Chapter 1
I have no idea where this came from. I was getting a glass of water and this came to my mind and I just had to write it.
I don't own Phineas and Ferb.
"Congratulations Major Monogram, it's a boy," the nurse said, handing me the small bundle wrapped in a baby blue blanket.
I carefully pulled the blanket from the baby's face. He had chocolate-brown hair and my blue eyes. "Look at him Carl," I said, leaning so that my husband, lying in the hospital bed next to the chair I was sitting in, could see the small baby.
"He's amazing," Carl said, in awe of the small human in my arms.
"What's his name?" the nurse who had handed me the baby asked.
"Montgomery. Montgomery William Monogram," Carl said, his eyes never leaving the baby.
"Do you want to hold him?" I asked, holding the baby out to Carl.
There was terror in Carl's eyes. "N-n-n-no! I might drop him!" he said, pulling away from me and Montgomery.
"Carl, you aren't going to drop him. He's your son too. Come on, just hold him. Please?" I said, holding Montgomery out to Carl again.
The fear in his eyes faded some. "O-okay," Carl said shakily, reaching out for Montgomery.
"Here, just put one hand under his head and put the other under his butt, like this," I said, carefully positioning Carl's hands under the baby.
"Like this?" he asked, seeming to finally get the hang of it.
"Yes, exactly like that," I said, leaning back in my chair a bit.
"Hey Monty, I'm your mama. I'm so glad you're finally here, I've been waiting to meet you for nine months," Carl said, one hand moving to play with Monty's tiny hands.
I smiled softly at my son and husband, both of whom I had known their whole lives. Suddenly Carl let out a jaw-splitting yawn. I carefully took Monty from Carl and put him in the small crib the hospital provided. "Get some rest Carl, you'll have more time to fawn over Monty when you get some rest."
Carl yawned again and laid down in the bed. I knew he was really exhausted because not two minutes later, I heard his soft snoring. "Sleep well love," I said, kissing Carl on the cheek before going to the bathroom down the hall, and then to the snack machines. Carl had been in labor since five this morning, and I hadn't eaten since then, and considering it was three in the afternoon, I was starving.
I made my way back to Carl's room 20 minutes later. There was a large commotion outside of the room and a sense of dread clenched in my stomach.
"What's going on?" I asked one of the nurses.
"Who are you?" the nurse asked, blocking me from entering the room.
"Major Francis Monogram, that's my husband and son in there," I said, trying to get around her, "What's going on?"
"When was the last time you saw your husband Major Monogram?" the nurse asked, trying to lead me away from the room.
"When I went to the bathroom and snack machines 20 minutes ago. He was exhausted so I put Monty in the crib and went to get something to eat. What's wrong with Carl?" I asked, standing my ground.
"He...he's missing," the nurse said, looking away from me.
"Missing? How can he be missing? He had a baby less than an hour ago. He can't get out of that bed, let alone disappear!" I said, turning back to the room.
Carl's bed was empty. Monty was crying in his crib. "Carl?" I called softly, picking Monty up from the crib. He stopped crying almost instantly. I sat back down in my chair, gently rocking Monty back and forth. A sound came from the middle of Carl's bed, under the blanket. I carefully moved the blanket with one hand, cradling Monty in the other.
There was a small baby on the bed, even smaller than Monty. He had red-brown hair and piercing green eyes. A combination I had only seen once. In the baby pictures of Carl our mother's had shown us. I laid Monty on the bed next to the red-haired baby, and picked him up.
"Carl?" I asked the baby. He gurgled, smiling up at me, as if in recognition of his name.
"Carl? How?" I asked, stunned. "Doofenshmirtz," I hissed, realizing this was Doofenshmirtz's trademark. A sudden change, no explanation.
I put both babies in the crib and pulled out my cell phone and called speed dial number three.
"General," the voice on the other end of the phone barked.
"What was Doofenshmirtz's plot for today?" I asked bluntly, no proper titles or any other sign of respect I should have had for my superior.
"Excuse me Major?" General barked.
"I think whatever it was effected my husband. What was Doofenshmirtz's damn plan?!" I asked.
The General must have been shocked. I never cursed, ever. "It was a De-Age-Inator," he said, the sound of rustling papers in the background. "What's happening Major?"
"Carl was hit with the Inator. He's an infant now. What am I supposed to do now? I already have a new-born son to take care of. I can't take care of my new-born husband too," I said, running a hand through my hair as I spoke.
