McCoy stormed into the medical bay angrily and headed straight for his bottle of Romulan Ale. He had a horrible day and fully intended to drown out all memories of it. He quickly sat down, which caused the glitter trapped in his hair to come sprinkling down.
"Damn kids," he thought furiously as he brushed out the remaining sparkles from his head. He had been forced to beam down (a horrible thing in its own right) to confirm the health of the people on the new colony, but at some point had been turned into official babysitter instead. He took a sip and sighed. The day was awful for two reasons.
1. The kids he was forced to watch were monsters.
2. Every once and a while one of them would do some little thing that instantly reminded him of his daughter. He hadn't seen her in what... 4 years? Being separated from her was killing him. He could forgive his ex-wife for taking the planet, even for taking the dog, but he could not forgive her for taking his only pride and joy.
"Damn kids," he thought again, pulling out a toy dinosaur from one of his sleeves.
"Hello Doctor," Spock greeted from the entry way, a look of amusement plainly on his face. "Did your charges set anything on fire?"
"No. They did attempt to give me a makeover though..." McCoy replied, the mere thought sending shivers down his spine.
"You would have looked so pretty Bones!" Spock joked. McCoy was slightly curious about Spock's rather odd behavior, but was too pissed to really care.
"Thanks, ya green blooded bastard. Hmmm... at least they listened to me for the most part."
"I for one would never perceive you as an authority worth obeying," Spock stated simply. McCoy glared at the vulcan and cursed him harshly. Spock continued, "I was merely stating a fact Doctor."
"For some reason there just happened to be a pet parakeet there as well, and of course of the little brats just had to set it loose!" Bones groaned.
"Perhaps you should not have been so preoccupied and focused more on the task at hand," Spock suggested.
"I'll have you know I handled the situation quite nicely and will not be talked to in such a manner! I...I'll tell Jim!" McCoy snapped.
"The Captain has nothing to do with your parakeet situation. I do not see the logic in relaying tales of your incompetence."
"I had no intention of telling Jim about the incident!!! I was going to inform him of your cruelty!"
"Cruelty derives from emotion, which you know I naturally suppress." Spock explained, an unusual smile on his face.
"All I know is that Jim is MY best friend and you are his bitch. He'll take my side. As he would say, Bro's before Ho's, Spock," McCoy ranted, all his anger and stress coming out. Exhausted, he lowered his head to his desk and shut his eyes.
"...Bitch? And how does choosing ones brother over prostitutes relate to our current situation?" Spock asked, honestly confused at the doctors outburst.
"...your mom." McCoy answered, too tired to come up with a good retort. Almost immediately he realized what he had said, and slowly began to sit up.
Spock stared at McCoy with a mixed look of pain and hatred. "...how...how could you say that? I watched her die!!!" Almost immediately he lunged at the doctor in an attempt to administer a Vulcan death grip. McCoy dodged out of the way with surprising agility and screamed,
"Are you out of your Vulcan mind??? Look, I'm sorry about the mother thing! I didn't mean it! Spock you have gotta calm down, or I'll be forced to give you a sedative. I'm SORRY!"
"I'm sorry about your face!" Spock cried.
"Wait...what?!"
"I apologies... I was not myself. What I meant to say was I pity you for your unsightly facial arrangement." Spock corrected, seemingly calmer, but with a look of irritation still present on his face.
"Spock...I noticed you have been acting unusual since you first came in here. Is... is it that time of the seven year cycle again? You know...Pon Farr?" McCoy asked, praying it was not the case. The last thing he needed or wanted was a sex crazed Vulcan on his hands.
"No...yes... maybe...it's quite possible...yup... totally. Why do you inquire such a thing? Are you... NO! My heart belongs to Jim! I do not appreciate your advances Doctor!" Spock yelled.
"I am not hitting on you Spock! I asked because you have been acting strangely, and I know for a fact I am ridiculously attractive. To say otherwise would be illogical. If Pon Farr is the reason why you are acting so crazy, I can help! (And no, not in that way damn it!) I'm a doctor!" McCoy replied. "Does Jim even know you love him?"
"Of course he does! Our love will span decades and several bad movies!"
As little sense as that made, McCoy decided to continue, "Then why are we fighting? Shouldn't you two be off in a room somewhere screwing?"
"Hey, do not tell me what to do! I am your superior in every way, you overgrown lemur!" Spock snipped.
"... Good god! You really do need the wonder of Jim's love making! Look, I am actually trying to like you right now, so can we please stop fighting for once?" McCoy begged. Spock sighed and nodded his head.
"You are right, Doctor. I shall go find Jim so he may... help."
McCoy flinched at the very idea of hot Kirk on Spock action, but said nothing. He wanted Spock to get the hell out. Spock smiled and skipped out of the office to the bridge. Calling it a night, McCoy went his room and lay down on his bed, only to quickly jump up in pain. Wincing, he reached down his back and removed a Lego from his shirt.
