Imaginationland |
Cartman, Tweek, and I are walking in the forest. It's not very dark. Cartman is dressed like a lumberjack, with flannel shirt, vest, and rope. "Dude," I say. "You look stupid in those lumberjack clothes."
"Ey! You shut up," Cartman says. "I swear I saw a leprechaun, and you can't prove me wrong! All right, let's try over here." Cartman points straight ahead. Jason appears behind us. "Set up traps there, and there as well." He points right. "Last time I saw him he ran right through here." He moves, and i see Stan further back. Cartman moves to his left, and i see Kyle is sitting on a fallen tree.
"This is so retarded, Cartman," Kyle says. He looks pretty angry. "You've got everyone believing your stupid story."
I laugh. "I don't believe it. I think he just ate some weird berries. Besides, Eric's always telling our mom ridiculous stories. How can we trust him?"
Cartman sets up a trip wire between two stones. "It isn't a story, it's true!" Cartman drops the rope, and takes out a walkie talkie. "I saw a leprechaun. I've seen him come through here three days in a row now." He turns the walke talkie on. "Hawk Eyes, this is Dragon Wind. Do you copy?"
"This is Hawk Eyes. We've set up the net and we're standing by." Wait a sec, Clyde? God, he brought Clyde into it too.
"Copy that, Hawk Eyes. Keep surveillance tag Alpha Niner. Dragon Wind out." Tweek joins Stan in the back.
"Just admit you were lying, Cartman, so that everyone can go home!" Kyle says. I nod.
"Yeah, bro, I'm frickin' hungry! Not to mention you kept me out here all night!"
"O-ho no! We have a deal, Kyle!"
"A deal?" I look at Kyle. "What deal?
"If I can prove there's a leprechaun, you have to suck my balls, remember?!" He whips out his walkie talkie again. "Dragon Wind to Blackie: What's your six, Blackie?" Probably Token.
"...I don't want the code name Blackie."
"Code names are what they are, Blackie! Check your six and alert when in position!" He puts away the walkie talkie and gets back to setting the trip wire.
"This is freakin' retarded!" Kyle yells.
Cartman bursts out laugher. "Hahaha! Getting nervous, Kyle? When that leprechauns shows up you must suck my balls! Don't forget I have a signed contract from you." Cartman finishes setting the trip wire. Kyle, you sexy idiot, you know to never make a deal with Cartman.
"Yeah, and if you couldn't prove there was a leprechaun, you have to give me ten dollars!" Kyle got angrier. "Now just pay up and stop being stupid!"
Cartman whispers loudly, "Goddammit, why hasn't it shown up yet?" He takes out his walkie talkie. "Dragon Wind to Gay! Come in, Gay!" ...Butters.
Butters sighs annoyedly. "This is gay. Go ahead." Oh my god, Cartman's so mean.
"Gay, I need you to keep surveillance North to North East. Check back in five."
"Okay, will do. Gay out."
"Okay, that's enough," Kyle says. He hops off the tree and walks forward. "Everybody! Cartman is just pulling one of his stupid tricks on everyone, because he's trying to get out of a deal he made!"
"He just wants Kyle to suck his balls because my brother is gay!" I say loudly. I snicker. Kyle's laughing a little too. "Cartman has a deep, burning love for Kyle!"
"..." Cartman was eerily silent. I start freaking out. He walks over to me, and punches me extremly hard. I fall onto the ground, and he kicks me twice. "Now, If anyone else would like to oppose me, you know your fate."
I'm laying on the ground, crying with a bloody nose. "Y-you little..." Kyle runs over and helps me get up.
"Cartman! You broke her arm!" Kyle yells at Cartman. I can't feel my arm, but I know Cartman kicked me frikin' hard. He leads me out of the forest. "Are you okay? That looked really painful."
"Well, I can't feel my arm, and I want to throw up, so i'd say pretty much." I cough.
Kyle pulls out his phone. "Listen, I'm gonna call our parents, and they'll meet us at a hospital, okay? Cartman's gonna pay."
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I'm laying in my bed at my house. It was surprising at how fast the doctors got my arm in a cast and junk. My mom walks in. "Oh, my! Who did this to you?" she asks. I didn't want to say my brother, but my other friends don't deserve to be in a blame lie.
Kyle speaks up before I say anything. "It was your son, Ms. Cartman. We made a bet about a leprechaun, and she said leprechauns didn't exist, then he punched her to the ground, and kicked her twice."
