She haunts me…

Her gentle smile, those clear green eyes…that look of hope after a fervent prayer, they are like trinkets to me. The others don't understand. They wept, but they healed. They couldn't have done anything, but I…I could have saved her.

I have fought fights, defeated unconquerable enemies, and have been stabbed too many times to count. No one has ever wounded me like her though. I want to hold her…but this time I want to feel the life beneath her pale skin. I want her to open her eyes and give me that sweet smile. I want so much, yet I give so little. Though, I would gladly give my life for hers.

She haunts me because I want her to. I love Tifa, I love her dearly. Aeris…was more though. Tifa loves me, but Aeris loved the world. She wasn't meant to be my bride; she was meant to be my angel.

I love her, and I hate her. I hate what she did. I know she did it on purpose to! She knew it would happen. I saw no surprise in her face when that blade went through her.

Only sadness and hope. I was her knight…and I failed her.

Sometimes, on nights like this, I dream just like this. I go farther than sleep, farther than normal dreams. I go to the church. Her church, where flowers defy our natural laws and life seems to live again. For I moment, I remember what peace feels like.

Sometimes I cry. I never cry anymore in the outside world. Everything is hollow. But here, I don't have to hold back. So I cry on the small patch of earth and beauty. I even pray. Thanks to her, I know that there is power in prayer.

If I listen hard enough, I hear things. Music, made of wind, water, and things too complex for me to comprehend. All I know is that it is beautiful. Then comes the footsteps…her footsteps. I can never lift my head up to look her in the eyes. If I do, I know that I will never want to wake up.

She places her hand on my shoulder, the way a mother would comfort her child. The words she speaks vary from dream to dream, but the tone and gentleness never change. That's how I know that she is not an allusion. She is solely Aeris.

"You are killing yourself." She says. I can barely respond.

"I know."

"You should stop that." I hear that playful lilt in her voice, and I get a lump in my throat.

"I don't want to." I say, bitterly.

"Please, Cloud." Her concern hurts worse than her humor. "You are hurting them to."

"I am sorry. It's hard though." I feel so helpless, like the little boy that only she can see.

"I know, there's no way to escape pain. I promise, things will get better. You can't see it, but I can. There will be laughter, and joy. You just have to keep going forward." I finally look up at her. As always, I find nothing but truth within her eyes.

"Why!" I demand. "I'll just get a brief taste of happiness and then another friend will die, or I'll let someone down! How are we suppose to live with tragedy always around the corner? How can humanity live when we are doomed to fail?"

"By simply looking around." She says with a tearful smile. "We are doomed to fail, yes. But along with tragedy there is a miracle. It lives in us all. The hope and love within another's eyes is what fuels the weak. Do you remember hope, Cloud?"

My voice is a rasp of a whisper. "It died with you."

"I may not live where you live, but that does not mean I am not alive." Her voices stirs something within me, buried deep down. I find the strength to smile.

"I don't want to go back."

"You have to, they need you. You are their hope." Her smile slowly fades, and she looks at me with sadness. "You have to leave me Cloud."

"No!" I shout. Without restraint, I wrap my arms around her desperately. The tears won't stop, and I find myself both happy and sad. I am holding her again.

"I will be with you." She says, and I feel her tears on my cheek. "Faith is the substance of hope, Cloud. Don't weep for me. You will see me again. Just don't give up."

"Don't leave me, please."

Her last words are always the same. She gently whispers in my ear "You are never alone, Cloud."

With that, everything evaporates, and I am left alone in my room.

She still haunts me. Not in deep dreams, though. I sense her, when I look into Tifa's eyes and see her devotion. I feel her as I lift up my head towards the sun rise, and manage to scrape up a small smile. Now that I have let her go, I see more of her each day. My hope lives on.