Remember the day you stared up at the ceiling? You saw her, bleeding and burning. What did you do? Nothing. She even screamed for you to help her; were you too much of a coward to reach out a hand for the one you love? You really are — cause if you weren't you would have stayed there with her and at least you two would have burned together.
Now you're off to live with your big brother who just doesn't get how you feel, not a single bit. You don't even like this life, deep in your heart you know you don't — what about your dreams? Normal life, wife and kids... They all went down in the flames along with her.
Remember the vision you had about her death? You could have warned her, made sure she stayed safe any place else but no, you were a fool, thinking that it was nothing more than another nightmare. But guess what? They're not dreams, they're called visions and those are very real!
That house, could've been your future and you threw it away because of your own foolish blindness. Maybe your time off the hunting made you forget everything about saving people's lives when it mattered, and the so called family business. You look at what your family has become. It's only you and your brother now, and you're both lonely and will stay lonely until the day you die. Because of your mistake.
Sometimes it just gets quiet when you're with him, but her voice shows up to rescue you from the deadly silence. It's reassuring, comforting, but anything seems better than silence to you now.
The voice makes it feel like she is still alive, that she's right there beside you. It freaks you out cause it brings back memories. Painful ones that stab you in the heart like a knife, happy ones that make you smile like the idiot you know you are.
Remember the day you had dinner with her parents for the first time? You were awkward and shy, you swore to yourself that you'd protect her. Cause you believed you could, and then they wouldn't have to suffer the loss of their precious child — and your one true love.
Maybe she would have been alive if you hadn't left your father and Dean in the first place. You just wanted a new start in college, and for once in your life not feel like a freak. You know, now, there's no escape. Everyone around you will keep on dying, even though you have saved so many people. How many have died? How many more have to suffer for you to realise that?
And still you are too afraid to let her go, you still see her in your dreams and you are holding on to them. Because the nightmares are all that you have left now. You could have come to terms with your life as a hunter, much sooner than you did, and you wouldn't have ended up like this. Or was her death necessary for you to accept your fate? You guess, in some strange, unfair way, it was.
Remember the day you decided to let her go, but didn't? You're still the same coward, too afraid to tell your brother about the nightmares that are haunting you everywhere you go, and right there in the broad daylight, your mind turns into a nightmare of its own.
In some way, you have let her go and in some other ways, you haven't. But that doesn't bother you anymore, cause you have learned to accept that this is who you are — a place where the ghosts can settle down as you try to chase them away, time after time. And that's okay. It's what you do for a living, after all.
Do you remember?
Remember when she was still here with you?
Remeber when you loved being alive?