Do you know what I don't get? Most of the JacobxBella stories (although the stories are still magnificent) start where all of a sudden Bella is in love with Jacob, no struggle. My other story is like that so I want to make this one a bit different.
Just to let you know, all italics are from Eclipse, Stephanie Meyer. And this first chapter will have a lot of it, to show how Bella's decisions could have changed a lot or a little.
DISCLAIMER – I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS. THAT'S ALL STEPHANIE MEYER'S.
Chapter 1 - Realizations
Eclipse, Stephanie Meyer, Pg 514 –530
When Jacob discovers Bella and Edward's engagement – pg 514 - 515
"Are you warm enough?" Edward asked suddenly.
"I'm fine," I assured him, "Why?"
Before he could answer, the silence outside the tent was ripped apart by an earsplitting howl of pain. The sound ricocheted off the bare rock face of the mountain and filled the air so that it seared from every direction.
The sound tore through my mind like a tornado, both strange and familiar. Strange because I'd never heard such a tortured cry before. Familiar because I knew the voice at once – I recognized the sound and understood the meaning as perfectly as if I'd uttered it myself. It made no difference that Jacob was not human when he cried out. I needed no translation.
Jacob was close. Jacob had heard every word we'd said. Jacob was in agony.
The howl choked off into a peculiar gurgled sob, and then it was quiet again.
I did not hear his silent escape, but I could feel it – I could feel the absence I had wrongly assumed before, the empty space he left behind.
"Because your space heater has reached his limit," Edward answered quietly. "Truce over," he added, so low I couldn't be sure that was what he really said.
"Jacob was listening," I whispered. It was not a question.
"Yes."
"You knew."
"Yes."
I stared at nothing, seeing nothing. My head fell into my hands.
"Are you angry with me?" he asked tentatively.
"Angry? Angry is an understatement!" I screeched, standing up so quickly I gave myself head spins. "How could you? How could you deliberately cause Jacob so much pain? You're a monster." I scrabbled with the zip then stormed out into the icy morning. Of course I blamed myself as well for Jake's pain; I was the one who kept him hanging on. I knew getting married was a bad idea, but I just went along with the compromise. How could I be so stupid? I thought as I paced, back and forth through the snow.
I turned to see Seth Clearwater, curled up on a bed of dry pine needles. His eyes stared at me with what I imagined as accusation. I knew Edward had followed me but he didn't dare come close.
"Please," I sobbed, only now realizing the tears of anger and pain running down my cheeks, "Please call him back. I want to talk to him – explain… please." I knelt down beside Seth, reaching out to gently touch his muzzle.
He huffed in what sounded like an agreeing noise.
"Thank you." I sighed, my shoulders slumping. Seth's eyes became unfocused, like he was somewhere else. After what seemed like days but was really two minutes, Seth nodded his head. Jacob was coming back.
"Bella?" Edward said quietly, coming forward and reaching to grab my hand.
"Don't." I said icily, as cold as the snow around me, "Just don't." Obeying to my wishes, Edward backed away, disappearing into the trees behind the tent. I knew he wouldn't leave; he was just giving me and Jake privacy. Well how lovely of him, I thought sourly.
Five minutes later, Jacob came through the trees toward Seth and me.
When Edward brings Jacob back, pg – 522 – 52?
"I'm in a hurry, Bella," he said in a dull voice. "Why don't you get it over with?"
"I-I'm sorry." I sighed, stepping closer to him. "I'm sorry I've been so selfish. I wish I'd never met you, so I couldn't hurt you the way I have. I won't do it anymore, I promise. I'll stay far away from you. I'll move out of the state and start a new life by myself. You won't have to look at me ever again."
"That's not much of an apology," he said bitterly, "And what do you mean a new life by yourself?"
"I-I don't think I can be with Edward. All this has made me realize that I have to pick between you or Edward and I can't do that. I think it would be better if I picked neither." I told him.
