Syed knocked gently on the flat door, smiling hopefully when it was opened by a half-dressed Christian.

"Hi." he said, pushing his way gently past his lover and into the flat. He turned around. "I hoped I might have seen you on Christmas day."

"I was busy." Christian said shortly, unsmiling. "Spent the day with Ian and Jane and the kids."

"Oh right." Syed frowned anxiously. It occurred to him that the older man was being more stand-offish than normal. "Christian are you ok?"

"Fine. Fantastic. Bloody marvellous in fact."

Syed sighed. "What's up?"

Christian scowled at him. "You're getting married in four days, or had you forgotten?"

Syed raised his eyebrows and collapsed onto the sofa. "Forgotten? You must be joking! With the amount I've still got left to do? You have no idea how maddening it is having mum and Amira constantly nagging me to do this that and the other."

"Poor you." Christian stalked into the bedroom and emerged pulling a pale blue shirt over his head.

"I'm telling you, I'll be happy when this wedding's over, I never knew they were so much work! I feel sorry for Tam really, you know what mum's like, never happy unless she's organising something. As soon as she's done with my wedding she'll be trying to set him up with every pretty Muslim girl she sees-"

"I don't want you to come here anymore."

"-and the poor boy's shy enough without her meddling and embarrassing…wait, what?"

"You heard." Christian gazed at him coldly.

"But…" Syed stood up, completely confused. "Why?"

"Sy, you're getting married in four days. It's just hit me."

"So?"

"I can't do this anymore. I'm in my thirties. I'm too old to be someone's dirty little secret."

"I've told you before, you're not."

"But I am though, aren't I? What happens when Amira decides she doesn't want to live in Walford and demands you move elsewhere. What, am I supposed to up and follow you wherever you go? Or meet up at weekends in cheap hotels whilst you tell wifey you're going fishing with mates from uni?" he sneered.

"Christian-"

"And what about when you have kids, eh?"

Syed cupped Christian's face in his hands, feeling the slight scratch of stubble as he ran his thumb gently across his cheek. "Christian, I don't want this to end."

He removed Syed's hands and took a step backwards. "Sy, it hurts me whenever I see the two of you together. It physically hurts me. I can't sit and watch you promise her forever, I just can't. I need to find someone who's not afraid to be with me."

"Christian it's not just about Amira. If it was just a choice between you and her I'd pick you! But I've got to think about my family. About mum…"

"That doesn't change how I feel." he headed towards the door. "Can you get your things out of my bathroom please? I'll be gone about half an hour…" he swallowed. "Please don't be here anymore when I get back."

"Christian please don't do this."

"Give me a reason not to." he turned around, hand on the door handle. "Please?"

"I love you."

Christian closed his eyes as if in pain. When he opened them again, they were shining with tears. "You know that's the first time you've said that to me?"

"I mean it. Christian…" he reached out a hand to the older man, but he stepped back, pulling open the door.

"Sy…it's just not enough." he sniffed and blinked rapidly. "I'll be half an hour. Please Syed. Just go."

He closed the door behind him. Syed stood there for several seconds, not moving. Then he collapsed down onto the sofa and the tears he'd been fighting back started to fall.