All We Know Is Distance
So I know I've been away from the site for a while, and it's completely due to my current utter lack of inspiration. This fic is more written out of my desperate need to watch the premiere asap (I miss Chicago PD so much) than out of real inspiration...so we'll see how good this is. I'm sorry if it sucks, but hopefully it helps tide you over until the 30th.
So, I thought I'd join the bandwagon and try my hand at a fic about the premiere "Life is Fluid." I'm aware that there are a lot of hints and teasers and spoilers out, but while I'll try to stay true to the major ones, I'll probably end up ignoring a bunch in order to leave myself room to breathe (and because it'd be too much pressure and take waaaaay too long to get them all sorted out), but I'll try to stay true to what I can. Hopefully, you'll still like it.
Most of my inspiration for this two-shot is related to the song "Where the Story Ends" by The Fray. I just think in describes Erin (and her relationship with Jay) to the T! Seriously, every line fits. Go check it out, see if you agree.
As always, all characters and spoiler info used belongs to its rightful owners. Not me. Now, on with chapter one.
Chapter One: This Is Where The Story Ends
Erin slammed the small shot glass down on the table. The lights danced across the room, as leaned back in her chair. Her phone buzzed, but that wasn't anything new. It felt like these days, her phone was always ringing or buzzing. She didn't even bother to check who it was, not that it mattered. Her mom could wait and anyone else... well, she didn't really want to talk to anyone else... and she was probably too drunk for anyone else to want to talk to her.
"Hey there, pretty thing," someone called.
She ignored the voice, not even bothering to search for its source. Whoever it belonged to was definitely drunk off their ass, and while she might not be 100% sober, she certainly wasn't so drunk that she thought the owner of the voice was someone she'd want to be around.
"Yoo hoo," they continued. "Pretty lady. How's about I buy you another round."
Erin groaned internally, realizing she'd have to tell the drunk to screw off and that simply ignoring him wouldn't deter him. Slowly, she turned to gaze to where the voice had come from. Sure enough, the guy was completely sloshed. He was stumbling, barely able to walk and swinging around his beverage like it was a lasso.
"Yeah, I'm talking to you honey," he went on, approaching her like the floor kept tilting on him.
"Screw off," she groaned, making her way over to the bar and quickly requesting another shot.
"Aw now, you don't mean that," he slurred as he bumped into a table and nearly fell over.
"Yes I do," She growled, before slamming back another shot. "Back off before I throw you to the floor." Anything that even resembled anger management skills had been thrown out the window at least an hour ago and this guy was really starting to piss Erin off. She was contemplating beating him senseless just to shut him up.
"Hey now-" But that was all he got out. He'd placed a single had on Erin's hip and she'd snapped into action. It was that fancy of a move and she was just intoxicated enough that if the drunk had been one of the guys from Intelligence, they would have easily dodged and countered it. Luckily, he was drunk and he certainly wasn't one of the guys from Intelligence. The thought of her old friends made her cringe as she threw him onto the floor. Anger rushed through her, as the thoughts of Intelligence brought back worse memories. Memories of why she was getting drunk in some bar in the first place.
Memories of her.
Before she had any idea what was happening, she was being pulled off the drunk by someone (probably a bouncer of sorts) and being harshly lead out the door.
"Consider this your warning," The bouncer called out just before slamming the door shut behind her. "Go get cleaned up somewhere."
Erin shook herself off, grabbing frantically for her phone. She scrolled through her contacts. Screw what the bouncer said, that damn drunk had made her think of Nadia. 'Getting cleaned up' was exactly the opposite of what she planned to do.
"Go home Halstead," Voight instructed, poking his head out of his office.
"I've still got some more paperwork."
The sergeant sighed. "No you don't," he stated surely. "For the past three weeks, you've stayed late every night, way later than necessary, doing paperwork. Go home Halstead."
Jay sighed in defeat, leaning back from his desk. "Have you heard from her yet?" he asked tiredly, knowing the answer.
