded animal, and he held himself in a manner that suggested injury. He wavered faintly where he stood, blonde spikes swaying atop his head as he rocked back and forth drunkenly, arms hanging limp and useless at his sides. He never once glanced in our direction, seemingly oblivious to the pair of eyes that studied him so openly.

I looked at Aqua quickly, knowing that she would notice the same things I had and come to an identical conclusion; such was the closeness of our friendship.

Her expression did nothing to soothe my misgivings, for I glimpsed the reflection of my own unease shimmering in her eyes.

I turned back to the entranceway where the small boy had made no effort to inspect his surroundings or even take a step forward. He had my full attention once more, and the longer I gazed at him the more concerned I felt, my stomach twisting into painful knots as I observed the frail young blonde from my vantage point high above.

An empty shell I thought as I examined the mechanical way in which the boy moved, shifting falteringly from side to side as if in a trance. The sickening feeling in my stomach grew, churning against my insides painfully. I couldn't shake the unnerving sense that the boy who stood so plainly below, was not truly there at all. I could see him clearly, but …

I moved without meaning to, but by the time I realized what I was doing I had already shaken Aqua's hand off of my shoulder. Not pausing for a single second to consider my actions, I extricated myself from her grasp, ignoring her surprised intake of breath as I leapt for the stairs. I took the steps four at a time, bounding downward at a break-neck pace in my haste to reach the lonesome figure standing just inside the door.

My fingers clutched at the banister, steadying my downward decent and helping maintain my balance. My efforts were too hurried, however, and I stumbled a number of times, my ankle throbbing as I staggered carelessly down the staircase.

When I reached the ground floor I halted, hesitant of approaching too abruptly and frightening the young blond. I continued onward gradually, my stride calm and my footsteps nearly silent.

He did not acknowledge me as I cautiously approached, his head bowed as if he did not notice my presence, and even when I stood directly in front of him, his eyes remained downcast, lingering on the polished floor.

I stepped forward, knowing that my shoes were probably in his line of sight at the close proximity, and at last the boy pulled his gaze away from the floorboards.

As his eyes drifted upwards I was surprised to see that they were a light cerulean, oddly similar to Aqua's and mine. For all their vibrancy and vivid color, they should have appeared lively, but they were quite the opposite; never before had I seen the eyes of a living person appear so vacant, their startling shade of blue dulled by the emptiness within.

His expression was that of a lost child, dejected and pitiable, and although he had seemingly abandoned his intent examination of the elegant flooring for the moment, he still would not meet my anxious gaze. I think he was attempting to, his glazed eyes glided unseeingly over my chest but were unable, it seemed, to focus on my face. He continued with his unsteady rocking, as if the floor were not stable beneath his feet.

"Hey" I whispered, jumping in surprise when the softly spoken word rang out far too loudly in the utter silence of the room.

The boy's eyes flickered and flitted upwards momentarily to glance into mine before darting back to the floor, almost timid. I was struck again by the overwhelming emptiness in those eyes, completely void of sorrow, but not holding any spark of joy either; barren of all emotion. I followed his gaze down to the floor before letting my eyes travel upwards, critically examining the young blonde's feeble form.

His body had the delicate structure of a child, far too thin and fragile as if a single blow would be more than sufficient to break him in two. The subtle play of muscle beneath his skin hinted at some hidden strength, however, which led me to believe, that despite his youthful appearance, he could be no more than a few years younger than Aqua and me. The clothing that covered his slender frame was an odd ensemble of layered jackets, as though he had thrown on anything and everything he could find.

Gradually my eyes sought out his face once more. "What's your name?" I asked gently, glad that my voice sounded more confident than I honestly felt.

The boy's expression did not change, and I wondered if he had heard me. After a couple drawn out seconds, I was certain he would not answer, and I readied myself for a hasty retreat. Suddenly -just as I was beginning to plan my escape- the boy's breathing quickened.

He opened his mouth to speak, his words accompanied by strenuous pants as if each syllable taxed him dearly, sapping every ounce of his strength. "Ven…tus…" he said tentatively, and the final consonant was punctuated by a long sigh, as though he was thankful the exhausting ordeal of speech was over.

Relief flooded through my system, and I turned, waving at Aqua and motioning for her to join us. A grin spread across her face when she noticed mine, and she dashed down the stairs with leaps that were only slightly less dangerous than those I had taken.

"I'm Terra," I said gently, and Aqua introduced herself as well once she had come to a stand-still at my side.

The young blond… Ventus, showed no sign of having heard our salutations at first, but after a moment's pause he repeated our names in his breathless, halting voice.

Aqua smiled kindly, her eyes holding only warmth as she looked upon the boy.