"Eric?! I always knew this would happen someday. Ever since she came into our family..." My mom left, leaving just me and Kyle.
"Hey, I'm getting a FaceTime from Cartman," he said. "What, Cartman?" A leprechaun skips into view, then stops upon seeing a crowd gather around him. "Dude..."
I sit up, stunned. "Oh my god, it's a leprechaun."
Cartman charges at the leprechaun, and his iPhone shakes violently. "Get it!" The leprechaun runs away, and Cartman chases after it. "Get that leprechaun! I want it alive!" The leprechaun crawls under a tree trunk and gets up. He trips over a rope and a net descends on him; he dodges it and runs off. He runs into a bush and trips a sliding door, which drops down behind him. It traps him in a cage. He looks around for a way out, but he gets crowded once more. All me and Kyle do is watch, stunned. Everyone says stuff like, "Wow," "Cool," and "Nice!" Cartman's panting, and tries to get the leprechaun back on camera. "Eugh! Uh, move asides! Move aside! All right, where's the gold?!"
"You lads don't know what you're doin'," the leprechaun says. "I need to deliver an important message! There's goin' to be an attack!"
Cartman gives the phone to Stan, and gets out a Bowie knife. "Tell me where the gold is or you die!" He unsheathes it. "Now!" The leprechaun makes a rainbow with his right hand, and it teleports him out and disappears.
"Where'd he go?" Stan says. The leprechaun appears on a tree limb behind the boys; the phone points at him again.
"I was sent to warn of a terrorist attack, but you boys have made me late. Now the terrorists will prevail! The end is near!" The leprechaun makes a rainbow with his right hand, and it teleports him away and disappears. "Dude," someone says.
Cartman walks to where we can see him and clears his throat. "Kyle, suck my balls." He holds out the contract both of them signed. Kyle drops his phone on the floor.
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Kyle's family and I are eating dinner silently. I'm not eating, because my cast kept getting into the food. Kyle has got something on his mind, 'cause he's not eating either. "Mrs. Broflovski?"
"Yes?"
"Uh...thank you for letting me stay here..." I say quietly.
"Well, I can't just let one of Kyle's best friends get harassed. It was best that you stayed with one of your friends rather than with Eric."
I sighed. "Yeah..."
Then Kyle said, "Dad, where do leprechauns come from?"
"From Ireland," said Mr. Broflovski.
"So, why would one come to America to warn us about a terrorist attack?"
"Kyle, leprechauns aren't real," said Mrs. Broflovski. "You're almost nine now; you need to understand the difference beween real and imaginary."
"...I thought I did," Kyle says. I stand up from the table. All i want to do is go to bed and stay away from Cartman.
"Thank you for the delicious dinner. I'm going to go get ready for bed." Then, the doorbell rings. Since I was standing, I decided to go get the door. Cartman is standing in the doorway. I scream and trip as i walk backwards. "Listen, I don't care why you're here, just stay away from me! Please don't hurt me!" He walks in with the contract and a camera.
"I'm not here for you, but I'm honored that you're afraid," Cartman says. He laughs loudly.
"Oh,hello Eric," Mrs. Broflovski says, trying to sound nice, even though she doesn't want him here. She leads him to the dining room. "Kyle, your friend is here."
"Hello, Mr. Broflovski, Ike. Nice evening, isn't it? Well Kyle, shall we go up to your room for a few minutes." I start slowly walking upstairs, trying to listen to them talk.
"Get out of here, Cartman, we're eating dinner!" Kyle says. "And you know this place was called off limits for you to come here while Hani is staying here!"
"Uhh, Kyle, I believe a certain someone is supposed to put a certain set of balls in their mouth," Cartman says.
"I'm not doing it!"
"Doing what?" asks Mr. Broflovski.
"Hey!" Cartman says loudly. "We had a deal, Kyle!"
"Just get out of here!"
"You signed an agreement, Kyle!"
"I don't care if I signed an agreement!
"Ah, hey now Kyle, if you made a deal with somebody, you have to stick by it," says Mr. Broflovski.
"Thank you, Mr. Broflovski," says Cartman.
"What was the agreement?" He asks.
"That if he could prove leprechauns exist, I would suck his balls," said Kyle.
"Whatwhatwhat?!" Mrs. Broflovski exclaims.
"And there was a leprechaun! You saw it, Kyle," Cartman yells.
