Title: "Joined"

Author: Sashocirrione

Spoilers: MAJOR Spoilers for everything up to chapter 58 of the manga and episode 25 of the anime, plus some additional spoilers (mostly in the author's notes) for the entire series.

Warnings: NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for a reason. Sexual activities, swearing, violence. Also contains discussion about rape, but no actual rape (not implied rape, not offscreen rape, not any other kind of rape).

Summary: Ryuk is of the opinion that the game of cat and mouse between L and Light should never end, and he has a few secrets of his own. Ryuk is more closely joined with Light through the death note than Light ever imagined. When Ryuk dropped his death note, he was seeking some humanity. As long as Light owns the death note, Ryuk's body is able to change into a form that looks something like Light for a short time each day. Ryuk is interested in having as much fun with Light as possible, in every sense of the word. He leaves clues for L just to screw with Light and, at night, when Light and Ryuk are alone, Ryuk screws with Light in a completely different way.

Pairings: LightxRyuk or actually, it is more like Lightxpartly-human!Ryuk

Additional Notes: All canon events previous to the start of this fic have occurred as normal.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

CHAPTER 1: The Transformation

Light was walking home from cram school one night when Ryuk suddenly became unusually talkative. Light sighed and tried to say nothing in return. People were swarming around on all sides and this really wasn't the right time at all. Light wondered, once again, if it would be possible to train his shinigami into only displaying the best behavior at all times. Sometimes he wasn't sure whether he should think of Ryuk as more like a pet or more like a person.

Ryuk started out hemming and hawing and not really going anywhere, as if he wanted to say something specific but was having trouble spitting it out, and so was leading up to the subject gradually.

Light whispered, "Shut up, Ryuk. I told you not to talk with me in public. People can hear my voice."

But the monster continued, not really listening, babbling on and on about how there was no way a shinigami could either support or condemn Light's mission to kill criminals, and then Ryuk came right out and said, "Light, I don't hate you, and I feel like the death note couldn't have been picked up by a better guy. But, don't think this means I'll help you. I'm here for the show. I'm not on your side or L's side."

Light snorted in amusement. "I already know that."

"I don't care if what you are doing is right or wrong, but, as your roommate, since we live together, there are a few things I'd like to say just for my own comfort."

Light sighed. The shinigami was having some kind of emotional problem, and he just had to hash it out right here, in public? Why couldn't he wait for privacy?

Ryuk continued, "What I'm about to say isn't for Kira or Kira's mission, I'm only saying it because I'd feel uncomfortable not saying it."

Without breaking his stride, Light whispered, "Spit it out, Ryuk."

"Well, since I'm always with you, I couldn't help but notice this. It's quite annoying. For the past two days, a man has been following you."

Light's steps faltered for a moment as the realization sunk in, but he didn't look behind, not yet.

Ryuk continued, "I know this guy can't see me, but even so, it gives me the feeling he's watching me. It's so creepy."

Light wanted to snicker at the thought of Ryuk finding a human creepy, but held in the laughter as his mind raced through all the possibilities. Had L really zeroed in on him so quickly? No, that wasn't possible. His hacking of police files had been flawless; there should be no traces of it at all, let alone traces that led to his own home. There had to be many suspects, probably at least fifty or so, and all would be investigated in a preliminary way in the initial sweep, and then investigated more thoroughly later on in a second sweep. Light was sure his follower hadn't seen anything suspicious yet, but, the longer the situation endured, the more likely it was that something would be seen.

This guy would probably stop following him within a few days or so, but the second sweep would eventually come, and that would be more devastating. A single random search by true professionals might easily either expose his identity as Kira or trigger the trap in his desk that would destroy his memories and forever thwart his mission. Light knew he needed to discourage anyone from following him, but without revealing it was specifically himself who was dangerous to follow.

Yes, he needed to find out who all the surveillance guys were, and kill them all at the same time. That way, the pool of suspects would not shrink any more than it already had. The situation would be exactly the same as now, except that L would find it difficult to get anyone to observe Kira suspects. In fact, the heads of law enforcement agencies would begin to fear that Kira would target them personally if they let L have agents, and they would shut down such operations. L would be left with very few options, and he might be forced into risky moves.

