Title: Somewhere Over The Rainbow There Are Boys In Glasses: A Fangirl's Attempt To Fix The End Of On The Head Of A Pin
Author: mrscastielftw
Rating: PG – 13 (Language)
Characters: Dean, Castiel, Sam, Gabriel, Crowley, and Bobby
Genre: IDK…But I Am Going To Say A Weird Attempt At Fluffy Crack
Spoilers: Up to Season 4 And Specifically On The Head Of A Pin
Warnings: Gratuitous use of The Princess Bride, Glasses, Suspenders, Unicorns, and Randomness.
Word Count: 2,100
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just borrowed it and I will return it when I am finished – unfortunately.
Author's Note: This was beta'd by the incomparable Mizra and written for amazing Hezio2. I admit to borrowing heavily from The Princess Bride and I will most likely continue to do so, because, seriously, it is amazing! There is no plot and if you know me at all then, this whole story will make sense. If you don't know me, then I apologize now. The rest was covered in the summary...I think.
Summary: **~~*Currently In Real Life*~~**
Narrator: I brought you a special present.
Reader: What is it?
Narrator: Open it up.
Reader: A fanfic?
Narrator: That's right. When I was your age, canon didn't always happen the way that the fangirls and fanboys thought that it should. So they would create fan fiction to fix the horrible, atrocious, ghastly, and unspeakable mistakes that are so often made by the show runner and writers. And this is a special fan fiction. It is the fan fiction I wrote for my dearest friend Hezio2. Unlike normal fan fiction, this wasn't written to combat the evil vicious television writers, this was written to make up for a really depressing, angsty story I posted that was devoid of all hope and made people sad. So, today will read the way I fixed everything and brought sunshine and happiness back to my F-List.
Reader: Does it have any pr0ns or props added in to distract the readers from the horrendous lack of plot?
Narrator: Are you kidding? Glasses, Suspenders, Unicorns, Escapes, True Love, Miracles...
Reader: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
Narrator: Oh. Well thank you very much. Very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. All right. Somewhere Over The Rainbow There Are Boys In Glasses: A Fangirl's Attempt To Fix The End Of On The Head Of A Pin, by Mrs. Castiel For The Win. "Dean was raised on the road traveling all over the country with his father, John and his brother, Sam. Lately, his favorite pastimes were driving the Impala and tormenting the angel that raised him from Hell. His name was Castiel, but Dean never called him that after like the fourth episode in season four…unless Dean was mad or trying to make a point, or it was in an AU and the writer was just introducing Dean to Librarian!Cas, who wears three piece suits and glasses..."
Somewhere Over The Rainbow There Are Boys In Glasses:
A Fangirl's Attempt To Fix The End Of On The Head Of A Pin
Being treated in a hospital by actual board certified physicians was a rare occurrence in the life of a hunter, but that was where Dean now found himself. He lost track of the days he had spent in the poor excuse for a bed and avoiding Cas at all cost, which proved to be especially difficult as the angel almost never left his post directly at Dean's side. "I started the apocalypse. I broke the first seal." Dean wasn't sure how he had the strength to say the words, but he somehow found the courage to confess.
Cas turned to Dean, "You are not to blame."
"What?"
"No fault lies with you."
Dean felt weak and ashamed, "But it does. I was there. Alastair said 'it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell.' I broke. I took up his…"
"Dean, you misunderstand. It's not blame that falls on you, its fate."
"I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. I'm not strong enough. Find someone else. It's not me."
Cas was at a loss as to how Dean Winchester, the most brilliant soul he had ever seen, could still doubt his worth. "Dean, I know our fate rests with you. I know fate ensured that this burden would fall to a righteous man that can lead us and you, Dean, are the only one who can stop the apocalypse. Dean you are strong enough. Fate would not have chosen you otherwise."
Silent tears slowly began to leak down Dean's cheeks, but he made no attempt to wipe them away. "I can't do it. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be."
Cas wrapped his arms carefully around Dean and whispered, "No, you aren't. You are so much more." He felt Dean tentatively return the embrace. The angel felt his heart clench and for a moment he had hope.
The soft sound of someone clearing their throat alerted them to another presence in the room. "Mr. Winchester, I need to complete your discharge papers and go over the doctor's orders with you."
Dean reluctantly released his hold on Cas and turned to the short bespectacled man standing just inside the doorframe. "Yeah, sure. Whatever gets me out of here."
The nurse hopped on the bed beside Dean and began reciting all the usual end and outs of massive internal trauma. As Dean signed the last of the thirty forms needed to ensure his freedom, the nurse removed his glasses and stared at Dean intently. As Dean raised his eyes to look at the strange man who was now taking up the end of the bed he gasped, "Gabriel."
"Hey Deano. You know, you've looked better."
"What do you want now, Gabriel?"
Gabriel grabbed his heart, "All little Sammy and I wanted was to bust you out."
"Where is Sam? Why didn't he come in with you?" Dean immediately went into overprotective brother mode and he was ready strangle, hit, or kill anything that messed with the youngest Winchester.
"Demons have taken over the nurse's station. Currently they are in a holding pattern until your angelic bodyguard steps out. Sam would have been spotted immediately. There's just no hiding Gigantor, especially with that hair. Which reminds me, here you go." He handed both Dean and Cas black rimmed glasses.
"Glasses? Who exactly are these supposed to fool, Clark Kent?"
Cas pushed his glasses up his nose and tilted his head slightly, "Gabriel is correct. With the angels protecting you, the demons will never expect you to simple walk out the door, especially, if you are wearing glasses."
