Nothing belongs to me. Veronica Mars and the other characters belong to Rob Thomas and the CW network. The song "I'll remember you" is by Sophie Zelmani.
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It's daybreak, and you are asleep
Rays of sunlight, the beautiful pure kind that you only get early in the morning in southern California and that makes you believe that miracles can happen, fought their way through the heavy curtains in the penthouse at the Neptune Grand. Veronica rolled over to watch the boy who laid peacefully asleep to her left, and thought that if there was ever a day for a thunderstorm it should be today.
I can hear you breathe now,
Your breath is deep
And there she laid, listing to the deep breaths and thinking back to that moment in the cafeteria… The look on his face when she had said that it was going to take some time this time; he still had hope. He still had faith in her and he still loved her. She could see it all there plain as day. And then he had to go and apologize, sincerely, to Piz. Dammit, why couldn't she just admit to herself that she would never be able to love anyone else than Logan Echolls. In the end (well, it did feel like that last look had lasted for hours) it was Piz who forced her to see sence. He had told her straight out that he was done wasting time trying to make her love, heck even like, him when she was so obviously still hung up on Logan. So half an hour later she was, like so many times before, stepping out of the elevator and approaching the door to the penthouse suite. She thought back to the other times. She had once been met by a halfnaked Kendall Casablances and once been reconciled with Logan and had the best sex of her life. She knew that the first was not a risk today, she just prayed to god that she hadn't blown it for good this time and that there still was a possibility to set the bar even higher on that last one.
Today, a week later, she could definitely say that that had been the case. They had barely left the suite all week, and she knew without a doubt that she could never love anyone else. She had yet to tell Logan though. He still had to express it enough for the both of them. She was going to say it a few days back, but something had happened that had made her realise that she couldn't.
But before I go
She had to leave. She had had a visitor waiting when she had been back at the apartment to get some clothes. Her dad had been out chasing a bailjumper again. Veronica was supposed to stay at home and take care of Backup, but after much negotiating, and what she had feared would be a debt she would repay in favors for years to come, she had managed to get Cliff to take him. She chuckled at the pained expression on Cliff's face when Backup had drooled all over his new pair of jeans.
Entering the apartment she wasn't really paying attention, and wasn't prepared for the attack that came from behind the door. A second later the apartment was flooded in light and she saw Gory sitting in her dad's favourite chair. Next to him sat a man she assumed to be his dad. While the attacker still held her tight and muffled her screams Mr. Sorokin laid out his terms for her. Having once lost the love of his life himself, he said, and being a man not without a heart (yeah, right), he was going to give Veronica four more days with Logan. Then she was to leave Neptune without a glance back. Veronica then heard a heated discussion between Gory and his father. Although she didn't understand the language, she managed to grasp that Mr. Sorokin was very unhappy with the way Gory had handled the whole deal, and he went on to tell Veronica that he did not have the habit of hurting young girls, and that he would give her the benefit of the doubt, - for the time being. But if ever; and Veronica felt the seriousness of the threat to her bone, he found out that she hadn't held up her part of the deal, he would hunt her down and tear her and those around her to pieces. The three men then left, leaving a crying Veronica shaking on the floor.
After a while she pulled herself together, found her inner kick-ass awesomeness she had had to use after the rape, gathered some clothes and went back to the Neptune Grand. The next four days went by like a whirlwind. She had to use all of her acting-ability not to break down, but she put all her frustration and fright into showing him how much she loved him, without saying it in words.
I'll look at you one last time
She layed there for as long as she dared, memorizing his features. It was crucial that she left before he woke up, or else she fared she wouldn't be able to.
I can hear a heart beat, is it yours or is it mine?
She could see his chest rising and falling with each breath he took. Her heart was beating so loudly she was afraid he would wake up. She longed to put her hand over his heart to feel if their hearts beat at the same rate, but she didn't dare. That would surely shake him from his sleep.
I look at your lips, I know how soft they can be,
Did they know what they wanted, the times they kissed me,
Oh, those lips. The perfect combination of musculinity and softness. She couldn't count all the different kisses they had given her, and all the feelings they had arised in her when they moved over her body. She had never ever felt more beautiful than when he kissed her. Last night had been the best of her life. She didn't know if there were anything different in the way they had done things, or if it was just that she had known it would be the last time, and thus had felt it in a different way. She felt sorry for him, - he didn't know that it was their last time, but she didn't have a choice if she was to keep them both, but most importantly him, safe.
And your hands, that I've held in mine,
Now they're reposing on the pillow,
Will they ever miss me sometime?
Of course they would. She didn't doubt that she was the love of his life. But she was about to do something that might change that. However sad it made her to think of, she hoped that what she was to do would make him hate her. She knew how heartbroken he would be, and she feared that he would never be the same, but she really didn't have a choice. They were dealing with some pretty powerful dangerous people. She watched his beautiful hands where they laid sprawled on the pillow, and thought of all the wonderful feelings they had rewoked in her over the years.
I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,
But I'll remember
"I'll remember you," she whispered. He stirred and she was waiting nervously a few seconds to see if he woke up. Part of her willed him to open his eyes and prevent her from leaving, but she knew that no good would come out of that. She had seen the car that had been following her around since that day in the apartment, and she was sure they wouldn't wait long before they carried out their threats.
Your eyes, that always make me shiver,
Now they're closed, they just sometimes twitch a little
Those eyes. She could still see the wonder in them that day at the Camelot, when she had kissed him for the first time. Then that time after she had witnessed Aarons violent nature for the first time, when they had kissed by the X-Terra. That's when she had known that they had started on a path they couldn't go back. She cursed herself for her doubting him and going back to Duncan. She could have spared them both so much heartache, and probably avoided the situation she now found them in, if she had admitted to herself that she truly loved him and that he was the one for her. Since that day at the Camelot she had always seen love in his eyes, even when they were apart. Now they were closed. She had seen his beautiful, beautiful eyes for the last time. She felt her hand getting wet, and realised she was crying. Trying not to make a sound, she carefully rolled out of bed.
And your body, I could hold for an hour,
It sent me to heaven, with its heat and power
"If the cuddling was the best part he didn't do it right," he had once told her. He himself had shown her the true wonderfulness of sex. And she realised that everything was amazing as long as it was with the right guy. She snuck one of his t-shirts into her bag to try to hold on to him for a while longer.
I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart,
I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do,
But I'll remember
She sent his sleeping form one last lingering look. At the nightstand was the note she had scribbled, "explaining" that she couldn't do it. She had tried, but she just couldn't get over the fact that he had slept with Madison and all the bad stuff he had caused after Lilly's death. She wasn't sure he would believe it. She kind of hoped he wouldn't, but it was important that he didn't come look for her. And the only plausible reason she could come up with was the Madison-thing.
Tears now streaming down her face, she went to the door. Before leaving she turned around one last time. "I'll remember you," Veronica Mars whispered, and blew Logan Echolls a kiss.