Did some editing, we're all good now beiy~
The world conference meeting of countries started off, for the most part, like any other.
Sure, there was a huge ominous mirror in the back of the room, and a couple countries were late and some not attending at all, but other than that, things were starting off how they always did. And they always started with madness.
As expected, England and France were loudly arguing in the front of the room, America obnoxiously fueling their fires with heroic banter. Today's topic of "discussion" was if they should allow Spain to join the G8 or not. Not that it was really there decision' they simply enjoyed fighting each other.
Spain was doing his best and failing to seduce a seething Romano who felt as though he had no reason to really be at another boring meeting considering he only represented half of the country and North Italy could attend like he always did and bring back notes for him. but Spain insisted that his presence was necessary.
Russia was informing China about his sisters, Belarus and Ukraine's, vacation; the reason they are absent from the meeting today. Estonia also joined the conversation, but Latvia just sat close by trembling, afraid he would once again say something that he might not live to regret. Lithuania sat beside Estonia. But he was removed from the conversation due to the fact that he had to continuously delete from his phone the photos Poland wouldn't stop sending him of his latest fashion show.
On one side of Poland was England, and on the other, Hungary. Who looked on in exstacy at the scandalous pictures of Polish fashion that her friend was sending Lithuania from across the table. On Hungary's other side was Austria, who complained tirelessly to her about Switzerland walking straight past the empty chair to his right, in favor of sitting alone, since Liechtenstein was not attending today.
Italy was throwing sexual innuendos at Germany left and right when Prussia walked through the door late as ever. Seeing another argument taking place between France and England, he when straight to Spain and snatched him up so he to could back up there third link in their bad touch trio.
But, it seemed to have the opposite effect, causing the "discussion" to hit max volume and another vein to pop out on Germany's forehead.
Greece ghosted carelessly into the room, undisturbed by the noise and pleased that turkey was yet to arrive, he didn't even bother to hide the fact that he was settling down for a cat-nap. Another irritation to the German.
Romano was pissed at Prussia dragging Spain from him and began to shout horrible swears, Germany gritted his teeth.
Cuba's phone rang, and before you know it, he excused himself for urgent business (also known as happy hour at his favorite bar), Germany furrowed his brow.
As he exited the room, he ruffled Canada's hair affectionately, as the boy was just arriving. "Sorry I'm late." He stated, truly repentant, and taking a seat beside Greece, his hood still up to conceal himself.
Sweden was quiet enough, but he was holding Finland on his lap protectively, and after the exchanging of a few words, he through the other over his shoulder and exited with out saying anything. Germany clenched his fist.
The Nordics, Ukraine, Liechtenstein, Belarus, Belgium, Netherlands, and most of the Asian countries were absent, and most of the Asian countries were not attending, and other were late and more were just leaving! He had had enough!
"EVERYONE, SHUT UP AND ST DOWN!" he yelled loudly, getting up and walking to the front of the room. "I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THE NOISE LEVEL IN THIS ROOM AND ALL OF YOUR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR! MEIN GOTT YOU ALL ACT LIKE CHILDREN! SINCE NONE OF YOU APPARENTLY KNOW HOW TO ACT, WE WILL BE BEGINNING THE MEETING NOW UNDER MY ORDERS! IF YOU WISH TO PRESENT OR COMMENT, YOU MUST RAISE YOUR HAND, BUT NOT IN A WAY THAT INSULTS MY COUNTRIES PREVIOUS GOVERNMENTAL RULE, AND WAIT TO BE CALLED UPON! NO SPEAKING WHILE OTHERS ARE PRESENTING, AND IF THERE ARE PERSONAL PROBLEMS CONCERNING AN ISSUE WE WILL DISCUSS IT CIVILLY OR GO OVER IT AFTERWORDS! AM I MAKING MY SELF CLEAR!?"
Germany is not to be disputed considering these things. Everyone nodded solemnly, most lowering there heads slightly in shame. "Very good. Now who would like to go first?"
China cautiously raises his hand. Each countries presentation lasted only eight minutes and things proceed in an orderly fashion... for all of 24 minutes. It was Americas turn. Not only did he ramble on beyond the allotted time limit, but rambled on about putting a Starbucks on the moon and in every countries capital in order to settle his dept with China. Also for some reason he feels the coast of imports of timber from Canada should be lowered.
Said Canadian quickly raised his hand to resist the obvious exploitation, and his hood fell down. But Germany still called on him and allowed him to speak.
