Squidward was just getting settled into his cozy armchair, when he heard a knock on the door. He grumbled to himself and grumped over to answer it, and was not at all surprised to see Spongebob standing on the doormat. He was a bit surprised, however, to see Spongebob looking down despondently, hands wrung so tightly that his knuckles were white.
"What is it, Spongebob?" Squidward asked monotonously.
"Squidward, there's something I need to tell you," said Spongebob, nervously examining the doormat.
"Okay, I'll bite," said Squidward. "What do you need to tell me?"
"I, uh... I... I... I...uh... um... I... I..."
"Spit it out already!" Squidward snapped.
"Squidward," Spongebob said quickly, "I'm gay."
"That's nice, goodbye," said Squidward, clearly uninterested. He was about to close the door, but Spongebob blocked it with his foot.
"...Ow," the sponge said, wincing. Squidward groaned and opened the door again.
"What do you want?!" Squidward asked.
"Squidward, do you still like me?" Spongebob asked. His eyes welled up with tears, and he bit his lower lip. Squidward loathed that puppy-dog look. He hated it with every ounce of his being. If there was one thing he hated more than seeing Spongebob's stupid buck-toothed chubby-cheeked smile, it was seeing his tears.
"Spongebob, I never liked you," said Squidward.
The poriferan gasped and covered his mouth. "Oh, Squidward, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!" He lept up and wrapped his arms around Squidward's chest in a tight, warm hug. "So you don't think of me any differently?"
"Nope- you're still the same intolerable idiot I've always known," said Squidward.
"Awww! You're so sweet!" Spongebob squeaked. He hugged Squidward tigher, nuzzling his face into his chest. Squidward detatched him like a suction cup and gently placed him on his feet, on the ground, then closed the door. Spongebob beamed and skipped back home.