Empty

by Jittsub

Today was not Amu's day. If she could, she would even prefer being at home then here at school where all her secrets and lies were crumbling into dust. Because really, what was she supposed to do when people like Ikuto were just so persistent in prying their ways into other peoples lives? Amuto! Inspired by 'The A Team'

Jittsub: Ehhh this is my first story, and at 17 pages I'm pretty proud of myself. Not to sure how good the grammar is though I did try very hard. Please enjoy, and don't forget to leave constructive criticism!

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This wasn't working. I couldn't go on like this. It wouldn't be long until I crashed. I stumbled home, tired from work. These long shifts were final taking its toll on me, but I had to. At least I had a home to come to because it was freezing. The snow fell all around me piling up almost to my ankles. When I was smaller, and had time to play around, I had loved the snow, but now I didn't. All I had time for now was work and school. My small 1 room apartment had hole after hole and held no warmth. That reminded me, by tomorrow I had to have the rent in. I didn't even have half of it. I mean a thousand a month was a bit pricey, but I didn't exactly find any place cheaper.

I sighed. Home. I guess. I missed my real home, but I was sure that was already long, long gone. It had been 2 years already. It was funny how still no one knew. But why should they. I slip of my soaked boats and slid to the floor. I want to make it to my bed, but I know that won't happen so I just stay seated. I'm so tired.

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"...and so I was like of course I can kick better then you. Can you believe this guy?"
I can't. I hate this fake smile echeted into my face. I don't want to cry. It makes me tired. Well Kremlin tired, but this smile is so wrong. I'm not okay. Why can you see this? I need you. But instead I say;

"Well how far did you kick it?" He laughs like this question is stupid and I find myself falling into the role of a happy 17 year old girl.

"Over the roof and he was like wow and I was like oh and he was like wow. You should have seen his face, it was halriouso." Rima rolled her eyes.

"You know you can't make a word Spanish by adding oso to the word dummy." And Kukai just turned his head away, folding his arms.

"How do you know? Halriouso sounds Spanish to me." Rima just rolled her eyes again. And I found myself laughing though I had stopped finding these kind of things funny long ago. Still I heard something like broken China bells in my ears and wondered if that was my laugh.
Utau looked at me while she re-did her blond hair in their usual two pony-tails.

"Hey Amu you okay? You sound sick." I shook my head even though I did feel a little hot. When she tried to feel my head I gently pushed her hand away smiling weakly.

"I'm fine, really. I um have to go. Sorry, I'll see you at lunch." I instantly knew I had said the wrong words by the looks that crossed their faces, but it was too late to take it back. So instead I scoped up my books and rushed off, just praying they'd forget this. But fate seemed to have something against me today because next thing I know I'm on the floor, books scattered all around me. 'Why' I ask, 'why me? I haven't done anything ' but then again, when had I ever done anything to deserve all I had gotten.

I sigh, trying to find where I would get the strength to get through the day. Maybe my budget would allow me a coffee. Not likely.

"Hey Amu, if you wanted my attention you could of asked, no need to perpously fall all over me." Ikuto, I sigh again. 'Really fate, really. So this was the game it was playing at' I wanted to act like I was ready for this game but I knew there was no way to keep up with it. So instead I focused on the headache he was sure to give me. Pushing myself off the tall boy with blue hair and eyes I glared.

"You wish. Like I'd fall on you on purpous. Get a life. "I pronounced each word as clear as possible but somehow knew it still wouldn't go through his thick head. I picked up my books, trying to ignore the stare I felt boring into my back and fight off the sluggish motions that were slowly, but surely creeping up on me. I felt my muscles getting heavy but I fought it off. 'More sleep ' I told myself, 'more sleep and more food.' One way or another I was going to have to find money to eat today.

"Oi Amu, you alright?" Oh so now Ikuto's nice side wanted to come out. I remember when I was smaller, I used to love when I got sick because Ikuto was always nicest to me then, but now I couldn't be bothered with his concern. Why was everything falling apart today? I needed to get my game back, now being a good time to start.

I'm fine Ikuto, just a small headache and," I decided to add a little truth "And tired. I didn't sleep well last night." And even though I'm turned around, I know he's frowning. I know he's goggling me. I know he doesn't exactly believe me. I know him so well, it's sad he doesn't know me. 2 years is enough time for anyone, or so I would have though. Her are all my friends smiling with me but having no clue about me. How can you know someone but not know them at all? That had always puzzled me and I had come up with the idea that that was just how the world worked. Nothing more nothing less. She probably didn't know half the things that went on in their homes.

