i do not own, nor do i claim to own, star wars or knights of the old republic whatsoever. if i owned carth onasi...i would not be wasting time writing a fanfiction...trust me.
I
Revan
The old, familiar ship landed with a dull thud, waking up the slim, dark-haired girl out of her deep sleep. It was probably the best sleep, and the longest, she'd had in seven years. Seven long, arduous years, the very thought of which made her skin crawl; but it seemed to be all she COULD think about, the only thing that would ever run through her mind if she left her thoughts unchecked. She tried to think of other things whenever she could-lately, of the fact that she was returning to known space, returning home; of her journeys before she'd left; of the only man she had ever loved, or could even imagine loving…these were the kinds of things that helped her stay focused during those long, dark years, and the things that kept her sane now. She remembered all the good times she'd had on her old ship, this very ship she was on now, the Ebon Hawk. Of her crew, who had become her friends even through shocking revelations of who she had been in the past. Of her first kiss with Carth Onasi. If she didn't have those memories, she was certain of the fact that she'd have turned back to the dark side a long time ago. She was certain that she'd have the same fate of the woman she'd once looked up to, Bastila Shan, and fall from a path she was so certain of.p
But she didn't. She hadn't, after all those years, fallen, or even started to. And it was all because of the people she had lived with on this ship for however many months it had been; she couldn't remember now. Those first five years in the reaches of unknown space had been horrible. She couldn't forgive herself for leaving behind those people she loved; those droids, especially HK-47 and all his oddities; Mission, with her fierce determination even though she had only been fourteen at the time, and her best friend Zaalbar, who, although got on her nerves sometimes, was always there for her and never faltered in his loyalty; Canderous, who became like a father to her by the time she left, full of his glorious war stories and admiration for her; Jolee and Juhani, who had been with her through one of the most difficult things she could ever remember doing, fighting Bastila, and who always had advice when she needed it and a shoulder to cry on when things just seemed too hard; and most of all, she regretted leaving Carth. She missed his voice, his laugh, the way they could make fun of each other and never feel offended, his eyes, those two strands of hair that always fell into his face, the feel of his lips on hers, the way that she felt like nothing could ever hurt her again when she was wrapped in his arms. She remembered the day she'd told him she had to leave. She tried not to recall it too often; it was awfully painful, like someone was ripping her heart out of her chest and feeding it to her. She had promised to never betray him, and there she had stood, telling him she was leaving, maybe forever. She didn't even try and make him understand, because she knew he never would. It was too much, too big for even her to comprehend. She didn't entirely know why she was doing it at the time. She finally had a family, a group of people who loved her for who she was and not for an image or what she had done in the past. Mission was practically like a daughter to her. She couldn't even tell the young twi'lek in person.p
If she'd had her way, she would have left just after the battle on the Star Forge. She would have done what she had to do and not let herself get any more attached to those people she'd traveled with than she already had. But how was she supposed to know that over time, more and more of her memories would come flooding back to her? At first they were simple things, a few snags from her childhood, some of her time at the Academy on Couruscant. But then she started to uncover the deeper, darker secrets of who she'd once been. What she'd planned to happen to Malachor V. Killing hundreds of Jedi, some who she'd once been friends with, by her own hand. That mask. Those Star Maps. The Trayus Academy.p
And the true Sith. The Emperor who she'd promised to help, but then had turned on to use the Star Forge to her own advantage. The pure evil that existed out there, past the Outer Rim, past where anyone had even been. That planet, that dark, lifeless planet that had the Force sucked out of it by the evil spirits that lived there. She knew, as soon as she remembered these things, that she had to do whatever she could to destroy it. Otherwise, all of her efforts up until then would be destroyed. She would have destroyed Malak, and Bastila, in vain. More Sith would just appear, constantly, forever, and those who she lived could be easily ripped from her before she could do anything about it. It was safer for her to leave them, anyway. Who knew how angry that true Sith emperor would be with her for betraying him. He wouldn't care that she was a completely different person now, remembered these things as if they were someone else's life. If he were to journey into her home galaxy, he would target her, and everyone who she was close with.p
So, she left, and she went to undo what she had started, attempting to destroy the race of Sith that she'd once been enamored by. It had been hard, so hard; she was completely and utterly alone on the lifeless world of the Sith. Working in silence, from the inside, with no direction, just trusting her instincts. Things had gotten easier once the Exile had shown up. She hardly recognized her old friend and most trusted general during the Mandolorian Wars. She was older, looked much wiser, and had a long scar down the left side of her face. The Exile, for that's the only name she'd give her old commander, told her of her adventures on her own old ship, the Ebon Hawk, and how there was a new war waging back home, and how Jedi were all but extinct. She told her of how she'd met with Carth, and how Carth had told the Exile to tell her he was waiting for her. All of this information at once had rocked her to the core. She almost felt like crying, but she didn't, because all of this also gave her more incentive to finish her job and go home. If the Exile could defeat three Dark Lords, one of which had been her old teacher, she could most certainly finish this in short order with her. The two of them had powers unmatched by any she'd ever known; the Exile, who had been so cut off from the force, was again so strong in it, and was so good at influencing people that even she was affected by it. And her…she had once been Dark Lord of the Sith. She'd won a war, tactfully and effectively. She'd traveled the Galaxy, finding dark objects that led her to confront who she had once been, and she hadn't turned. She was full of love, something she'd never been before. She was Revan, yes, but then again she wasn't. Back home, she knew she was regarded as a hero. So was the Exile now.p
Revan and the Exile had formed a bond then, in that same moment she was telling Revan of home. And Revan's feelings had been right; the two of them together were almost unstoppable. They finished what they'd come for within six months of the Exile's arrival. She didn't like to remember how. It was too gruesome, too horrifying, too painful. But they'd done it, they'd conquered the worst evil either of them had ever come in contact with, even worse than the pain of Malachor V.p
And now they were back home. Revan had laid in her bunk, thinking about all these things, for a good half an hour. The Exile was surely already off the ship. She'd always been much more eager than Revan, always quick to act. The whole flight home, which was more than two months long, she couldn't stop talking about one Atton Rand and how she couldn't wait to get home to him. The Exile had it lucky. She was only away from her love for a little less than two years. Revan hadn't been home in seven. She'd almost forgotten what it looked like. She remembered clearly the planets she'd visited prior to her departure. Manaan's oceans, Kashyyk's forests, Tatooine's desert. But home? Not so much. Probably because she'd only called it home for a short year before leaving. It had probably changed so much since then. Everything was probably different. She knew she wasn't going to be able to saunter off the ship and just jump right back into her old life. She knew for a fact that Canderous was now Mandalore, and she'd never have the kind of bond they'd once had. Jolee had been old when she'd left…who knew what kind of a state he'd be in now. Juhani may have died in the Jedi purge.p
Revan quietly, slowly got out of bed, stretching her limbs to their full extent. She knew she couldn't stay on this ship forever; now was as good a time as any to face her demons.
please comment and such, i would really appreciate it and i probably won't keep writing if i know no one's reading. this is my first fanfic i've ever posted so i hope you all like it. thanks again! (: