Title: Eleutheria
Author: Christine
E-mail: Xanderette43@hotmail.com
Site: Lil' Nibblin - http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/spikedawn
Distribution: Everywhere that's gotten permission already, anyone else just ask and I'll say yes. :)
Disclaimer: As if anyone didn't know already, I don't own Spike, Dawn or Tara, Joss does.
Feedback: Better then chocolate and half the calories, feed me!
Author's Note: This takes place three years after Wrecked.
******
Sometimes I feel as if I'm completely alone. Surrounded in darkness and shadows. But that's only when I'm not with them, they make me feel as if I'm actually worth something. So when I hear the door open and close and smell the familiar scent of vanilla permitting the air, I smile to myself and walk into the living room. She hugs me and I feel her arms around me, pulling me closer to her heart. I consider her my sister, not Buffy. Buffy acts like its a chore to have me as a sister, while Tara considers me her best friend.
She also knows my secrets, the things no one else knows about me. She knows that I used to steal things, that I used to sneak out late at night. She also knows that I'm in love with Spike. She never told me not to, which I will always appreciate. She knows that you can't help who you fall in love with. She fell in love with Willow, and even though they aren't together anymore, I know she still loves her.... she'll probably never stop loving her. I miss that, I miss them together. Willow moved out a year ago when she went back to magic. Buffy still lives here, but is hardly ever around, at least during daylight hours.
Xander and Anya moved away a few months ago. I miss them, but Xander calls me at least three times a week so its not so bad. Plus that means not playing Life with Anya every week either. Sometimes she'd get so much fake money she'd have to excuse herself and go into another room to get herself together. Weird? Yeah I thought so too. Anyway, I'm a senior at SHS. Yeah, they rebuilt it. It has cooler stuff now... well, as cool as you could possibly make school.
Tara asks me how my day was, I tell her 'fine'. I always say 'fine' when it was really horrible. I got another D in math. Big deal. In a year I won't remember any of this crap anyway, so what's the point? She asks me what went wrong... I tell her another bad grade, not the end of the world, at least not this week. It's not like I'm going to college anyway. My teachers tell me I'd be such a good student if I just 'applied myself'. Yeah. Uh huh. Right. I have more important things to 'apply' myself to, like researching and patrolling with Spike every night. I mean when you look at things like that, homework and studying don't really reach the same levels. Of course Willow disagrees with me, but that's because she was a bookworm in high school. I remember. Well at least the fake memories do.
I look at my watch and realize that Spike will be here in fifteen minutes. It's sundown now, and he likes to sleep in before coming to pick me up. Tara notices the spacey look in my eyes and she smiles. She knows what I'm thinking about. Buffy doesn't know what I think about, nor does she really care. Ever since she came back she's been different. I think she'll always be different. My sister died that night Glory was defeated and in my eyes she never came back. I tell Tara that I'm going upstairs to change and she nods her head slowly as she unbuttons her jacket. My sneakered feet hit the stairs two at a time and I tug my purple shirt over my head and on to the floor. I reach into my closet and pull out a black silk tank top. I slip it over my head and then I unzip my jeans and throw them on my bed. I tug on my leather pants and boots and I'm ready to go. I look into my mirror and run a brush through my hair to make sure there's no birds nesting in there and run my lipstick over my lips. Just as I finish putting on my mascara, I hear the door open. The corners of my mouth turn up and I grab my peppermint breath spray and aim it in my mouth. The last time I did this I didn't see which direction it was pointing in and I accidentally sprayed it in my eye. Not a good thing to do.
I clomp down the stairs and I see Spike talking to Tara in the living room. I cover my mouth to keep from laughing when I hear him tell her about the new season of Passions. Who watches soap operas anyway? Those bad camera angles and high school acting. Please spare me. I poke my head through the doorway and Spike turns around and sees me. His eyes widen at my outfit, and I smile because I knew it would make him look twice. I ask him if he's ready to go and he just nods, speechless. Tara tells me to be home by midnight and I hug her good-bye. She whispers in my ear to be good and I just wink at her as we walk out the front door.
The air is cold outside and I think to myself how dumb I am to not bring a jacket. Spike looks over at me and notices me shivering. He wraps his duster around my shoulders and I look up at him and smile. He asks me how my day was, just like Tara did, but this time I tell him the absolute truth. I tell him how Kirstie made up a rumor about me again. No big surprise there. If looks could kill Kirstie's look would've crucified me three years ago. I don't know why she hates me so much, I mean I didn't do anything to her. Not like I care much though. After this year is over I won't have to look at her sorry excuse for a face anymore.
We pass by the movie theater; they're showing Bram Stoker's Dracula. Ironic isn't it? I look over at Spike, he's been quiet for the past few blocks which means he's thinking about something important. The headlights from cars are illuminating his cheekbones and for a moment my legs grow weak. I turn away before he realizes I'm staring and walk on towards Weatherly Park. He thinks that a local vampire gang nested there, so of course we're going to end their little tirade.
We approach the front gate and he pushes it open, the wrought iron scraping against the pavement. I wince, the sound is piercing. It doesn't seem to bother Spike though, and he walks into the park, with me at his side. I look around, my vision's not as good as his though and he turns sharply to the left. He grabs my arm through his duster and pulls me closer to him. Suddenly I see a pair of yellow flickered eyes glaring in our direction and I slowly reach into my pocket, my hand gliding over the wooden stake I keep with me. Before I can pull it out of my pants though I'm pushed to the side and I land on the hard ground, I can feel the long scrapes on the palms of my hand. I grit my teeth and push myself up again, turning around to see a female vampire with red curly teased hair. I tell her its not the 80's anymore and I grab the stake out of my pocket, this time successfully. She rushes me, her left hand nearly grazing my cheek and I step back. She growls and before she can throw another punch in my direction I thrust the stake into her chest and she just stares at me before she explodes into a cloud of ashes.
I whip back around and I see Spike struggling with four vamps all punching him at once. I run over and jump on the back of one, knocking us both to the ground. He snarls at me and I feel his nails rake across my neck. I try to get up but he pushes me back and suddenly I'm laying flat against the ground, my cheek is touching the wet grass. His body is completely on top of mine now and even though I won't admit it to anyone, I'm petrified. I bring my leg up slowly and I knee him in the groin. He lets out this roar and I punch him in the face as hard as I can. He falls backwards and I crawl away and I'm up on my legs again. I pick up my fallen stake and stab him though the heart. As he bursts into dust, Spike sees me and runs over, staking the last vampire he was fighting.
He takes my hands and sees the large scratches on them. He says I might need a stitch or two, but I shake my head. Ever since Mom's death I haven't been in a hospital... the memories are just more then I can bear. Spike's looking at me, and I look down at the ground. He asks if I want to go home, but I tell him no, I want to go to his place for a while. We walk out of the park and wind our way through the cemeteries, finally coming to his crypt. He asks if I want to watch tv and I shake my head up and down. He sits on his couch and pats the seat next to him, beckoning me to do the same.
As I sit down, my knee rubs against his and I flinch. He sees my face and asks me to roll up my pants leg. I pull them up and I can tell that there's a huge bruise making its way to the surface. I tell him its no big deal, but he says to elevate it and he places his hand on my skin. His touch is cold, yet I feel warmer then I've ever felt before. I look at him and he looks at me as if he felt it too. I lay my hand on top of his and his gaze almost feels like its burning through me, but in a good way. My heart is beating wildly in my chest and I try to calm myself down, but I know its next to impossible to do with him looking at me like that. I cast my eyes down and I look back up again and he's still staring at me. His mouth is slightly open, and it looks like he's going to say something, but he doesn't, his icy blue eyes just sear though my own. I go to move my hand from his and he quickly takes it, lacing my fingers through his own.