"Amu, tell me the truth." I want to argue, honestly I do, but I feel so hot right now I'm practically panting.

"Ikuto it is hot in here right?" I beg that this isn't me. I don't have the money for a doctor.

"No it's freaking freezing in here. Amu really, are you okay?" He walks up to me as I fall on my butt, my mussels no longer able to hold me up. He touches my head even as I try to jerk back. No use. His hand is pressed tightly against my head and I almost moan as his cold hand collides with my burning head.

"You're burning Amu. God what did you do? Come on I'm taking you to the nurse." No I can't go there. I can see this whole thing rolling out. They'll send me home; Ikuto will demand to take me. He'll get my address out of me somehow. He'll see my home. He'll know. My life will come crashing down. All within 20 minutes. No, this just couldn't happen. So with all the strength I have I begin to struggle as he tries to pick me up. He can't do this to me.

"Ikuto I'm fine let me go. Please let me go." His eyes scan my body over.

"Why don't you want to go to the nurse? Has something..."

"God no Ikuto, I'm not being abused. Jeez it's nothing like that."

"So why don't you want to go there?"

"I don't want to talk about it but please Ikuto. Please." He looks at me again as I scoot away from him and over to lean on the lockers that feel amazingly cool. By this time everyone is still in class, (she had free period.)

"Okay but I'm taking you home," Really! This was the thing I was trying to avoid!

"Um no that's okay I can go home myself." I try to stand. I try as if my life depends on it but still it's not enough as I feel my mussels scream in protest and I crash. And I now I can't help but cry. To be so upset and useless and just tired. I almost scream as I roughly scrub my face of any tears but they just keep coming until I just give up practically throwing my hands down. I pray no one comes out of there class to see this. Ikuto walks up to me.

"Amu?..." this only makes me cry harder. I want to tell him. I want to tell him so had that my heart it about to jump out of my chest but my mouth stays shut. So I cry even harder. Because I know the person that use to tell him everything is gone. The person who went through all those things with him, the girl who used him as a rock, the girl who loved him with everything she had was gone, leaving behind only a broken piece that just wasn't stable. When Ikuto picks me up his time I don't push him away. He scopes me up in those strong arms I love and I bury my face and hands in his shirt even though he only makes me hotter. He doesn't seem to mind. By this time kids are poking their heads out, look at us, but Ikuto doesn't stop, just hugs me close to him and despite all the teachers calling our names and demanding we stop, Ikuto continues until he reaches his car. He opens the passenger side first, slipping me in and buckling me up before going around and jumping in the driver's seat. He drives for a while; it's quite except for my sobs that have yet to slow down. Finally after he's drove around he pulls over in a quite space. I look out the window seeing our park. My tear, that were almost done, come back full force as so many memories come crashing back. Now I'm burning hot and have a headache.

"Amu what's going on?" I shake my head but he glares at me.

"Don't give me that bullshit okay. 2 years. 2 God damn years I watched you suffer. You wanted to solve this on your own, I know, but I gave you your chance. Now I want answers. What the hell happened to your house first of all?" I inhale sharply. How could I miss the fact that Ikuto would have visited my house! He had known hadn't he? All along he had known but he had stepped back for my sake. To let me try and solve it on my own like I wanted.

"You...kn...knew didn't you. " He narrows his eyes.

"Of course I knew Amu. Who do you take me for? Now answer me. What happen to your house?" He knew. The tears start again.

"My my parents died." I chock out first. He looks shocked.

"They did, but how. I always just thought you guys moved." He sits back closing his eyes. I wonder if it's because he doesn't want to see me.

"In a fire. I burned our house down trying to cook and I forgot to cheek stove. It was all my fault Ikuto. They burnt to death in their rooms because of me. And then, to make it worse, they took Ami, the ophrnage did. We lived there for a while, almost a year before they took her. They sold her away to another family and they left me all alone." I can't help the tears. They just keep falling and I'm sick of them. And it's his fault! No one else has dared to bring up these things that hurt me yet here he is, layed back like he doesn't even care. Well I'm done. I reach out to grab the car door but it doesn't budge. I turn back to face Ikuto. He hasn't even moved, his eyes still shut.

"Let me out."

