Severus and Lily

Lily and Severus barely interacted these days. They sat nowhere near each other in classes and ignored each other in the hallways. However, she saw how often and for long he looked her way. She knew he loved her. She has always known…just didn't realise in what way he loved until it was too late. Anyway, she had never felt the same way back. She could never see him that way.

'He's staring again.' Mary said, 'it's so creepy when he does that.'

'Ignore him then.' Lily replied, not even glancing up.

'I can't.' Mary whispered, 'he always stares at you.'

'I know…but I can't tell him to stop. He knows we aren't friends anymore and he knows I know what he's planning to do once he leaves Hogwarts.' Lily sighed.

'You could report him. Maybe to Dumbledore or McGonagall? Tell them what he wants to become.' Mary whispered.

'I think they know. How could they not? Anyway, it's no longer my place.'

'Still…I wish he'd stop staring.'

He didn't.

Remus and Lily – End of Sixth Year

'Remus, I know. I know what you are and I know what you're thinking of doing', Lily said.

Her and Remus were lounging on the grass near the lake and he lazily turned to look at her. She noticed the deep blue circles under his eyes and the patches on his clothes, wondering why he didn't fix them more effectively with magic rather than just patch them up. She's always thought that because of his 'condition' he feels like he is less than everyone else and uses his outward appearance to display this. She saw faint shock register in his eyes as he considered her words.

'Lily? What do you mean?' he asked nervously. He looked concerned but also like he didn't know what to expect.

'Oh come on, Remus. I've known since third year when they set the homework on werewol-', Lily started. Remus started, looking appalled at the situation and started to get up.

'I'm not going to insult your intelligence by pretending against what you know. I do however respect you enough to excuse myself from this conversation, so you don't become uncomfortable in my presence'. Lily thought it was like he shut down. The light in his eye began to die and he was aging before her eyes. He just seemed sad.

'Remus Lupin, what the hell do you think you're doing? Sit back down immediately.' Lily demanded.

He almost smiled right then, but it was a sad sort of half-smile. He didn't sit back down but he also didn't leave. It was Lily's go to smile, albeit weakly. He was silent so she took it as her chance to continue.

'Remus, I have known since third year. It has neither changed my opinion of you as my friend, or my fellow Prefect. I have always respected your brain and the way you think and I have absolutely always considered you my friend. I wanted to be there for you, just like I know your fellow Marauders have been'. Remus again looked shocked and surprised she knew that.

'Yes, I know what you call yourselves, I know what they did for you in fifth year to help you, to comfort you. I wish I could have done something similar but I knew you didn't like people knowing. The only reason I'm informing you that I know is because I can see what your friends can't, your struggling more and more. I think the transformations are causing you more pain and I think you're scared. Also, I know they've been in contact. I know you've recently heard from the Death Eaters, and though you did not remotely consider their offer…I think you realised that's the side people will begin to think you're on if they find out what you are. So I wanted to tell you, that it's not what you can change into that makes you who you are but who you decide to be'.

Remus looked half-torn between laughing and crying.

'You sound like bloody Dumbledore. It's not just something I 'change into'…it's who I am. The transformations are getting more painful. Every damn time. James, Sirius and Peter are such a comfort to me. To have them there, it makes me feel loved. Happier than I've ever felt in my entire life. But it won't last forever. We'll leave Hogwarts soon. We only have seventh year left. I already know I won't be Head Boy because Dumbledore spoke to me when I told him about the offer. God knows how, but you were right about that. They offered me a life of murder and torture in exchange for acceptance. And you're right when you say I ignored it, I could never give myself to that specific kind of evil. I'm still evil though, I'm wrong and inhumane. When I become what I do, I want to kill…I can remember it. Every bone that breaks during my transformation and every urge I have. I think that's the real reason Dumbledore has decided against making me Head Boy, not that I blame him. I think he's decided I'm too much of a risk. I think I'm too much of a risk. And that's why I have made the decision to not return to Hogwarts next year. This place is everything I wanted and need…but it doesn't need me'.

Remus had tears falling down his face. He had slowly sunk to his knees and looked almost relieved. Like this was something he had needed to say for a really long time. Lily's heart broke just looking at him. Her friend and her confidant. He was the one she went to when she fell out with Severus, and he was the one she went to when she worried she wasn't brave enough or strong enough.

'Remus. I love you. Not in a 'I want to have your children' kind of way', Lily said laughing weakly, 'but I never in a million years thought I would meet someone as brave as you. As strong and as funny. You have become my best friend. Someone away from Mary who I can talk to and confide in. I want you to know that I know you have been planning to not return. I see how you look at James and those guys. Like the sadness of the decision you've been making might break you. I read your letter when you were writing in front of the fireplace. You fell asleep whilst writing it and I had come downstairs. I saw the drying tears on the paper. I didn't mean to…I went to clear it away and I saw some words. Then I couldn't stop myself. You wrote about the offer, about what Dumbledore said and about your decision. Remus if you don't return to Hogwarts, I don't think I could ever forgive you. Or myself'.

Lily was sobbing now. She hadn't intended for it to go this way but she and Remus had slowly been becoming closer over the last few months, and she had begun to trust him in a way she trusted no one. It was to him who she first confessed that she no longer hated James, and that she didn't know what that meant. It was to him that she told him how scared she was that her father was getting more and more ill. She couldn't lose him and frankly, he couldn't lose her. They were friends.