Voight shook his head. "You know your partner, Halstead. Once she's made her choice there's just about nothing anyone can do."
"My partner?" he asked with a small, humourless chuckle. "Erin Lindsay's a damn fine cop, but right now, she's not in her right mind. She's in a bad way and even I don't know how to get her out of it."
"That's because life's not that simple. Life is fluid. It's different every time for every person. We can't just force her out of it. We'll be there when she's ready, but until then, there's nothing any of us can do."
Jay sighed as he thought in silence for a moment.
"Get some sleep," Voight insisted. "I'm still going to expect you here on time tomorrow, regardless of how late you go to sleep."
Jay nodded, rising to his feet and heading for the stairs. When Voight had just about retreated to his office, the younger detective turned for just a moment, a question resting on the tip of his tongue, but it never came out. So he just turned back around and walked down the stairs, pulling out his phone as he did so. He punched in a number and pressed the phone to his ear.
"Mouse," he greeted as he exited the precinct. "Yeah, I need to cash in a favour."
"Hey!"
Erin froze instantly. Even in her hungover state she still recognized the voice instantly. She didn't understand why he was here though, outside of her apartment. She hadn't been there all night. She'd been at her mom's (as she did often these days) after arriving completely hammered. Now, she just wanted to be alone in her own place, even if only for a little while. She certainly didn't want to talk to him.
But, of course, he was here anyways.
"Erin!" he called out again, approaching her. She turned around to face him. Deep down, some part of her was happy to see him, but it was the rest of her that expressed itself on her face, hidden behind her dark sunglasses.
"What do you want Jay?" She snapped, a lot harsher than she really meant to.
"What you think?" He replied as though it were obvious. "I'm worried about you. You haven't called or texted me back in over week."
Erin sighed, exhaustedly. "Yeah I did, just the other day."
"No," he stated simply. "You didn't." He sighed. "I'm worried about you and I want to help."
She shook her head. "Jay, I don't need your help."
He looked at her, confusion stretching across his features. "So you think that your life is fine right now? That everything's just the way it should be for you?"
"I'm saying," she growled. "That I don't need your help." How dare he suggest she was content with her life. Of course, she wasn't, but there wasn't anything anyone could do to make it better. No one could undo what had been done and that was that.
A look of hurt flashed across Jay's eyes, but he quickly hid it away. "Erin, can't you at least take off the sunglasses so we can have an actual conversation."
"Jay, there's no conversation to have. If this is about you wanting me to come back to Intelligence-"
"It's not about Intelligence," he interrupted, but not in an angry voice. He sounded more concerned and sad than angry. Gently, he reached forward and pulled the sunglasses off her face, instantly noticing the redness of her eyes. He sighed, "It's about you. We're all worried about you."
"I don't need you," she snapped, snatching back her sunglasses, "to worry about me," she finished, putting the glasses back over her eyes.
"So you're done?" he asked simply.
"With what?"
"With this," he motioned between him and her, causing Erin to pause. "With your career, with all of it. If you're just going to throw everything away, including Intelligence, which you worked so hard for, then I need to hear you say it."
"Say what?" she asked, more tired than anything. "That I quit?"
"That you're no longer my partner."
She held his gaze, although desperately wanting to just run of into her house and hide away from him. Forever. She took a stabling breath and replied.
"I'm no longer your partner."
Jay looked disappointed, as though he had believed that she wouldn't be able to face it. "I don't know who you are," he stated coldly, but without any outright anger. "But if you ever see Lindsay again, tell her she made a better cop." As soon, as he finished the sentence, he turned away from her and walked off.
Erin let out a deep breath, as she too turned away. His last statement repeated in her head because, of course, it was true. She wasn't the same Erin Lindsay anymore and she was no where near as good a cop.
"Something's not right," Antonio muttered.
Voight turned to the detective with a look that urged him to continue.
"How do you figure?" Atwater asked over the radio.
