Disclaimer: I'm just a poor, innocent, teenager.
Pfft.
Well, even if I'm not that, per se, I AM most definitely not the brilliant Rumiko Takahashi, and thus, must settle for pretending to control her colorful characters. So don't sue me, because it's not cool to sue minors with an alliteration fetish.
~Kamibi
Poison
"Ms. Kaede, surely there is something less…juvenile that you can assign us?" Kagome pleaded, concealing her panic. This was so not going to work; nope, not a chance. She was a trained agent, Goddammit, and she was going to have some serious work.
Sesshoumaru spoke up. "Ma'am, you know how impartial this one is towards assignments you give us, but for this mission, I feel that our talents would be more efficiently used elsewhere."
Their commander's eye sparkled as she solemnly replied, "I'm afraid there's nothing else to do right now. Since you two defeated Naraku, crime in the city has gone down to where the highest felon is this one. This is the most difficult task I could possibly give you at the current moment."
They were defeated, and they knew it. Sullenly, the pair signed the contracts that kept the System safe from the political implications of their deaths.
Not like there was really a risk in this case.
*Can You Repeat the Question?*
Kids. Kids, everywhere, even where they weren't. Kagome had never felt like her mind was deteriorating so fast, even when the spider hanyou's evil influence hung over their jurisdiction. Her partner leaned coolly against the wall as Kagome attempted to make nice with a child who kept pulling her foot.
"Shippou, sweetie…" she smiled and knelt down to his level. In that moment, she decided, screw nice. The brat was pretty cute, what with his blue baseball cap and lollipop. "Get lost or I will make you lost," Kagome snarled, too incensed to care about her teammate's quirked brow. Tears threatened to flood from his green eyes, and he sniffled and fled. Satisfied, Kagome raised herself to her proper height with a huff.
"Bullying children now, are we, Higurashi?" Her smug jerk of a colleague intoned in a monotone. If she hadn't been so familiar with him, she wouldn't have caught the nuances of amusement in his speech.
"Shut up," the miko gritted out. "We're supposed to find out whether the birthday kid's biological father pulled another prank on his mom, so let's get to our freakin' work." She stormed away, ignoring Sesshoumaru's laughing aura.
Apparently, an Inuhanyou named Inuyasha had split up with the mom, Kikyou, because she was "too icy." After he left, Kikyou had called the System because she feared her ex would ruin her son's birthday party with one of the pranks he had been inflicting on her recently. Given his "mature" disposition, she didn't blame the poor mom for having her concerns. They were there to make sure nothing went wrong.
Grumbling, Kagome went into the kitchen and stole a slice of cake, which she really wasn't supposed to do, because it hadn't been brought out yet. The snots were still playing games and whatnot.
Whatever; if someone had a problem, they could take it up with her boss. She stuffed cake into her cheeks, somewhat out of character due to the excessive amounts of short people.
*Can You Repeat the Question?*
Sesshoumaru peeled himself from the wall, instead using his nose to lead him to anything suspicious. His olfactory senses detected a minor trace of toxic substance somewhere, and he followed it into the kitchen.
Figures he would target the cake, he mused, staring at it nonchalantly, before noticing the corner slice missing. A rare grin trespassed on his face, before he smothered it. Leaving the room, he made his way towards his destination, stopping to inform the mother of what her ex-husband had pulled.
He settled down near the door to the bathroom, turning his youki-enhanced faculties off.
They would only hinder him, as he waited for Kagome to get out.
Even without the extra boost to his senses, he was assaulted by a horrible stench.
He chuckled through the pungent aroma wafting from the other side of the wall.
*Can You Repeat the Question?*
Oh, God, oh, God, this SUCKED. She clutched her tummy as it gurgled once more, then emptied itself.
Again.
This is worse than any youkai attack I've ever endured! She protested inside her head.
It was like someone stuck the cake knife into her tummy, then twisted it around so that it tied her innards around its blade.
She groaned as another wave of agony hit her.
Damn this stupid party, Damn this "Inuyasha" character, Damn Sesshoumaru and Kaede!
Kagome lost her train of thought in the torrent of pain that overcame her.
*Can You Repeat the Question?*
As Kagome emerged from that accursed bathroom, Sesshoumaru delivered the line he had been preparing to use for half an hour.
"I was going to tell you that the cake was poisoned, but something tells me you just found out."
Kagome said he was Number One, but that was not her pointer finger.
Mission completed, they drove back to headquarters with Sesshoumaru in an uncharacteristically good mood.
*Can You Repeat the Question?*
Author's Note:
Alright, so I know I should be working on Bird in the White Cage, but this one snuck up on me as I was suffering the consequences of consuming milk, and it helped me forget about how much life sucked. In recognition of that feat, I started a new Sess/Kag one-shot collection.
Thanks,
~Kamibi