"No." No, no, NO! How dare he say no to me? I lose it. I start pounding on his chest screaming and crying and just flipping out. "LET ME OUT. WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. GOD I HATE YOU IKUTO"! Finally when I tire I slump down, about to pull back when he puts his arms around me. He squeezes me so tight at one point that I can't breathe but I do nothing but breathe heavily and cry lightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Amu. I left you alone. I should have demanded you let me in. I should have helped you even as you kicked and screamed. I shouldn't have let that mask fall over you again. I'm sorry. I failed you, you should hate me." And that jerks something out of me. I sob so hard I start chocking on air. After a while of Ikuto whispering in my ear I calm down enough to breathe right.

"No more. I won't leave you alone anymore. You're going to come live with me. You won't have to suffer." Still after I just screamed at him, all he's thinking about is my happiness. I almost start crying again.

"No more crying okay. Shhh just..." he presses his head to mine and trails off. Because what can he say 'it'll be okay?' Because it's going to take some trims for things to be okay again. And so we sit here for a moment before he pulls back and starts his car up.

"Where are we going?" I ask bemused. He turns to me for a quick sec before turning back to the wheel.

"To a doctor of course. You're still burning up you know" And suddenly I feel hot all over again. And I feel numb and darkness is at the back of my mind, slowly creeping up on me.

"Yeah, okay. After this can I come live with you?" He chuckles.

"I already said you could Amu." I smile and feel my eyes fluted. I'm really tired.

"Sleep Amu, I'll be here."

"Promise?" He chucked again and it sends a warm feeling through me.

"Yeah, I promise Amu." And soon I fall asleep, hot head pressed against the cold window.

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"She isn't going to make, is she." The words come out of his mouth calmly. He couldn't tell why he was not screaming and sobbing and freaking out, but for some reason he had known this would happen. Happy endings just didn't come true, did they? The nurse just frowns sadly.

"No. I don't think she will. She has a slight case of pneumonia. It's very unlike to recover from it. She has been breathing in mold for some time and she hasn't been keeping warm enough. She hasn't had a real doctor's appointment in about a year. Lack of sleep and food are starting to add up. Things aren't in her favor but we're doing all we can."

"Yeah thanks" he says numbly. He goes and sits down in the waiting room pulling out his cell phone at the same time.

"... Utua... yes this is Ikuto... I'm okay...we're at the hospital ... could you just bring everyone here... I'll explain when you come... I don't care tell them it's an emergency just get here... okay bye, see ya." He hangs up sighing as well. Why was this happening though if he had anyone to blame it would he himself? Why hadn't he stepped in? If she died, which from the report he had just received she probably would, he would blame himself forever and rightfully so. If only he had just talked to her. He banged his fist down on his lap trying to hold back the tears as he bent his head over his legs. God he was an IDIOT! He felt responsible for what had, and still was happening. Tears began to run down his face as he waited for the others to come. It didn't take long and soon Utau and the gang came trudging up to him, slowing down as they saw the state he was in.

"Ikuto? You okay?..." Nagiko asked lamely, he was unable to conjure the proper words to say. But Ikuto didn't look okay and when his head whipped up they saw just how 'okay' he really was. The soul eating pain that flashed through his eyes crushed their hearts.

"She might not live. She might die, and it will be entirely my fault." His voice sounded so cold, cold and calm enough that if you hadn't seen the tears and hurt in his eyes you would have thought that he didn't care. They all knew though. They knew that if Amu died, his world would end.

"I knew. I knew for so long but I said nothing. I watched and waited and now she's probably going to die. I could have saved her. I could have SAVED HER! " He pounded his fist again and hunched back up. None of them knew what to say to the crying boy, but silence seemed to be the best option. Besides, he seemed like he wanted to talking it out, or well yelling it out.

"If she... if she di..." he suddenly couldn't even bring himself to say it but he sure as hell could think it and his mind made sure to touchier him with the continuing scenes of her dying. He buried his face into his hands and let out a heart breaking sob. No one knew what to do. No one had ever even seen him like this. Amu truly was his world.

"Ikuto..." Kukai started but soon trailed off, seemingly unable to find the right words either. But cleared his voice and began to speak again "come on Ikuto, Hamorine is strong. She'll get through this." His lack of conviction stung everyone.

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Why was everything so dark? The dark scared her, though she'd die before she admit that to anyone. Being here all by herself was frightening, she wondered if anyone was around. But what kind of people. The dark brought about scary things, like in horror films. She shuttered at that but decided that if she walked around she could have the advantage of possibly seeing them first rather than just sitting around.

