Broken Promises

Prologue

The Eve of my Wedding - Hawke Family Estate

Many of you have read about the woman who fled Lothering with her family during the beginning of the Fifth Blight, seven years ago. Most of you know her as the infamous apostate who defeated the Arishok in a duel to save Kirkwall from Qunari occupation or you may know her as the woman who came from humble beginnings and through self-sacrifice and the aid of her companions, she became the Champion of Kirkwall, but my question to you is: do you know the story of the Captain of the Guard? If you don't, then I am going to tell you my story. My name is Aveline Vallen and I was once a soldier in King's Cailan service. I was witness to the betrayal of Loghain and his men during my station at Ostagar alongside one of the most skilled swordsman I was ever privileged to know. His skill surpassed most men, even mine. Most of you will think of him as an arrogant and a brash young man…

I set aside my feathered my pen to give myself a moment to collect my thoughts. This is no easy task I have given myself…to write about my deeply intimate relationship with the only man I have ever loved. Yet here I am, about to wed another and I am filled with doubt. I don't love him. I don't know if I will grow to love him over time, but his love will never be enough to fill the emptiness of my heart.

"You can do this, Aveline. It's been weighing on your mind for years," I murmur. Reaching for my pen, I take a deep breath…and continue…

I think of him as a strong, determined and very stubborn young man. His loyalty was something to be admired… I suppose you want to know of whom I speak? Well, I am going to tell you…

Most of you think of me as honorable and loyal…. I would agree if I did not betray Wesley. Yes, I was involved in a passionate love affair with a soldier during the two years I was stationed at Ostagar and after being in Kirkwall for a year, we rekindled our relationship and we formed a very close bond.

His name was Carver Hawke and I loved him from the moment I first laid eyes on him. It never mattered that he was seven years my junior. What mattered was that we shared a deeply profound and intimate relationship.

Marian Hawke's story is not the only one that needs telling and besides that, Varric will happily tell her story and embellish it to his heart's content, however mine is written from the heart and it does not need any embellishment.

I loved a man. His name was Carver Hawke…and this is my story.

Chapter One

I fling my mane of long red hair over my shoulder while I study the group of soldiers waiting patiently for me to give the order for them to move. I look upon them with pride. I trained them all in the fine skill of sword and shield and they have all proven to be competent in their skill. My Father would be so proud of me if he could see me now. Thinking about my Father dampens my spirits. He died just over a year ago of the Wasting Disease in the Denerim Chantry. The Chantry one would ask, but as much as it is a beacon of hope for all the religious, it is also a clinic for those who are ill, infirm, on their death bed or those young mothers ready to deliver their babes. I held his hand while he lay dying on a makeshift cot. I was reading to him and because he was so weak, he couldn't turn the pages of the book. I helped him. When I was younger, he always held my hand before turning the page and told me turn it when you are ready and he told me to always remember this:

As much or as little as you want. No one tells you how to mourn and when someone says move on, you take their hand and say my choice.

I smile inwardly about his wisdom. It was always my choice to turn the page, of course, because I was eager to know what would happen next and the irony of it is that I returned the favor. He said the same thing to me when I told him about my engagement to a templar, Wesley Vallen. We married a year ago in a quiet simply ceremony at the Chantry. How the Reverend Mother allowed such a union is something I will never understand because according to Chantry Law, templars are not allowed to marry as much as mages aren't allowed to form relationships of any kind. This is the sad reality of the times we live in. I tend not to dwell on the general feeling of discord between the Chantry, the templars and the mages because it goes back years and I don't foresee it changing because people are brainwashed into believing mages are dangerous when in actual fact they are as dangerous as any man or woman wielding a weapon, but my duty is to King Cailan and we received word a few days ago about a training camp down south at Ostagar and we are about half a day's march from the gates. As I gaze upon my regiment, I notice their tired eyes. We've been on the march for four days and they are fast losing their morale and it doesn't help matters that there are rumors about something dark on the horizon. Everyone feels uneasy, even me, which is unusual because I am usually calm and collected, but not today. Perhaps I am just as exhausted as they are, I reason. Perhaps we need to unwind for an hour or so before we continue towards Ostagar and as I gaze from soldier to soldier, their plea is very clear. They need to rest and I am going to allow it.