"I don't know. Just a gut feeling."
The whole team was, understandably, on edge. They'd successfully managed to get a hold of Benji Keyes aka Benji Bones, the brother or Heroin Kingpin Derek Keyes. They'd been able to strike a deal with Bones and had, with the help of one of Antonio's C.I.'s, been able to arrange a drug deal, with Halstead on point, at a private airstrip.
Atwater was with Mouse, keeping track of the deal through security camera's. Of course, Keyes enough to arrange the deal in a hangar with no camera's, but the two were still able to monitor the surrounding area and could see if anyone left or entered the hangar. The other four were located inside of the terminal, just before security check, so that they were as close as they could be to the deal site without being obvious or out of place.
"I still don't like that we let Bones go," Ruzek pointed out. "I mean, I get that it was part of our deal, but couldn't he just go running back to his brother and tell him everything?"
Olinsky sighed at his younger partner. "I don't like it either Ruzek, but it was the only way to the information on Keyes's."
"I'm sure Voight could've figured something out," Ruzek mumbled under his breath.
Antonio held back a small laugh. "Bones's is way too much of a coward to cross with us. He ratted out Keyes because he's afraid of him too."
"Alright," came Atwater's voice over the coms. "Keyes and his back-up has officially entered the hangar where Jay is waiting. They just pulled up in a black SUV."
"Crap," Mouse blurted. "We have a very big problem."
"And what's that?"Antonio asked, his stomach already turning and urging him to get to the deal-site now.
"One of Keyes's guys- I just ran facial recognition- his name is Davy "Jones" Harris and he knows Jay."
"What?" Voight growled.
"How?" Olinsky quickly added.
"Jay arrested the guy for dealing a few years back. Charges didn't stick though due to...it says...a sort of evident mix up."
"Bet my life's savings that Keyes had a role in that," Ruzek grumbled.
"We need to get Jay out now!" Antonio ordered, already shooting to his feet. Ruzek, Olinsky and Voight all followed suit, rising from their places around the small, private terminal and raced for the security station in order to get to the hangars.
Voight quickly flashed his badge. "Chicago P.D!" He declared. "We need to get onto that tarmac!" A security officer immediately approached them, blocking their way.
"Sir," The woman at the desk explained, "You need the proper paperwork. Do you have-"
"I'll tell you what I have!" Antonio shouted, jumping in. "I have a fellow detective in one of your hangars whose life is on the line if you don't let us through this damn instant!"
The security officer shook his head, still blocking the way.
Voight slammed his hand on the desk violently. "We need to get through! Now!"
Olinsky stepped up, as he was the only one who was still somewhat calm. "I promise you, none of us are getting on a plane. I'll even stay here, as long as you let the other three through, alright? If they get on a plane you can charge me with whatever charges you need."
The security officer and the woman at the desk shared a look, deciding whether or not to let them through, before the woman turned back to Olinsky. "As long as-" she began. Ruzek didn't wait for her to finish, neither did Voight or Antonio who were right on his heels. "-you stay," she finished as the three cops raced off down the corridor and Olinsky shot her a patronizing smile.
Ruzek, who was at the front of the three, ran like lightning through the, seemingly, unending corridor.
"Guys!" Mouse called out in alarm as the three cops burst out onto the tarmac. "You need to hurry."
"Why's that Mouse?" Olinsky asked.
"The SUV- the one Keyes drove to the meet- It's hard to tell from this angle, but I think he's getting back into it..."
"No way the deal's over that fast," Antonio pointed out as he continued to race across the tarmac with Ruzek and Voight.
"Yeah, guys, they are definitely leaving," Atwater added. "They're pulling out of the hangar as we speak."
"I can see the SUV!" Ruzek announced, as he and the other two drew their guns without slowing down.
"Guys," Mouse warned as the van began to drive away.
