It had been almost a year since Cas had fallen. And, although he was doing better then Dean hoped in the 'drug addiction' department, he wasn't doing so well in the human aspect of things. Due to the fact that the ex-angel was never really used to eating or sleeping, he had a bad habit of forgetting to do them. Which, of course, made Dean extremely worried. He had seen what lack of sleep did to the body when Sammy had avoided sleep for weeks, and it proved true to its poison. Castiel's hair had thinned tremendously , his cheeks had sunken in and his eyes were barely visible half the time.

To put it mildly, Cas looked extremely drained. But that could have also been a side effect of not eating. Actually Dean hadn't even noticed Cas was forgetting to eat until about 3 weeks into the fall. The only obvious thing giving it away was his collar bones jutting out, and soon all he could feel was bone. His clothes- well, Dean's clothes- hung loosely off the grown man like a child in his big brother's hand-me-downs. His head hung low and his shoulders slumped in on themselves.

But the most alarming part had to be Cas's ribs. About four months after Cas had fallen, he had finally decided to take off the old suit and trench coat and wear something new. Well new to him at least, he refused to wear anything that hadn't been worn by Dean was pulling his shirt on when Dean had walked in, it was a short glimpse, but Dean knew what he had saw.

"Hey Cas, uh, lift up your shirt." Cas's face grew pale and his cheeks turned bright red.

"Dean I-I've said before how I'm not ready for much more than kissing and holding each other for a while, it's just so new to me." That drew a slight chuckle from Dean.

"No, you dork. Just let me see your torso."

Although confusion was written all over Castiel's face, he did as he was told, slowly easing the Zeppelin t shirt over his head. Dean took four long strides before he was at his side, his eyes glued to his protruding rib cage. Cas looked like a skeleton. Dean was terrified, though he would never admit it.

"Cas! When was the last time you ate?!"

"I... I'm not sure Dean. I guess I just forgot?"

Suddenly Dean pulled the shorter man into his chest, burying his face in Cas' hair. Cas was stunned at first, but soon got over the initial shock and returned the embrace.

Dean had to be extremely careful these days when touching Cas, at least if it was on his back. Every so often, Dean could catch glimpses of angel grace bleeding through his shirt. Bleeding being the key word. Since Cas wasn't an angel, he didn't have his full grace- but two very important parts had stayed with him: his wings. But instead of being lush full wings with soft feathers, they were bloody stumps. Naomi had plucked each feather out slowly before sawing them down to inch long nubs and casting Castiel down from heaven. Dean's heart wept every time he saw them. The worst part was when he saw Cas' face contort into agony every so often.

Dean knew that they were never going to heal.

Not really.

"Dean, what are you thinking about?" Cas' voice was soft and low as they lay in bed, their foreheads pressed together and their fingers and legs intertwined. Dean smiled which, in turn, drew one of Cas's rare real smiles.

"How beautiful you are."

Dean had to chuckle at the cliche. He never really was one for emotions. Well, at least that's what he always tried to tell himself.

"Dean, you of all humans know that this-" he gestured to his fragile body "-is anything but beautiful."

Dean knew that Cas hadn't meant the vessel he had taken, but rather the soul that was now forever trapped inside of it. Dean knew for a fact that Cas wasn't as pure as everyone else saw him. In fact, Cas had the capability to be one of the biggest assholes Dean had ever met. Although Dean couldn't really hold that against the angel; he was a pretty big asshole himself.
But Dean didn't care about any of that. What he really cared about was Cas' true heart- the one that would do anything to save the people of the earth. After all, he'd given everything up for the humans already. Suddenly, a flash of gold caught Dean's attention.

"Hey Cas, what's that?" He slowly brought his hand up to the leather necklace around his lover's neck. Reflexively, Cas's hand shot up to guard it.

"It's nothing, Dean."

"Hey, is that..." Dean pulled Cas's hand back gently to reveal an amulet, his amulet.

"You threw it away, but I wanted something to have of yours always close to me." Cas looked down, shame written all over his face.

Dean laughed gently and pulled down his sleeve to reveal a blue braided bracelet.

"It's made out of pieces of your tie. I ripped them off before you threw it out" he smiled.

Sentiment, although lacking in his life, was one thing Dean never let go of. Mary taught him that. Cas let out a sigh, but not one of impatience or sadness. It was, instead, the sight of a man who had everything he could ever want laying in the bed beside him.

As the days went on, Dean was able to get Cas to eat more by bribing him with things he enjoyed more, like hiking or visiting Kevin. Cas had a fondness for the boy, much like Dean's and had adopted him into the family. Slowly, Cas got better- happier even. He smiled more and even loosened up to the point where her wasn't afraid to hold hands with Dean in public.

Things were looking up.

And that's when it all had to fall apart.
"Cas, what are these?" Dean's voice was low, an undertone Cas had never heard directed at him before.

"Morphine pills. I've been having some intense pain on my back. Is there something wrong?"

"Cas..." Dean's hands were shaking, the pills in the orange bottle rattling around like a box of green army men, worn and tired.

Cas slowly walked up behind Dean and placed a hand on his back.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

He sounded like the usual Cas, he didn't seem to have the giggling personality of the Cas he'd once met. But that didn't stop the cold chill that ran down his spine, ice tendrils branching off and encasing all of his nerves. Dean couldn't move. His eyes glazed over and his breath caught in his throat. Why was he reacting so childishly to something so trivial? Cas was in pain, he knew this.. He couldn't let his Castiel suffer.

With a deep breath, he pulled in the chill slowly until he felt a slight warmth in his chest again, forcing his limbs to relax.

"Just be careful, bud." He mumbled, tossing the bottle back into the medicine cabinet and slamming the mirror shut. His footsteps faded as Cas' confusion grew stronger. He sighed and plopped himself down on the toilet seat lid. What was going on? Had he done something to upset Dean? A pit of guilt knotted in his stomach. It was irrational, he knew, but he had long since learned that human emotions followed no set path.

A searing pain suddenly overtook his back and he clutched at it trying to get it to stop. Why wouldn't it stop? He hurried over to the cabinet and grabbed his medicine, downing the required dosage. After a moment, he looked down at the bottle again. A few extra couldn't hurt, could they?