As Light made his way home, he chanced a few casual glances back during opportune moments and saw the guy following him. The stalker looked Japanese, but that didn't mean anything. Of course they would choose someone like that for this kind of job. The man could be from any country. In fact, since L was investigating the Japanese police and knew there was a leak among them, he would definitely be using something other than the Japanese police. Perhaps CIA? Or FBI? If Light could just get the name of the guy following him, everything could become clearer.

As Light made his way inside, he pondered various schemes to get the stalker's name. Perhaps control the head of the FBI and the head of the CIA to leak information about Kira investigations? Light ignored his mother's greeting and, acting exhausted, went up the stairs, thinking furiously, Ryuk trailing silently behind him on his black wings.

Another important thing was to make sure the Japanese police discovered L had secretly been investigating them. Light settled down into his favorite chair in his room, assuming a thinking posture with his arms behind his head. Yes, that would continue his already-existing plan of creating mistrust that would disrupt L's actions, and the police would begin to try to discover L's true identity, to research him. Then Light could simply get that identity by hacking, and L would be dead.

Ryuk startled him out of his thoughts by saying, "Light, there are two key differences between a shinigami who uses a death note and a human who does. Do you know why shinigami have to use the death note?"

Light was irritated. All this monster wanted to do lately was talk. But, perhaps there would be some useful information in it.

Light said, "How should I know?"

Ryuk smiled in a very eerie way and said, "It's because we use the human's life to feed our own. All humans have a time of death, whether it is from illness or accident or murder. If a man had forty years left on his lifespan and I wrote down his name in my death note, forty years would be added to my own lifespan. Shinigami can't be hurt or die from anything unless they run out of years. You could shoot me with a gun or stab me with a knife, but it wouldn't hurt or bleed and the wounds would seal instantly."

Light found himself leaning forward in interest, his heart beating faster. This was incredibly spooky and... so cool. He was finally learning some real information about shinigami, and maybe he'd be able to use it later in some scheme. Light smiled, feeling he was sharing a special moment with the monster hovering over him. Ryuk had a dark soul and murderous thoughts, just as Light did.

Then Ryuk went into a rambling monologue about the shinigami world, about how shinigami who cared about anything were incredibly rare, about how death from being too lazy to write down names wasn't uncommon, and how gods of death had forgotten their purpose, if they'd ever had any, and only took human lives because they were frightened of their own deaths.

Light listened, his fascination beginning to wane. This information wasn't as interesting, though it did probably explain why Ryuk was interested in humans and the human world. Coming from a background like that, Ryuk was probably emotionally needy. It sounded as if gods of death didn't really understand things like emotions and companionship that well. It might be a way to manipulate Ryuk when the time came, but Light didn't really feel like forging a fake friendship with Ryuk just on that chance.

He needed to keep Ryuk at arm's length, let him know who was in charge of things. A passive Ryuk was better than an emotionally needy one, especially since interacting with Ryuk was one of the biggest risks for Kira's secrets getting out. Light needed to keep Ryuk satisfied with little drabbles of attention. Yes, they could talk and hang out and play video games, but Light had to draw boundaries and keep the rules strict. Ryuk was Light's private little secret, and they could only act like friends when there was no chance of anyone finding out. Yes, Light's relationship with Ryuk belonged in Light's bedroom, and in very few other places, and it was imperative for Ryuk to accept that.

As Ryuk's monologue began winding down, Light said, "Ryuk, don't think that way. You're a shinigami, and your world is very meaningful. Even if the shinigami realm doesn't change, it has a profound effect on the human world. How often does a human pick up a death note? Every hundred years? Every thousand? But, when that happens, it has an incredible effect. Just look at what I'm doing right now. It will change the world forever; it will fix its rot. I'm from a rotting world too, but I'm doing something to change it."

Ryuk looked surprised. "Is it really like that? My world is that important?"

"Of course it is, Ryuk. And, if I can fix my world, you can fix yours. Humans are motivated, unlike shinigami. Learn everything you can about humans while you are here and then, when you return to your world, use that knowledge to motivate other gods of death and reorganize your world."

Ryuk looked astonished. "Light, you're an optimistic guy. I think I'm catching some of it from you."

"I have to be like that, or I'd never think of improving things on such a grand scale. But, we've lost track of the original topic. What were you going to tell me about the two differences between a shinigami using a death note and a human using a death note?"

Ryuk raised a finger in the air and said, "One, your lifespan won't be extended by the names you write down."