I feel the blush slowly creeping into my cheeks and his other hand slowly brushes my hair back past my ear. I unconsciously lean into him and before I realize it I tilt my head to the side as his lips brush against mine. I move closer to him and his hand goes around my neck as he seeks out my lips again. They're hovering right over mine when he pulls back and tilts my neck to the side. He sees the gashes on my neck from where the vamp slashed me with his nails and he lightly blows on the cut, trying to stop the pain. I'm just thankful I'm sitting down because my legs would have certainly collapsed. He sees my reaction and he leans into me, his lips softly kissing the wound. I feel his lips close over it and I can feel him start to drink from me, his tongue caressing the deep marks in my neck. I close my eyes and my other senses take control. My hands glide over his back, my nails lightly grazing his pale skin through his t-shirt. I reach for the bottom of the shirt when he pulls away and looks at me. His face echoes that of desire and passion and a drop of my blood trickles down his chin and on to my hand. I look down as he takes it and presses it to his lips, his tongue inching out to erase the droplet.
A sigh escapes my open lips and I lift my head up and tenderly bring his lips to my own. He gently picks me up and suddenly I'm on his lap, with my legs on either side of him. His hand moves to brush the hair out of my face, and without warning there's a loud pounding on the door. I jump and immediately look at the watch on my wrist. I curse when I realize its almost 1:30 and I remember I had promised Tara that I would be home by midnight. Spike jumps up and I almost slide to the floor. I hear him curse under his breath and his hand reaches for the door handle when it flings open. He steps back and rolls his eyes when Buffy storms into the crypt. She glares at him and gives me an even harder stare.
As her mouth starts to open, I step forward and tell her that she should just go home because I'm not leaving. She yells at me and she walks over to Spike to punch him. I step in-between and threaten to hit her if she lays a hand on him. She tilts her head to the side as if she didn't comprehend what I had just said. She shakes her head and tells me that if I'm not home by the next morning, she's staking Spike and there's nothing I can do about it. She storms out into the night and I sigh. Sometimes, well, most of the time actually I'd rather have the Buffybot around. At least she was cheery, not cruel and harsh like the real one is now.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I snap out the trance I was in. Spike gathers me in his arms and I just lay my head on his chest. He knows how hard it is for me to live with Buffy now. He knows she's not the same person anymore, everyone knows that. I think Willow's the one who never wants to admit it though, since she's the one who brought her back. That was the stupidest thing she could've done. I still haven't entirely forgiven her for that, and I don't think I ever will. But what's done is done and I can't undo the past no matter how much I want to sometimes.
Spike lifts my chin up and he looks at me forlornly, and suddenly I can't stop the tears from falling this time. I try so hard to keep my emotions inside, but everything is too much for me right now. I close my eyes and I feel the hot teardrops running down my cheeks. I bite my lip to try and stop it from trembling but its no use. I let out a loud sob, and my hand flys to my mouth to try and quiet it, but Spike takes my hand away and picks me up. My arms go around his neck and he carries me over to the couch again and sits down next to me. I bury my head in his chest and my sobs echo through the crypt into the night. I'm past the point of caring though and my hands grab fistfuls of his t-shirt as my tears soak up into it. I can feel his hands gently rub my back in a soothing manner but it doesn't calm me any, it only reminds me that he and Tara are the only ones who truly care about me and that fact alone upsets me more then anything.
I try talking but as I form the words, I start choking from crying so much. Spike just rocks me back and forth, I feel his arms pick me up and place me on his lap. His arms encircle me and I move my face from his chest and I look into his eyes again. He wipes the tears from my face and I can just imagine what I look like. A blurry, splotchy mess. I tell him not to look at me because I look horrible but the only whisper that escapes his lips is the word beautiful. I tilt my head in confusion and he leans in and touches his lips to mine. I tell myself to stop, to distance myself from him, but I can't, his touch is like heaven on my chilled body. He pulls me closer and suddenly I'm lying down on the couch, his face is above mine and he kisses me again. I pull him closer and he cradles me as I look up towards the ceiling and for the first time I don't feel so lonely anymore.