So with that resolve she got up and began to walk around the never ending darkness, praying that light would whine down. But as she continued on her journey she found that there was no end. It felt like she was going deeper into the dark if anything. Finally she just stopped. She had been walking for what felt like hours and had made no progress finding neither another person nor the light she was now desperate for.

"Hello. Is anyone here?" She called out, her voice echoing off into the emptiness. She waited and heard... giggles?

'You're going the wrong way' something whispered and she whipped around in a circle trying to find the voice. Nothing was there but she continued to hear tiny giggles, indicating more than one person. 'Or thing' she reminded herself with a shutter as well.

'Come on.' A different voice said also giggling. 'Follow us.' It said and 4 different lights lit up some of the dark. One light was pink, the others blue, green and orangery yellow.

'Come on!' Yet another voice called out and at once the four lights began to fly away. Scared that the only light source she had found was leaving, she ran after them, calling from time to time for them to wait up. Finally they were starting to see more light. She smiled, happy that she had picked the right people uh things to follow. Soon she came to a line where the blackness clashed with white. It was like an invisible line between the two colors, neither passing that line. It was... scary but somehow reassuring. She took a step forward to walk into the light but the 4 things stood in front of her.

'You can't go there just yet Amu. Just hold on he's coming and you'll decide where you want to go.' Where she wanted to go? She didn't even know where she was now!

"Where are we exactly, and who are you guys. And WHO are we waiting for?" The 4 giggled but it was the blue one who answered first as they all took form. She was cute, and looked like an artist with her blue bag full of tiny art supplies and a blue bonnet on top of her blue hair. Her small shorts and short sleeve shirt hung baggily against her form.

'One question at a time Amu. First we are your, well sorta like your guardian angles' but just not angles fully. There aren't enough actual angles to go around helping all of you humans so we were made. We're like angle pixies or fairy's and we're the ones who personally watch over you guys' The blue pixel thing was huffing by the end of the explanation and the green one stepped in to continue.

'My name's Su, the blue one is Miki, the red is called Ran, and last to join us is Dia, the golden orange yellow one.' Su said. She looked like a house wife/cook, her white apron overlaying her adorable green dress. She had lovely blond hair that complimented her outfit very nicely.

'Next is where we are. We are on the border of life and death. It's pretty complicated to explain so I'll just let Ner do it. He'll be able to explain it best.' Ran said. 'Cheerleader.' That was the first thing that came to mind, mostly because of the pink pompoms in her hand. Her bouncy pink skirt decorated with hearts matched her pink hair perfectly. Shockingly, she looked a lot like Amu. The last one was beautiful, and Amu couldn't decide if she had an orange or golden glow about her. Her hair was surely orange and she had on a mic headset that reminded Amu of a singer.

'Ner is a real complete angle. One who helps move people on?' Dial spoke last but this time she didn't like the answer. She was dying? She really wouldn't mind, she felt tired and in the back of her mind she could tell this was her chance to put down a burden she couldn't remember, but she could fell a tugging at her heart. Like something was holding her back. She wondered who. Before she could ask about it a hole seemed to open right in the middle, like separating the two colors. Out came a man with mousey brown hair, blue eyes, and light brown skin. The biggest thing about him that shook Amu was the two big white wings that resided on his back. He seemed to flout down and hover right in front of them. It was both conforming and intimating.

'Amu, we've been waiting for you. Your mother, sister and father are very excited. They personal asked me to be the one to transfer you.' Amu didn't understand, transport her where? She felt a tug at her heart and knew she didn't want to go.

"Um transport me where exactly. And who are you?" She was so confused at this point and a little frustrated at the constant unanswered questions that continued to pop up. But the angle simply smiled kindly at her, eyes full of patience.

"Ner, my name is Ner. I will be your personal escort to heaven, if that is in fact what you want." Heaven! Amu had never considered herself here, at the gate to heaven. And she was sure she had heard him say her mother father and sister were waiting for her. But wait, that couldn't be right. Her sister wasn't dead.

"My sister isn't dead" she blurted out quickly, but Ner just smiled sadly.

"Unfortunately your younger sister Ami came here only a month or so ago. I myself transferred her just as I did your mother and father. And I will transfer you as well when your time comes, whether it be now or later in the far future. That is your choice." He explained to her genteelly, eyes patient and kind. She was so confused, and tears swelled within her eyes. Her little sister was dead as well! The last thing she could remember of her was being lead away by a nice looking man. She wondered if her death had been quick and painless, or has it been long and tourcherous.