I finally snap. "EVERYONE BE QUIET! CARTMAN, GET OUT OF HERE! I JUST WANT TO GO TO BED! I HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD SLEEP SINCE HE BEAT ME UP!" There was some more silence, then the front door slams. I sigh.
Later that night...
I lay in Kyle's room on the floor. I start shaking. I had a horrible dream again, about Cartman . I must have not been that quiet though, because about ten minutes later a tired Kyle says, "What's wrong?"
"Huh?" I stop trying to shake. "N-nothing."
Kyle jumps down from his bed and sits next to me. "Listen, I know the real you. The real you doesn't cry so easily. Now really, what's wrong?"
"Nightmares..." I start to shake, remembering them. "Nightmares about Cartman.
C-can't sleep anymore. Not without dreaming of him trying to kill me, or you, or-or your family...Screaming bloody murder."
Kyle runs his hand through my hair. "Hey, It'll be okay. We'll go hang out with our friends tomorrow, and talk to them. They haven't seen you in awhile. They've been thinking about you. Now go to sleep, okay?" He stands up, and starts to walk to his bed, but I stand up and run over to give Kyle a long hug.
AN: I really just fangirled here. It seems extremely Mary-Sue right now, even to me. I promise, everything else in here I will try to make as Mary-Sue-less as possible.
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Me and Kyle are walking down the sidewalk, when we see Stan, Butters, Jimmy, and Kenny working on a massive snow sculpture. We walk up to them. "Hey dudes," Kyle says. The boys stop and pay attention.
"Hey Kyle. So, ...how was it?" asks Jimmy.
"How was what?" asks Kyle. Let me guess, it's about him sucking Cartman's balls, and not the fact that me and Kyle are holding hands.
"Sucking Cartman's b-balls," Jimmy says. Of course.
"Guys! Shut up about this. First of all, Kyle's never going to do that, and never will. Second of all, talking about Cartman makes me uncomfortable," I say
"Fine," Stan says. "Wait a second, are you two holding hands?"
"Uh-" Kyle started to explain.
"Yes! Got a problem?" I exclaim.
Stan stifles a laugh. "N-no. Are you two going out?"
I push Stan. "No! At least, not yet!" Then there was this weird awkward silence. I felt my face getting hot and red. Then some fat guy dressed in a purple jacket, polka-dotted yellow pants, and curled shoes asks, "Excuse me, Have you children seen a leprechaun anywhere lately?"
"...What do you know about the leprechaun?" asks Stan.
"Ooooo, then you did see him!" The guy twirls. "That's splendiferous! I want you to tell me everything he said. Where was he? What was he doing?"
While he was talking, I say to Kyle, "This guy is probably a crazy, drunk, hobo."
"All right, I've had enough! Leprechauns are imaginary!" Kyle yells. He looks really angry.
"Well of course they are. But just because they're imaginary doesn't mean they're not real," the man says. "Haven't you boys ever used your imagination?" He whips out a striped cane and turns to Stan. "You young man! How would you like to be a cowboy? Or a swashbuckling pirate?" He moves over to Kyle and I. "You, little boy! How would you like to be an astronaut, faaar out in space? And this little miss, how would you like to be a fairy princess?" Oh god, I hate princesses, and most of all I hate being popular! "All it takes is a little..." He taps my head with his left hand. "...imagination.
"Don't. Touch. Me," I say. "I bet you just like to pretend to be some weird fat genie guy, so you can enchant little children like us, and get us in your 'magical van', and kidnap then molest us!"
"Who the hell are you, anyway?" asks Stan.
"Still not convinced, eh? I tell you what, kiddies. What say we all take a ride on my... Imagination Flying Machine?" Before us appears an elegant red blimp with four smaller yellow balloons from which hangs a small wooden ship with three wheels underneath it for landing on solid ground.
"Dude," Kyle says.
"Hop aboard, kids," the man says. I think he looks like a mayor, so I'm just gonna call him Mr. Mayor or something. "I have something to show you."
"Uhh, are you gonna rape us?" Butters asks.
Mr. Mayor is silent for a second. "Ubeuh... uh... n... no?"
"I TOLD YOU! He's trying to divert us by making it look like he doesn't know what it means," I say. Apparently everyone else believes him.
"Come on, guys." Stan follows him, with the rest of us close behind.
"Watch it, fellas," says Butters. "I'm pretty sure this guy wants to rape us."