Unable to contain our curiosity any longer, we began to bombard the youth with questions, never giving him a chance to answer before another inquiry was tumbling from our lips. It had been so long since Aqua and I had been able to speak to someone from a world other than the Land of Departure, and we could not restrain our interest.

I noticed the affect our barrage of questions was having on the boy, his breaths becoming short and harsh, his fingers scrabbling against the cloth of his multiple jackets nervously, and his eyes growing wide and fearful. I noticed all of these things, but far too late, and by the time I had, Ventus had already fallen to his knees, and my heart was split in two by the agonizing resonance of his tormented scream.

I paced distractedly up and down the corridor outside the sloping arc of my bedroom door, unwilling to allow myself entry when all I could feel was nauseating remorse. Master Xehanort's words reverberated within my mind, striking cords of guilt and straining my emotions to the breaking point. My heart ached for the young blond who truly was as empty as his blank gaze made him appear. To have no memories – not even dim recollections of a cherished past- …I shuddered at the very thought, unable to comprehend such a desolate, forlorn life. Knowing nothing of yourself, a trespasser in your own mind, a stranger to every aspect of your life, I knew that regardless of the strength trained into my body I would never be able to endure – much less stand- that terrible weight of nothingness. It would be like living in darkness, blind to ones past, fumbling through the turmoil and confusion of the present, and the future a painful reminder of everything that had been lost.

Pulling away from the disorder of my thoughts, I realized with a start that I was no longer outside of my room. My feet had taken me to the one safe haven I knew without conscious consent from my mind.

Smiling softly to myself, knowing that my troubles had always led me here, ever since I was a child, I lifted my hand to rap my knuckles lightly on the noble white wood of Aqua's door.

"Terra?" a lilting voice called from within, and without waiting for further permission, I pushed into the room, letting the door slip closed behind me.

Aqua sat on her bed, a book balanced in her left hand. She was already dressed in her night clothes, although it was still a couple hours before dusk.

I toyed with my sleeve for a moment, knowing that she was analyzing my expression. I waited for her to act first, and I lifted my gaze to watch as she slid gracefully off the side of her bed, stretching her slim legs before closing her book and placing it on her dresser. She glided back to her bed gradually, wiggling into the very center before reaching towards me.

With the invitation of open arms, I immediately crossed the room, collapsing into Aqua's welcoming embrace. I positioned myself comfortably in her lap, nuzzling my face into the softness of her stomach and breathing in the distinctly girly scent that clung to her clothing.

"What's wrong, Terra?" She asked quietly, although I was certain she could tell exactly what was on my mind.

I huddled closer to her warmth, shivering as I remembered Ventus's cry, the heartbreaking sound of both misery and pain that had echoed mournfully through the halls. His small hands had pressed tightly over his ears, as if to block out the entire world and disappear into himself. I could not imagine – couldn't even come close to understanding the loss Ventus had suffered. It was so greater than anything I had known, making all of my troubles seem distant and inconsequential in comparison.

"The poor kid…" I murmured, and I buried my face in Aqua's side, the rippling satin cloth of her night shirt caressing my cheek soothingly.

As if by some automatic maternal reaction to my obvious distress, Aqua's fingers began to gently stroke my hair, brushing fondly through the dark brown fringe and twirling the longer strands that hung in loose tangles down the slope of my neck.

I sighed, content to remain absolutely motionless and allow her dancing fingers to push me past the border of consciousness and into much needed sleep. After a moment, however, it was I who broke the tranquil silence. "What are we going to do?" I whispered, my voice muffled against the feminine curve of Aqua's hip, as I stared past her at the orderly and unwrinkled bed sheets we sat upon.

Aqua's fingers paused in their rhythmical touch, and I hurriedly pushed upwards against her hand in a silent request for her to continue.

Laughing softly, she resumed tenderly looping the lengthy hairs at the nape of my neck around her thin fingers. "What do you mean?" she asked, swiping a knotted strand of chocolate brown away from my eyes.

"What do you do with a kid who can't remember his past? You saw what happened earlier today, he's a wreck." Even as I spoke the words, I tried my best not to think about Ventus and the agony that had horribly twisted his features as he screamed.

Aqua felt my shiver this time, and she pressed a warm hand against my side, kneading the tense muscles until I sighed and relaxed into her again.

Aqua considered my words for a long time, and the only sound in the room was the steady ticking of the intricately designed clock hanging above her desk tapping away the gradually passing minutes.

After the twisting steel minute hand had made a quarter rotation around the clock's face, I decided Aqua was most likely not going to respond, and I let my eyelids slowly droop. I felt so at ease surrounded on all sides by warmth, and only the prickling of ice that was my memory of Ventus's pain managed to keep me awake. I wondered how I could ever find sleep again, knowing that I lay beneath the same roof as a child who had no memory of anything but endless nights alone. With somewhat guilty pleasure, I allowed Aqua's fingers to soothe my worries and lull me into the beginnings of sleep.