Ruzek stopped and made a move to fire at the SUV, but Voight pushed the gun back down. "Halstead could be in that vehicle and I don't trust your aim at this range," he spat and upon seeing Ruzek's offended look he added. "I don't trust anyone's aim at this range, unless you've got a rifle."
Ruzek growled as he was forced to watch the vehicle drive off. "Damn it!"
"Voight!" Antonio called. Ruzek and Voight, realizing the other detective had entered the small hangar that the SUV had left, hurried over to see what he had found. "It's my C.I." he explained, understandably distraught as he looked at the man's body, since he knew it only meant bad things for the now missing detective. "They must've killed him for bringing Jay to the meet."
"But if they took Jay with them, they must want something...which is never good," Antonio said as he quickly pulled out his phone and dialled. "This is detective Antonio Dawson, badge number 50486. I need an APB for a black SUV, License plate: Bravo, Charlie, Charlie, Echo, Zero, Three, Five. I want every cop in the city looking for that van, but tell them to not engage. I repeat, do not engage. An officer had been abducted and he is very likely in that van!"
As Antonio went on to to explain the details, Voight looked down at the C.I.'s dead body and shook his head. "All of you get back to the precinct and do whatever it takes to find Derek Keyes!" He paused for a moment as the urgency drained from his voice. "I have a stop to make."
Erin sat in silence at the small counter that separated her tiny kitchen from her living room. The news ran in the background like white noise as she sipped a cold beer from her fridge. It was getting late and she was planning to head out again. Hit another bar, get drunk enough to forget, even if only for a little while.
She finished the beer and placed it down on the counter, simply leaving it there as she got up. She grabbed her phone from its spot on the couch and went to turn off the TV when she froze upon what the reporter was discussing.
"It is now confirmed that the missing detective is from the Intelligence unit. The details are still largely insufficient, but we do believe they were attempting to apprehend one of Chicago's biggest heroin dealers," The reporter explained.
Panic hit Erin like a bolt of lightning. She grabbed at her phone, immediately dialling Jay's number. "Come on," she muttered to herself. "Come on. Come on. Pick up."
Voicemail. Her hands were shaking so bad she was barely able to type in Voight's number. Voicemail again. Her breathing was becoming rapid as panic began to take over. She look at her phone. She tried to think it through; Jay and I didn't part on the best terms. He probably just doesn't want to talk to me. Hank...Hank's probably just trying to keep me out of the investigation.
She took a few deep breaths to calm herself and dialled the one person she knew, for certain, would answer her call.
"Sergeant Platt?" She checked the moment the call was answered.
"Hello?" was Platt's reply, clearly confused by the overly eager nervousness of the woman on the line with her.
"Platt, it's Lindsay."
"Lindsay," she said, her voice instantly switching to the warner tone she normally used around the detective. "How have you been? Haven't seen you in a while."
"Uh-" She stammered for a moment. "That's not why I called. I was just watching the news and I heard someone from Intelligence was missing. I called Jay and Hank and neither of them responded and now I-"
"Lindsay, you're speaking a million miles an hour. Slow down," Platt instructed. "Now just tell me what's wrong?"
"What happened with Intelligence today?" She asked, her voice slightly distorted by her panicked nature.
Platt was silent for a moment, carefully selecting her next words. "They had were trying to catch a major heroin dealer and things went sideways."
"On the news they said someone was missing," Erin explained, her voice now dangerously quiet. "Tell me who."
"No more waiting sarge," Atwater announced. "It's 8am. We got one hour 'til the drop."
"Alright," Voight replied with a defeated sigh. "Call Burgess, Tell her to call in."
"What for?" Ruzek asked, clearly confused.
"Keyes requested a female officer deliver the C.I. Files," Voight explained.
Ruzek shook his head. "Nah, you find someone else."
Everyone in the squad room looked between the two as Voight rebutted with "You got a funny way of saying yes sir," approaching the young detective as he spoke
Ruzek responded instantly. "There is no way I'm losing a partner and my fiance in the same-"
"I said," Voight said, his voice deadly serious. "Get Burgess."
