A/N: Decided to take a little break from my usual LilLee to write this (it was originally written for Femslash February, but I was overeager and finished it early). I guess you could say it's slightly AU, since I don't think Lilly is into women. Haha. Anyway, hope you like it.
The Fire
The fire crackled faintly, throwing its light onto the tired faces of the survivors around it. The children had been put to bed hours ago, and only the adults remained awake. They were currently sharing some cheap beer they'd looted from a liquor store downtown, delighting in the creature comfort. It wasn't perfect, but they were satisfied. Happy, even. In their crazy world, there wasn't much they could count on other than good friends and alcohol, to block out the day's horrors.
"We gotta get goin' pretty early tomorrow." Kenny mumbled, glancing over at Lee. "We should prob'ly call it a night." Katjaa nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, you're right." Lee muttered, finishing off the last of his can. They planned to go hunting the next morning, trying to make up for their dwindling food supply.
Soon he, Kenny, Katjaa, and Mark were all standing up. They said their goodnights before going their separate ways, leaving Lilly, Larry, and Carley at the fire.
"You should probably get some sleep too, Dad." Lilly gently suggested. She knew the older man didn't like being ordered around, but she didn't want him to drink too much. He could be terrifying when he was drunk.
Thankfully, he complied without much of an argument. Lilly said goodnight to him, and pecked him on the cheek. He ruffled her hair with a large, calloused hand, returning the goodnight before lumbering off to his quarters.
With her father gone, only she and Carley remained. They were seated across from each other, the fire flickering between them. With some degree of amusement, Lilly noticed the other woman taking small, delicate sips of her beer, clutching the can with both hands. Typical. She glanced over her. I bet she's a total lightweight.
"So," Carley piped up cheerily, setting her drink on the armrest of her lawn chair, "How have you been, Lilly?"
Normally the leader wasn't one for small talk, but the booze had loosened her lips a bit. "Stressed." She confessed with a sigh. "Really fucking stressed." She studied the other survivor, cast in the glow of the firelight. "How do you do it?"
Carley leaned back, taking another dainty sip of her beverage. "How do I do what?" She responded, carefully pronouncing each world to avoid slurring. She didn't want Lilly thinking she was a lightweight, getting drunk off half a can of beer.
The question brought forth so many answers in Lilly's mind. Uninhibited, she voiced them all. "How do you stay so calm? So optimistic. So stress-free." She bit back one final response, chugging another few mouthfuls of cheap ale to keep her mouth shut.
Carley shrugged, not entirely certain herself. "I guess I just try to look on the bright side of things. I mean, we're alive. We're healthy. We're safe, at least for now."
Lilly watched her for a moment, taking in the woman's words. A small, uncertain smile played on Carley's lips as she noticed Lilly's reaction. For some reason, her silence struck Carley as amusing. She laughed, her smile growing as she kept her gaze fixed on the buzzed leader.
Her laughter was musical and contagious. Lilly found herself smirking, not sure what she was even laughing about. Across the fire, Carley drank some more, still chuckling to herself.
As the liquid confidence settled in the pit of her stomach, Lilly began to feel bold. The two of them were out there, all alone – they had total privacy.
"Carley," She murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind one of her ears, "Can I – can I tell you something?"
Carley's smile faded, replaced by a look of concern. "Sure, what is it?"
Lilly swallowed, looking the other woman in the eyes. "I think – I think you're beautiful." She enunciated every syllable carefully, not wanting to be misunderstood. "I'm kinda jealous."
A deep blush crept up Carley's cheeks as she quickly averted her eyes. "Um, thanks." She replied, rubbing her arm.
Lilly leaned forward, gesturing with her can. "I'm serious."
Carley uncrossed her legs, rising unsteadily to her feet. Lilly watched her, not sure what she was planning. To her surprise, the younger woman moved to sit beside her. The two of them studied each other in the light of the dying bonfire, taking in every inch of one another with a delicate curiosity.
"You're not so bad yourself." Carley retorted, with just a hint of her familiar sass.
Lilly's heartbeat quickened as she sucked in a nervous breath. Carley giggled, noting the anxious response to her nearness. "You know, we're all alone out here..."
Lilly rose from her beat-up lawn chair, pushing it away as she leaned over the other survivor. A bony hand reached out to Carley, offering to help her up. Knowing she'd need it, Carley accepted the help, stumbling into the grasp of the older woman.
