A/N: This is the first of a collection of ideas that kept floating around in my head, often preventing me from working on my other stories. If anyone wants to use one of these for your own, just PM me and let me know. I would love to collaborate with someone :)

Above The Norm!

"What the hell do you think you're doing POTTER!" Draco yelled.

Harry sighed. Five minutes... only took five minutes for Draco to say something. If he had to be honest, he was surprised it took this long.

"Well, I'm sitting here and eating. What are you doing?" Harry asked.

Draco appeared caught off guard. Harry could see the wheels turning in the blonds head. Any other time, he would have laughed. But, this was important.

"Well?" Harry asked.

"Just why the hell are you at the Slytherin table Potter? Go back to your damn Gryffindors." Draco snarled.

Harry sighed. Draco was as dumb as ever. Just once he was hoping the boy would grow some brains, but no, he was a good little daddys boy.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline that suggestion Draco," Seeing Draco about to explode he held up his hand. "Hold that tantrum. Aren't you even going to ask why I am here?"

Draco blinked. "Well... why are you here Potter?"

"Oh, for several reasons of course," He paused to a few sniggers. "First I might add, this table does have some nice silverware. Much better than the others of course," another pause that gave way to more sniggers. "But I have to say that this table does indeed boast some fine ladies I might add." He finished with a suggestive wink.

All around the table, eating stopped. Hardly anyone could believe what Harry Potter just said.

"What..." Draco blinked owlishly.

Harry looked around with a smile. All the ladies at the table were staring at him, some more than others. It wasn't every day that magics most desirable male declared that he was watching you.

"Like I said, this table has some fine ladies at it," Harry made a point to look at a blond girl that was sitting a few seats down from him. "What might your name be Ms.?" He asked politely.

"Daphne... Daphne Greengrass." The girl said with a blush.

Harry smiled, causing the girl to go even redder. "That's a very beautiful name I must say." He dipped his head politely. Daphne nodded and smiled back.

"Oh look at Potter. He thinks he can charm any girl here." Pansy Parkinson spat. She of course was Draco's resident go to girl if he was bored. She was unprepared however, when Harry's emerald gaze fell upon her.

"I don't think that Pansy," He paused to take her hand. "I know that." He politely kissed her hand.

Most of the women that table gushed at that. Pansy was left speechless as Harry gently let go of her hand.

"Broomcloset at 4pm, upstairs down the hallway from Moaning Myrtles Bathroom." She blurted out suddenly. He cheeks redding after realizing what she just said. To everyones surprise, Harry simply nodded.

"Pansy! You cannot be serious?" Draco yelled. He couldn't believe it. His girl just made a snog date with Potter.

"Of course she's not serious... that's my godfather." Harry cheeked.

After seeing that no one got the joke. Harry sighed and decided to end his fun.

"Well ladies, it's been nice. If any of you want to give me a shout I wouldn't mind," He turned his back on several redding witches. "Now Draco, do be a sport won't you."

"What do you mean?" Draco asked, confused.

"About Pansy and I's snog date," He turned from Draco to Pansy. "You might want to wear a skirt. I hear their easier to remove." He winked.

As Harry walked away. Draco had turned so red, steam to seemed to be literally coming out of his ears. Draco however, finally blew it when Daphne spoke.

"Do you think he would mind if I tagged along?" She asked innocently.

"ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Pimping Ain't East!

"How did you talk me into this Hermione?" Harry asked, depressed.

"Oh come now Harry, If it was Ron he would be through the roof." She beamed.

"Of course Ron would, but not me." Harry spat.

"Shush now, its about to start." She chided.

Harry watched hopelessly as all the girls 4th year and above began streaming through the doorway.

"Why are we doing this again?" He whispered to Hermione.

"Because I need... I mean we need the money for the war effort." She corrected. Harry made to speak only to be cut off.

"Thank you all of you for coming tonight. As you know, war is coming and we need to be prepared. To that end, I decided the best way to raise funds for the war effort would be an auction."

"What kind of auction?" One girl yelled.

"I'm glad you asked that," She turned to Harry. "Harry here has decided to auction himself off."

Several excited whispers broke out amongst the crowd.

"What do you mean?" Susan Bones asked. "Do we get to keep him?" She looked hungrily at Harry.

Harry gulped and looked away. Hermione simply smiled. "Nothing like that... well.. well get to that more later." She said.

"So what are we bidding on then?" A blond Slytherin asked. Daphne was her name thought Hermione.

"Here's how it's going to work," She conjured a pointer and turned to Harry. "Ok, the first bid will be 'Who shall be his 2nd kiss.'" She stated.