There was nothing left to keep her alive. All her family was dead, and this was her chance of joining them. Ner seemed kind enough, and besides, an angle wouldn't lie.

"Ner." The white winged man looked at her, giving her his complete attention. Yes, going with him had to be the right choice. "I want to go to hea... Ahhh" a painful tug yanked at her heart and she fell to her knees. "Owwwww! Make it stop! Please." She looked at Ner, why wasn't he helping her? It took a while but slowly the hurt died down. "What's going on?" She asked when the pain had subsided completely and she was able to catch her breath. Despite all of this Ner was smiling.

"There's something holding you back." Said Dia, and she too was smiling.

"You don't want to die, do you?" Miki asked wearing a small smile of her own.

"Who are you leaving behind Amu?" Su questioned sincerely, but a teasing smile rested in her face as well.

"You can't really leave everyone behind can you?" Ran more like stated then asked and, as you can guess, she was smiling too. And before Amu could answer, a voice rang out to her from deep within the darkness behind her.

"I'm sorry Amu. I let you down and now you're paying for my mistakes with your life. But if you're listening, if you can hear me Amu, please don't leave me. You're the only thing I have. I love you." He loved her? Amu couldn't remember whose voice that belonged to but feelings she had never before experienced rised up within her. She didn't even know she was crying until Ner came and whipped the water droplets off her face. She looked up at him, face twisted in sorrow and pain.

"You don't have to die yet Amu. You can still have a long life ahead of you." His voice gave her tormented soul a moment of peace and a part of her didn't want to let this go. She knew that staying alive would force her to carry a pain she couldn't remember right now, but that voice. She couldn't leave them.

"What about my family?" She questioned shakily. "Aren't they excepting me?" She felt it would be unfair to be split from her family who so desperately missed her, but in all honesty, that just felt like an excuses. He seemed to think the same thing.

"They'll understand Amu. They want you to be happy, and if you're happier alive then dead, then they will wait for you. What's a few more years to eternity?" Amu nodded more to herself then to the angle in front of her.

"Yeah, okay. I..." she stilled for a moment and stared at the pure whiteness ahead of her, and then looked back at the seemingly never ending darkness. "I want to keep living." Ner and all her little gardiane spirits smiled.

"Good choice" she heard, before everything went completely dark.

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Ikuto was beating himself up. He had not moved from her bed side every sense they had been permitted to see her only 3 hours or so ago. He had not eaten and, if you weren't watching closely you'd think he was not breathing either. But that was the thing. He sorta wanted to stop breathing. He wanted to die, because really, who was he kidding. She would probably be dead before the morning sun rose.

He gripped her pale, limp, hand tighter. Just thinking of her leaving him gave him the chills. He wondered if she was on her way to heave, because God knows she deserved it. She was probably going to be greeted by her family, and surrounded by love, and she was probably happy.

"No!" He shouted, picturing Amu with a halo over her head and a bright smile. She couldn't leave him; he guessed he was just selfish like that. But it wasn't FAIR! Would she really just leave him here alone, lost in the darkness that was his life would she really just die on him? But how much happier would she be if she was just able to put down all her baggage, but as stated before, he was just selfish. He didn't want her to leave him here.

Thoughts continued to play tag inside his head for a while, none of which were good, until he was interrupted by the door. Utau and Kukri came in slowly and shut the door behind them. Ikuto just turned his head back to the basically lifeless girl named Amu. He wished they'd just leave; he didn't want to talk and possibly say anything about the thing that was on everyone's minds. Even if everyone knew the other was thinking it. There was just something different about saying it aloud that made everyone fear it was true.

"Ikuto." He didn't turn around. He knew Utau was calling him, knew somewhere in the back of his head, but he was too numb to respond. "IKUTO!" She yelled. Her brother jumped, as if commingled out of himself before turning to face her.

"What Utau, what!" He snapped back annoyed. She looked hurt for a second before Kukri lightly elbowed her, reminding the girl that he had only said those things because he was dealing with his own pain. She nodded, clearly more to get herself back and then sighed.

"Look Ikuto, you've been in here for hours! I know your worried for Amu, we all are, but you need to eat. You haven't eaten since breakfast and it's almost 11:30. You need to do something other than sit here watching a girl who isn't going anywhere." This, this right here was why he didn't them want them in here. They just didn't understand, and it was annoying that they keep trying to make him do things he obviously wasn't going to do. But instead of laying out a whole speech he just said;

"I'm not hungry, so could you just go. If you don't want to be there for Amu then fine go, but I'm not leaving her. Not until she wakes up and," 'for the rest of her life.' He finished in his head. If she woke up, he was never letting her go.