And as always when slumber claimed the last of my dwindling consciousness, the aggressive whisperings of darkness awoke within my mind, coiling through my thoughts. I did nothing to prevent the spreading shadows; I learned long ago that there was no point fighting them. Rather, if I let myself be claimed, the entire process was less painful…

A jolt sped down my spine, dispersing the final remains of darkness as Aqua suddenly spoke. "I guess…" she muttered, but the words were distant and diluted in clarity like she was speaking underwater, and I fought to pull myself back to consciousness.

My eyes fluttered open gradually as I fended of the leftover strands of nightmares that clung possessively to my mind. As I rolled over, I was blinded momentarily by the sharp rays of light cast by Aqua's bedside lamp.

"Hmmm..?" I groaned groggily, peering up at her through the eyelashes of a single squinted eye, wondering somewhat crossly what could be so important that she had found it necessary to disturb my sleep, which was so hard to find these days.

Aqua was not looking down at me, however, and so she missed the disdainful glance I shot her way. Her gaze rested thoughtfully on the lavender painted wall across the room, her fingers still distractedly twining through my dark hair.

She was still speaking, but quietly, and I felt as though her words were not directed at me, but instead to the multitude of empty space surrounding us. "I guess we will just have to fill his heart with new memories…"

Aqua blinked rapidly and looked down at me, as if only just noticing my presence, but then her lips parted and she smiled hopefully. "We can care for him the way we have always taken care of one another. It wouldn't be that difficult really, to add one more person to our little group, and I think that is what he needs the most; a family."

I considered her words, rubbing absentmindedly at my jaw with the tips of my long fingers. I nodded eventually, my eyes locking with hers in firm agreement.

Whatever wounds Ventus might have suffered, I was sure that with Aqua's aid I would be able to heal the injuries and mend all of his scars over time with kindness and careful tending.

I stretched out my arms before my eyes, sickened by the sight when I realized that my hands, as well as the rest of my body were invisible beneath a thick layer of black that curled in unbearably tight tendrils against my skin. Pressing closer, so close I could feel the unshakeable darkness pouring into my very lungs, content to drown me in the blood of my past failures and mistakes. Master Eraqus had always commended me for my bravery, my ability to remain utterly calm in the face of danger. I however knew, - although I kept these thoughts strictly to myself- that my lack of fear was not due to any praise-worthy courage. Rather, I feared nothing because I had always known that the most grotesque darkness lurked within my own heart, dormant and waiting patiently for my resolve to weaken and my strength to yield. Each time I drifted into sleep, every time I closed my eyes I was brought there, to that center of the torrent of unending dark to wage war against the evil that nests ominously in my soul. I stared defiantly into malevolent obsidian eyes that mirror mine, and I battled the nightmare of my own creation.

Time and time again I was consumed by the shadow that wears my face.

But not that night. On that night I was startled awake before I was encased in darkness, and for the first time upon waking my heart was free and light. I did not sit up, and instead attempted to ascertain what had woken me by using my hearing alone. I listened carefully, my eyes wide but blind as they adjusted to the near pitch black of my room. At first I heard nothing, but after a few moments in which I hardly dared to breathe, I picked up the soft creaking of my door swinging open on its hinges. The only source of lighting was the thin stream of moonlight that filtered dimly through the curtain-covered window, and so I knew it was no use trying to identify the intruder from this distance.

My fingers fumbled quickly at my side, reaching out for Earthshaker which leaned against the wall beside my bed, wanting to feel the comfort weight of my keyblade in my hand. Finding the handle despite the darkness, I slowly wound my fingers around the hilt, the metal cool against my skin.

I could barely make out the faint sound of someone crossing the room, their footsteps soft, almost hesitant. I readied myself to sit up, my grip on Earthshaker tightening with every light footfall or agitated creak of the floorboards. I felt a low, almost primal growl rising in the back of my throat. I struggled to hold it there and remain silent as the trespasser drew gradually closer.

Eventually, the footsteps stopped beside my bed, and then there was the soft groaning protest from the bedsprings as the intruder climbed onto the edge.

Then all was confusion and chaos as my fingers abandoned Earthshaker's hilt and instead I leapt forward empty handed to tackle the smaller form into the mattress, releasing the pent up feral growl that had been building in my chest.

There was no resistance from the other as I pinned the compliant body forcefully against the now tangled sheets. I seated myself firmly on the others hips, wrapping my thighs securely around a thin waist as I waited for the body beneath mine to begin struggling, but it never did.

I blinked down at the dim outline of the other's form, waiting for the haze of adrenaline to disperse and my eyes to slowly readjust to the gloom. My gaze trailed over a slim frame, and undeniably spiky hair, wondering why it looked so familiar. The clothing seemed off however, and I squinted my eyes to scrutinize the odd outfit that seemed to be comprised of multiple layered jackets. I gasped softly and immediately released my bruising grip on the other's wrists.

