"You didn't have to do this you know..." Lukas muttered solemnly, eyes downcast as he did his best to stop his lip from trembling. "When I said I wanted you to go away, I never meant like this you idiot." He couldn't help but let out a few tears, his eyes had begun to blur from being filled with sorrow. As he looked down to his feet and saw the familiar name carved into the stone, he choked out a painful sob. Holding his hand to his mouth, the tears had begun to fall down his cheeks rapidly. He took in heaving shaking breaths as he read the name over and over again, not willing to believe this was the reality. He didn't want this reality. This couldn't be reality. He just had to wake up, right? This had to be a nightmare.

But the more he read the name cut into the stone below him, the more he felt sick and the harder he cried.

Mathias Køhler.

"Why did you do it?!" Lukas screamed, his trembling lips curled up in an enraged grimace. But no matter how angry he was, no matter how outraged he was at the man under him, he couldn't find it in his heart to yell anymore. His face softened as more tears rolled down his cheeks.

"You know this isn't what I meant... You were just... always such a pain in my ass you know? You were always so loud and obnoxious, and..-" He paused quickly to wipe his nose. "- And always trying to get me into doing things you know I don't want to do. But, even though you were annoying, and I told you to go away, I didn't mean it like this!" Lukas shouted, once more wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket.

"I would have forgiven you, you know." He went on. "If you had just done what you normally do. You know, go away like I tell you to after we fight, but then come back after a while, and then we would have made up. That's the way it could have been Mathias! Why did you have to go and pull some shit like this?! You think I'm not going to miss you?" He realized he was shouting once more, and that shouting was no longer going to do anything.

His weak trembling legs finally gave out, and his knees rested on the soft grass. "Why did you do it?" Lukas asked frantically, his eyes focused on the name carved into the stone in front of him. "I wish you would have talked to me about this... And not just gone and done something stupid!"

He realized he was talking to thin air, and that nobody was going to answer him, but it just felt real. As he stared at a small picture of Mathias in front of his name, smiling away like he had always been with his thumb in the air in front of his toothy grin, Lukas felt as if Mathias was still there with him, listening to his words. He wanted Mathias to hear his words, to hear the things he had never gotten to say to him. To hear the things Lukas never would have said to him.

"Look..." He let out a shaking breath, his hands balled in fists against his thighs. "You know that I always thought you were annoying,, and obnoxious, and... were always the first one to do stupid things and screw things up for everyone. You know that I always hit you when you would run up to me with that stupid grin on your face, and would always push you away whenever you would try to show me any affection. You already know how much you irritate me with the nicknames, and the stupid antics you're always trying to do." As he spoke, guilt merely built up in his throat, blocking what it was he was really wanting to say. "Is this all I ever say to you? Bad things about your personality?" As more tears filled his eyes, he softly choked back sobs that violently shook his body. Wiping his nose, he dared to go on.

"Well let me tell you something you don't know. Even though I always told you you're annoying and obnoxious, you're actually kind of funny,and you're one of the nicest idiots I know. And even though you always manage to screw things up, I know that you were only trying to do your best. And.. I really don't hate that stupid big smile of yours. It's actually one of my favorite things about you. It just... You're always so happy about everything, and I just don't understand why. And the nickname... Yes, it's annoying, but at the same time, I learned to get used to it and not mind it as much. And, you know how you're the only one who's allowed to call me that name..."

Lukas's throat swelled painfully. The more he spoke, the more his heart throbbed.

"I just... I want you back you idiot!" He hunched over , his fingers fisting the grass. "I already miss you... More than when you would leave when we would fight. Maybe it's because I know you're never coming back..."

A sudden wave of sickening reality washed over him. His face paled, his eyes widened. The tears stopped, simply because there were no more left. His face had dropped any emotion what so ever.

You're never coming back...

The irony of the situation struck him, and he was surprised himself when a small chuckle dared to escape his lips.

"Why is it when..." He began, wiping the snot and left over tears from his face. "When I don't want you to be around me... You're everywhere I look. But when I actually want you... When I actually need you by my side... When I actually want to see that stupid smiling face of yours..."

You disappear forever.

"I don't think I've ever wanted to see you more in my life. I wouldn't punch you if you ran up to me and tried to put your arms around me. I wouldn't jab you or snap at you if you called me "norge", I would even scold you if you did something incredibly stupid. I... I want to see you Mathias."

I need to see you, Mathias.

"This is all my fault isn't it? You doing such a thing... I just wish I would have told you how I really feel. Before you had to go and do something so stupid!" He shouted once more, sobs tearing through his chest and pouring from his eyes. When had the tears returned?

"But I guess that's what I'm doing now isn't it? Telling you how I really feel..." He paused, biting his lip. Am I really telling him how I feel? It's not like he can hear me... He let out a soft chuckle, before slowly standing back up.

"I know this is ridiculous... And you probably wouldn't even believe me if I told you this. And trust me, I don't blame you. I would believe myself either. But,-" He paused, taking in a deep breath.

And it only took my this long to realize it...

"Would you... Would you believe me if I told you I love you?"

Hey there! So erm... Still trying to work on and get better at writing sad things, and this is just a little something to say I'm not dead! I know I haven't posted anything in like...forever. So, here you go. Sad enough for you? c:

So I've been gone for so long because I'm working on something else. Something I'm not going to be posting for a little while, but hey, it will be here soon, so I can see you wonderful people again.

But anyways, I hope you liked this, maybe it killed your feels (if it did, I've done my job), maybe you hate me now because of Denmark. But trust me, I LOVE Denmark. Just... you have Norway... Anyway, I hope you liked it~. Reviews are always appreciated.

~Alice.