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"Second chances"

By Chiisana Anisa

Even as she gazed out the window from her big, cozy seat she couldn't help but sigh by remembering who her next patient was. Quickly scanning her memory card in her busy brain she found out she had absolutely no idea of who exactly was her next patient. She turned around swiftly in the chair, and buzzed her secretary.

"Miss Nayamo, who is next on the schedule?"

Polite, but strained voice was heard from the speaker. "Miss Higurashi, I told you I don't know. The man got in on recommendation from your brother, but he refused to say his name. He is due in five minutes."

Rolling her eyes, Kagome mentally slapped herself, recalling her brother this morning when he warned her about this particular visit, about a friend from a friend that needed some help. And she has of course, totally forgotten about it. "Thank you Miss Nayamo. Let him in when he arrives."

She shut off the speaker and once again turned to the window. The feel of warm sun rays on her skin made her sleepily close her eyelids, and so she did, just to enjoy for a minute. But as soon as they were closed, a swamp of memories flooded her mind. Memories of a certain group containing seven members, sometimes. A group on its way to the greatest adventure of their lifes, dangerous, scary, and desperate in some points of view, but an adventurous nonetheless.

An adventure similar to ones she read at home, at that certain point of time of her life, but with one exception. This tale, her own, precious, private one didn't have a happy ending. And that made her never touch books about faerie tales again, the end leaving her with a broken heart.

Oh God, just how much time has passed since she saw them all! The last time was when she was eighteen and finishing high school. Now, she is a well known psychotherapist, or 'doctor for the soul' like her grandpa used to call her before he passed away. In a quick count, she found whole seven years have passed. And still.. it pained her so...

She was brought back from her musings when she heard the click of doors at closing. She did flinch at the sound, but didn't turn. She could hear the person move around the room before laying down on the sofa. This man was obviously in a hurry, other patients were usually nervous and walked around, fidgeting constantly when sitting down. And by her presumption, she wasn't the first doctor this man visited. His aura was too calm, and he knew what to do and how. She was ready to turn around, but firm voice stopped her.

"No need for that. You could comfortably remain sitting there, and I will just enjoy myself here on this soft thing, whatever you call it."

For a moment the voice reminded her of someone particular. Her whole body shook from the thought that he could be laying there. Once again her senses reached out, to the man and she found herself drowning in the power given away by his aura. Unfortunately, he had no traces whatsoever of one, for now unnamed, dog-demon's aura. Yes the fierceness was here, the power, the eagerness, even the eternal sadness. But then again, other aspects were too differnet to match so it was impossible to even think about it.

"Well then, tell me why are you here?" Her voice now sounded formal, the result of practice from the years. Solid and all business like. Years made her thicker than a stone. Maybe it was only because she didn't show her soft side in the public that much after she came back. Always it rose a question in her, why should she.. if it didn't help her to keep her lover by her side?

"Because of a woman."

She smiled, thinking how it always was either a woman, or a man, depending on the gender of the patient, and of course it always was a love problem. "Isn't it always like that Mr....?"

"Oumaru."

What a strange surname, even if it was Japanese, she thought. It was rare, actually she didn't think she heard of it till now.

"Can I?" She shivered. Even the voice held that power she felt moments ago. He's probably someone very important, holding all the strings in his hands. A man was maybe an agent, or politician. Someone very important, were the words that moulded over in her head, in a manner that the pricking at her miko powers went almost unnoticed.

Finally, feeling it Kagome shook her head, dark locks falling around her face and on her shoulders with movement. She leaned as far as possible in the chair, getting ready for a long story she knew was to come and tried to smooth out the excitement her body felt with the sensations flowing through her veins. Odd, because for once she is sure she didn't sense something so strong for a long period of seven years. The sudden sound of someone talking made her flinch again and quickly she clamped down on her powers.

"It all started when I was fifteen. I was young and naive. I thought I'd found love, but time proved later how very much wrong I was."

"What do you mean by that?" She didn't bother with writing this down, in the proper manner. This was just one more of the usual: 'Dr. the biggest love of my life left me, I realized it just now, what should I do?'; situations. She figured she had to stop talking with herself and that it was time to listen.

"You see, she was pretty. That's for sure. She was a very kind person. But also very reserved, always analysing too much. She kept things to herself, buried them within. If things weren't done her way, they wouldn't be done at all. Then... you could say she really did fall in love with me..."

Kagome couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with this picture. What kind of a person was this man, and further more this woman, who sounded so mysterious? What was here so wrong if they loved each other?

"Tell me Mr. Oumaru, why do you think there was a problem?"

"She died."

