Disclaimer: I don't own Honey and Clover! Hmm... Just trying to relate Yamada's feelings with mine... Hehehe, anyway, hope you'll like this short fic, it's actually Yamada's POV, looking back at her feelings for Mayama.

This love I have for him, I wonder if it'll ever fade away… Even when I start to close my eyes, he'd always be there, and that's more painful than seeing him in person, because it means that I still can't give up on him. Why God? Why does it have to be this way? Is it really that hard for one person to love someone back? Why did I have to meet and got this close with him? And fall in love with him? When I know that he already loves someone else… Is it because he sees himself in me? Is that the reason why he can't love me back because he feels it's too uncool?

Everytime I see them together, I honestly feel like beating the crap out of him, but I can't, not with her around… Sometimes I wish her husband just didn't die, then things wouldn't be like this for us, but if he didn't, will Mayama see me as more than just a friend? Will he fall in love with me even if he would eventually work there? There are lots of questions that I have unanswered, and one of them is here in my heart.

I feel like an idiot! A total idiot! I'm such an idiot for still hoping… Hoping that maybe he'd fall for me… I even changed my looks, and put on a really beautiful Yukata one time, clinging with the hope that maybe he'd appreciate it, and maybe it'll make him like me, even just a little… But you know what he said? He said I looked 'nice'. Just nice? To be honest, I expected him to say something more than that, I expected him to say those three magical and special words, but he didn't... I went through all that hard work just to make myself look pretty and amazing, and maybe impress him a little, but no, he just took the bags I was carrying and looked at the emerging fireworks. And I, looking at the bright colors which flashed right before all of us, noticed it reflected on his glasses, and maybe I myself can't even make my feelings pass through those glasses, placed in front of his eyes.

I even used Nomiya one time... That was so selfish of me, I mean, what was I thinking? It was really painful that time, just hit me right in the chest like a cannon ball... He was right when he accused me, that I was expecting, expecting he'd follow me when I told Nomiya to take me somewhere, but, just like before, he didn't... But, what if Mr. Hanamoto did that to Rika? I'm sure he'll follow them, wherever they'd go, no matter how far they'd go... Rika, is the only person in this world, who could make Mayama run... That's why sometimes I wish that I was her, then maybe, I'd feel Mayama's love, and make him run for me, just for me, even if I'm in somebody else's body.

But, I can't always blame Mayama for that right? No matter which side you look at, we'll always be the same... I love him, but he doesn't love me back, and he can never open his heart for me, he loves Rika, but she doesn't love him back, and she didn't open her heart for him... I'd think sometimes, that it's truly unbelievable, how I, for almost five years now, still hold that same, unconditional, and undying love for him, trying to take care of his heart whenever I could even if it meant making myself look like a total zombie following him, that I forgot my own. Maybe these nights of crying for him, hoping and wishing for him, and loving him, will be forever. No matter how I try to, I can't give up on him... And no matter what I do, he's still there...

Am I just asking for too much?

I still love Mayama so much, that it's slowly and gently breaking my heart already...

Ah... Unrequited love... Mayama and Yamada both experienced that... Please do R&R if you have spare time, and thanks for reading! ^^.