"Ventus?" I asked. The words came out more harshly than I had meant them to, and I felt the boy flinch, his small body beginning to quiver beneath me.

I quickly slid off of the younger boy, and I placed two hands beneath his arms as I scooted away, lifting him into a sitting position.

"What are you doing in here…?" I asked uncomfortably, reaching up to scratch the back of my head, unsure of myself. I had just attacked the child Aqua and I had promised to care for, could the situation get any worse?

There was no response, although I hadn't honestly expected one. A few steady minutes passed in which I watched Ventus warily and the younger boy stared blankly back. I wondered briefly how the blond had managed to escape his assigned room without Master Xehanort noticing, as the old man's room was positioned directly beside his pupil's.

I sighed, reaching up to run a hand through my tousled hair again, knowing that it must be sticking up in all sorts of unnatural angles. I stretched out an open hand towards the young blond, who had not moved an inch from where I had seated him.

"Here, come on," I said, with the gentlest voice I could muster, although I knew I did not sound nearly as convincing as Aqua. "I'll take you back to your room."

Ventus moved so swiftly I had no time to think, much less act as the boy lunged forward and wrapped his arms snugly around my waist. Small hands fisted the fabric on the back of my night shirt, winding into the cloth until it was pulled taught against my chest. Ventus huddled close, as if knowing that my initial reaction would be to push him away. I did not however, for I was far too surprised by his actions, and my mind had stalled entirely as the small boy wriggled comfortably into my lap.

"Ummm…" I began, but truthfully I was at a lost for words, and so I merely stared at the fragile figure that was hugging himself to my chest.

I could feel Ventus, every gentle curve of his youthful body that pressed so closely against mine. Each short breath that passed between his lips brushed against my neck, sending ghostly shivers down my spine. His skin was surprisingly warm, and I could feel the heat of his palms against my shoulder blades through the thin cloth of my night shirt.

I recognized the emotion that rolled off of the younger boy in anxious waves. I knew the feeling all to well, the silent desperation to be held, the need for comfort and the yearning for a friendly embrace. Fleetingly, I remembered what Aqua had said, about the boy needing kindness and care in order to create new memories, and I realized that once again she had proven herself to be the wiser of the two of us.

Ventus's small body trembled against mine in a soundless plea for consolation. He did not have the words to express what he was feeling, but I understood him all the same. The tentative hands smoothed over my back and shoulders, asking for my consent. Sweet breath tickled my chin and soft lips pressed inadvertently against my breastbone.

The room was deathly silent, and the only movement came from Ventus's delicate fingers tracing along the ridges of my shoulder blade, his cheek resting on the junction between my neck and shoulder, our chests rising and falling in a slow pattern as our racing hearts calmed.

Carefully, and still nervously uncertain of my actions, I wrapped my strong arms around the frail boy drawing him even closer and resting my chin atop his untidy blonde spikes.

The boy sighed out of gratitude for my acceptance and curled against my chest just as a child would his mother. I pressed my cheek into the soft golden hair, knowing that I needed the closeness just as much – if not more – than he did.

Eventually, Ventus's breathing slowed, and I glanced down, surprised to find the young boy fast asleep in my arms, content it seemed, to use my chest as his pillow for the night.

In the peaceful silence of my room, with a warm body pressed against mine, I found my own eyes unintentionally sliding closed and welcoming sleep once more.

The darkness did not come again for me that night, and not a single nightmare flitted through my mind. I knew without a doubt upon waking from a slumber unbroken by hopeless battles against my reflection that the boy I held in my arms had rekindled the dying flame within my heart. I felt it there, that forlorn light inside that threatened to vanish entirely, smothered beneath the darkness of my thoughts. I felt it flare at his touch, growing into a raging blaze under his watchful tending. His broken eyes promised solemnly that whilst he was there, the light would never again be doused by darkness.

I stared in awe into my own soul, stunned by the sight of the near-blinding radiance that had been uncovered.

Is this mine? It can't be…i-is this my heart?

The boy nodded and smiled, reaching out to caress the impenetrable glow that had been so carefully crafted with his small fingers.

I dreamed that night and shed the shackles of darkness that had held me captive within my own heart for far too long. I finally realized the beauty that had been concealed by layer upon layer of inky fog, and I wept exhaustedly into the shoulder of the young boy with sunlit hair who was devastatingly fragile, yet so much stronger than I could ever hope to be.

AN: Well there you have it, the first chapter. Please let me know what you think, and if it's even worth continuing! By the way, updates for this fic will probably be pretty slow because I'll be busy with school work and such, but I promise I will get to them eventually! Thank you for reading!