"You mean easier, not better. It would be better if you picked me. I could give you a life, have children. We could grow old together," He told me, "And I love you Bella."
"I love you too." I sighed, hanging my head. "But I'll just keep hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I hate it." My voice broke. "Because that is what will happen if I choose Edward. And if I choose you I'll hurt Edward. I just can't do it, I can't choose."
I wanted to tell him how much I'd miss him, but I bit my tongue. That would not help anything.
He stood quietly for a moment, staring at the ground, and I fought the urge to go and put my arms around him. To comfort him.
And then his head snapped up.
"Well you're not the only one capable of self-sacrifice," he said, his voice stronger. "Two can play that game."
"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"I've behave pretty badly myself. I've made this much harder for you than I needed to. I could have given up with good grace in the beginning. But I hurt you, too."
"This is my fault."
"I won't let you claim all the blame here, Bella. Or all the glory either. I know how to redeem myself."
"What are you talking about?" I demanded. The sudden, frenzied light in his eyes frightened me.
He glanced up at the sun and smiled at me. "There's a pretty serious fight brewing down there. I don't think it would be that difficult to take myself out of the picture."
His words sank into my brain, slowly, one by one, and I couldn't breathe. Despite all my intentions to cut Jacob out of my life completely, I didn't realize until that precise second exactly how deep the knife would have to go to do it.
"Oh, no, Jake! No, no no no," I choked out in horror. "No, Jake, no. Please, no." My knees began to tremble.
"Why does it matter Bella?"
"It matters! Of course it matters! You matter! I won't let you do it! What can I do to make you stop? Anything! Anything you want." I sobbed.
"I don't think you really mean that." He said.
"I do! Please stay!" I begged. "What can I do?"
"Are you sure?" he asked. I nodded fervently. "Ask me." He said simply.
"Please come back to me." I asked.
"No,no. That's not what I mean." He smiled. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Will you kiss me, Jacob?"
His eyes widened in surprise then narrowed suspiciously. "You're bluffing."
"Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back to me."
He half turned to walk away but the stopped. I just stared at him, unsure.
He rocked back on his heels, and then lurched forward, erasing the space between us in one long stride. I knew he would take advantage of the situation.
I braced myself – my eyes closed, my hands clenched into tight fists at my side- and then his hands caught my face and his lips found mine with unbearable eagerness.
Before I knew it, I was pressed against him, clinging to him with need. Everything was warm and bright, exactly as a kiss should be. My arms wrapped around his neck and I pulled myself closer as I felt his tongue trace my bottom lip. My lips were moving with his in a strangely new way because, unlike with Edward, I didn't have to be careful and he didn't have to be careful with me.
Warmth was everywhere. He was everywhere. I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't Jacob. It was then that I realized that Jacob was right. I was in love with him. He was more than a friend. I loved him! I almost laughed but stopped myself because that would break this absolutely blissful kiss.
Jacob's lips were still before mine were. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with wonder and elation.
"I have to leave," he whispered.
"No, don't!" I yelped.
"I'll come back. I promise." He said, obviously pleased with my response. He bent down for one quick kiss and turned to leave. He hadn't taken two steps into the trees when Seth started growling. Jake hurried back to my side.
"I have to phase to see what's going on." Jake told me. I just nodded, so terrified that I was unable to speak. Jacob stepped away from me and phased. Pieces of his sweat pants fluttered to the ground as Edward stepped out of the trees.
"It's Victoria. She's on her way." He told me although he had obviously read Jacobs thoughts and knew all about the kiss. I felt ashamed, but also slightly peaceful. I still had made my decision. Should I go? Should I stay? Should I pick Jacob? Should I pick Edward?
And while this battle was raging I my head, there was another between the vampires and werewolves I loved and the vampires that wanted to kill me.
Please review and tell me what you think. Comments, thoughts, ideas, suggestions, likes or dislikes, anything you want :D I need to know whether or not to continue. And don't worry, I won't be using anything out of Eclipse from here on. Hopefully…
xoxo