To be continued....
Author: Christine
E-mail: Xanderette43@hotmail.com
Site: Lil' Nibblin - http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/spikedawn
Distribution: Everywhere that's gotten permission already, anyone else just ask and I'll say yes. :)
Disclaimer: As if anyone didn't know already, I don't own Spike, Dawn or Tara, Joss does.
Feedback: Better then chocolate and half the calories, feed me!
Author's Note: This takes place three years after Wrecked.
******
Sometimes I feel as if I'm completely alone. Surrounded in darkness and shadows. But that's only when I'm not with them, they make me feel as if I'm actually worth something. So when I hear the door open and close and smell the familiar scent of vanilla permitting the air, I smile to myself and walk into the living room. She hugs me and I feel her arms around me, pulling me closer to her heart. I consider her my sister, not Buffy. Buffy acts like its a chore to have me as a sister, while Tara considers me her best friend.
She also knows my secrets, the things no one else knows about me. She knows that I used to steal things, that I used to sneak out late at night. She also knows that I'm in love with Spike. She never told me not to, which I will always appreciate. She knows that you can't help who you fall in love with. She fell in love with Willow, and even though they aren't together anymore, I know she still loves her.... she'll probably never stop loving her. I miss that, I miss them together. Willow moved out a year ago when she went back to magic. Buffy still lives here, but is hardly ever around, at least during daylight hours.
Xander and Anya moved away a few months ago. I miss them, but Xander calls me at least three times a week so its not so bad. Plus that means not playing Life with Anya every week either. Sometimes she'd get so much fake money she'd have to excuse herself and go into another room to get herself together. Weird? Yeah I thought so too. Anyway, I'm a senior at SHS. Yeah, they rebuilt it. It has cooler stuff now... well, as cool as you could possibly make school.
Tara asks me how my day was, I tell her 'fine'. I always say 'fine' when it was really horrible. I got another D in math. Big deal. In a year I won't remember any of this crap anyway, so what's the point? She asks me what went wrong... I tell her another bad grade, not the end of the world, at least not this week. It's not like I'm going to college anyway. My teachers tell me I'd be such a good student if I just 'applied myself'. Yeah. Uh huh. Right. I have more important things to 'apply' myself to, like researching and patrolling with Spike every night. I mean when you look at things like that, homework and studying don't really reach the same levels. Of course Willow disagrees with me, but that's because she was a bookworm in high school. I remember. Well at least the fake memories do.
I look at my watch and realize that Spike will be here in fifteen minutes. It's sundown now, and he likes to sleep in before coming to pick me up. Tara notices the spacey look in my eyes and she smiles. She knows what I'm thinking about. Buffy doesn't know what I think about, nor does she really care. Ever since she came back she's been different. I think she'll always be different. My sister died that night Glory was defeated and in my eyes she never came back. I tell Tara that I'm going upstairs to change and she nods her head slowly as she unbuttons her jacket. My sneakered feet hit the stairs two at a time and I tug my purple shirt over my head and on to the floor. I reach into my closet and pull out a black silk tank top. I slip it over my head and then I unzip my jeans and throw them on my bed. I tug on my leather pants and boots and I'm ready to go. I look into my mirror and run a brush through my hair to make sure there's no birds nesting in there and run my lipstick over my lips. Just as I finish putting on my mascara, I hear the door open. The corners of my mouth turn up and I grab my peppermint breath spray and aim it in my mouth. The last time I did this I didn't see which direction it was pointing in and I accidentally sprayed it in my eye. Not a good thing to do.
I clomp down the stairs and I see Spike talking to Tara in the living room. I cover my mouth to keep from laughing when I hear him tell her about the new season of Passions. Who watches soap operas anyway? Those bad camera angles and high school acting. Please spare me. I poke my head through the doorway and Spike turns around and sees me. His eyes widen at my outfit, and I smile because I knew it would make him look twice. I ask him if he's ready to go and he just nods, speechless. Tara tells me to be home by midnight and I hug her good-bye. She whispers in my ear to be good and I just wink at her as we walk out the front door.
