A/N: Really short one-shot. Spoilers for the episode, "My Cake," from Season 4. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
My Punch in the Face
I never imagined my first hug from Dr. Cox to have an opening speech. Being told it could only last for three seconds and to make sure he didn't feel my breath on his neck…maybe it was that little lecture that made me not believe him when he said he was serious. If I had sat there for just a moment longer to really think it through, I should have known that even Dr. Cox wouldn't go that far to provoke me with everything that just happened in my life.
But I didn't think it through.
I just thought of the way he had clapped so sarcastically earlier as I marched down the hall, his whistle following me around the corner. I thought of how I really, truly, honestly believed he was going to pull through for me on this one. And I just…I just got angry.
I was up from my chair in a heart beat. "You know what!? I am sick of getting dumped on, and I am sick of you!"
Shove number one.
He's frighteningly still for a moment, and so am I. It seems like all of Sacred Heart just froze over, and the only ones still working properly are Dr. Cox and myself. He smiles, but I can tell it's forced. A small laugh escapes him, and you can practically feel the anger trying to break free. "Newbie, don't shove me..."
I want to say okay, but this sudden act of impulse won't let me. It's as if it possesses my words, my arm; the arm that reaches up to shove him again. "Oh really? Why not?"
Shove number two.
His smile is gone now, but you can tell how hard he's holding it back, that rage of his. One eye is slightly wider than the other as he, surprisingly calm, warns me of what will happen if I continue at the pace I'm going. "Because whenever somebody shoves me more than twice, my mind goes blank, and all I see is this hot white flash of fury."
I know how illogical I'm being, and I know somewhere in the back of my mind that he's not being sarcastic at all. That he was trying to hug me from the start, and that even now, he's trying to warn me. But I'm suddenly at my dad's funeral again, and now I'm looking at my hammered brother soaking in the tub, leaving me with absolutely no support, and now I'm walking into Sacred Heart thinking how lucky I am to have Dr. Cox, and now he's telling me he's just a step away from picking up my sundress at the dry cleaners, and damn. Damn it! I can't stop. I want to, yet a part of me really wants to proceed, no matter how much my mind is screaming for a cease and desist.
"When someone shoves you like this?"
Shove number three.
He looks at me for only a moment, and it's not a look I've seen him pull before. It's not a glare, and I don't even think its fury. For a second, I think I see disappointment, but I can't tell, and I don't have time to evaluate him any longer, because now I'm down and lying on the ground, and man! I didn't even see his fist coming! In fact, I'm not even sure if I had time to register the contact.
But now I know for sure he punched me in the face, because I can feel the warm blood drip from my nose and settle on my upper lip. Splotches of black contort my vision, but I'm still very much conscious, which makes me believe…no. It makes me know he held back, but who says, "Thank you," to a person who just punched them in the face? And besides, I'm not grateful. Okay, so I'm happy I'm still aware of everything around me, but I'm sure as hell not grateful enough to not be pissed at the man.
I finally look up at him. He's standing over me, staring, and I can definitely see that pure white fury he had described to me moments ago. Except suddenly, it melts away. Was it even there to begin with? It's gone so fast, and now his face is twisted into what almost looks like…is that guilt? But now that's gone too, and it's just blank. His shoulders openly deflate though, as if he just lost some great battle. I blink, trying to get the black splotches that skew my vision to disappear, but by the time I open my eyes again, he's gone.
Maybe I should've just let him hug me.