"That's too bad, but I guessed that. How interesting."

"Two, shinigami just look at some random person and write their name. We only look at the human world for as long as it takes to find one victim. But, how can we know? How do we know their names and how much lifespan we'll get?"

Ryuk leaned in close, his eyes wider and rounder than ever, almost glowing, his demented-clown face seeming incredibly spooky in the nighttime gloom of Light's room, lit only by a single desk lamp. Light found his heart beating faster once again. Having a god of death around all the time, there was something immensely weird about it. This creature was a killer; a thoughtless killer who snuffed out lives on a whim.

Ryuk continued, "The second difference is in the eyes of the shinigami. A god of death can see a person's name and lifespan just by looking at their face. We never have to watch a person for some time to research their name, and we always know exactly how many years we'll be getting."

Sweat began running down Light's face. This was seriously creepy, and now he was sure Ryuk's eyes were glowing, just a bit. Was the creature excited?

Ryuk said, "There is another thing. We are joined. A human death note owner can make a deal with a shinigami. You could have eyes just like mine if you wanted."

"A De-deal?"

"Yes, the price for shinigami eyes is half of your remaining lifespan."

"Ha-half the lifespan?"

"If you have one year left, it would be shortened to six months. Fifty years would become twenty-five."

Light thought hard. This, this could be exactly what he needed. It would make him immensely powerful. But, the price was extremely high. Furthermore, the price would thwart Kira's mission. If he had a normal life expectancy, then he probably had fifty or so years left. If the world were forced to be free of crime for that long, there would be a strong chance it would change permanently. But, in just twenty-five years, the old patterns wouldn't be eradicated as much. The world would likely fall back into its old habits. If Light was committed to Kira's mission, he needed to do a good job of it. A short-lived utopia wasn't worth it.

In a sinister, quiet voice, Ryuk said, "I'm able to see your name and lifespan right now, Light. It's in shinigami time, of course, but if I converted it to human years I could tell you exactly when you're fated to die. Except that I would never tell you."

Light felt the creepiness of the entire scene increasing. He had a set time of death, and Ryuk knew it. Ryuk knew when Light would die. Was it fate, immutable and permanent? Could things a human did change their allotted lifespan? Light decided not to ask. If it were unchangeable, he'd rather not know.

Instead, Light said, "And I suppose since you're on neither Kira's side nor L's side, you won't tell me the name of the guy following me?"

Ryuk chuckled. "Nope. It's a rule of the shinigami that I can't tell you names or lifespans unless you already know. So, you only need to give up half your lifespan. It won't hurt; it's just like having contact lenses put on. Do we have a deal?"

Light said, "This deal is out of the question. I couldn't create a proper utopia if I didn't live long enough. You should know me that well by now. I'm fully committed to my mission as Kira. Even if I have to kill my entire family, I'll do it. A deal that lengthened my lifespan would be great, but shortening it is unacceptable."

"Yeah, I know you, but I thought I'd tell you anyway. Well, we can make the deal any time, if you ever change your mind. I wanted to tell you about this early on, so I wouldn't hear complaints about it later."

Light suddenly stood up in a blazing fury. "This is what you think of as early? You should have told me about the deal for shinigami eyes when we met or, better yet, included it in the written instructions inside the death note."

"Yeah."

Ryuk looked genuinely taken aback, and Light felt a warm pleasure in his heart. He could actually unsettle a god of death! This was fun. A creature of death and destruction, who was unkillable and could kill humans with the mere stroke of a pen, could be pushed around so easily! It made Light feel immensely powerful. He really was god-like, to do this to Ryuk. Light gazed into Ryuk's cowed face, memorizing every detail, and filed the memory away for future gloating. There was something like admiration there. Ryuk had probably expected a compliant, frightened human, and the monster was pleased, very pleased, to find a human brave enough to scold him and push him around.

In the same scolding tone, Light said, "And... is there anything else? Is there any additional helpful information you've forgotten to mention or more deals I might make?"

"Nope."

Light gazed at Ryuk. The shinigami looked uncertain. Perhaps there was more, or perhaps this shinigami really didn't understand much about the death note, just as he'd said earlier. Gods of death were pathetic, not even knowing or caring much about their own powers. No wonder Ryuk was so hungry for fun in the human realm.

