Αuthor's note: This story is based on the events of the last part of episodes 10 and 11 of the anime Meine Liebe Wieder (the clash between Orpherus and Ludwig).
The song I chose is a Greek composition authored by the band C:Real and it's called "Μείνε δίπλα μου" (Stay beside me). Of course, I don't own the song, I only translated the lyrics to English so I can add it to this fic.
Meine dipla mou
- Orpherus' pov -
" Orpherus don't come here again. I don't need your help."
I tried many times to tell him the truth that resides inside my heart but something always stops me. Seeing him keeping his distance from me, especially this time, I don't merely wonder if that could ever change... it makes me mad. I really have grown tired of this. How come you don't, Ludwig?
" Just what exactly do you think your life is? Once you lose it, you can never regain it again. Have you ever considered how everyone would feel? "
How can I open his eyes when he covers them with his own hands? Perhaps he senses that if he allows himself to look, the sight will pain him. But I am determined not to turn my back on him that easily, no matter how many ways he invents to escape my grasp.
\ Stay beside me for a while
and don't urge me to leave
however much I try
something brings me here \
I want to be by his side more than any other moment in my life, more than he could ever realise. Ludwig faces the biggest danger and to leave him alone in this crisis, makes me feel lost and anxious... there is also a sadness that I have not experienced before and weighs heavily on my chest. But as long as I am with him and do all I can -in spite of my limited awareness regarding this underground conspiracy- I am sure that we will resolve this situation, even if everything seems to be against us. I have to stay here, Ludwig. Can you understand my deeper motivation, what keeps me in this place? I wouldn't abandon you...
\ Now love is like
a dangerous game
if I choose the wrong path,
forever, I will be lost. \
It has become hard to appease the emotions that struggle to emerge in a fierce, rough manner. Yes, I know it's the most inappropriate time to express what I have been harbouring in my heart for months, to show all the feelings which I erroneously thought I would get over, but I can't help myself any longer, my patience has ended. Don't leave me fighting with myself now, Ludwig...
\ Stay beside me for you
say you stayed because of me
the truth and the lie
have burned for long within me \
\ Stay beside me for my sake
tell me now what to feel,
to give you my soul
or shed tears of anger \
- Ludwig's pov -
" Do you think you can do something about this situation alone? "
Orpherus has just left the room. The farthest he is from me, the better. I hope he understands this is for his own good and that securing our fellow Strahl and my parents from any sort of threat has become an important priority to me. I want to protect them as I plan my moves to solve this grave problem. Alone.
That outburst from Orphe... I expected it to happen sooner or later and I believe I know what else he wanted to tell me and how to show it. I began to suspect the existence of his feelings some time ago, but I can't answer them yet. The right moment hasn't come.
\ Like a soul in someone else's body
I am still standing here
And your childlike gaze-
a road that leads to a void \
Perhaps you think that I hate you. And there is also a possibility that you may have realised what I am trying to do and this knowledge excites your sense of altruism. But in any case, I can't involve you- or Naoji, Camus and Ed- in a situation that would risk your future and your plans for it.
When you forced me against the wall, it was one of the times that I wanted to confess what you have hoped to hear. This truth of my heart that you deserve to know... However, I did not permit the words to come out.
You have a genuine and naive -but not foolish- view of the world, friendship and love. I see things differently. Maybe that is why I cannot always follow your thinking and tend to stop halfway, sometimes lost in the mysterious depths of your soul...
\ This love that I hide
kills me little by little
Don't ask, no one knows
what is right, what is wrong \
There are times when even I ask myself why I am so difficult. I could say that I like you and that I am sincerely interested in you but instead of that, I tend to focus on reasons to challenge you.
We stand behind the two different sides of the same closed door. What's the point? Do we actually enjoy being like this?
\ Stay beside me for you
say you stayed because of me
the truth and the lie
have burned for long within me \
\ Stay beside me for my sake
tell me now what to feel,
to give you my soul
or shed tears of anger \
- End of Ludwig's and Orpherus' pov -
Thick masses of clouds, heavy with gray signs of an imminent rain, were drifting under the guidance of wind.
The freshly moist air that wrapped Orpherus like a sensuous mantle, reminded him of the desire that constantly haunted him during any part of the day or in any place. He wanted to be away from this, even for a while and somehow the beauty and tranquillity of the view helped him calm his soul.