Utau scoffed, felling deeply offended but covering it up with a mean defense. "Don't TALK like you know everything. We care for Amu JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO AND I WON'T LET YOU ACT LIKE I DON'T. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE BEING AFFECTED BY THIS! STOP BEING SELFISH!" She screamed. As soon as her voice trailed off she turned and stomped out, but both males could see the tears swelling in her eyes. Kukri turned and gave him a look.

"That was a little uncalled for Ikuto. Utau's right, we care about Amu just as much as you do and you're being nasty. You need to fix yourself." With that Kukri turned and walked out as well. Ikuto sighed feeling the weight of what he'd done rest heavily on his shoulders. God he was such a dumbass! He just couldn't win today. Everything he said was either hurting someone or driving him crazy! With another sigh he looked back to the still Amu and gave her hand a light squeeze.

"I'm sorry Amu. I let you down and now you're paying for my mistakes with your life. But if you're listening if you can hear me Amu, please don't leave me. You're the only thing I have. I love you." And with that, he got up, hopping his words had reached her, and exited her hospital room for the first time in 3 long hours. He had a broken relationship he need to fix.

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When Amu opened her eyes again, she could of sworn she was dead. After all, the only thing she could see was white. But that couldn't be right. She had chosen life had she not. She couldn't remember clearly what had happen, but little flashes of little pixie things appeared along with a man with mousey brown hair. 'I want to keep living' she remembered herself say to him, she had to be alive. So, with a grunt, Amu made to sit up and figure out where she was. Pain shot up her sides and back, but she was persistent and struggled with her own weight until she was leaning comfortably against something that was probably a wall or maybe a bed rest because she seemed to be laying in a bed.

'Hospital' she thought as she spotted all the IV's hooked up to her and heard the beeping of a heart machine. 'Why am I in a hospital?' She was so confused. Between thoughts of the man with the brown hair and small memories of being with Ikuto she didn't know which had actually happen or what order they had come in. She really was so confused.

"Ik-." She coughed heavily feeling like her dry trough was being scratched by sand paper. Somewhere in the background she heard the heart monitor going hey-wire with beeps as she suddenly couldn't breathe. She grabbed at her trough, clawing desperately at it in an attempt to get air into her lungs. But alas she could not breath, and she began to panic slightly. With her mind racing, she was completely unaware of the doctors running towards her and was surprised when she was quickly forced down. Weakly she began to struggle against the many hands that were refraining her body, working on sole instinct now. Still unable to breathe, she could hardly yell, but with desperation that only the dying could have she screamed

"IKUTO!" As soon as the last sound past her lips, she quit her struggling and feel against the bed, unconscious.

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So I was getting frustrated, but in the overview I was just in my anger. Because at this point, Utau was just being stubborn.

"Listen Utah," I said once again, trying to contain my growing annoyance, seeing as that was what put me in my current situation. "I was being a jackass, I get that, but Jesus fucking Christ I said was sorry. Cut me some slack will ya!" Why were girls so dramatic? If this had been an argument between two guys, it would've just been fought out. Being a guy, I had found it much quicker and easier to just take a few punches then try to talk things out. I wasn't good with words anyhow anyway.

"So I just have to forgive you because you've said some half hearted 'sorry'. Yeah right Ikuto. Not gonna happen any time soon." I really couldn't help but sighed and ran a hand through my slightly tangled hair, unable to stop myself from guiltily wondering how long she was going to drag this out.

"I don't get it! What do you want me to do? Jump off a cliff; kiss your feet, what!? I'm tired of guessing what it is you want me to do other then say sorry!" I really was at my wits end with this girl. Why was she making this all so complicated!

Utau snapped her previously turned back and stared at me, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Dammit Ikuto! At least try to sound like you care! What you said hurt me; it hurt me a lot because I saw the signs too! I saw something was wrong and I didn't act on it. Now Amu's in the hospital on the brink of death, and is probably going to die thinking I never cared enough to help her. How am I supposed to deal with that with you just blurting things out with no regard for how I'm dealing with all this?" Unable to hold back any longer a sob ripped from her mouth and she cried, burying her face in her hands. And suddenly I felt like a crappy older brother who had just made their little sister cry heart wrenching tears.