"All aboard the Imagination Balloon!" He sounds the boarding bell and lifts off as the we draw up the rope ladder.
"Some people feel imagination isn't real, but I tell them that they're wrong,
'cause whenever I want to play and pretend, I just sing the Imagination Sooong!"
"Holy shit," says Kyle. "He's singing." The song is just the one word "imagination," repeated. After awhile, I get annoyed.
Kyle looks like he's at his limit. "Are you gonna take us somewhere or not?!"
"Oh- Ohhh. But my boy, we're already here," says Mr. Mayor.
There' so many characters here! Ones I know, ones I love, and ones I don't care about! Whoa...
"What is this place?" asks Stan.
"This... is Imaginationland," Mr. Mayor says. A yellow rocket flies in and lands on its own. "It's where all the wonderful and goofy things that humans have made up over the years live together." Even more of the land and its inhabitants gather around, and the balloon finally lands in the middle of town. Mr. Mayor climbs down the rope ladder. "Citizens of Imaginationland! We have distinguished guests from the world beyond!"
"Hello," says a Thundercats character. We climb down the ladder and onto the ground. Butters is excited. I've always hated those Thundercats.
A walking lollipop with a crown and lollipop scepter walks up to us. "Welcome to Imaginationland. I am the Lollipop King."
"We are honored to have Creators in our kingdom," says someone.
"Now, good news, everyone! These children did see the leprechaun!" The creatures exclaim with joy.
"What did he tell you? Did he have any news?"
Stan starts hesitantly. "Well he said there was gonna be a- ...that there was... gonna be a-" A Terrorist runs in out of nowhere, screams, "ALLAH!" Then stops, rips open his jacket, and shows off the bombs strapped to his body.
"OH HELL NO!" Mr. Mayor exclaims. The terrorist sets off the bomb as everyone else leans back. The explosion sends creatures flying everywhere, including me. I look for somewhere to hide, and go under a giant mushroom. I sit down, and things start to move in slow motion to me. I see Raggedy Ann try to revive a destroyed Raggedy Andy, then i turn my head to see Santa set ablaze. I wince in pain. I think my broken arm got even more broke. Then I see a large building go up in flames as burning creatures run about. The terrorist fires his machine gun. I put my purple and turquoise hat back on. Then Kyle arrives. I can barely hear his as he yells, "KYLIE, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Jimmy is with him too. I stand up and we all run off. Kenny and Stan join us as a dragon drops down from the sky.
"Quickly! Get on my back!" We climb on and Draco takes off. It takes a second for me to realize the one who's missing; Butters.
"Fellas! Fellas wait!" yells Butters, as he tries running up to us as fast as he can. "Hold on, fellas! Don't leave me, fellas! Come back!" A terrorist knocks Butters down with the butt of his gun, then kicks him around. Two other terrorists join in.
"Dude!" Kyle says. The terrorists keep kicking Butters around.
"Oh my god...this can't be real. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?!" I exclaim.
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"Aah! Aaah!" Kyle screams. I open my eyes and look around alertly. "Wha? Where...? Oh. Oh dude. Oh, it was just a dream. It was all just a crazy dream. Huh, oh my God."
"What?" I ask. "I had a terrifying dream, dude."
"Yeah," Kyle says. "Me too." We walk downstairs. "Hey, I need to call Stan about something. You wanna listen in?"
"Sure." Kyle dials Stan's number, and Stan answers.
"Hello?"
"Dude, did you finish your math homework?" Kyle asks. "I kind of lost track of time last night."
"No, no, I I hardly got any sleep," Stan says. "I had this whole messed up dream about some gay Mayor guy taking us to Imaginationland where all these imaginary characters live..."
"...And then it got attacked by terrorists?" I say.
"Yeah!" Stan says. "How'd you guys know?"
"Dude! We had the same dream!" Kyle says.
"We ended up jumping on a dragon's back and, and Butters got left behind!" I say worriedly. "Oh my God, guys! That dream was REAL."
"Stan? Stanley?" Stan's mom asks. "You haven't seen your little friend Butters, have you?"
"Why?" Stan says.
"Our darling Butters never came home last night," says Butters' mom.
"What did they say?!" Kyle exclaims.
"We don't wanna jump to conclusions, but... we're worried that maybe somebody kidnapped Butters, sodomized him over and over again, and then fed his genitals to wild animals." Crying comes from Stan's line. "There there, darling."