"Where are you Major? It sounds like we have some major clean-up to do."
"We're at the hospital, maternity ward, room 345," I said, watching the two infants.
"Back-up will be there within the hour," the General said, "Hold everyone off until I get there."
I just stared at the sleeping babies in the crib. What was I going to do?
That was 18 years ago. 18 long, long years ago. Carl ended up being raised, or re-raised i guess, by his older sister. I couldn't do it. I could barely take care of Monty by myself. That doesn't mean I stopped watching Carl though. I made sure he and Monty went to the same schools, so I could watch him without being labeled a pedophile and a freak. But I still loved him. He is the mother of my child and I will always love him, even if he's growing up with our child.
I was so proud when he decided to take an internship position at OWCA. I badgered the General for a month to get him assigned to me. It turned out the General was right. It was a bad idea for me to have to work with Carl on a daily basis, he had no memories of our life together before the de-aging.
He only knows he's drawn to me and Monty, only knows that I'm his boss, who teases him mearcisly in front of the agents, but avoids or stares at him when we're alone.
"Sir, what's wrong?" Carl asked one day.
It was August 19. Our wedding anniversary. But he didn't know. We would have been married for 22 years if all of this had never happened. "Nothing Carl, I just...have a lot on my mind," I said, pulling a picture book from my desk.
"What's that?" Carl asked, moving to stand in front of my desk.
Normally I would have sent him away, told him to get back to work. But today, I couldn't. Maybe it was the significance of today. I don't know what it was but I showed him the book that held every picture of Carl and I from our childhood.
"Who is that?" Carl asked, pointing to a picture of a Christmas party when we had been five, right next to one taken when we were 15, both were taken under mistletoe.
"That's me," I said, pointing to myself in both pictures. "And this, this spitfire little redhead is Monty's mother," I said, pointing to Carl.
"That's your wife?" Carl asked, "But that's a male."
"I know that Carl, did I ever even say I had a wife?" I asked, looking longingly at the picture taken when we were 15. He had blushed so hard I thought he would be permanently red.
"No sir, but I just assumed, you being a traditionalist and all..." Carl trailed off, his face turning as red as it had that day.
"I don't have a wife, but I was married, once upon a time. Today would have been our anniversary, would have been 22 years with the love of my life. But he got hurt by my work, not even an hour after Monty was born. I've seen him since, but he doesn't remember anything about us," I said softly, not caring if I said too much.
"What happened to him, sir?" Carl asked softly.
"He was hit by one of Doof's early inventions, he hadn't even started calling them Inators yet," I chuckled ruefully, "It de-aged him to an infant. I lost my only love."
"I'm sorry for your loss sir," Carl said quietly.
"He was amazing. The worst part is I forced myself to watch him growing up, not telling him who I was, Monty doesn't even know," I whispered, tears starting to flow from my eyes. "I still wanted him, even though he was my son's best friend growing up. I still wanted him."
Carl was shocked. I had said too much. He was Monty's best friend, he knew it.
"It-it's me?"
"Yes, yes Carl, you are Monty's mother, you were my husband 18 years ago," I said bitterly. "If you want to quit now I won't blame you."
Carl was quiet for a few moments. I thought he was thinking up for a few choice words to say to me. But what came out of his mouth wasn't what I expected.
"Francis, look at me," Carl said gently.
My eyes slowly raised from the spot on the desk I had been staring at. "Francis, this explains everything. It explains why I was drawn to you and Monty, it explains why I want to spend every single waking moment with you Francis Monogram," he said, gently fitting his lips over mine.
They still fit perfectly, after all these years.
"So-so you don't hate me?" I asked softly.
"How could I hate you Francis. You're my husband, maybe not by law anymore, but where it matters, in the heart," he said, putting his hand over my heart.
My heart gave a leap and I pulled Carl over the desk, kissing him deeply and passionately.
"I love you. I love you so much it hurts," I mumbled against Carl's lips.
"I love you too Francis," Carl said, before kissing me again.
I pulled Carl over the desk and into my lap and kissed him with all the pent-up tension I had from the past 18 years.
Suddenly it hit me what the world would think. Here I was, sitting at my desk, kissing my intern like there was no tomorrow. But it didn't matter what the world thought. It only mattered what Carl, my family thought. And most of them had already accepted us once, it shouldn't make any difference a second time. And Monty already liked Carl, the two were already best friend for crying out loud.
Oh God. What would Monty think? I was making out with his best friend.