The air is cold outside and I think to myself how dumb I am to not bring a jacket. Spike looks over at me and notices me shivering. He wraps his duster around my shoulders and I look up at him and smile. He asks me how my day was, just like Tara did, but this time I tell him the absolute truth. I tell him how Kirstie made up a rumor about me again. No big surprise there. If looks could kill Kirstie's look would've crucified me three years ago. I don't know why she hates me so much, I mean I didn't do anything to her. Not like I care much though. After this year is over I won't have to look at her sorry excuse for a face anymore.
We pass by the movie theater; they're showing Bram Stoker's Dracula. Ironic isn't it? I look over at Spike, he's been quiet for the past few blocks which means he's thinking about something important. The headlights from cars are illuminating his cheekbones and for a moment my legs grow weak. I turn away before he realizes I'm staring and walk on towards Weatherly Park. He thinks that a local vampire gang nested there, so of course we're going to end their little tirade.
We approach the front gate and he pushes it open, the wrought iron scraping against the pavement. I wince, the sound is piercing. It doesn't seem to bother Spike though, and he walks into the park, with me at his side. I look around, my vision's not as good as his though and he turns sharply to the left. He grabs my arm through his duster and pulls me closer to him. Suddenly I see a pair of yellow flickered eyes glaring in our direction and I slowly reach into my pocket, my hand gliding over the wooden stake I keep with me. Before I can pull it out of my pants though I'm pushed to the side and I land on the hard ground, I can feel the long scrapes on the palms of my hand. I grit my teeth and push myself up again, turning around to see a female vampire with red curly teased hair. I tell her its not the 80's anymore and I grab the stake out of my pocket, this time successfully. She rushes me, her left hand nearly grazing my cheek and I step back. She growls and before she can throw another punch in my direction I thrust the stake into her chest and she just stares at me before she explodes into a cloud of ashes.
I whip back around and I see Spike struggling with four vamps all punching him at once. I run over and jump on the back of one, knocking us both to the ground. He snarls at me and I feel his nails rake across my neck. I try to get up but he pushes me back and suddenly I'm laying flat against the ground, my cheek is touching the wet grass. His body is completely on top of mine now and even though I won't admit it to anyone, I'm petrified. I bring my leg up slowly and I knee him in the groin. He lets out this roar and I punch him in the face as hard as I can. He falls backwards and I crawl away and I'm up on my legs again. I pick up my fallen stake and stab him though the heart. As he bursts into dust, Spike sees me and runs over, staking the last vampire he was fighting.
He takes my hands and sees the large scratches on them. He says I might need a stitch or two, but I shake my head. Ever since Mom's death I haven't been in a hospital... the memories are just more then I can bear. Spike's looking at me, and I look down at the ground. He asks if I want to go home, but I tell him no, I want to go to his place for a while. We walk out of the park and wind our way through the cemeteries, finally coming to his crypt. He asks if I want to watch tv and I shake my head up and down. He sits on his couch and pats the seat next to him, beckoning me to do the same.
As I sit down, my knee rubs against his and I flinch. He sees my face and asks me to roll up my pants leg. I pull them up and I can tell that there's a huge bruise making its way to the surface. I tell him its no big deal, but he says to elevate it and he places his hand on my skin. His touch is cold, yet I feel warmer then I've ever felt before. I look at him and he looks at me as if he felt it too. I lay my hand on top of his and his gaze almost feels like its burning through me, but in a good way. My heart is beating wildly in my chest and I try to calm myself down, but I know its next to impossible to do with him looking at me like that. I cast my eyes down and I look back up again and he's still staring at me. His mouth is slightly open, and it looks like he's going to say something, but he doesn't, his icy blue eyes just sear though my own. I go to move my hand from his and he quickly takes it, lacing my fingers through his own.
