The anniversary of their mothers death was hard for all the Tracy boys, especially now that their dad was missing. Jeff would usually comfort them all, with the exception of Alan of course. As he would be off somewhere reliving the one terrible memory of his mother, none of his brothers knew about his memory. How could he tell them and cause them the horrible pain of knowing a mistake watched their mother die.

Usually Alan would spend the worse day of his life on a yearly basis in his tree that leaned over the water and cut his arms while calmly reliving the memories again. But this wasn't a usual day as John had returned from 5 for a vacation for a short while and the forgotten Tracy felt even more alone.

So he sat there in the tree clutching a dangerously sharp knife to his neck crying. Just as he was about to apply pressure to his neck a scream caused him to turn.

"ALAN!"

It was John. Alan felt the lifeline knife he held be ripped from him and followed by a loud splash. The knife landed in the pool. Gordon was not going to be happy. Alan nursed to racked sobs and clung to the human in front of him. That was when John realized this was the first time the youngest Tracy had cried in well over 7 years and it scared him. John felt himself tremble at the clear scars on his baby brothers arms. Self harm his brain supplied and his trembling slowly turned to silent tears as he asked the question he needed an answer to.

"Why baby?"

Alan just looked up to his second eldest brother with tear filled and asked him. " John, can you answer any of these; what was my best friends name in primary, middle or even secondary school or maybe what's my favorite color like right now or I know what is the thing I'm scared of the most"

Johns blood ran cold he knew exactly what Alan was talking about. The forgotten Tracy.

"Oh I'm so sorry. Alan I am so so sorry" John weeped and clung to his younger brother whilst listening to his brothers heart beat assuring himself that he had saved his brother in time.

"There's more" usually Alan would be totally against this but he really wanted to let out all of his pain to the nearest person that just happened to be John. "You know I say I don't remember anything about mum?" At Johns nod Alan continued "well that's not entirely true you see I remember mum scream out in pain of her injuries on the side of that cliff, before she remembered that I was there and tried to keep it in. I remember her screaming at the emergency services and dad to get me out first and I remember all the life leave from her fingers as she finally died of her injuries and I remember dad crying over her dead body and growl at me I remember going to the hospital on my own with nothing but the memoir of my mother dying and my much loved father blame me. As much as he doesn't - didn't anymore. I still do and always do. Johnny I killed our mother"

"Oh Alan how could you keep this to yourself all this time?" John cried at the sudden words and clung to his little brothers small frame.

After a short while of long cuddles and crying. The silence was interrupted by a small voice berried with Johns chest.

"Johnny" Alan said in such a pained and small voice that made johns heart break at how young he seemed to sound like. For a 16 year old it was way to small.

"Yeah Baby?" John asked his baby brother.

"Can I stay on 5 with you? And bring 3 with me?" Alan questioned he new it was irrational but he didn't think he wanted to stay on Tracy island for a while or at all if he had the chance. But the fear of rejection was destroying him.

"I'll discuss it with the bros baby, but I'm sure it'll be alright" John replied finally realizing he was going to have to tell his brothers what had happened. And get the knife out of the pool.

John picked up a worn out Alan and carried him to Johns temporary room to sleep through the remainder of the day. With Alan safely inside John had to go tell his brothers. Maybe having the knife now John might just be able to defend himself from 3 potentially worried brothers.

John slowly walked into the living room to see a worried bunch of brothers eyes quickly snapped up to John as he walked into their line of sight.

"Where've you been?" An impatient voice came from one of the sofa. Gordon.

"-With Alan" John supplied quietly.

"Yeh well where's he?" Scott questioned looking around.

"In my room, asleep." John replied still trying to figure out how he was going to explain the issue with his brothers.

"Whys he asleep it's only like 6 o'clock he hasn't even eaten - today actually" Gordon questioned.

'Ah perfect moment to tell them' John thought.

"Perfect moment to tell us what" Scott said suddenly getting worried as was Virgil and Gordon.

"Damn I said that out loud" John said. "Well Scott this afternoon I stopped our little brother from committing suicide... Wow great way to put it Johnny great way to put it. -Oh well said it now"

"He WHAT!" Scott practically screamed as did Gordon and Virgil.

'Well now they know' John thought. "Yeh and he wants to stay on 5 with me for a while and I'm not waking him up neither are you he's worn out from crying so much" John silent agreements were heard and John sat down with his brothers to discuss what they were planning to do with Alan's living arrangements.

2 and a half hours later a tired Alan woke up and slowly walked down the corridors to the main living room. He was damn hungry. Just as he walked in the room 4 heads snapped up to him and he fell backwards from the sudden attention and landed on the ground.

"Ow-"

Complete silence remained in the room and none of the heads turned away from him and he decided that it was probably the fact he hadn't cooked them any food.
"Wait I don't usually cook so why are you all staring at me!?"

"Ummm- Alan you- wait you can cook!" Gordon lost his words by the sudden realization of what his brother just said.

"Yeah... Do you want some food?" Alan said with a slight an unsure tone in his voice.

"Anything!" Gordon said happily, totally forgetting his long conversation with his older brothers conversation just minutes ago or so the other brothers thought.

"Okay" Alan said and turned to the kitchen and started cooking with a smile on his face and the older brothers realized why Gordon had decided to get his brother busy with cooking.

Not long later Alan came back into the large living room with seven carefully stacked trays on practically every part of his body. (Nowhere private or wrong just arms, head and legs). Which made all his brothers stare in adoration with the same question running through their brains 'when could he do that?"

"Okay that's yours and yours and yours and yours and Brains and grandmas and mine" and with that he skipped out of the room leaving four stunned brothers.

When he returned he had a Brains and Grandma in front of him. He was pushing them in the room, smiling as were they.

"Food" Alan said and collapsed on the sofa and started to slowly eat, as did everyone else and after a few seconds of eating everyone's eyes went wide.

"What is it bad?" Alan asked look between the six pairs of wide eyed eyes.

"... No" Scott said slowly. "Alan this is AMAZING!" Scott and Gordon said in unison and a couple of frantically nodding heads agreed.

"Well... If you don't want to eat it you don't have to." Alan said clearly not believing a word of what they had said.

"Oh Alan trust me it's great!" John exclaimed and Alan seemed to believe him slightly but not completely.

"Okay..." Alan said in a small voice.

After they all finished Alan collected all the plates and went to wash them up. The four brothers now would probably be a good time to tell Brains and Grandma about Alan. Just as Scott was about to tell them John stood up and caused Scott to snap shut his barley open mouth.

"What? I'm going to talk to Alan and help him with it. You can tell them. But I have stuff to do." John stated and ran off after Alan.

With John and Alan left the remaining brothers explained the current issues to the unaware family members.