The room was dark except for the flickering candle which lightly illuminated a weary face and an intricately decorated scrapbook which was clutched in his hands. The man brushed the tears which trailed down his face off, he had let his emotion get the better of him, just like he did every year at this time. Looking up, he saw what was left of his family asleep around the room. It had become a tradition, every year his family would gather in his basement and light a red candle. Red reminded them of her, her fire, passion and most of all red hair. Sometimes they would share memories or talk about what could have been, others they just took comfort from who was left of their slowly deteriorating family.
Tonight was the seventh anniversary and had been one of the silent nights, Abby arrived first, hugging him and setting up, what could only be described as the altar. Next Ducky would arrive, also hugging the man, then kissing Abby's cheek, then Tim who nodded to both Ducky and his father, then settled beside Abby and grasped her hand tightly. Then last Tony and Ziva, every year they arrived together, every year they would just sit at never acknowledge anyone, feeling, still, as if this was their fault. Gibbs lit the candle and settled back into the small horse shoe which had been unconsciously formed, and everyone silently gazed at the candle, content to sit in their own memories. What happened next no one really knew as they were too wrapped up in thought. But slowly Abby reached out and took Tim and Gibbs' hand, Gibbs took Ducky's and Ducky reached for Ziva's, she tried to shake it off, feeling like she was trespassing but Ducky stood strong and she stopped struggling and took Tony's, he ignored in until McGee reached out and took his hand. Once the circle was completed, Gibbs and Abby let go of hands and placed a finger tip on the base of the candle. She was with them again. The family momentarily reunited.
Sometime later everyone slowly dropped off, using each other as support, Gibbs grinned and murmured "Abby and you were right all along, we are a family. You'd be proud of them, Jen…" to anyone watching from the outside he would have looked crazy, talking to a candle, and perhaps he was, but in fact he was talking to Jennifer Sheppard, his second love and the mother of his family. He stood quietly and went the small table the candle was on and reached into the draw built into it. There it was…. The scrapbook.
She had given it to him the Christmas before she left them, he could remember it like it was yesterday…
He was the last left and it was getting late, the snow had picked up during the course of the night, if he didn't leave soon he'd be snowed in, but something kept him from leaving. She walked into the room and saw him staring into the fire, she took his hands and led him to the couch still not letting go they sat. "Remember, as long as you have us, you have a family and a purpose. Don't think of us as colleagues, sure, we work together, but over the years we have become a family. You are the firm but fair father, who dotes on his daughters and wants the best for his sons, I'm the Mother, who sometimes needs a little reminder family comes first. Abby, our youngest daughter, Daddy's little girl through and through, Ziva, the daughter that married into the family, she joined later but is an important and treasured part. Tim, the youngest son, Abby's boyfriend, eager to please and loyal to the family, Tony, the eldest of the children, although he acts like the youngest, he enjoys stirring us all up, but really deeply cares. And Ducky, dear old Ducky, he is our brother and the admired uncle of the children, the glue that keeps our family together. Think about it….." She whispered the last words, pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek and left, leaving him sitting there, mind reeling. He looked down to the seat se had been occupying just seconds ago and in her place was a large black book, with the word "Family" pressed into the cover in gold font.
Looking at it today he couldn't help but smile at her words and how right she'd been, it was such a pity it had taken her death to make him realise this. He flipped the book open and gazed at the first page.
The photo made his laugh softly, it was his team, or family as he now understood them to be all on the steps of his house, he was leaning in the doorway, holding Jenny's shoulders as she leant on him, Tony, Ziva and Tim stood in front of them, arms slung around each other's shoulders, mouths open in laughter, Ducky stood to the side of the steps grinning happily at the antics of his adopted family and Abby was laying on the step in front of them, her head propped up with her arm, she had thrown herself there after she set the timer and got there just in time. He glanced from the page to the same people sitting around the room and couldn't help but think how much their poses reflected their personalities.
He turned the page.
The photo that took up this page bought a fresh wave of glistening tears to his eyes, it was him and Jenny, they had got bored that day, sick to death of work so they had stepped outside for a minute, Gibbs, in a spur of the moment rush of happiness swept her up into her arms and began to waltz her around the court yard, her light, melodic laugh bubbling from her mouth, harmonising with his loud, gruff laugh, making their own personal symphony. The photo had been snapped by Abby just as he had dipped her to the ground, and the happy scream that escaped her mouth brought their symphony to a crescendo. The photo had encapsulated their relationship perfectly, the spontaneous humour and love.
He sighed, brushing away the stream of tears that had burst the banks of is eyes, and he turned the page.
The next page was a photos of the children, the first of Ziva and Tony, Tony lying on his back, Ziva sitting on his stomach, no doubt he had underestimated her strength and been thrown to tackled, that particular situation replayed on average 5 times a week. And the second was of Abby and Tim, sharing a seat, focusing of the same computer trying to pass a level in one of their computer games. He only just realised how much they actually loved each other. The third and final picture was taken the day they went to the beach. The more he thought about it the more he realised it was true, they were a family. They had been water wrestling, Ziva on Tony's shoulders and Abby on Tim's and they were laughing.
Grinning sadly he turned the page.
The next page actually made him burst out laughing. Ducky stood in the centre of the room, and had his arms wrapped around all four of the kids, and had happy tears running from underneath his glasses, the scene building up to it had been so ridiculous he didn't even remember, but Jenny thought it was a beautiful moment and snapped a photo. It saddened him to think how many of those moments would go unnoticed because she would not be here to spot them.
He grimaced and turned to the final photo.
The final photo in the book made him draw breath with his sudden realisation, the photo was something he had only ever glanced at it, but he had never actually looked. They were on a beach, she was wearing a pure white knee length dress, which was billowing out behind her as she ran away from him, her hair dancing in the breeze like tongues of fire. He seemed to be just a step or two behind her, just out of reach. Just like she would always be, just out of reach, until whatever it is that might come after life, Leroy Jethro Gibbs was anything but religious but he could feel she would be somewhere waiting to see her family again. She was gone…… for now……
This epiphany somewhat pained him but also seemed to free him of the enormous weight that was just above his head, waiting to fall and crush him, he had accepted she was gone It had taken seven years but it was done. She would always be with him, but happily, not the little ball of guilt and depression that nagged constantly at his heart. He, and in a way, Jenny, had been set free.
Seven years, he had to laugh at the irony, he had read somewhere there are seven stages of grief, and the only one he could remember was the seventh, acceptance, maybe it was meant to turn out this way, it had certainly made him realise what his family meant to him.
He smiled, a real smile, something that had not graced his features in a long time. He slid the book back into place, not to be touched until next year, he closed the draw and exhaled. He clambered to his feet and went to blow out the candle but faltered, just because he had accepted it, didn't mean he couldn't still draw comfort from tradition, he left it to burn. He lay down and took his place with his family and closed his eyes and slept peacefully for the first time in years.
He dreamt of running down the beach, this time arm in arm, with Jenny.