A/N: This is for xTimeGirlx's songfic contest! I really like this song and I thought it was almost perfect for these characters. It took me two days to write. It's the longest I've spent on a one-shot hopefully it pays off. Also thank you so much to Secretly. in. Slytherin for beta-ing you are the best!
Year: Fifth Year A/U
Characters: Remus and Sirius
Song: Howl
I am tossing and turning in my four poster bed. I can't sleep. Can't eat; can't do anything except think about my newfound…feelings. Every time I see him my heart starts to pound. The full moon is only two days away and my symptoms are starting to show. Is this what a girl feels like during her 'time – of – the – month'?
"Moony?" he asks from the bed next to me.
"Hm?"
"Are you okay?"
"Two days to the full moon…."
"I know, but you are acting…different. More so than usual, I mean." I hear the rustle of sheets and his dark lanky figure walks over to my bedside.
"What are you doing?"
He climbs into the other side of my bed, the side I never sleep on.
"Comforting you?"
Can he hear how fast my heart is beating? Does he know that all I want to do right now is kiss him?
"Turn around and face me, it's weird just staring at your back."
Without thinking I obey him. We are facing each other – way too close for me. I can't hold in my feelings anymore. I crash my lips into his and kiss him like I've never kissed before. He didn't resist, instead he fumbles with my shirt before ripping it off. I press my hands to his bare chest – he doesn't wear a shirt to bed – and pull my lips away from his. He moans, "Remus…Please."
"Please what? What do you want?" my voice is ragged and husky.
It's like someone else is in control of my body. It was my mouth, my voice but not my words, not my thoughts. I graze my lips down his jaw-line and down his neck. His neck is smooth and soft. I can feel his heart beating rapidly under the thin skin. I reach his chest and bite down lightly. His back arches and I look into his eyes and smile.
If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart
drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart
"Remus!" he moans again.
I pull my mouth up to his again and our tongues start to dance. His mouth is the best thing I have ever tasted. He tastes like mint toothpaste and chocolate.
What are we doing? This is crazy. How did this happen? Everything is moving so fast. Is this real or just another lucid dream? It must be a dream…nothing like this would ever happen to me. Not with anyone, especially not with Sirius.
My fingers rake his chest, trying to find something – anything – to hold. It feels like the monster inside me that comes out twelve days a year is rising. A low growl reverberates in my chest.
"What about James and Peter? Won't they hear us?" I'm panting and it's hard to keep my voice a whisper.
"They both sleep like the living dead…it doesn't matter." he tries to put his lips to mine but I turn my head. My fingers trace the red marks that I made a few minutes earlier. Up and down; side to side; twists and turns. The scratches aren't deep but they are long and the skin is torn slightly. I've seen worse but knowing that I did that to him, it makes me feel horrible.
"Did I do that…to you?" I know that I hurt him, but I need to hear it from him, otherwise the monster growing in me won't care. I've gone too far, letting my emotions run amok.
"Yeah."
A slight gasp escapes my lips and I pull away slightly.
"Sirius I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like that…I just…I just –"
"Its fine, I don't care."
He pulls me close to him and runs his long fingers through his hair. It doesn't stick up in every direction like James' does, but it still has the same effect. He looks ragged and very sexy. I suppress the urge to let out a low whistle. I can feel the beast rising within me, but it won't come out. Not tonight. In two nights I will be the beast that I hate. I will become everything that I stand against.
After more kissing and just holding each other, we eventually fall asleep in each other's arms.
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to
Howl, howl
Howl, howl
A shriek rips through my throat, echoing through the safe – house, "AAAHHH!"
I'm losing my human instincts and the wolf ones are coming out. My nails are turning to claws and my back starts to arch as my spine starts to shift. Another howl of pain tears through me. Then, suddenly, the pain is gone. Just like that. Like nothing ever happened except…something did. I look into the mirror on the other side of the room. A horrid creature stares back at me.
Who is this? This isn't me. Why isn't my reflection in the mirror?
I want to run away from it, but I can't because that creature – the horrible monster – is me. I sniff the air. A scent catches my attention. It is the most enticing scent, it's Sirius' scent. The human hidden inside me knows that I should stay in the Shack, but the overpowering wolf in me makes the decision to find the body the scent belongs to. Every step is a fight. I try to make myself stay here, in this safe haven, but the stronger part of me won't let it happen. Pain is the only thing that slows me down. I rake my long claws down the already scared and blemished skin of my arms. Blood drips from my wounds, but it doesn't stop me from trying to find him. I bash myself on the head and kick things and try to stop myself in any way I can. Ultimately I get to the empty grounds of Hogwarts. This isn't the first time I have been here while being the Monster. The scent is stronger now. I'm getting closer. My heart it pounding and my breath comes in uneven gasps and heaves. I see the moon and instinctively I howl at it, the sane part of me silently cursing the full moon for turning me into a monster.
"Aaaooooh! Aaaooohhh!"
The monster tears me away from my cries and I start to search for Sirius.
Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hollow ground
like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins
I want to find you tear and all your tenderness
And howl, howl
Howl, howl
Be careful of the curse that falls on your lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
Hunters, hunters, hunters
I want to rip his pale flesh from his bones; I want to taste his blood on my mouth. His scent drives me crazy and I can't stand it.
How can I think about tearing apart the love of my young life? What kind of monster am I turning into? Is the beast inside of me really that strong?
The castle is looming closer and the smell and presence of Sirius is almost overwhelming. I silently pray to the saints to kill me and make this torture end.
Why did I have to fall in love with Sirius? He's now a liability. This is crazy I can't let him see me like this; I know he has before…but it was different. I'm dangerous, more than anyone knows; more than I know.
I look behind me and see that the grass is matted and blood caked.
The fabric of your flesh, thin as a wedding dress
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hollow ground
And howl
Be careful of the curse that falls on your lovers
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters
I bound up the steps of the school and down the hallways. The moon shines through the windows and I repress the urge to howl. Suddenly, instinct completely takes over and I no longer have any control over my body at all. Not fighting the beast inside of me makes the pain lessen, I can't think of anything except to find Sirius. I rip through the portrait hole and enter the Gryffindor Common Room. The musk of my lover engulfs my mind and I can't focus on anything else. The dormitory steps are cold under my bare feet. Barreling through the dorm door I sniff the air one last time, shivering with anticipation and then pounce onto Sirius' bed. His eyes open and I can feel him start to struggle but it only waves his scent around more. It's enough to make me pass out, I can feel his beating heart so close to mine. I lower my snout and open my mouth; I can almost taste his skin. My fangs are just barely touching his bare chest. Closing my eyes I dip my head down and tear out his heart. It's the end of everything but it's also the start.
If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound
I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hollow ground
Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart
So what do you think? I'm really please with how it turned out even though it's not what I had in mind the first time.
Please R&R
Love,
-CM44-
P.S For those who read All The Small Things this will also be posted there!