"Ahhh Utau, don't cry. I AM sorry okay. I didn't mean anything I said before. It was a load of shit alright. I know you care about Amu, our friends know you care about Amu, but most importantly AMU knows you care about her. And when she wakes up you'll be able to TELL her just how much you care about her. You can tell her every day, just to make sure she never forgets and you can show her too, not just keep saying it. She'll be surrounded by so much love and care that even after she dies she'll remember our love. There's no need to cry Utau. No reason at all." I whispered soothingly, but even still the girl cried for almost 5 more minutes before she calmed down and released me. Her eyes were still moist and very red from crying, but she looked relieved as if a weight had been taken off her back.

"Thank you Ikuto." I smile at her but shook her thank you off without replying. I patted her shoulder not really sure what else to do and ran my hand through my hair again, feeling just a bit stressed out.

"So all is forgiven right. No hard feelings." I ask just to be sure. With a wavering smile and a weak punch in to the arm she nodded.

"Yeah. You're good... this time." I roll my eyes amused by her antics.

"Sure Utau, su-"

"IKUTO!" Sound throughout the halls, cutting off my unfinished sentence. I quickly turned to look at Utau who breathed "Amu..." before I took off, darting in between doctors, patients, and visitors alike, my one goal was getting to Amu.

My Amu…

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The next few days pasted by with Amu fluttering in and out of consciousness, never staying awake long enough to actually do anything, but good enough for her nervous friends praying for her recovery. If what the doctors said was right, it was a miracle Amu was even recovering at all. In that time Ikuto rarely left her side, only leaving when he knew Utau wanted him to eat or something. He was determined to be there when she woke up and perhaps be the first face she even saw. But even with her short wake ups, it took a whole week before she was able to stay conscious for more the 2 minutes.

The first thing Amu saw when she opened her eyes was a deep, lovely blue. A midnight blue that was so familiar to her that she wasn't even required to think about the person it belonged to.

"Ikuto..." she breathed out, his name alone leaving her breathless. He was beautiful. The way the setting sun was hitting him made his innocent sleeping face light up in a way that simply took her breath away. Over the years that she had sort of grown distant from him, she never realized the aching hole that had grown in her heart. She only now could see how large it had actually grown now that she had let everything out. And sitting there staring at Ikuto's gorgeous face she finally understood why her heart ached so much around him.

She loved him. She loved Ikuto.

"It could never work out." She said quietly to herself, voice still rough and scratchy. Ikuto could not romantically love her. It was impossible. Even more now that he knew her secret, there was no way he could like her any more than a little sister or even a friend.

"What could never work out?" She heard a muffled voice ask coming from Ikuto's direction. Said boy lifted his head from his arms and stared at her. Amu blushed brightly and pulled her covers over her head.

"Nothing." She said quietly and Ikuto realized she couldn't have spoken louder even if she had wanted to. Her voice was that far gone. He smirked.

"Really, cuz you were staring at me pretty hard for it to be nothing." Amu was mortified! His eyes had been close, how had he known she was staring!

"Yo-you jerk face! I- I wasn't st-staring!" She stuttered out, coughing a bit after. Worried, Ikuto reached out, awkwardly rubbing the girls back through the blanket on top of her.

"Okay, okay, baka. Take it easy, you still need to heal." He said, moving his hand when the coughing stopped. Amu slowly took the cover off her face tried to sit up, but her body was tired and didn't have enough strength to do so. She looked at Ikuto, pouting a bit.

"Aren't you going to help me?" She asked a bit annoyed. Jeez she shouldn't have to ask. It was embarrassing that she was so weak! Ikuto chuckled and reached over, helping her sit up. She leaned against the head rest and sighed.

"Is there any water? My- cough cough- trough is super dry." She rubbed her neck, it felt like sandpaper rubbing together every time she talked. It was extremely painful.

"Um yeah. It was mine but you can have it. If you don't mind kissing me." He said smirking. It was funny the way her face widened in shock, mouth open so that small lines of drool could slip out.

"KISS YOU." She screamed which ended in another large coughing fit.

"An indirect one of course. You'll be putting your lips where mine have been. So our lips will come in contact. Otherwise known as a kiss." He was still wearing that smug smirk that was starting to piss Amu off. And remind her just how hot he was.

"Whatever. I'm not that immature." She said sounding uncaring, but the bright blush on her face gave her away completely. She took the water and gratefully drown the whole cup in one go. Ikuto stared ar her, deciding that they were probably going to need more water soon.