"Alright, we walk out, but first things first, I need pants."
Aside from the glasses, Dean was also given a dark blue dress shirt, brown pants, suspenders, and a lab coat as part of his disguise. They made their way quietly to the end of the hall, down the stairs and out the main hospital entrance. Dean knew that everything up to this point had been too easy, but nothing could have prepared him for what awaited them in the parking lot.
Dean frantically scanned the lot for any sign of his beloved Impala, but could not find his baby anywhere. The angels ushered him to a delivery bay off to the side of the hospital where Sam was standing holding the reins of four brilliantly white unicorns. Dean laughed to himself, it made sense and after all they were the cavalry in the apocalypse. "Listen guys, not that I'm not grateful for the pickup, costumes, and all, but where the hell is my car?"
Gabriel held his hands up in a gesture of mock surrender, "A ride as sweet the Impala is sure to be noticed. We have to work under the radar."
Dean felt his hands ball into fists, "Unicorns are under the radar?"
Gabriel, Cas, and Sam all stared at Dean for a moment before saying in unison, "Nobody ever expects unicorns."
"Okay, now that we've got that cleared up. Let's hit the road."
Sam looked sheepish, "Any minute now. We're just waiting on backup."
Magically at that exact moment, Bobby and Crowley rode up on majestic unicorns of their own. They each looked every bit the part of a true cowboy, except that they were mounted on unicorns as opposed to the normal steeds and Crowley was wearing an extremely expensive three piece suit complete with a pocket watch.
Crowley sneered, "Bollocks. We had time to check the entire sodding perimeter and you couldn't even be bothered to be in the saddle before we got back."
Gabriel immediately responded, "Sorry, we ran into some unexpected trouble trying to spring Dean. What with the place crawling with demons and all!"
The demon turned giving Gabriel a bitchface that put all of Sam's bicthfaces to shame, "Trouble, really? What kind of trouble?"
"Okay, there was a vending machine. Also you know, scrubs this perfectly tailored don't just happen and I had to make sure that they made my eyes pop. People don't notice my eyes enough. Dude, they're honey colored. Tell me I'm pretty."
"Lovely. Now get your ass on the unicorn. We're burning daylight," Bobby grumbled.
The ride to the salvage yard had been silent. This was mostly due to the fact that when unicorns run, they leave a glittery rainbow trail behind them that no one really wanted to think about too much and any noise in addition to that would have been way too conspicuous. Escaping from a hospital full of demons astride unicorns while wearing glasses means you have to keep a low profile. That was one of the first lessons any hunter learned.
Gabriel was the first to break the silence, "Listen guys, this could very well be the last chance we get to just sit around the fire and shoot the breeze for awhile. Let's make the most of it, before we kick some major ass. I've got graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows in my saddlebag." He made his way to Sam and handed him a sparkler, "Let's celebrate my awesomeness."
Sam just smiled and nudged Gabriel with his shoulder. He knew he had been very quiet the whole day and seemed to blend into the background, but almost losing Dean had scared him. He decided in that moment that he would never lie to his brother again. They could beat anything as long as they fought together. Sam made his way to where Dean was standing and engulfed him in the purest brotherly hug imaginable. "I love you, Jerk."
"I love you too, Bitch." Dean then slapped him on the back the required three times to make the hug manly and devoid of all unnecessary chick flickishness.
The angels mojo'd a stable for the unicorns and settled them in for the night. Then they all gathered in Bobby's backyard around a safe and well monitored campfire, quickly making use of Gabriel's marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate bars. They took turns tell unbelievably ridiculous and absolutely true stories about any and everything.
As Dean basked in the warmth of the fire and the comfort of being surrounded by love ones and Gabriel. He felt for the first time since he returned from Hell that he truly was home. This is his family. They may not all be blood or human, but they were the ones he could count to save him from demons, from the things that go bump in the night, and from himself. They were the ones that would stick around through the fight and anything that happened after.
Long after everyone else had turned in for the night, desperately trying to find anywhere to sleep in Bobby's tightly packed house, Dean and Cas still sat around the dying embers. There were so many words that neither of them said, but they both somehow heard, words of apology, friendship, loyalty, trust, thanks, and most importantly words of understanding.
"Baziel requested that I give this to you." Cas handed Dean a small cloth covered item.
"Cupid sent me a present? This I gotta see." Dean unwrapped the cloth to reveal an antique gold stopwatch with the inscription 'All You Need Is Love.'
**~~*Back In Real Life*~~**
Narrator: "They began of part of their next journey as a family - one demon, two angels and three of the greatest hunters the world will ever know. And as dawn arose, Cas and Dean knew they were going to battle until the end to save the world no matter what the cost. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other…"
Reader: What? What?
Narrator: Nah, it's kissing again, you don't want to hear that.
Reader: Well, I don't mind so much.
Narrator: Okay. "Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. Also, it included some Tie!Pr0n, suspenders, and glasses. The End."
Reader: The End?
Narrator: Yes, why?
Reader: Maybe you could come over and butcher canon while mixing it with The Princess Bride again for me tomorrow.
Narrator: As you wish.
**~~*Epilogue*~~**
With the apocalypse over and order restored in Heaven and Hell, Gabriel found himself without purpose. "You know, It's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."
Cas looked off into the distance at all they had saved and knew that the days to come would be full of peace, happiness, unicorns, rainbows, sparklers, marshmallows, glasses, and pie. "Have you ever considered chocolatiering? You'd make a wonderful Willy Wonka.