"This is simply outrageous!"
"I agree, it's really getting out of hand!"
"Ok everyone settle down, settle down. I did not call you all here to quarrel mindlessly. We have a problem, and quite a large one, at that." Boomed a mangled-looking man. Being cut into thirteen little pieces and wrapped back together in fabric again did tend to have a negative effect on your charming good looks (though Isis obviously didn't think so). His outburst had the desired effect, though, because the various characters spread about the conference table settled back into their seats.
"Good," He relaxed, "Now, as you all know, I have assembled you here for a pressing issue. Souls are no longer coming to our respective underworlds." There was a ripple of discontented murmurs at this last statement, but the group was silenced once again.
"They haven't been for quite some time now. Now before we really get into the discussion, for the sake of our newest member who has yet to become aquatinted with a few deities here, lets go around and introduce themselves. I am Osiris, of Egypt." A chair scraped as Osiris sat down, and one by one the gods introduced themselves.
"Hades of Greece" in a faintly screaming black robe was followed by his counterpart, "Pluto of Rome" who wore lambs wool on his cloak and "Zhuang-Lun-Wang of China" dressed rather more elegantly. Then, "Michtlantecuhtli and his wife Mictecacihual of the Aztecs" who sported grins like the Joker. Lastly, the youngest of their group, and the stunning opposite of the smiling Aztec, was me. "Hela of the Norsemen"; gloomy, depressed, half-a-corpse, and outcast little old me. I had actually tried to start a '(Grand)Parents That Don't Want You Club' with Hephaestus but he just kicked me out of his volcano. So touchy. Anyway, it's not as if I expected it to work. Nothing in my life ever works. I'm like a bad-luck magnet. To be honest, I wonder why they even let me in the gathering of underworld gods in the first place. Oh, but enough about me, I'm just selfish.
"Ok, now as you know, a few of us couldn't make it to the meeting. Such as Domm of the Celts, or, Ra bless, Nergal of Mesopotamia." At the mention of Nergal, there were whispers of sympathy. For good reason, too! The only reason that senile old coot hasn't flickered out of existence yet is because of mythology fanatics. He still thinks he's bullying other gods and fighting with his wife Ereshkigal for the throne. They never did have a very healthy relationship. I was almost out for the count myself, but those blessed "Thor" movies had idiots googling 'norse mythology' like you wouldn't believe.
"But it matters not whether they are here for the discussion or not, because the issue still stands. We are dying out without the souls needed to power our domains! Hades, Helheim, my own afterlife, lets face it! We are really old news. The souls we gathered while people believed in us has sustained our power for this long, but it's running out and everyone knows it." By now the various gods wore matching scowls and frowns at being reminded of their own misfortune. Not Michtlantecuhtli though. He just continued to grin his maniac smile.
"Well, then, we should do something about it rather than just bellyache." He spoke up.
"Oh, and what, pray tell, do you suppose that something is?" Grumbled Zhuang-Lun-Wang.
"I say we confront our biggest competitor!" Cried Pluto, slapping his palm on the table.
"Who would that be?" I asked in my usual moan of despair.
"Why Lucifer of course! 84% of humans have some sort of faith, and one entire third of those people are christian!" Mictecacihual did have a point. These stupid monotheistic religions are all the rage recently. They think they own the stage, but it's all fun and games until you're tossed in the "myth" bin in the corner of the universe. I know what the next step will be though. Humans will decide to forego religion completely, forcing all of us to fade out of existence kicking and screaming. They're already starting. That pretentious "God" won't think he's top dog then. In truth, it did seem like a good plan to confront the Devil, until Osiris shook his head no.
"Not an option-"
"He has far too much current power. Far more than all of us here combined!" Hades interrupted the Egyptian, hissing. Osiris's eyes narrowed at Hades when he spoke again.
"Yes, thank you Hades. Does anyone have any other ideas?" There was a few shrugs and noises of discontent, but no one offered any ideas.
"We could always try to find a new planet. A new species to get power from. " I offered slowly. Heads turned to me with disbelieving and annoyed faces.
"We would die out before we got any sort of influence on a new world. And we'd have to actually have to find a willing species first." Explained Michtlantecuhtli with a sneer. I stared back at him with my sunken, unblinking eyes. How rude. It was so tempting to tell him to go reincarnate himself as a slug, but Zhuang-Lun-Wang interfered.
"So we have nothing?" His question sounded more like a command. At the head of the table, Osiris sighed.
"Nothing." Deities slumped in their seats, and Pluto growled angrily at the predicament.
After a little while, the Roman spoke up.
"We should at least try to make a deal with Lucifer. We could get the help of some other gods and goddesses who are having our same problem and try to get him to give up a few of his souls."
"No, that would never work. He would never give up any power, and it would take probably hundreds of us to beat him. Most of us are too old and weak for any of that sort of thing. Too many would suffer for nothing." protested Hades.
"What if I got help from Odin? You all from Zeus and Jupiter and Ra-" I was cut off before I could finish. Seriously, what was it with these guys and the rudeness. I was beginning to think that Osiris was the only good one here.
I refuse to beg for any kind of help!" Cried Mictecacihual indignantly. Shouts of agreement rose around the table until Osiris stood once again and slammed his fist down on the conference table's surface.
"Silence! Hela could be on to something. Just push your petty pride to the sidelines for once. Our entire pantheons are at stake here! Our entire lives, every god, goddess, demigod, and monster we know are going to be ripped out of the the cosmos violently and horribly. So we should try to consider all of out options here!" This outburst managed to sober the group up pretty quickly, but there was now a feeling of unease in the air. The tension grew thick and wary glances were thrown this way and that. Silence hung deafeningly in the air, until finally Zhuang-Lun-Wan shattered it by standing up.
"Very well," he began, "I will ask for assistance. But there is not much I can do if I am refused." At this proclamation, Osiris straightened his back.
"I too will seek an audience with Ra and Horus. I doubt they would deny me in this time of need." So too, did Hades and Jupiter rise as one.
"We will speak with out brothers." By now I decided to stand up as well.
"I will tell my father. He will help." Loki always helped his children when he could. At this time, only the dynamic duo was left. Still grinning, Michtlantecuhtli stepped up first, followed closely by his co-ruler Mictecacihual, both promising to ask for help from the higher-ups.
"Good," said Osiris, with the air of finality, "Now that that's settled. I would say this meeting is adjourned. Until we meet again." He finished, disappearing with the sound of rushing water. Both Pluto and Hades melted into puddles of shadow, and the Aztecs walked out the conference room using the door, slamming it on the way out. I sighed and called some skeletal guards to help me move -seeing as it was hard to get around with corpse legs- leaving Zhuang-Lun-Wan alone in the room. There was not much any of us could do now. Nothing but ask, wait, and hope that it would be enough. After all, it was a really big long-shot in the first place.