"What do you mean his second kiss?" Hannah abbot asked.

"Well he's only kissed one girl before." Hermione said, her eyes darting to Cho Chang who stood blushing.

"He's that bloody inexperienced?" Pansy Parkinson yelled out.

"Not everyone's a slut like you." Padma Patil said.

Hermione quickly sent sparks into the air to calm them before a fight broke out.

"Yes, he's only had one kiss." Hermione said primly. Harry turned his face away, the blush in his cheeks was killing him. How Hermione ever talked him into this, he may never know.

"What's the next one?" Katie Bell asked.

"You'll just have to wait and see. Now, does everyone know how an auction works? If not I'll give a brief rundown." Hermione quickly explained how the auction would go. Behind her on the wall was a very large board with all the girls names that were participating were listed. When a girl bid, her name would illuminate and her bid would be placed next to her name accordingly.

Harry couldn't help but feeling a deep sense of dred as he read 'Harry's Second Kiss' at the top of the board. Somehow, he felt it was only going to get worst.

"Now, let's begin. Opening bid is five gallons." The bidding was off with a flash and Harry found it hard to keep track as the girls bid with ferocity.

"180 gallons... Anyone else?," Hermione looked around. "Sold to Ms. Bones for 180 gallons."

"Can I collect now?" Susan asked, her gaze shifting to Harry.

"Of course." Hermione smirked.

Harry barely had time to yelp out in surprise as he was suddenly tackled to the ground. The softest pair of lips he ever felt, were crushed against his. Maybe this ain't half bad. He thought as he wrapped his arms around the redhead.

"I guess she was the one to jump his bones huh?" Angelina said. Several groans left her going 'what?' at the bad pun.

"Moving along," Hermione said, stepping over Harry and Susan, who had yet to come up for air.

"Next item up for bid, is the chance to be Harry's girlfriend for the month of October." Each girl turned to the other as more excited whispers broke out.

"Why only a month, why not the whole school year?" Romilda Vane asked.

"If I did that then I.. I mean we wouldn't make any money." Hermione said.

"You do realize you sound like a pimp right?" Tonks said.

"I have no idea... Tonks! What are you doing here?" Hermione asked scandalized.

"Just going with the flow, now move along." She gestured to Hermione. The girl in question rubbed her forehead before deciding to do just that.

"Bidding will start at 30 gallons. Do I have a bid for 30 gallons."

The bidding went quickly and was just as fierce as before. "Sold to Ms. Pansy Parkinson for 360 gallons."

"FUCK!"

"Language Harry," Hermione chided before turning back to the crowd.

Pansy smiled and rubbed her hands together. She couldn't wait to rub this in Draco's face.

The bidding continued for the remaining months of the year. Harry felt the worst was Millicent Bulstrode getting him in Feburary. But hey, it wasn't all bad. He got Katie Bell in March.

"Now, I do have one final item to bid," She smirked. Harry looked to her in question. This wasn't part of the deal.

"This will be a prize that is a once in a lifetime chance. Win this and you'll go down in history," She began to wind the crowd up. "You'll tell your friends, sisters, and hell, maybe even your mothers that..." She paused for dramatic effect. "You were the one to pop Harry Potter's Cherry."

Between the "WHAT!" from Harry and the explosion of noise from the crowd, Hermione was nearly knocked off her feet.

"You can't be serious?" Harry looked scandalized.

"Drastic times call for Drastic mesaures." Hermione said simply.

Harry gaped at her like a fish as she returned to the podium. "Now, since this is a momentous event... I'll open the bid at 500 gallons."

The bidding began with extreme ferocity. Girls began shoving girls. Fights broke out. It was a madhouse. Finally, after nearly an hour of bidding, Hermione held up her hand.

"Harry Potter's Cherry going for 5,000 gallons, anyone else?" She asked looking around at the worn and beaten up girls. "No, very well. Harry Potter's Cherry sold to Ms...," She paused to look at the board. "Ah, Ms. Luna Lovegood please step forward."

"Hello Harry, I look forward to seeing if your wand will fit into my wand holster." She smiled dreamily at him.

Harry face palmed and shook his head. Thank god this was finally over... or so he thought.

"Now, as I said that was the final item. But if you listened I said that was just for his cherry. I didn't say that was the only chance to get a piece of the-boy-who-lived. So, Who's up for seconds or thirds?" She beamed.

Harry groaned as Luna began to drag him off. Why couldn't life be simple and how in the name of god was this petite girl dragging him off with one hand?

A/N: Thanks a lot. This is the first chance I've had to write in a while. I hope you liked these. As I said above, if you're interested. Let me know.