"Alf- America, I'm already selling to you at a lower price than anyone else to keep good relat-"
"But Mattie! I'm your big brother, yo really shouldn't be making me pay anything at all! Not for wood and not for sweets and you should cheer me on in the Olympics instead of going up again- MATTIE HAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" America suddenly shouted in shock, pointing to the very defined dark reddish purple splotch on the Canadians neck. Also causing every other country's in the rooms eyes to be draw to the same spot. A wave of whispers spread through the room, Mathew blushed harder than he ever had before, but even that color didn't cover up the prominent deep red spot.
"What the hell! Birdie, that's totally a love bite! And I wasn't the one to create it! Who the hell dare touch what's mine!?" Prussia raged furiously.
"Shut it, ex-Nazi-nation, that's my little brother your talking about like that, you better watch yourself! And my little Mattie would never!" Alfred retaliated looking back and forth from Canada to Prussia, growing disgust on his face.
"Yeah? Well, I invited the kid to my house to chill with me yesterday and he sounded... preoccupied. I didn't pay it attention at the time, but now I understand. Birdie" he turned to Canada, "You totally blew off the awesome me to go bone some other guy! How could you!?"
"Gilbert! I didn't-"
"Ohonhonhonhonhonhon~ That's quite the love bite. Douloureuse recherche, was you lover trying to pleasure or punish you?"
"Actually, I was running out of hands to hold little Matvey down with, so I had to use my teeth, da?" Russia spoke up as if he was talking about the weather.
"..." America's brain went turbulent as he couldn't comprehend the information that was just given to him.
"Mon cher ami! This was your work? Felicitations, Russie!"
"Your kidding! When the hell did this happen!? I thought I was the only man in your life Birdie. Are you cheating on the awesome me!?"
"Oui Gil. I'm not going out with you, but I'm still cheating. That's definitely possible..."
"OH~ mein ehrfurchtige herz! How could you wound me like that Mattie. You know how much I want to get in your pants! Cant you just humor me for once? Inlandisch terroristin!" Prussia said emotionally diving behind the projector screen used for presentations to nurse his gravely wounded heart.
"Alright, if were done nosily snooping into another nations private life, could we get back to our meeting now?" Germany prompted.
"Mathew, lad, this can't be the truth, could it. Would I really be correct in insinuating you have a less than platonic relationship with Russia. Surely he's making it all up, right champ?"
"Iggy's right Mattie! This can't be true! Tell us Russia's a filthy liar!" America insisted.
Mathew averted his gaze, and gritted his teeth before replying in a whisper, "Actually, it's true. Russia was the one who..." He trailed off, guess the embarrassment was to much for his quaint heart.
England just stared wide eyed, color forming on his own cheeks, embarrassed for his ex colony. Russia just laughed getting up from his seat to wrap an arm around Mathew's shoulders. America was flabbergasted. Words failed him, for once he was rendered mute...
"WHAT THE HELL!" that didn't last long. "THERE'S NO WAY I'M EVER GOING TO ACCEPT THIS! NO WAY MATTIE IS MINE ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE! AND YOU," he looked, or rather, glared threateningly at Russia, repulsed by the arm around his brother, "YOU COMMUNIST FREAK! STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHER! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM, GET OFF!" He attempted to storm over and rip his precious baby brother from Ivan's evil communist clutches, but in his furry, only managed to trip over his own feet and fall to the ground.
"Kolkolkolkol, you really are lacking in intelligence, Amerika. Я завоюю вашего брата теперь. Come, little one." He was ready to leave with a to embarrassed to go on living Canada when suddenly France bound forward.
"I'm in no position to stand in the way of lust but, Ohonhonhonhon~ I do want to feel that soft smooth pale skin dampening with perspiration under me just once be for he is ruined! Russie, give mon petit Mathui to me!"
"No way frog, stay away from my son!" England yelled.
"Mattie is mine America said, getting up and sprinting the couple feet over to them.
"This is turning in to a real comedy rutein... Can we go back to work yet?"
"I'm afraid I'm not in the habit of sharing, or holding back. I shall do as I please with who ever I am currently interested in. And right now, that is this kotol животное."
"NO! Stay away from my birdie!" Gilbert suddenly yells, jumping out from behind the screan, "You can't have him! I've had first dibs on his vital regions since France introduced us in the 12th century! No way I'm giving him up!"
"I'm afraid you are mistaken, comrade. Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol, Canada and Russia may not be one yet, but it's just a matter of time for Matvey and Ivan, da?" Russia put another arm around Mathew, this time around his waist, and hugged him closer. "Just a matter of time, da?"