All that managed to escape her mouth was one intelligent "Oh".

"Yes, we planned to be together, to cross all borders that came from our sides of the world, and try to live happily ever after. But someone tricked us, lead us in a mischievous plot and destroyed the trust we had. It all turned upside down, and she blamed me for her death. And wanted revenge."

Kagome blinked. Why did this story sound so familiar? The tricking part, the faltered trust, revenge... Then in shined on her. Of course, the story of her life... or should she say - her former life? She noticed the way man choose his words carefully, and it seemed that his story was learned by heart and mind, as if he had practised it. But the words he spoke were gentle and cautious, picked out. It made her think he was avoiding the bigger part of the story.

"Then, later, a new woman came into the picture. She looked alike to this first woman, but only by looks. Almost the same face, the same figure... the spirit was different. The second one had that kind of soul that attracted people to her. She gave her heart and trust easily away to anyone who wanted it. And she didn't seem to know the real meaning of the words hate and despise. She was what I would call 'a happy person'. I realized with time, I fall in love with her. But that's were everything started to go wrong."

She coughed, interest for the story of his life rising momentarily. She had an odd feeling that he was talking about her life story. "Excuse me for interrupting, but didn't you say that all went wrong when the first woman died?"

If she was looking at the man, she would see his glare at her. His voice became more gruff, like velvet, bouncing of the walls. Deep and it sounded uncaring.

"No. The first woman brought only trouble to my life. I know, trust me." She laughed inwardly to his words. Did he or did he not come here, for her to judge on that?

"The happy one found out about the first one. She found out everything, and then believed I fell in love with her because she reminded me so much of the first one. That I really didn't love her for herself, but because she came as a sort of replacement."

Once again, the bitter laugh rang in her head. Oh yes, now she felt like someone wrote a script and this guy had to present it to her. Another idea occurred in her head... was this some youkai that heard of her in the past... lived till now... No, that would be to strange.

"Do continue."

The man took a deep breath before continuing. "We fought, although that was nothing new to us, and to the people around us. We fought a lot, over small things. But this time, we really had a fight. She left. That is the problem. She left seven years ago and since then I didn't get the chance to explain everything to her. To reassure her how much I loved her and still do, how much she meant to me. That the first one died, and that she is buried in the past."

Kagome sat silent, thinking. The scenario really was so painfully the same. The whole thing with her, Inuyasha and Kikyou. How much it reminded her. She went away, jut like that, after a fight with Inuyasha, only two weeks after the Shikon no Tama was completed. One question popped in her head, but it was more for her than for him.

"What he would do if she was to go back?"

The man didn't answer for a minute. One long minute, in which Kagome kept on thinking if it was even worth going back after all this years. Then the man spoke again, softer tone entering his voice, yet mournfull.

"If she was to come back... I would probably be the happiest man alive. I would apologise and try to explain. And if she wouldn't believe me, then so be it. But if I could only get one more chance..."

The silence set on once again. She could hear the man breathing, slowly drawing in and out breaths of air, and him moving on the sofa. Kagome looked out, into the nature again, her thoughts travelling.

"Tell me Dr. Higurashi, could I ask you one personal question?"

She felt startled, but the question slowly processed it's way through her mind. It surely came unexpected, like always but she got used to it. Patients always had questions about her. "If it's not too personal, yes."

"Did you ever fall in love? Really, really fall in love? Even if it was just one-sided?"

Once again, she blinked. What? That left her pondering for a while. Didn't she think about it all the time before? When she would come home in tears because Inuyasha was with Kikyou again, and she felt her heart breaking. When she came home and used to cry herself to sleep for almost a month, thinking how he will never be able to love her as Kagome... Or when she had lost him forever? She didn't realize she was speaking, and when she did it was already too late. The words came on their own.

"If I got it right, something unreturned, wrong and with no future happened to you, in the age it shouldn't have. But let me tell you something. Yes I really did fall in love. You could say I'm still in love with the same man. My story is much similar to yours, in fact."

"Really?"

"Mm. My love lived like a flower on a unfertile soil, despite everything that lasted, despite all common-sense that whispered 'no'. In that period of love, there was many short, beautiful moments like waking up on loved-ones shoulder, but it was still one-sided, and without respond. However I would give my life for it, a part of my body for it. To cut it down, it would be like destroying myself, ripping apart my soul."

"You really loved him that much?"

"Yes. I still do, as I've said. But my love was silent, and I carried it around with me so that no-one would knew. Oh, people did knew, but he didn't, or maybe he did. Later when we sort of confessed, it was ok, but not for long. We had too short time on our hands to make up for all the time we passed. I think none found out about our nights, which coloured my mornings in beautiful colours I still remember today. Now, I can only suffer when I remember, maybe even he does, I'm not sure."