"At ease men…and women," I command and they visibly relax, "You may rest, eat and drink for the next hour and then we will continue onwards to Ostagar. Dismissed."

There is collected sigh of relief as they remove their weapons and duffelbags. They split up into small groups of four and they spread out. Some seek shelter from the sun under the trees not far from us. Some move off towards the river and I wander off alone to flat rock and I sit down. As much as I enjoy the soldier's life, I find it extremely lonely. I don't mingle with the men and women because I prefer solitude and I am not interested in friendship either, but I care for their welfare. I care for their mental well-being. We all know living the soldier's life is not easy. Many of them have wives, husbands and children back home and I really don't think it's fair to call on them, but we are all part of King Cailan's army. We've all taken oaths. Oaths which are binding and cannot be broken unless there is good reason.

I think back to the last night Wesley and I shared and to my chagrin, a single tear rolls down my cheek. Since my Father died, we have become extremely close and to say our parting was painful is an understatement. It was damn difficult. We seldom see each other because of our duty and right now, I miss his company. His sense of humor and his loving touch. When we met, I knew I'd marry him and I thought then I'd only ever love him. I still think that now, but being separated from him is causing strain on our relationship and I don't know what to do about it and I really shouldn't show this kind of weakness. If they knew the extent of my pain, it would dampen their spirits further and I don't want that. As the Captain, I have to be strong for them because I am the only person they look up to for guidance and reassurance.

I hear footsteps behind me and I quickly wipe my eyes lest whoever it is sees me so vulnerable and I hate feeling so vulnerable. It makes me feel insecure and not as strong as I think I am.

"Captain?"

I have to smile when I recognise the voice of Sarah. She's the closest I have to a friend and we've been in the army since we turned sixteen. So much for not having a friend. Who am I kidding? Myself of course. She is the only friend I have and she is the only one who understands me. When I don't reply, she drops in front of me and gently removes my hands from my face, leaving me with little choice but to look at her. She has a heart-shaped, deeply tanned face and a pair of cyan blue eyes. She is very attractive with her short-blond hair and she has a wicked sense of humor…most of the time. There is no humor in her eyes today. Only compassion and concern.

"You miss him, don't you?" she asks outright, with no forewarning and I crack a smile. That is what I like about her. She is forthright, to the point of being blunt and the men respect her because of it.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Yes," she nods, "Very obvious. The others feel something is not right, Captain."

"Sarah, drop the formality will you? We are all at ease," I point out as I smile warmly at her. She appears contrite however it does not last because she starts laughing at me.

"Seven years I've known and you haven't changed at all."

I feign offense, "Why? What do you mean? I thought I had changed."

"No, you haven't, Aveline. Just because you are the Captain, doesn't make you any less human. You are entitled to miss your husband. Even cry about it if you must…"

"Right. As if that will go down well with you lot. Imagine the morale then?" I point out.

"They know you miss him, Aveline. They respect and admire you. Sometimes I think some of the men want more from you," she chuckles and I have to roll my eyes.

"What? As if they think I am attractive," I mutter, completely aware of the warm flush spreading through me. I am anything but feminine. My nose and cheeks are dotted with freckles. I have a square, determined jaw, that rivals most men. My nose is big, compared to the small feminine noses my counterparts have. I have a broad chest. Strong muscular arms and lengths from using my weapons. To most men, I am not attractive at all and I've been told that numerous times. The only thing that separates me from the men are my arched eyebrows, oval-shaped green eyes, my long red hair and my slender finger and toes. Not that they'd even know. The only man to have seen me naked is my husband and that was difficult, yet he enjoys my body. He was and will more than likely be last man I sleep with. My looks never worried him. In fact he thought I was attractive, in a different way.

Sarah shakes her head in exasperation, "I don't have to ask what's going through your mind, Aveline, but regardless of what you may think of yourself, some of those men find you very attractive. I don't know if it is because you challenge them, but some do think you attractive and you really shouldn't think otherwise."

"They just see someone threatening their masculinity, Sarah. You know, as well as I, that I can whip their arse any day…"

She laughs, "I don't doubt that. Perhaps you should challenge them to a friendly duel…"

"What?" I glare at her, daring her to say more.

"…Or not," she laughs and to my surprise, I start laughing.

"Ah…" she says getting to her feet and dusting herself off, "I think I've achieved my goal."

"What? You came to me on some personal mission?" I ask, outraged at her audacity.