At this point, everyone in the room was dead silent, intensely watching the showdown unfold. Derek Keyes had contacted them an hour ago through Jay's cell phone, and had sent them a video link, demanding that they hand over all C.I. Files for anyone even remotely involved in his operation. Antonio had managed to assemble a large enough collection of the fake (but very convincing) files for the drop. The only problem was getting a female officer to make the drop and, as Atwater had stated, time was running out until the 9:00am drop-off deadline.
"We need a female officer to make the drop," Voight reminded Ruzek. "If you don't get Burgess, you are signing Halstead's death warrant. Now. Get Burgess."
"I'll do it." Came the voice of Erin Lindsay from the top of the stairs. Everyone immediately turned to face her, but was speechless on account of her sudden arrival. "You need a female officer. I'll be one."
Voight was the first to snap back to his senses. "My office now." He quickly turned to the rest of the team, adding an abrupt "Get everything ready to go."
After the sergeant shut the door behind him and Erin, he found his way to his desk, sitting down at it. He leaned back, expectantly, waiting for her to commence the conversation.
"Platt told me," she explained. "Don't get me wrong, I understand why none of you did. I haven't exactly made myself available, but I'm here now, and judging by what I've gathered in the last minute, you need my help."
"Burgess can do it."
"Not as well as I can," Erin pointed out. "And you know it. Burgess in fine police, but I'm far more experienced in the field than her. Even if that wasn't my partner in there-" she paused, correcting herself from the instinctual use of the word partner, a word she had dismissed not 24 hours ago. "-Jay in there, you know I'm the man for the job."
"You really think so?" Voight asked, not trusting her judgement too much. "You've been on a three week long bender Erin, and you think you can just jump right back in?"
"I'm not drunk, Hank. I'm not high. Sure, I'm not 110%, but I'm your best option and you know it."
Voight sighed. "You have no idea how serious this is Erin."
Erin just stared at him, speaking with her eyes. Voight shrugged, motioning for her to come over to his side of the desk, while he pulled up a video file on this computer.
"This," he said, hovering the cursor over the "play" button. "Is what you're offering to get into."
The second he hit the button, Erin wanted to vomit, and it wasn't because of the hangover that was brewing. Her partner was chained up by his hands, bloody, bruised and beaten with two guys throwing even more punches into his chest. When she heard the faint sound of a rib cracking, Erin looked away, unable to keep watching.
She could still hear the punches though, the faint groans of pain. You can't look away, said something inside of her. Not this time. Erin took a deep breath and forced herself to stare back at the screen, but she had to bit down, hard, on her lip just to keep her composure.
She wanted to run. She wanted to yell at Voight to stop it, but she knew better than to act like that. The detective insider her, that she thought she'd washed away with alcohol and poor decisions three weeks ago came springing back to life inside of her. Suddenly, there was no hesitation, no desire to run or yell, just a need to fight, to do whatever it took to get Jay- her partner- back.
When Voight (finally) paused the horrible clip, Erin spoke up, certain and grounded. "I'm not asking to come back to Intelligence. I'm not asking for anyone's blessing or forgiveness. All I want is the chance to save him. You know me better than anyone in the whole world, Hank. You know that I can do this, that I have to do this."
Voight looked at her as though he was scanning to see she was lying. "You're sure?" he asked, coming around to the idea.
"You know what the last thing I said to him was?" she asked, as matter-of-factly as she could manage. "I'm no longer your partner." She breathed in and then out again heavily, focussing all her energy on keeping herself together. "I have to do this."
Voight nodded. "Then let's get you ready," he explained simply. "We have one hour."
Well...Not my best work, but oh well. I'm hoping you at least find it decent and were able to enjoy it regardless. I'll have the next chapter up before the premiere, whether it's Tuesday night or earlier, will just depend on how much homework I get. (there's just so much of it).
As always, please let me know what you think(good or bad). I'll see you all next week.