The stranger dropped in. "So you had a sort of secret relationship with him?"

What a relationship! They used to sneak out and spend the nights alone, in the highest tree, cuddling, softly whispering words of endearment to each others ears, smiling with happiness and desperately trying to forget that it could end as quickly as it has started.

"Yes. I gave him myself, all of me. And he gave me the same back, but without the part that still loved the other one. I know love is the most gorgeous state of mind one can be in, so even if it did happen to me in a wrong set of time, I don't mind. I think one should then hold it like a precious treasure in his/hers hands, not to let it slip away. And when it does, it is nice to know I had it, that I was loved for that amount of time. Really loved."

The man got up, she judged by the rumbling sounds and walked to the doors. Then the steps stopped. She thought of turning around, to see the man who left such big impression on her nerves, but remembered his plea of secrecy. She complied.

"Tell me one more thing, Dr. Higurashi. If you were given that second chance - what would you do?"

She didn't even think on the answer, she thought about it long and hard before. "I wouldn't let it slip away so easily, and over such a petty fight ever again. I would hold him and I would never dream of letting him go. Too bad the world doesn't work that way."

The man sighed, and by the sound of it, gripped the door hand, opening it. "Yes, neither the past works that way... I thank you for your help, Dr. Higurashi."

"I'm here to help." Was her instant reply, also learned throughout the years.

For the first time, the man chuckled, in a pleasant and rich voice. The air carried it around, and slowly it drifted to her, clouding her senses. Once again she found herself reluctantly thinking about the past. The laughter died down, and soft words were left in the room before she heard the doors closing.

"You were always the one to help others, Koiishi..."

Kagome turned around with a jump, and her legs carried her like a feather across the room. Stressed out she opened the doors and only managed to catch a glimpse of that man. What did he call her? Koiishi? No-one called her that since... since Inuyasha. No-one but him would ever be privileged to call her that.

The image of one broad shoulders, dressed in a dark coat implanted in her mind, the picture spoiled, because she didn't have a face with it. She all but ran to her secretaries desk, startling poor Miss Nayamo.

"Tell me, what was the colour of that man's eyes?" She blurted out.

Miss Nayamo, a bit stunned, blinked at her boss. "I don't know. He had sunglasses on. I'm sorry, was it something important?"

Kagome left when she heard the word sunglasses. Miss Nayamo registered the doors slowly closing after her small figure, and the steps echoing on the stairs. Kagome ran all the way down to the parking lot, fleeting out of the building and found herself standing there completely alone.

The first thought that entered her head was 'Stupid!', but she didn't bother with it. She knew from the first moment when that man came in that something was terribly off on him. His aura, the story, the way he talked and laughed... All the time as if giving her hints and she didn't recognise them. She was more than eighty percent sure that that was Inyuasha. She only wondered why he didn't tell her, why did he dance around with that story and most of all . . . why did he leave?

Finally anger started building up inside of her, but sadness gripped at her heart. Was that really him, was he really here? Wouldn't he be obliged to show himself to her after all.... wasn't that what he was supposed to do? When someone of his kind lost his soul-mate, wasn't he supposed to die searching for her... wasn't that what mates would do...?

Sobs gathered in her chest, and painfully raised up, tears slowly starting to spill over the edges of her eyes and travelling down her face, onto her shirt. With no strength she kneeled on the hard floor of the parking lot, her mind too full of questions she would never get answered. Numbness tried to take over her mind, to overwhelm her soul together with false hoping and silently she cursed herself for delusions, and him for... everything.

Then the words he spoke came back to her like an unannounced blizzard. "I would apologise and try to explain..." Bitterly she thought he just did, if it really was him up there in the office. Sad smile graced her face, maybe she will never know. She even dared to go that far to scowl at herself for not turning around to see him when he was leaving. Instead, she sat still. New tears formed and she raised her hand to clutch something around her neck, now with no use for years.

"And I would have forgiven you Inuyasha... I already did..."

She got up, her eyes once again scanning the area around her. But her senses gave away nothing, no particular aura was detected. She dusted off her clothes and with a face of a crying clown set her heavy steps on the route back to the building, and to her old life. She never believed in second chances anyway...

She just wasn't that lucky.

AN: End. Yup. Maybe not if I get more than 10 reviews. No not a blackmail, but I'm tired of writing and not getting enough reviews to contiune my stories. After all I write them for you to read and say if they are any good. I'm not joking. Well... Ja ne.