I didn't love her the first time I met her. Hell, I didn't even look at her that way. I could have easily hated her and never talked to her again. But there was something about how she contradicted every aspect of my personality that got me hooked. I wanted to be around her endlessly, so we could fill in each other's missing pieces. She quickly became my friend, then my best friend, and practically my sister.

That's when it all got weird. High school. I always found myself staring at her, smiling when she was close, and cherishing every moment that her skin happened to be against mine. It could be as simple as her leaning on my shoulder while we watched Girly Cow, but it got me. I wanted to push the feelings away, and most of the time I did, up until she'd sleep over my house and prance around in her underwear like it was nothing.

It wasn't easy feeling yourself fall in love with your best friend, and I always tried to compare it to Freddie being in love with me. But then I'd realize that he'd moved on, and plus, we all knew he was straight. No one knew that I was a lesbian- or bi. I wasn't even sure what I was anymore. I couldn't tell if my past attractions to guys were forced or me not yet noticing Sam in that way.

She hadn't picked up on anything yet, which was good. It was just another Saturday morning, and I was sitting on the couch watching TV while drinking some blue tea. My front door was locked, not like that ever stopped Sam before, but today she ripped that chain to pieces faster than ever before. The door swung open, and she ran up to me, hair tied back, tears streaming down her face, and with icecubes in a paper towel wrapped around her hand.

"Carly!" She screamed, and I quickly stood up, admiring how good she could look in her pajamas at this hour.

"What's wrong?" I asked, pulling the paper towel off her hand. It was beet red, swollen, and there were some newly formed blisters around it.

"I spilled bacon grease all over my hand, Carly, it hurts so bad. My mom wasn't home, and I remembered the time you helped Griffin when he fell off his motorcycle or whatever-"

I cut her off by running to get some lotion and bandages for her. When I got back to the couch, she was sitting there, her jacket now off, gripping her hand and crying. It kind of broke my heart to see her in so much pain, because Sam was one tough cookie. I quickly squeezed some aloe out of a tube and rubbed it on her hand. She sighed in relief quickly, but winced again after I stopped rubbing it in and started wrapping a bandage over it.

"Are you sure you're supposed to bandage burns?" She asked, wiping her eyes.

"I'm not sure, but I know that it'll hurt a lot more if you leave it open and it keeps hitting things throughout the day." I hugged her tight, "Stop crying. It'll be okay now."

"Thanks Carls." She hugged me back, crying a bit more on my shoulder. I held her close, even petting her hair a little, because I knew it relaxed her. She loved being massaged and rubbed, even if it was by the elderly. "I never got to eat my bacon..."

"Do you want me to make you some?" I laughed. She smiled at me widely, and I knew that was a yes. I got up, and went to the kitchen to make her a big breakfast just the way she liked it - big.

When I finally finished plating all her food, I brought it to the couch, where I saw her sleeping. I put the food on the table, sat in the chair near the couch, and stared at her.

I felt creepy looking at her like this. But she was asleep, she would never even know. It wasn't lusty, at all. Sometimes late at night it was, but right now, I just wanted to lay in her arms and make her feel loved, because I knew that was what she needed when she was in pain. Her hair was so messy, but it looked beautiful, and she wasn't wearing a bra, but just knowing how comfortable she was with her body made me love her even more. She had on red plaid pajama bottoms along with flipflops, but her toenails weren't painted. Well, half of them were.

"Carly?" She asked suddenly, sitting up, "Were you staring at my toes?"

I snapped back to reality, "no. Your breakfast is ready. I was waiting for you to wake back up."

"By staring at me..?" She laughed, "There's a TV right there, Carls..."

I didn't answer, I just laughed, too, and then went to make myself something to eat while she ate. I felt too awkward to talk to her, so I let the moment pass.

Nothing else about it was ever mentioned until after iCarly one night. The show consisted of a spin-off of the bikini dogfood fights, but featured Sam and I in our bikinis, throwing chili at each other.

Yes, obviously, this would be a turn on to many, many of our viewers. But that was okay, we were older now and turning guys on was good. She didn't realize, however, how much it got me. Not the meat, of course, but her in a bikini. I'd never seen her in a bikini before, because she always wore shorts or t-shirts to the beach when we'd go. Her body was amazing, and I tried, really, really hard to not stare at her.

I wasn't enjoying feeling myself get aroused as I watched her chest when she jumped in front of the camera and said, "I'm Sam!"

I recovered quickly, popping into view and adding, "I'm Carly!"

"And this is iCarly!"