"Damn it, commie! Stay away from my little brother!" America shouts furiously, attempting to drag the very upset Canada out of Russia's grasp and keep France away at the same time.
"Ohonhonhon~ Matheiu, I had no idea you were having casual sex with other countries so often! You make your papa so proud! I hope you're being safe about all this, can't have you getting pregnant. Ohonhonhon~"
"Shut up frog! Mathew would never involve himself in such things!"
"That's right! My innocent baby brother is now and will always be a virgin until such time when I decide to lay my claim over him and unite our nations!"
"Is no one going to comment that guy can't get pregnant?"
Mathew jumped out of the tug of war between his brother and clingy Russian. "First of all, Al, me and you will never happen. And I lost my virginity in 1952!"
The room grew quiet with the new information given to them about the confirmed status of Canada's virginity; or lack of for that matter. And with the silence came a ferocious blush consuming our poor Mattie's entire face.
"This is a surprise, da?" Russia broke the silence.
"I was, um, unaware..." England looked at his former colony in a whole new light.
"You fucking backstabber!" Prussia yelled angrily, walking over to grab a unsuspecting Spain by the front of his shirt, "I know it was fucking you. Now, you have two seconds to tell me how you seduced my Birdie, vor ich a gedrange ihre balle!"
"Me cago en dios! calmara mi amigo!" Spain exclaimed, only slightly flustered. It was no surprise that he was being blamed for stealing a virginity. This time, however, he was innocent. "It wasn't me I swear! You know I've only been interested in getting to Lovi since the beginning of the 19th century. I don't have the time to dedicate to such a difficult conquest such as Canada's vital regions.
Slowly Gilbert loosened his hold before letting go of Antonio completely and nodding in understanding.
"Don't talk like I'm not in the room, bastard!" an embarrassed Romano yelled, giving his would be lover a particularly hard headbutt and causing him to fall from his chair, bleeding slightly from the mouth.
"Eres tan cruel, mi amor... Pero te amo sin importar~"
Toni's words reinforced the color in Lovino's cheeks, "Bastard."
So, if it wasn't that retard Spain, Prussia, Russia, or England, it had have been France who got to you before any of us, right!" America asked, more to himself than his brother, taking dangerous steps towards said wine loving nation.
"Ohonhonhonhonhonhonhon~ oui, it is true I would love to take credit for such a conquest. Ce est un parcours difficile. But, non, I assumed his flower had been plucked, but I didn't know for sure. I'm as in the dark as the rest of you. Ohonhonhon!"
America growled before turning back to his brother. "Who the hell was it!?" He demanded, eyes filled with more jealousy than anger.
"I'm not comfortable with this topic of discussion, Al." Mathew mumbled, making his way back to his seat. leaving his brother to rage loudly
"It's okay. Cause Canada will soon be mine anyway. Just like Lithuania was and China will be next!" Russia cheered like a kid in a candy store, causing both Yao and Toris to shiver.
"Hold it right there bro-ham!" Poland exclaimed, standing from his place beside England and placing his hands on his hips. You may have like sort of won Lithuania in the Lithuanian wars, but like, Toris has always just been, like, mine, !"
"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkkol~ I wouldn't count on that, comrade."
"Come on, everyone, we're not having a repeat of 1920. Lets all take a deep breath instead of wasting our funds on another love triangle, okay?" Latvia says in an attempt to lighten the mood but just succeeding in embarrassing Toris and upsetting the other two further.
"Felix~ You didn't tell me you were in a love triangle! Is that what that whole soviet hate thing was about?" Hungary asked excitedly jumping up and down like a school girl.
"Well, you were like, still pretty involved with the Teutonic knights at the time it first started. The order of the cross like so took up like a lot of our gossip time~"
"Kesesesese~ Order of the cross, been a while since I heard that name! Right Lizzy?" Prussia laughed, wrapping an arm around Elizabetta's shoulders. "HEY! me you and Roddy are kind of in our own love triangle (even if I thought you were a guy), we should so totally just have an orgy! It'd be awesome!"
"You're disgusting!" The Hungarian woman laughed. Poland, now that the attention was off of him, moved to Lithuania's area and rested his head on the brunets lap.
"You in, France?"
"Oui! Wouldn't miss a chance to get with Austria for the world! Ohonhonhon!"