Licking her lips, Lilly combed her gaze over the smaller woman. She knew they were both drunk – but this was no new fantasy of hers. Trembling hands fell to rest on Carley's demure waist, pulling her in just a little closer. Carley giggled some more, and then the gravity of the situation seemed to sink into her hazy brain. "Lilly," She murmured, close enough to hear the other survivor's heartbeat, "Do you really want to do this?"
Lilly's eyes blazed with certainty. "This is the only time I'll have the balls to."
Hands still shaking slightly, Lilly lifted Carley's chin with one finger. She stooped slightly to meet the short woman at eye level, drawing her in close enough to feel her warm breath. Carley closed her eyes in anticipation, standing on her toes to help erase the height difference. They leaned together, and their lips met with a gentle, tender warmth.
Desire washed over her as Carley melted into Lilly's arms. She found herself shuddering, pawing at Lilly's worn leather jacket as she yearned to be even closer.
Relieved by Carley's welcoming response, Lilly clutched her in a protective embrace, idle hands softly stroking her dark hair. She wanted her to know, to convey the message that everything about that moment was absolutely perfect.
They remained entwined together for some time, even as the fire began to slowly die beside them. The two of them eventually sank down to the pavement, still holding one another. Lilly continued to run her fingers through Carley's silky hair, whispering in her ear that she wished every night could be like this. Carley nodded, murmuring an agreement as she buried her face in the soft flesh of Lilly's throat.
Still drunk, the two girls eventually fell asleep by the embers of their former bonfire. Lilly's dreams were jumbled and confusing, but one recurring theme joined them all together – a sensation of something like happiness, a feeling she hadn't experienced since the beginning of the Outbreak a month before. Sure, she was a little afraid of her emotions, but now that she had gotten the hardest part – the confession – out of the way, things could only get better.
/
"Hey. Sleepin' beauty." A thick, Southern drawl roused her from her rest the next morning. "Wake the hell up."
Lilly opened her eyes, shielding them from the blinding sun as she noticed Kenny standing above her. Embarrassed, she realized that she had been sacked out on her back with her mouth wide open. She sheepishly wiped the drool from her cheek as she sat up to meet the day.
"Ugh..." She groaned, rubbing her stiff back. "...Hey, where's Carley?" The woman was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey, Lilly." Carley appeared behind Kenny, arms folded coyly as she stared down at the hungover leader.
"All right, well we're headin' out." Kenny nodded to the Motor Inn's makeshift entrance, where Lee and Mark stood waiting. "You get the schedules figured out."
"Right," Lilly responded with a curt nod. "I will."
Kenny walked away, leaving Carley and Lilly alone once again. "Morning, Carley." The older woman greeted her with a tired smile. "How long've you been up?"
"Oh, just a little while." She was wearing different clothing, and looked groomed and wide awake. "Listen," She continued, silencing Lilly before she could say anything else. "About last night..."
"Yeah?" Lilly cut in, her smile growing. "What about it?"
Carley shifted a bit, arms still crossed over her chest. "That didn't, like, mean anything, right?" A small, nervous laugh accompanied her words. "I mean, I don't like you 'like that' – I'm not even attracted to women. I just don't hold my alcohol very well, I guess." She shrugged, still chuckling.
Lilly stared at her in silence for a few long moments. Her heart felt as if it had been dropped down an elevator shaft and then repeatedly stepped on. Remaining stoic, she swallowed hard. "Oh, yeah. No. I was shitfaced too. It...didn't mean anything." Her voice was hoarse, hiding the waterfall of emotion she was experiencing.
Carley breathed a deep sigh of relief. "Thank god. I was afraid I might've gotten myself tangled up in something crazy."
"Heh, yeah." Lilly replied weakly.
"Still," Carley nodded to her, "You're a good kisser. Too bad there aren't many guys who can kiss like that." A hand fell to her hip as she smirked, obviously thinking about past experiences.
Lilly pulled her knees in a bit closer to her body, raising her familiar guard once again. "Thanks." She mumbled numbly. "And yeah, too bad."
Carley's smile grew as she slid her gaze over to the entrance, where Lee was standing. A faint blush tinted her cheeks as she watched him walk away. "Well anyway," She continued, eyes still on Lee, "You should get up, the day's wasting."
Lilly stared blankly at the ground, waiting for Carley to disappear again. "It didn't mean anything." She mumbled, her brows knitting together in frustration.
That feeling, that ache, would never fully ease on her heart. Every time she looked at Carley after that, a vast emptiness was all she could feel.