We did the beginning of the show, then were inside the mini pool with buckets of chili, throwing handful after handful at each other. I started to have fun with it, aiming to get it in her hair to piss her off, because she was cute when she was mad at me. I knew it was never serious mad, and there was always a slight smile as she yelled at me.

I managed to land a glob right smack dab in the middle of her face. She wiped it off angrily, then let out one of her battle cries, then ran straight for me and tackled me, luckily right onto one of the beanbag chairs.

We both started laughing hysterically, Freddie zooming in, and adding a comment about how my hand was on Sam's ass. I didn't hear him, because Sam was laughing in my ear as she tried to get up, but all of our iCarly viewers heard him.

That's all it took to set off all our insane "shippers". Comments about Seddie and Creddie not existing because there was actually Cam happening flooded the site, and it was making me so uncomfortable that my hands were shivering and I felt myself getting pale. Sam was in the shower, washing chili out of her hair, and I was cool with that, until she walked into the studio in a towel.

Freddie paid no attention to that, we both knew he wasn't interested in either of us, not even me anymore. Him and Sam had more of a really close best friendship now, and were comfortable with each other just like Sam and I were despite the fact he was a boy.

I, however, stammered and felt my palms get sweaty even though my body was getting colder every second.

"Carly, are you okay?" Freddie finally asked, even though I'd been sitting on the floor staring at the wall the entire time Sam was showering, and he was standing at his laptop the entire time, it took him until Sam walked back in to ask me. God dammit Freddie.

To think maybe, that one moment, I could open up to him about what was going on, because he was the person closest to me besides Sam, but he had to fuck up and not ask until she was in the room, made me mad. I stood up quickly.

"No. I mean, yes." I'd never messed up what I wanted to say so bad in my entire life. Stuttering? Yeah, I'd done that, but said the wrong word? Never. Not in a million years did I think it was possible to be so nervous that the wrong word would come out of my mouth. But when it came to Sam, anything was possible. "I'm gonna go shower. It's late. You guys should get to bed."

I didn't know what I was saying. Get to bed? They never left my house that early, let alone actually go to sleep once they did leave. Spencer had always picked up on the fact I took really long showers when I was upset, and tonight was one of those nights.

I guess he was the one that asked Sam and Freddie to leave early, because after I got out of the shower almost an hour later, changed into pajamas, he was waiting in the studio, ready to play therapist. I didn't wanna play patient, though, so I did an about-face, and left the studio. He quickly ran after me, grabbing my shoulder, and shouting, "Carly, talk to me please!"

"I don't want to." I laughed, pulling away. "I'm fine, Spencer."

"No. 20 minutes is fine, 30 is stressed, 40 is upset, 50 is depressed." He grabbed both my shoulders now, holding me facing him. "You can tell me anything, kiddo."

"I know that." I gave him a thumbs up, "I just don't want to talk about it."

"Did it have to do with the comments on tonight?" He put his hands on his hips, "Freddie told me you started acting funky right after the comments started pouring in."

"Freddie used the word funky?" I asked, trying to stray him off topic.

"No, he actually used the word glumpy, because this one time, me and him had this conversation-"

I cut him off by beginning to walk toward my bedroom, but he grabbed my arm again, whining loudly.

"What, Spencer?" I groaned, pulling away more forcefully, "I said I didn't want to talk about it, isn't that good enough?"

"No, it's not good enough, Carly! You're my little sister, you're all I have and I'm all you have, and if you can't tell me what you're feeling, then who can I tell what I'm feeling? My socks aren't very good at giving advice."

"Neither are you." I stared blankly at him.

"So what?" He got down on his knees and begged like a 5 year old, but that's okay. That's just how Spencer was. "Please, please, please talk to me!"

My mind quickly tried to figure out how to word my entire situation without him finding out the specifics. So I started with a simple, "I have a crush."

"Oh!" He said, as if that answered all the questions, "What's the problem though?"

She's a girl, and my best friend. "It's impossible to be with them." Good use of the word 'them', Carly Shay. I give myself props.

"Well, all you can do is keep trying, kid. Try buying him a guitar, or some candy, or..." He tapped his lip, thinking, "A car, or something!"

"Spencer..." I laughed, "It's not because they don't like me, well, they probably don't. It's just... not possible." I started to walk away again slowly, this time he didn't stop me, so I continued straight to my room. I locked my door, grabbed a pillow from my bed, hugged it tight, and then collapsed in bed. For the first time, I started crying, because I finally felt all my feelings becoming real. It wasn't just something I could push to the side and say, "it's just a phase I'm going through," anymore. It was real. I was falling in love with Sam, my best friend, and it was starting to actually effect how I acted around her, and around others.

And I hated it.