"Hold it right there, cheese eater! No ones doing anything to Austria unless they want a bullet in there head!" Switzerland growled, holding up the machine gun no one saw him enter with but assumed was on him since he is Switzerland.
"How bout you, West? Into orgies?"
"Bruder! How vile!"
"Ve~ Luddy, what's an orgy?" Ludwig's face flushed.
"Damn it you fucking albino potato eater. Don't pollute my fratello's brain!" Lovino yelled angrily, banging a fist on the table.
"Feliciano... it's not really an appropriate term..." Germany attempted to explain.
"If the subject is group sex it is, kesesesesese~"
"Ohonhonhonhonhonhon~ EEK!" Francis had attempted to jump and seize Austria's vital regions until Vash fired a bullet just past his head, barely missing.
"Ve, orgy. Orgy!" Italy cheered, some form of understanding shaping in his mind, "Ve! Germany, Germany, we should have an orgy! But just the two of us, ve~" Any response that Ludwig could have had to that statement was lost when Romano chucked a chair at him from across the room.
Germany side stepped the object and it instead hit England in the leg.
"OUCH! I'll say! How uncouth, Spain please control your charge!"
"Fosososososososo~"
"Uncouth!?" Romano raged, banging his fist down again. "Chiudi la f******* bocca! This coming from a pirate!?"
"Pardon me?" Iggy gasped in shock.
He's right. Usted es un verdadero tirano! Remember, the war of 1779. Pirates are vicious creatures. And you were a true God of conquest, mi amigo."
"I'll say, that was a long time ago and doesn't justify this out of control child to throw chair around all willy nilly!"
"HAHAHAHA! Iggy, you sure hate it when anyone brings up your pirating days! Got something to hide?" America asked obnoxiously.
"Could we please get back to the meeting!?" Germany insisted, but for once his yells went ignored, simply adding fuel to the fire of conversation burning through the meeting room.
"Ohonhonhonhonhon~ ros bif has lots of secrets..."
"SHUT IT, FROG!"
"You know who else has secrets, Matvey. He is still yet to tell me who it was who plucked his sunflower before I could, da?"
Canada had been silently packing up his material, realizing the meeting's allotted time was just about over and nothing had gotten done. He looks up with the deer in headlights look. "Um, well. That is... I uh. Well I assumed we were off this topic! I just, I um..."
"Come on Birdie! Who was the first to bone you? Denmark? Japan? Greece? Ukraine? Don't tell me it was Cuba!"
"No... it wasn't any of them..."
"Then who got a taste of your forbidden fruit before anyone else!?" America yelled frustrated with his lack of knowledge for once.
"The first to make sweet love to Mattie you say?" A gruff voice says, belonging to the masked man who just walked in, "That would be yours truly, I believe." Turkey said plainly, taking his seat, but not before winking at said Canadian.
"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!?
"Is this true Matvey, kokolkolkolkol~"
"NO FUCKING WAY! Mattie is it true? Come on, you can tell big brother the truth!" Alfred cried, jumping his northern brother rubbing Canada's cheek with his own.
"Alfred! Get off of me!"
"Ah, yes. I couldn't resist that vixen's sweet temptation. I had no idea he was a virgin, he seduced me like a pro! Hahaha! I sure did top though. A man's got to have at least that much pride, right?"
"Wait, Birdie, you're the one who seduced for brains over here? I thought it was the other way around.
"This is quite the surprise, Matvey. I've yet to see your dominant side in our encounters. I suppose I should work a little harder to bring it out, da?"
"Hey, commie, that's my brother your talking about!"
"Da, I am aware."
"Are you all aware we're still at a meeting?"
Ohonhonhon~ I had no idea you were such a tiger in the sack, mon petite colombe! You make your papa so proud!" France fakes a tear to wipe away overly dramatically.
"Papa! Ce ne etait rien comme ca! Honnetement! I kind of just wanted to sway his opinion towards joining the NATO. And he did, the morning after! It was business!"
"Business I pray I'll be able to take part in again! Kid was fucking amazing! Best two hours and morning after sex I've ever had!" Sadik Said proudly, reliving the extraordinary moment in his mind, "Glorious..."
America did a spit take of the soda he was slurping down, "TWO HOURS!? ARE YOU FOR REALS DUDE!? That must have been some pretty awesome sex to last two hours!" He exclaimed, mouth ajar in shock.
Canada's face twisted in an uncharacteristic and cat like smirk. "But of course~" He purred in a unbelievably sexy way, a slight French accent, and playfully winking at his brother. Simultaneously giving France America Russia England Spain Hungary Prussia and Turkey nosebleeds.