" He is safe. There is no threat to confront for now. We can continue our lives and study in peace. I know other problems will rise but I am not afraid. And when my feelings for him become known, the void in my heart will be resolved."
He walked away from the edge of the hill that revealed an open view over the city and returned to the bench where he was sitting previously, taking his sketch-book to resume his drawing. " The light is insufficient. I hope I will manage to add some more basic lines."
While the pencil was moving accurately on the paper, the sound of steps was heard.
Orpherus was too focused on his work to turn promptly to check who it was.
" Are you busy?"
Ludwig's voice surprised the occupied man. He wondered what reason could have led the thoughtful Strahl to this place, without someone's company. Was it a simple stroll or had he been in search of him? In any case, nothing about his demeanour caused Orpherus a sense of "threat" or an instinctive reaction to be on the alert because of signs showing that Ludwig was in the mood for a challenge. Therefore, he answered composedly, " No... I am simply practicing to improve my technique - it's something I do in my spare time. I am trying to draw a part of the city from this point. However, the level of brightness does not help me right now."
Ludwig appeared to be listening to him and Orpherus thought that maybe his fellow Strahl was interested to talk with him. " So, what brought you here, Ludwig?"
The enigmatic Strahl gazed at the view for a moment before starting to speak.
" Orpherus, I still believe that you shouldn't have involved yourself so much. You put yourself in great danger."
The other man leaned towards his classmate, saying calmly, " What makes you think that having someone who is willing to be there for you, is always bad for that person?"
" It can be bad if there aren't enough ways for me to guarantee their protection."
" Ah, Ludwig..." Orphe sighed aloud as though he wanted to say, ' I know your way of thinking but try to understand mine just for once.'
The long-haired student sat next to him and looked at the uncompleted picture on the sketch-book. " You said this is only for practice."
" Hm? Oh, yes, it's not something I need to prepare for the art class."
" I would like to see it finished."
Orpherus glanced at his drawing and then looked at his classmate almost with disbelief. But then...
" As soon as I finish it, I will give it to you so you can keep it." He said in an unprompted manner.
Ludwig nodded, " If you can do that for me, then maybe I have the chance I want, to embrace more..."
" What do you mean?" Orphe asked in a low tone. He was perplexed and excited at the same time.
" You are no longer too unsure about your decision to walk beyond the road that is already familiar to you. If time has made us stronger and wiser, should the fear of the unknown still beat us every time?" Ludwig stated, closing his eyes as he often did whenever he preferred not to observe the facial reaction of his companions.
It was then when he felt Orpherus' hands pulling him by the shoulders gently and confidently. A warm breathing caressed his neck and there was an exhalation in the form of whisper, " Ludwig... you... how can you say that now?"
" Why I shouldn't?" The rebellious student asked, keeping his voice low, as the blond Strahl buried his face on his shoulder. " I might not agree with you often, but I understand what your heart says to me. I can't pretend that I don't. Especially when... I have fallen for you."
A gentle finger brushed some golden locks of hair aside and Orpherus felt the lips of the one he loved, touching his forehead softly. His pale face flushed and the heat spread quickly through his whole body as if the blood running in his veins had turned into liquid fire, burning him from within.
When he finally concentrated his gaze on Ludwig, while still holding him, Orpherus was surprised to see him smiling. It was a different smile. A warm, kind one.
\ Stay beside me for you
say you stayed because of me \
" I am in love with you, Orpherus. I thought I had to let you know. Reprimand me for this if you want to. I won't complain if you do."
The blond Strahl lifted one hand to touch the other man's face, softly, as if he sought to confirm that the person there, the one who uttered the words was real. His fingers were cold but Ludwig appeared to enjoy the touch.
" My love... How can I?" He whispered back with a pained look.
" It wouldn't crush me. Rejection is a risk that one must take in such occasions." Ludwig answered stoically.
" Did you come prepared for acceptance too? This also takes bravery, in a sense."
When Orpherus saw him blink in query, he moved closer and kissed him on the lips. It was planned to be a brief kiss but the leader of the Strahl realised that he didn't want to break it too soon, especially when his partner responded positively and passionately.
" You are important in my life." The righteous Strahl asserted after a few moments, gazing into the eyes of his loved one. " I want us to be together and the idea of losing you is unbearable."
" Then I will never leave you. You only need to make sure that you can put up with me in the long run."
" If you doubt that I actually can, then I might have to initiate a new debate with you."
Ludwig smiled back contently.
/ Thank you for reading. /