Light said, "Is that true? That's too bad. If you wanted to give me shinigami wings, I might have taken the deal. I'm the god of the new world, and a god should soar through the skies. And, it's a dream all humans have had since ancient times. It's every child's fantasy, though most grow out of it."

"But everyone would see you flying around and the police would certainly notice you then."

Light smiled. "I was kidding, Ryuk. Of course it wouldn't be practical."

Ryuk said, "If you ever decide you don't care about being practical and want to fly, just ask to ride on my back. I think you'd find it a lot of fun."

Light thought for a moment. It was tempting, but it couldn't work, could it? No, there was no way.

To cover up his sudden lust for flying, Light said, "Besides, even if I could make deals for shinigami body parts, I'd just end up turning into a shinigami like you, and I want to be human. I don't want to be like a deadbeat, lazy shinigami. I want to be a human who uses the death note for my world, to help other humans."

Ryuk said, "Light, I already think of you as a fine shinigami. You are doing everything that a shinigami should do and more."

"Well, I'm not a shinigami, so don't compare me to one."

Ryuk said, "Light, there is a little more I haven't told you yet. You might not be a shinigami, but I'm more human than you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't just looking for fun when I dropped my death note. I wanted some humanity. The death note we share joins us in more ways than one. I can take on some of your characteristics."

Light thought he had an idea of what Ryuk meant, but he said, "Show me."

Ryuk's body began to transform. He was looking less freaky and more human by the second, especially in the face. When Light was sure the transformation had stopped, he circled Ryuk, looking at him carefully from every angle. Ryuk's body and clothing had transformed, even the holster at his waist that held his death note was a slightly different design. The creature blinking nervously back at Light looked almost human, except for the feathery black wings and some ragged patches of blue-white skin.

Ryuk was slightly thinner and taller than Light, a more gangly body build. His clothing had changed from a highly gothic one-piece to a less-gothic set of black leather pants and a black shirt that was, in cut, similar to the shirts Light typically wore. The belt was still outrageously gothic, the buckle a mass of screaming skulls. Ryuk's human face was especially reminiscent of Light's as far as the shape, looking almost like it could belong to a brother, but Ryuk's face was longer, the cheekbones sharper. Ryuk's eyes were no longer yellow with red pupils, but were entirely human, with irises so dark brown, they were nearly black. Ryuk's hair was black too, and in a different style, almost like Light's but slightly longer, hanging just slightly into his eyes.

In a younger, more melodious voice with none of the usual gravelly tone, Ryuk said, "Do you want to see more?"

Without waiting for Light to answer, he peeled off his shirt. As Ryuk threw it on the bed, Light briefly wondered about it. Was it like part of Ryuk's body? A shinigami shirt... what was it made of? But then, Light's eyes were drawn to Ryuk's chest. The large expanse of exposed skin now showed many of those patches of blue-white skin, the ones that didn't mar Ryuk's face at all but did show up on his neck and each hand. Some patches were more bluish in color and others were more whitish, and all had a stitched border, as if Ryuk were a kind of Frankenstein monster. But, a very good-looking Frankenstein monster. Light had to admit that, if Ryuk were visible, he would certainly turn heads for sexual reasons.

"Wait," Light said, "are you visible like this?"

"No. I'm still invisible to everyone except you, and so is that shirt, whether it's on me or not. I'm your secret, Light."

Light almost felt like he was dealing with someone entirely different. Was this really Ryuk? This seemed like dealing with another guy, with a person instead of a monster/pet. How many surprises was Ryuk going to spring?

Light said, "So, are you going to look like this from now on?"

Ryuk said, "No, I can only hold this form for an hour or two each day, and I try to make that time count. So far, I've only been changing into this form while you're asleep, Light, and visiting houses within the limited range caused by being your shinigami. But, there hasn't been anything good there. It's unfortunate."

What was Ryuk doing in other people's houses? Why was his new form essential to that purpose?

"Ryuk, are you showing yourself to other people?"

Ryuk laughed. "It's nothing like that. It's just that, before I was joined to you, I hadn't had a penis for about a thousand years. I really need to jerk off, and I like to watch humans having sex while I do so. But the humans within range of your house are all so unattractive."

Light said, "Ryuk, I could get porn for you. Well, as long as you don't leave shinigami spunk around."