"Mmm…You always taught me to follow through on any mission, even personal ones," she politely points out and as I look at her, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I settle for neither as I get to my feet. Instead I embrace her.

"You are a true friend, Sarah… Thank you," I say softly.

"Love you too…Captain," she murmurs.

"Sarah," I laugh, "What did I tell you earlier?"

"Just teasing… Why don't you mingle in the meantime? It might improve their morale."

"Oh my…You are going to be the death of me, Sarah. Why don't you take my place as Captain?"

She smiles, "No… It's not for me. I prefer to follow, but if the opportunity should arise, I might change my mind."

"I'll bet and then you will have the men eating out of your hand, considering they never keep their eye off you for very long."

"Nonsense. None of them interest me and besides I won't give up the soldier's life for a man either."

"Really? We'll see about that, my friend," I say as we stroll back to the soldiers. As we move through them, I notice how much more relaxed they all seem to be. Some are even engaging in a friendly duel while others are arm-wrestling and others are just relaxing and enjoying the fresh air. Another couple of hours and we'll be at Ostagar.

I order my regiment to march that much faster because the gates are yonder and I am eager to get them to the camp so that they can at least relax and get some sleep. I stand aside as they march past me and I offer them words of encouragement. They acknowledge me with smiles and that makes me feel so proud. As the last soldier marches past, something tells me look up. Maker knows why I feel like this, but something compels me follow my instinct. I look up, towards the gates and I notice from this distance a man standing, keeping watching, but I am too far away to see who it is. Thinking not much of it, I jog my way to the front and I continue leading them onwards. Left. Right. Left. Right. I want roll my eyes because of the monotony of it and I halt them.

"Please, men and women, you may march at ease. It's not as if we are going into battle. Please relax. Spread out if you wish." And that is met with delighted laughter, but regardless of what I've said, they don't break ranks, "Alright. Suit yourselves. March on… And I don't want to hear complaints now especially after my generous offer."

There is a collective yes Captain and some laughter and I turn around, to continue onwards. We arrive at the gates half-an-hour later and again, I sense someone watching me, but I don't have time to look, because the gates have opened revealing a man, not much older than my twenty-three years, waiting expectantly for us. He has black hair and brilliant green eyes. I briefly acknowledge him as we march past, but a movement to my right draws my attention. I pause, run my fingers through my rather wind-blown hair, however, I pause as a young man steps forward and for some unknown reason, my stomach muscles tighten considerably and I quickly look away. I brush past him and I don't look back as I lead my men further in. I don't even take much notice of our surroundings. Whomever he was, his navy blue eyes are forever imprinted on my mind. I am so flustered and confused about my reaction to that brief encounter, I don't realise someone calling me, until I feel a sharp nudge in my ribs.

"What?" I snap as I turn around only to realise Sarah is standing right next to me, "I'm sorry."

"Hey, I don't mind. I can handle it. I ordered the men to halt, Captain, otherwise we would have marched into the Wilds," she laughs.

"The Wilds?" I look around and that is when I notice another gate not far from us, "And I suppose you gave them the order to halt."

"Yes… What gives them the idea that I am Second-In Command is beyond me," she chuckles and for the first since we entered the camp, I relax…completely. I feel at home and completely at ease and I look around. It's really beautiful and peaceful. There is a bonfire not far from us and several soldier are milling about. Some are sitting around the fire and by the raucous laughter they are having a good time.

"Perhaps you are…or you soon will be," I tease, knowing she's going to be annoyed with me.

"With all due respect, Captain, I have no interest in leading them. I am here because I love my country and the King and I will do anything for them."

"With all due respect, Sarah, you know that is only partly true. They respect you. If anything, they'd happily follow you wherever you go."

She sighs. "I beg to differ, Captain. Leadership is not my strong point. I'd rather follow you into battle."

"Point noted. At ease."

"Thank you, Captain." She salutes me, turns around and marches off towards another gate and upon closer inspection, I realise that is where we will be expected to rest. I don't mind, is my thought as I wander through them. There are so many tents. Enough tents to hold a small battalion of men. Surprisingly there aren't a as many soldiers as I thought. Perhaps more are expected, I reason as I follow Sarah into a tent. I look around and with relief I drop my duffelbag onto the bed nearest the entrance. She drops her things on the bed next to mine.