"Oh god, are you guys okay!?" Mathew asked, returning to his usual less provocative, mannerism, "I'll go get some cold rags and tissues!" Then the vixen known as Canada scurried out the door.
"God that kid doesn't know the power he yields..."
"I'll go assist him." Ivan mumbled with a smirk of his own, making his way out the room (They didn't notice for hours that the two never returned).
"ohonhonhon, he gets that from my side of the family."
"As if, Frog. You know the lads always leaned towards English ways, ever since after the seven year war!"
By this point, France was no longer paying attention to what the Englishman was saying. Instead he chuckled softly, getting closer and closer, hands in grouping position.
America had found Japan and was telling (screaming) to the raven haired boy about being the hero of the world or something while he shovels hamburgers down his throat.
Spain was trying to stop (molest) Lovino while the half country attempted to attack a flustered Germany for being used as chair by a clingy and sexually frustrated Feliciano.
Austria was chatting with an energetic Hungary about the stupidity of all this. While Lithuania whispered sweet nothings to Poland who's head was still resting comfortably on his lap.
Greece had woken up from his nap and was currently having another fight with Turkey, this time about who would be the best partner for Japan. And everyone else was chatting or arguing amongst themselves, all straining to speak over each others conversations.
Germany had had enough of the lack of order. "COLD WE CONTINUE WITH OUR MEETING NOW!" He yelled over everyone. The way his voice demanded to be heard, it was not a question, and everyone quieted down. "Thank you." he said curtly.
It was then that the door burst open.
The nations occupying the room turned to see something that none of them, safe a pleased looking American, were expecting in the least. One by one, each of their bosses filed in to the room, ashamed yet scolding expressions on their faces.
"All of you," a slim red headed man in formal wear began in his British accent, "must explain exactly what it was that we've all just witnessed."
"Witnessed?" Germany prompted, lifting a blonde eyebrow at the man, then to his own boss who grunted and shook his head disapprovingly.
"oui, witnessed. All of us. From that." A short raven haired Frenchman said, pointing across the room at the giant mirror covering the back wall that I mentioned in the beginning of this fanfiction.
"Oh, right, dudes, I guess I forgot to tell you all! That's a trap mirror; as in, the could see us crystal clear from the other side. Our bosses said they wanted to observe our meeting today, but I forgot all about it, HHAHAHAHAGHAHAHAHAHAHA~!" America laughed, the room deadpanned.
"Well, we simply wanted to see the way all of you conducted your selves when you thought we weren't watching. But considering the inappropriate and childish behavior you have all displayed," the German man glared sternly at all the uneasy and obviously embarrassed nations, "I don't even know what to say..."
"I know~" a short blonde Italian man said, stepping cheerfully from behind Germany's representative, "At this point, let's just pretend this never happened! Okay?"
They all agreed.
After a brief discussion, everyone was about ready to go.
"Alfred, were going home! Put the burger down, we'll order pizza!"
"Arthur," the red haired man from before said sharply, "I'm so surprised at you. You represent all of Britain. You must present yourself as such and control your temper!"
"Oui, Francis, I am equally disappointed that you gave up on Austria so quickly!"
"ohonhonhonhonhon~ I'll get him next time!
Beiy~ Well, that's the end of that! Hope you all enjoyed it beiy. If someone request a sequel surrounding Russia and Canada after they left, i have one ready beiy, just give the word~
MEIN GOTT- My god (German)
Douloureuse recherche- Looks painful (French)
Mon cher ami! Felicitations, Russie!- My dear friend! Congrdulations Russia! (French)
mein ehrfurchtige herz- My awesome heart (German)
Inlandisch terroristin- Domestic terrorist (German)
vor ich a gedrange ihre balle- before I crush your balls (German)
Me cago en dios! calmara mi amigo- For Christ sake! Calm down my friend! (Spanish)
Eres tan cruel, mi amor... Pero te amo sin importar~- you are so cruel, my love... but I love you anyways~
Ce est un parcours difficile- a very difficul conquest (French)
Non- No (French)
Bruder- Brother (German)
Chiudi la f******* bocca- Shut your f****** mouth (Italian) (I wanted to keep this T rated)
Usted es un verdadero tirano- you were a true tyrant (Spanish)
mon petite colombe- my little dove (French)
Ce ne etait rien comme ca! Honnetement- It was nothing like that! Honest! (French)
I'm so sorry if any of the translations are obscured, BEIY~