Ryuk leaned down and took Light's hand, pulling it toward his face. Light's heart started beating faster. What was Ryuk doing?

Ryuk said, "Feel the inside of my mouth. I don't have any bodily fluids."

Then Ryuk pushed Light's fingers into his mouth. Light felt funny doing this, but he probed, amazed at the sensations. The inside of Ryuk's mouth was soft and warm, but completely dry. It was flesh, but it didn't feel human. It reminded Light of touching a snake. He'd expected the first snake he ever touched to be slimy or at least oily, especially with the sheen of its scales, but when he'd reached out his hand and stroked it, the animal had been clean and dry.

Light pulled his fingers free of Ryuk's mouth and stared at him. Ryuk was so... weird. It was odd seeing him like this. There was a kind of tension now between them.

Then, Light suddenly knew what to do about his stalker. It popped into his head almost complete, as most of his plans did, and with a few more thoughts, he'd filled in the last details. He was so pleased. There was no way L would be able to use this to narrow down the list of suspects. His plan was perfect.

And, he liked to impress Ryuk, to have Ryuk as an observer of his triumphs. It would be lonely to be Kira and not have anyone know about it except what they read in the news. Ryuk performed that function of being someone nearby who knew and cared. He was a buddy who knew the secret and could watch everything from close up, admiring Light's genius, hard work and determination. It felt good. Without Ryuk, it would all be much more difficult. Ryuk made the Kira mission more meaningful.

Light said, "I've figured it out. How to get the name of the guy following me. There's still time."

Oh, this was going to be so much fun. And, Light knew, he wouldn't even have to kill the girl to cover up the incident. He knew a girl who would never, ever say anything if you asked her to keep a secret. He'd use the power of the death note to trick his stalker into giving up his name, and then further plans could be implemented.

As Light got out the death note and began using the computer to look at information about criminals, Ryuk drew close, still in his mostly-human form but now wearing his shirt once more. He leaned over Light and watched, a grin on his face.

"What are you doing, Light?"

Light replied, "I just have to test exactly how much control I have over my victims by writing down the details of death. When I know that, then I can implement my plans perfectly."

Light smiled. It was incredibly fun to outsmart L and the police. And, it wouldn't be half as much fun without someone close by, watching his triumphs in person. Distant admirers were satisfying, but Ryuk added an extra element to it all.

A/N (Author's Note):

If you want to see a pic of semi-human!Ryuk, check out a link I've placed on my fan fiction dot net profile. It's from an official art book of the series, though there's a lot of disagreement over exactly what it's supposed to represent (whether it's an early design of Ryuk or something else altogether).

Well, this is another attempt to make human/shinigami smut that isn't gross. I'm basing it on a different premise than my epic L/Rem fic "The Sugar Cube Fort" because I find it boring to use the same idea too much.

Obviously, in "Joined" I'm ignoring the shinigami no sex rule, but since that's part of the supplementary materials rather than the body of the manga/anime, and is never actually brought up in the canon storyline proper, I think it's easy to ignore. Anyway, if you're really strict about things like that, then you probably don't read fics like mine at all, so I'm probably not offending you.

I think there is a canon connection between Ryuk and Light, something like a close friendship (they are in some ways like a typical pair of male buddies, just like you find in lots of fiction), but Light ignored many of Ryuk's friendship overtures and things didn't turn out so well. I've often thought that maybe if Light had treated Ryuk like a real friend, what happened at the end wouldn't have happened.

That isolation from all potential allies was one of Light's problems in implementmenting his Kira plan. He should have realized he couldn't do it alone, that he needed real allies and not just tools, but he never trusted anyone and that was bad for him. If he'd had true allies, things probably would have turned out quite differently. Maybe he still would have lost, but he'd have lost in a different way and he'd have been far more of a threat to his enemies.

Not that I wanted Light to succeed (I don't) but I just can't help nitpicking at any flaws I notice in fiction and wondering how things would have happened if characters had made different decisions. Which is, I suppose, one of the urges that drives me to write so much fan fiction.

Anyway, if Ryuk's canon design hadn't been so obviously repulsive, I'm sure the canon Ryuk/Light semi-friendship would have been interpreted as a sexual relationship in countless fan fics. As it is, smut involving Ryuk with Light is quite rare. I hope that by making Ryuk sexually attractive, I've breached that barrier and created something non-squicky.