He shook his head slowly, 'Lily, I can't see an alternative. James, Sirius and Peter can't support me forever. They can't be there forever. They want to fight the evil and be Aurors…they haven't realised, despite their innate cleverness, that they would never accept me as one.'

They continued back and forth for quite some time. Lily could see Remus's resolve slipping, she knew he didn't want to leave. He needed someone to tell him not to. Eventually he agreed to speak to Dumbledore again, to speak to his Marauders – his friends. Remus told her how much it meant to him to hear her say he was her best friend, asides from Mary. That he loved her too and aside from the Marauders – he trusted her above all else. They sat shoulder to shoulder for quite some time near the lake, until they'd both stopped crying. Then Remus said something that shook Lily to the core.

'He loves you, you know. James loves you. And now more than ever before, I can see why'.

James and Lily – Short scene

James Potter was a dick. He was a waste of space, good for nothing, troublemaker. That is what Lily has always, always told herself. However, recently he was morphing into something else. He stilled teased her, and others, relentlessly. He still used any opportunity to get one over on the teachers. However, he was more outspoken about the war against Voldemort and the Death Eaters – not in a cocky way, but in the way you'd expect someone to when you knew they were going to fight. The first time he spoke out in class was against their History of Magic teacher, Professor Binns. People so rarely interrupted him…they usually just let him speak to they were finally released from his class. Even Lily has stopped taking notes in fifth year. Professor Binns was talking about how in a war, it is often both sides who are at fault…not one singularly individual or party.

'Not this time, sir.' He has said, 'this time it's not us…this time we didn't do anything.'

'Excuse me, Mr. Popper?'

'It's Potter, sir. And I'm just saying that on this occasion, you cannot say our side is at fault. Muggleborns have not done anything, sir. They simply were born with magic…that is not evil or wrong. Sir.' He added as an afterthought.

'Perhaps you're right, Mr. Poller. But this is not a discussion for now'. Professor Binns said and went back to lecturing in his flat, dull voice. There was a faint buzz around the classrooms and some very odd looks shot at James, who rarely spoke up unless it was in wit or sarcasm. The Slytherins particularly looked annoyed. Lily, on the other hand, was shell shocked. She didn't believe something so…mature and reasonable could come out of his mouth. Thinking back…that was probably the very day she began to fall for him, though for a long time she ignored this.

This was also not the last time that James spoke out in class against the coming war.

2 months later

James Potter approached Lily Evans in the library, who was studying hard for her end of year exams. He sat down opposite her and waited for her to acknowledge him. This was extremely against character. He usually flicked her head or charmed her stuff to dance or asked her on a date, in the most arsehole-ly way possible.

'Remus told me.' He said, when she finally looked up.

Her green eyes locked on his and for just a second, she feared Remus had betrayed her confidence about everything she confided in him about James and their changing relationship. Then, of course, she remembered Remus would never do this to her.

'What do you mean?' She asked, in what she hoped was a curious tone…and not pure anxiety.

'I mean…he told me you told him to stay. That you knew what he was. Knew about his offer. About Dumbledore. About everything. I mean that you convinced him not to leave and to talk to us about it and not immediately freak out. To not leave us…to explain he's scared and actually have us listen.' James finished.

'Alright. But I don't know why you're telling me this, Potter. As you're aware, I already knew.' Lily said, taking her eyes of his, and looking back down at her work.

'Don't take that tone, Evans. For fucks sake, I'm just trying to say I'm grateful. I could have lost my friend. My very good friend. My furry little friend.' James said, smirking.

'You think you're so funny…you're not. It's not nice to tease.' Lily scolded.

'Who taught you that…your mummy?' James teased.

'Please go away, Potter. I'm trying to work.' Lily sighed.

'Nah. I came to thank you and I'm done. If you're lucky, I might even consider asking you out as a reward.' James said.

'I wouldn't go out with you, as I have said countless times, if you were the last fish in the whole damn sea.' Lily spat, looking back up at him.

All of a sudden, James's eyes lost his teasing spark…they became serious. They looked at each other for quite a while. James was serious and Lily was angry. However, her angry against him and him teasing her just wasn't as much as it used to be. He tentatively reached out towards her and tucked a bit of her fallen red hair back behind her ear. Instead of smacking him away, she let him. He lent back and said in the most serious tone she's ever heard him use.

'I don't know. I think I could change your mind. I think you know how I really feel about you.' James said, quietly.

'You don't 'feel' for me at all. You may think I'm slightly pretty, but mostly you like to tease.' Lily said, sure of herself and her statement.

'That's not true, Evans. You care for people more than I've ever known anyone to care for anyone.' He said.

'Then you haven't met many caring people.' She said.

'Maybe not…or maybe you just don't see you how I see you'. James said.

Lily leaned forwards. Completely unconsciously of course, and not enough for James to notice. He did not see her eyes soften…as they often did when he spoke this passionately about something. All of a sudden, he returned to his normal self.

'Besides…who else would have you?' He said, smirking again. With that, he got up and left.

Lily could have kicked herself for being so dumb.