I feel the blush slowly creeping into my cheeks and his other hand slowly brushes my hair back past my ear. I unconsciously lean into him and before I realize it I tilt my head to the side as his lips brush against mine. I move closer to him and his hand goes around my neck as he seeks out my lips again. They're hovering right over mine when he pulls back and tilts my neck to the side. He sees the gashes on my neck from where the vamp slashed me with his nails and he lightly blows on the cut, trying to stop the pain. I'm just thankful I'm sitting down because my legs would have certainly collapsed. He sees my reaction and he leans into me, his lips softly kissing the wound. I feel his lips close over it and I can feel him start to drink from me, his tongue caressing the deep marks in my neck. I close my eyes and my other senses take control. My hands glide over his back, my nails lightly grazing his pale skin through his t-shirt. I reach for the bottom of the shirt when he pulls away and looks at me. His face echoes that of desire and passion and a drop of my blood trickles down his chin and on to my hand. I look down as he takes it and presses it to his lips, his tongue inching out to erase the droplet.
A sigh escapes my open lips and I lift my head up and tenderly bring his lips to my own. He gently picks me up and suddenly I'm on his lap, with my legs on either side of him. His hand moves to brush the hair out of my face, and without warning there's a loud pounding on the door. I jump and immediately look at the watch on my wrist. I curse when I realize its almost 1:30 and I remember I had promised Tara that I would be home by midnight. Spike jumps up and I almost slide to the floor. I hear him curse under his breath and his hand reaches for the door handle when it flings open. He steps back and rolls his eyes when Buffy storms into the crypt. She glares at him and gives me an even harder stare.
As her mouth starts to open, I step forward and tell her that she should just go home because I'm not leaving. She yells at me and she walks over to Spike to punch him. I step in-between and threaten to hit her if she lays a hand on him. She tilts her head to the side as if she didn't comprehend what I had just said. She shakes her head and tells me that if I'm not home by the next morning, she's staking Spike and there's nothing I can do about it. She storms out into the night and I sigh. Sometimes, well, most of the time actually I'd rather have the Buffybot around. At least she was cheery, not cruel and harsh like the real one is now.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I snap out the trance I was in. Spike gathers me in his arms and I just lay my head on his chest. He knows how hard it is for me to live with Buffy now. He knows she's not the same person anymore, everyone knows that. I think Willow's the one who never wants to admit it though, since she's the one who brought her back. That was the stupidest thing she could've done. I still haven't entirely forgiven her for that, and I don't think I ever will. But what's done is done and I can't undo the past no matter how much I want to sometimes.
Spike lifts my chin up and he looks at me forlornly, and suddenly I can't stop the tears from falling this time. I try so hard to keep my emotions inside, but everything is too much for me right now. I close my eyes and I feel the hot teardrops running down my cheeks. I bite my lip to try and stop it from trembling but its no use. I let out a loud sob, and my hand flys to my mouth to try and quiet it, but Spike takes my hand away and picks me up. My arms go around his neck and he carries me over to the couch again and sits down next to me. I bury my head in his chest and my sobs echo through the crypt into the night. I'm past the point of caring though and my hands grab fistfuls of his t-shirt as my tears soak up into it. I can feel his hands gently rub my back in a soothing manner but it doesn't calm me any, it only reminds me that he and Tara are the only ones who truly care about me and that fact alone upsets me more then anything.
I try talking but as I form the words, I start choking from crying so much. Spike just rocks me back and forth, I feel his arms pick me up and place me on his lap. His arms encircle me and I move my face from his chest and I look into his eyes again. He wipes the tears from my face and I can just imagine what I look like. A blurry, splotchy mess. I tell him not to look at me because I look horrible but the only whisper that escapes his lips is the word beautiful. I tilt my head in confusion and he leans in and touches his lips to mine. I tell myself to stop, to distance myself from him, but I can't, his touch is like heaven on my chilled body. He pulls me closer and suddenly I'm lying down on the couch, his face is above mine and he kisses me again. I pull him closer and he cradles me as I look up towards the ceiling and for the first time I don't feel so lonely anymore.
To be continued....