"Hey," I call as she turns around, "I guess we can talk late into the night with our beds so close."

She smiles. "Just like we used to do as young recruits?"

"Ah. Those were the days, my friend. At least now that we are here, we can find a balance. I miss talking to you. I miss normal girl talk."

"That is not surprising considering you are so private, Aveline," she points out.

"True, but you know how it is."

"I wish I did, but I don't. How is Wesley? I didn't ask that you earlier."

"As well as can be expected I suppose," I reply as I start unpacking my bag. I don't have much except for the necessities and I quickly stow them in the footlocker at the end of my bed, "At least they are organised here."

"I also thought so. I guess we are going to be here for a very long time," she says quietly.

"It definitely seems that way. What can we do, Sarah?"

"Grin and bear it. That is my philosophy," she laughs.

"Mine too," I murmur as I think about the young man I saw earlier. In that split second we made eye contact, something called to some deep place in my soul and I don't know what it is and that is enough to frustrate me. Perhaps I miss Wesley too much. We both knew what type of marriage we'd have when we he first proposed and thinking about him is not helping me. I definitely miss him too much.

"Hey, why don't we go for a walk, Aveline? You know, check out the scenery. Perhaps explore what's left of the fort?" asks Sarah, breaking into my quiet contemplation and I offer her a grateful smile.

"I think that is an excellent idea," I agree.

As we seat ourselves at the long table in the Mess Hall, I keep an eye out for the young man I saw this afternoon, but there are too many faces and they all look the same. They have the same exhausted look and longing in their eyes for their loved ones back home. I continue scanning the many faces, hoping I will find him, but to no avail and I can't understand the crushing disappointment I feel.

"What did you think of the view from the broken tower?" asks Sarah as she hands me a slice of bread.

"It's beautiful here, Sarah. I think the view of the mountains is quite something as is the fresh mountain air," I reply as I dip my bread into the delicious chicken soup we've just been served. At least we'll eat decent meals during our stay here. Maker knows how long that will be. The thought does not please me and it brings me back to the question of why I married Wesley in the first place. If we seen each other for two months in the last year, it's a lot and it saddens me. I miss our duelling sessions. I taught him how to handle a sword and shield and we used to spend our afternoons duelling, but he was and still is not as good as I am. I smile about that. I am not someone who boasts or is arrogant. In fact I have little time for anyone who is arrogant. Arrogance, I believe, can be one's downfall on the battlefield and that does not bode well for any prospective soldier.

"Mmm, I guess you must be thinking about Wesley for you to smile quiet like that," she teases, breaking into my train of thought…again and I resist the temptation to roll my eyes. This is why I prefer being on my own. At least I can contemplate things for as long as I want to, but with her constantly interrupting me… I don't know whether it is a hidden blessing.

"I always think about him, Sarah… I love him dearly," I explain.

"Clearly," she murmurs, "But seriously, you need to lighten up. Morale, Aveline. Morale."

Now I do roll my eyes, "Are you telling me what to do, soldier?"

"Yes Captain, I am," she laughs, "And you don't mind."

"True, I don't. How can I? We've known each for too long," I point out, but the entrance of the man I saw earlier waiting for us, brings silence to the crowded Mess Hall.

"That is Captain Aaron Varel. Second Company," murmurs Sarah.

"Why is he here? I thought the Commanding Officer would make the introductions."

"Good evening, everyone," says Captain Varel, thereby preventing any further conversation between Sarah and me.

"Evening, Ser," comes the collective reply. I switch off, deciding to concentrate on Captain Varel. He is extremely attractive with is green eyes and black hair and he wear an expression of blissful contentment and he keeps on fingering something around his neck.

"I would like to introduce Captain Aveline Vallen and her Third Company to you. She will be training with us for the next few months or so and I expect you to treat with utmost respect and I don't want any fooling around. We are not here for leisure. We are here to train, therefore no irresponsible behavior or drunken brawls, or feeling up the few young women here will be tolerated. These are the orders from the Commanding Officer and they will be adhered to. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes Ser!"

"Excellent and please, no negativity. Morale is very low as it is and we don't need unpleasantness of any kind. As you were," he says in clipped tone of voice. I eat the rest of my food in silence. As much as I love the soldier's life, sometimes I hate it, but it's a life I chose at the behest of my Father.