Disclaimer: I own nothing in the HP universe.
NOTE: THIS ONE SHOT IS RATED K+. THERE IS A SECOND EPISODE TITLED, SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLY, BLIND PT 2 WHICH IS VERY DEFINITELY NOT RATED K+. PLEASE CHECK MY PROFILE IF YOU WISH TO READ PT 2.
"Luna says he's great, funny, into elvish welfare, totally your type."
"I don't know Gin; do I even need to see anyone?"
"Hermione, you're 17 years old and you've had one boyfriend who hardly spoke any English. Your entire life is based around school and defeating an evil wizard. You definitely need to see someone."
"Maybe you're right, I mean, charms and potions can only do so much for a girl, y'know?"
"I may get copies of some of those charms from you later actually, Michael's… nice, but boring."
"You are so bad; you had better hope I don't tell your brother."
"Like you would. So, you'll go? I mean, he's probably a Ravenclaw, you'll have plenty to talk about."
"I'll go if you promise not to bother me about this again."
"Deal."
Hermione entered Madame Puddifoot's apprehensively, smoothing down her skirt and looking around. There were two couples at tables and one lone figure at another. Hermione approached the loner. "Um, hi, I'm supposed to be meeting a friend of Luna's?"
The figure looked up and squeaked, "Dobby is a friend of Luna's, Miss Granger!"
Hermione blanched. She was all for the promotion of elvish welfare, but she had never thought about dating one. Besides which, while there wasn't any specific rule about not dating the Hogwarts house elves, she imagined it would be rather frowned upon. She supposed she couldn't be rude though, and there was no reason she had to treat this as a date. She pasted an enthusiastic smile on her face and slid into the empty seat left at the table.
"So, Dobby, how have you been?"
"Dobby has been well, Miss, though dobby finds it lonely being the only paid elf at Hogwarts."
"Oh you poor thing," Hermione Gushed "Have the others been cruel to you?"
"No cruel, Miss, no. They is just unsure of Dobby, and is thinking he might corrupt them."
"Corrupt them? It's not corrupt to want a fair wage and decent hours!"
"It is to elves, Miss; we is born to hard work."
"But you're an elf, and you're perfectly sensible."
"Dobby thanks you, Miss, but he is not so sure about that. Dobby was wanting pay and leave when Dobby came to Hogwarts, but since then Dobby has found that empty days are lonely."
"Well Dobby, you can always come see me in the Gryffindor tower, if you need company."
"Oh, Dobby will, Miss! Dobby will!"
Hermione slumped against the portrait and put her head in her hands briefly. Then she looked up and sought out Ginny before stalking over. "You! Tell me you didn't know."
"Didn't know what? Was your date that bad?"
"Bad? It was Dobby the house elf!"
"Ohmygoshreally?"
Hermione sighed. "Yes really. Luna didn't tell you?"
"No, but she's never been the sort to mention that sort of thing anyway."
"Well, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't a date. And I am never letting you set me up again!"