"...Dude..." Me and Kyle say.
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Me and Kyle are seated in a courthouse, with Kyle as the Defendant, and Cartman as the Plantiff. I'm acting as Kyle's Lawyer, since my old mom used to be a lawyer too. She taught me everything she knew. "Uh," Kyle says. "Are you sure you know how to do this?" he asks uncertainly.
I drop a handful of Runts into my mouth. "Yes, I believe I DO, Mr. Broflovski. If Mr. Cartman decides to battle for this, then a battle he shall have. But I have a strong belief we will probably lose."
"I believe a serious blow to democracy has just been dealt. A travesty has occurred, and I want justice! Kyle Broflovski did willingly and knowingly sign a contract, and yet, to date, he has made no effort, nor does he show any intention, of ever sucking my balls!" The judge can't believe what she's hearing! The look on her face is priceless, though. "I've given him ample time to fulfill his obligation, and he has thus refused. I stand before you with dry balls, Your Honor. I've provided witnesses, collected testimonials, and still, my balls remain dry. I want what I'm entitled to!" Cartman finishes his speech.
The Judge looks over the contract in front of her. "Mr. Broflovski, did you agree to orally imbibe Mr. Cartman's scrotum and testicles?"
"I..." Kyle is at a loss for words.
The Judge shows Kyle the contract he signed. "Is this not your signature on the contract?"
"Yes, it is your honor, but I submit to you, that if Mr. Broflovski does indeed suck Mr. Cartman's balls, then that would be a form of Sexual Harassment, on top of the fact that Mr. Cartman has been Harassing Mr. Broflovski for about a week," I say. "And Mr. Cartman also broke my arm."
"You are technically correct, Ms. Cartman, but it wouldn't be classified as Sexual Harassment as a court order. As for the breaking your arm, we will get to that as soon as you file a lawsuit," The Judge says. "Now, From what I've been presented and the evidence put forth, the court has no choice but to order Mr. Broflovski to place Mr. Cartman's pubicle sac in his mouth, and draw upon it succulently for no less than 30 seconds." Cartman fist pumps. "He have twenty four hours to suck aforementioned balls. If after that time he still refuses, the court will be forced to arrest him for contempt. Next case!" The judge lowers the gavel.
"Thank you Your Honor. This isn't a victory for me, this is a victory for the justice system. And my balls."
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Stan, Kyle, and I walk towards my house together. Cartman moves through the crowd in front of the door to the porch. "Dude, do you really have to do it?" Stan asks.
"Let's just get this over with!" Kyle exclaims angrily. We walk inside the house, as Cartman gloats.
"Yes, come on in, peasant Kyle, and pay homage to this sultan's balls," Cartman says gleefully.
Kyle lets out an exasperated and annoyed sigh. "God damnit!"
Cartman smiles a big, wide smile. Then the sound of helicopters shake the house. Cartman's smile disappears, and he looks around the house. Me, Stan, and Kyle turn around and see the helicopters land. Six men come out of the helicopter. "That's them, sir. Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Kylie Torula/Cartman," one of the men say.
"You boys-er, and girl, need to come with us on a matter of national security," Pne of the men say. They start moving us towards the helicopter.
"Woah, woah, WAIT! Who are you?!" Kyle asks.
"There's no time! You need to come with us right now!" The man starts dragging Kyle by his arm to the helicopter. Then, Cartman runs up and grabs Kyle's other hand.
"Hey, let go of him!" Kyle's caught in the middle of a human tug of war, and it looks as if his arms would pop off at any given moment.
"We aren't going to hurt your little friends," one of the men say. "We just need information." ...Information? And to think of it, how did they get my old last name? Why did they need us?
"NO! KYYYYLE!" We hear Cartman's voice as we go away in the helicopter. I begin thinking again. Could this all relate to Butters getting left behind? ...How could they know? Unless...the terrorists were able to make contact with the real world! What equipment-ah, screw it. I mean, stranger shit's happened.
TO BE CONTINUED...
AN: SWEET JESUS, I hope you're all happy! I sure am, the way this turned out. I can't wait for Part Two! (this means I haven't even written it...) Guess what? I'm going to make my second least favorite part in a South Park episode even worse! It's so dramatic now, but it'll be even MORE dramatic when I get done with it. Ha. Hahaha. AHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAAAAAAA...*sniffle* Oh, I made myself sad.