"Damn kids," he whispered for a final time, and eventually managed to drift into a deep sleep.
--------------------------------
A few days had passed and McCoy was back to his usual grouchy self. One thing he knew for sure, he would never babysit again. Both Spock and the Captain had been missing since "the incident", which left him in charge of the Enterprise. Overall he really liked the power, but would be more than happy to give it back to Jim. Chekov had cut his arm when Sulu attempted to teach him how to fence, so McCoy still found himself back in the medical bay.
"Thank you wery much, Doctor," Chekov said when Bones healed the wound.
"No problem kid," he replied, unable to remain grouchy at the sheer cuteness of the Russian and his accent. Chekov happily jumped off the table and headed for the door. Giving a final wave, he left to return to the bridge. McCoy decided not to contain his smile until...
"Ahem..." Spock greeted simply, "...After some innovative, utterly amazing, mind blowing "help" from Jim, I have now returned to my normal logical self."
Again McCoy shuddered at the thought, but managed to reply "Are you sure you're all right now? Cuz I don't appreciate be called a lemur. And...you do know I was sorry for the "mom" thing. I was in a particularly grouchy mood, and I didn't mean it."
"I am fine Doctor. And I feel it is the lemur who should feel insulted by my comparison. I am in turn sorry for... well... I have nothing to apologize for," Spock answered calmly, back to his old self.
"See!? This is why we can't be friends!" McCoy shouted in rage, clenching his fists and doing all he could to not punch the Vulcan in the face.
"Because you are nearly as illogical as an androidian?" Spock suggested.
Slyly, McCoy stated, "...I'll keep that in mind the next time I have to save your life."
"As I shall remember the cookie incident," Spock answered. A flash of guilt flooded over McCoy. Even he admitted not giving Spock a cookie when everyone else got one was a bit harsh. Not wanting to accept defeat however, he coldly whispered, "Batman. Ha, I win!"
A look of suppressed approval showed on Spock's face. "Yes, I am afraid I must concede to your logic in this instance. However, Doctor, you have not "won" anything, merely proved you are able to be logical. In spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary you, on the exceedingly rare occasion, can use logic."
Had Spock quit after the first sentence, McCoy would have happily dropped it. However, the hidden insult was a bit much. "Logic is all well and good, but there is nothing wrong with following ones heart!" He retorted. In an attempt to calm down, he began to pace around the room.
Spock tilted his head and explained, "One can not follow ones own heart, saying so is illogical."
"It is a figure of speech! Emotions are not all bad Spock! How the hell does Jim put up with you???" Bones cried in exasperation.
"My relationship with the captain is none of your concern. Furthermore, I never said emotions were bad. I believe all I did was question yet another odd human turn of phrase." Spock calmly reasoned, while picking up McCoy's tricorder to examine it.
"Seeing how Jim was my best friend long before you two even met, it is my concern! I just don't get how a man who requires as much love as Jim could be with a man like you! ...And give me that!" McCoy huffed, snatching the tricorder from the Vulcan's hands and placing it carefully on his desk.
"I love Jim more than you could possibly comprehend! He is my everything." Spock answered sadly.
McCoy looked up and saw the look of hurt on Spock's face. Guilty, McCoy slowly asked, "...Spock, is there any chance we can be friends? Or at the very least can we stop being enemies? We both care about Jim, in completely different ways mind you, and unfortunately will be forced to put up with each other for years to come."
Spock stared at the doctor for a few minutes and finally replied, "...It would be logical to pursue a less hostile relationship." Content at the mutual agreement, Spock headed for the door to leave. Before exiting though, he glanced back and said, "I have no issues with you embracing your logic, Doctor."
"Green blooded hobgoblin," McCoy answered in turn, knowing full well that neither of them would ever be able to truly get along.
Ok.... explanation... here we go:
So the other day I was acting kinda grouchy in a joking kind of way. My mom noticed, but knew I wasn't serious. I however was completely oblivious to the personality change until my dad asked, "Do you know what it is gonna be like out tomorow?" to which I replied without thinking, "I'm a doctor, not a weatherman!!!" I immediately had to inform Sam of this news, only to discover that she herself has been acting... logically. Basically, we were channeling each others rivals, Spock and McCoy.
So yesterday I had to babysit and informed Sam of how they were trying to give me a makeover. She replied as Spock, saying how I (Bones) would look so pretty). We then got into this huge arguement, in character, which is what you read above. Everything McCoy said (minus the Chekov bit), I said. Everything Spock said, Sam said. Why? Because we are that nerdy. I had to save this arguement for posterity, so I wrote it out and typed it up. The arguement itself was amusing, but I decided to add a story to it, so it could be readable by others.
So...ya. That's it. I hoped you liked it!