"Thanks." She said when she put the cup down. "That really hit the spot. My trough was 'killing' me." She rubbed at her neck again, because even though the water had loosened it up, it still burned like hell. She looked at Ikuto who wore a surprisingly closed off face.

"What?" She asked poking him. Why had he suddenly gone all quite? He looked at her, pain flashing in his eyes, and he reached a hand up to her neck. But he stopped before touching it and just held it there, inches away from touching her.

"You almost died." He spoke slowly, and quietly. Amu had to scoot closer to hear him. "It was all so sudden. One minute we're talking in the car, and everything seems fine and the next... the next you're being raced down hospital hallways, doctors telling me you probably won't make it. On the day that we worked everything out, you could have died." Amu looked at the hurt in his eyes, the pent up fear and sadness and anger, and felt tears burn her own eyes. She took his still raised hand in her own, and brought it to her heart.

"Do you feel that?" She looked at him, waiting for him to respond. He nodded slightly. "That's my heart beat. And I bet right now it isn't very strong, but overtime it's going to grow stronger. It grows stronger because I gave a dream now. A dream that will keep this heart beating. Before I lost all dreams, and my heart grew weak. But as long as I have that dream, as long as I can still dream, this heart will not drop again."

"But what if you lose that dream?" Ikuto's voice shook, and Amu could not remember him ever looking so hopeless before.

"Ikuto," She whispered "I need you to protect my dream."

"How!" He cried desperately and Amu smiled.

"Stay with me. Can you promise to stay with me?" She was growing tired again and snuggled back onto the bed to lie down.

"Yes I can. I promise to stay with you and protect your dreams Horime Amu." He said sounding determined. Amu smiled again, closing her eyes slowly.

"Good." She whispered because, she had come to find that staying with Ikuto forever was her dream.

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'...She came to a line where the blackness clashed with white. It was like an invisible line between the two colors, neither passing that line. It was... scary but somehow reassuring. She took a step forward to walk into the light'

Amu remembered this place. That dark place that was also meet with that white place. Where was that place again? She wondered.

'...There was nothing left to keep her alive. All her family was dead, and this was her chance of joining them. Ner seemed kind enough, and besides, an angle wouldn't lie. '

Ner, and angles! She sort of remembered a man with perfect brown hair and light blue eyes. Was he Ner? And her poor little sister. At least she was in a better place now.

'...There's something holding you back.
You don't want to die, do you?
Who are you leaving behind Amu?
You can't really leave everyone behind can you?'

Who were these people? Of course she didn't want to die. She had Ik-...why could she remember the person? The person that she had?

'...I'm sorry Amu. I let you down and now you're paying for my mistakes with your life. But if you're listening, if you can hear me Amu, please don't leave me. You're the only thing I have. I love you.'

Ikuto. That was Ikuto's voice. She had Ikuto. And he loved her. Amu's heart soared. He loved her. And she was happy because she loved him too.

'...I want to keep living. Ner and all her little guardian spirits smiled.
Good choice'

Yes, it was a good choice. She wanted to keep living.

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Amu woke up in a very familiar way, with the sight of a dark blue in her vision.

"Ikuto..." she breathed out once again captivated by his beauty. The sun wasn't hitting his face this time, but instead her own, and she lifted a hand to block it out. She really did love Ikuto.

"It could work out." She said voice a lot better than the last time, and she assumed she had been asleep for a few days then. But she was okay with that. Because she knew Ikuto would stay with her. He had promised, and he loved her. As more than a friend or sibling.

"What could work out?" She heard a groggy voice ask coming from Ikuto. Amu felt a strong since of Déja Vue, but smiled anyway as he lifted his head from his arms. "And don't say nothing because the way you were staring was not nothing." Said girl blushed brightly at being caught again, but she didn't say 'nothing'.

"Us. We could work out." She said, and moved closer, and kissed him.

"I love you Ikuto." She muttered against his soft lips, and she felt them turn up into a smile.

"I love you too, Amu." He said, before he was kissing her again. When they broke apart this time Amu smiled and leaned away completely to rest back on the bed rest.

"That was pretty bold of you Amu. Why the sudden change?" He asked referring to the first time she had woken up saying it could never work out. She shrugged.

"I just remembered what I'd heard at death's door." Ikuto looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing too important." She said, and she could have sworn she heard four girlie giggles somewhere close by.

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Jittsub: So how was it? Good, bad, so mind blowingly awesome? Let me know in your review~ Bye!